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Puddles the Monkey
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#21
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#21
(Original post by Anonymous)
I never ever thought id post a thread like this.
Last night, i got very drunk and was split up from my friends in a club. My memory went after that. The next thing I know I'm waking up with a guy who tells me we had sex, tells me i was sick in a taxi, sick on myself, he showered me and then put me to bed.. and then we had sex..
I can't wrap my head around this.. is this rape? I obviously wasn't in a fit state, I never would choose to have a one night stand,
I really don't know what to do.
I don't even know him at all.
I can't stop crying, I feel really odd, like I've never felt how I do right now.
Hey,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way :hugs: This sounds like a horrible thing to have happened. From what you've said, it sounds like you weren't in a position to be able to consent. You're not at fault for this situation in any way, so please try not to blame yourself. :hugs:

Have you spoken to anyone you know about what happened? You should consider giving Rape Crisis a call when you're ready, as they will be able to give you the best advice and support, and will help you with what to do: 0808 802 9999
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young_guns
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#22
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#22
(Original post by Schrödingers Cat)
Get a blood test to check whether you were spiked
It's worth getting a test (might be more likely a urine test or hair sample)

Unfortunately the most common date rape drug (GHB) is undetectable within about 12 hours, if that.
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DiddyDec
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#23
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#23
(Original post by young_guns)
I'd say your drink was spiked (and I say this as someone who has regularly spiked his own drink, for recreational purposes, with GHB... simply blacking out for a long period and doing things you don't remember is not normal, unless you are a long-term alcoholic)

And even if it wasn't, I very much doubt you were of a sound state of mind to consent.

Do you know who this guy is? Would you be able to identify him to police?
You don't seem to know much about drinking. Blacking out is normal if you drink a lot in a single period.
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hydrogirl_13
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#24
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#24
contact the police now on the 101 number, they can test your blood to see if you were spiked, (tho this is sometimes dismissed if u have been sick), do you know the guy? do u know if he used a condom? if he never then don't shower
it sounds like rape, if not classed as rape then he clearly took advantage of u
it must be such a difficult time for you (ive been there its not fun) but try to be strong, take a friend for support - sending big hugs and feel free to message me
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Anonymous #1
#25
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#25
(Original post by Anonymous)
I never ever thought id post a thread like this.
Last night, i got very drunk and was split up from my friends in a club. My memory went after that. The next thing I know I'm waking up with a guy who tells me we had sex, tells me i was sick in a taxi, sick on myself, he showered me and then put me to bed.. and then we had sex..
I can't wrap my head around this.. is this rape? I obviously wasn't in a fit state, I never would choose to have a one night stand,
I really don't know what to do.
I don't even know him at all.
I can't stop crying, I feel really odd, like I've never felt how I do right now.
I keep going from feeling like oh this is fine and i'll get over it and it was just sex move on and then i just randomly burst into tears and feel absolutely terrible..

to everyone saying i should call the police - i can't do that, im a student and so is he and it might ruin his future and everyone would know about it and people wouldn't see me the same anymore would they and then on top of all that i showered already and was in there a while so there'll be no evidence.. it's my drunken word against his.
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Baron of Sealand
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#26
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#26
It was rape, but then you can't even remember that so can you give a testimony?
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ZolaCFC25
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#27
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#27
Law student checking in. You was raped. Up to you whether or not you want to press charges though! Morally, only you know in your mind if it is right or wrong.
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hydrogirl_13
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#28
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#28
(Original post by Anonymous)
I keep going from feeling like oh this is fine and i'll get over it and it was just sex move on and then i just randomly burst into tears and feel absolutely terrible..

to everyone saying i should call the police - i can't do that, im a student and so is he and it might ruin his future and everyone would know about it and people wouldn't see me the same anymore would they and then on top of all that i showered already and was in there a while so there'll be no evidence.. it's my drunken word against his.
I know your worried that it will ruin his/ur life, if it was rape then he deserves to be investigated, if not then it may make him think twice about having sex with another drunk girl - at the end of the day what if you were spiked and were raped and you let him get away - he will prob do it again. as for uni, they may keep him apart from u or he may change uni's which isn't that big a deal
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young_guns
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#29
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#29
(Original post by Anonymous)
to everyone saying i should call the police - i can't do that, im a student and so is he and it might ruin his future and everyone would know about it and people wouldn't see me the same anymore would they and then on top of all that i showered already and was in there a while so there'll be no evidence.. it's my drunken word against his.
There will be plenty of evidence from CCTV and the like, from phone records

Bottom line, if he ****ed you while you were basically unconscious, he's a creep. At the very least, let other girls at university know that so they can be careful around him. Given you're the victim, I suspect they would see him differently, not you.

It could well be that with a proper police investigation, they find that he purchased a date rape drug on the day this occurred. He might well do it to other people. A police investigation will help to determine if it did or did not occur. If it didn't, then no need to proceed. But if it did, then he needs to be prosecuted.
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icdjabtjk
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#30
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#30
(Original post by Anonymous)
I never ever thought id post a thread like this.
Last night, i got very drunk and was split up from my friends in a club. My memory went after that. The next thing I know I'm waking up with a guy who tells me we had sex, tells me i was sick in a taxi, sick on myself, he showered me and then put me to bed.. and then we had sex..
I can't wrap my head around this.. is this rape? I obviously wasn't in a fit state, I never would choose to have a one night stand,
I really don't know what to do.
I don't even know him at all.
I can't stop crying, I feel really odd, like I've never felt how I do right now.

Mod edit: Please note that this is not a debate thread, give helpful advice to the OP only. Unhelpful/unsupportive advice will be removed and you may receive a card
yeah it's rape if you're sick drunk and someone has sex with you.

Although i mean ive kind of wondered about two people who are really drunk a guy and a girl.. if the guy is just as drunk it's kind of unfair to call anything which happens rape on account of the drunkenness of the girl like if she is too drunk to consent then so was the guy if they were as drunk as each other.

But... when a guy is so drunk I think he wouldnt even be able to get erect anyway. And this sounds dodgy, like you got really drunk, lost from your friends and he picked you up as easy sex :/ And he showered you and stuff that sounds weird like he tricked you into undressing..

Sounds to me like he was sober and just took you as an easy target as you were drunk.
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icdjabtjk
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#31
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#31
(Original post by Anonymous)
I keep going from feeling like oh this is fine and i'll get over it and it was just sex move on and then i just randomly burst into tears and feel absolutely terrible..

to everyone saying i should call the police - i can't do that, im a student and so is he and it might ruin his future and everyone would know about it and people wouldn't see me the same anymore would they and then on top of all that i showered already and was in there a while so there'll be no evidence.. it's my drunken word against his.
You HAVE to tell people, because he will rape more people if you dont. He probably hangs out in clubs looking for really drunk girls to pick up. More students have to be protected from it happening to them as well please. There should be CCTV of him picking you up in the bar.
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young_guns
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#32
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#32
(Original post by ZolaCFC25)
Law student checking in. You was raped.
Surely if you're a law student, you would know that the mere fact she can't remember doesn't necessarily mean she was raped (though personally I find it persuasive, though not conclusive), and it could go either way in the courts (compare R v Bree as opposed to R v Evans)
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young_guns
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#33
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#33
(Original post by wsxcde)
You HAVE to tell people, because he will rape more people if you dont. He probably hangs out in clubs looking for really drunk girls to pick up. More students have to be protected from it happening to them as well please. There should be CCTV of him picking you up in the bar.
Absolutely, this.

And if the CCTV shows that she is already way unsteady and almost passed out when he did, that will give a very good indication that it was indeed rape.

Hell, the CCTV might even show him putting something in her drink
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ZolaCFC25
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#34
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#34
(Original post by young_guns)
Surely if you're a law student, you would know that the mere fact she can't remember doesn't necessarily mean she was raped (though personally I find it persuasive, though not conclusive), and it could go either way in the courts (compare R v Bree as opposed to R v Evans)
Just because she can't remember, doesn't mean it's not rape. It would be v persuasive. He said they had sex, he forced her to shower etc when she blacked out. My opinion is that she was raped.

Revising this **** over Easter .
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young_guns
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#35
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#35
(Original post by wsxcde)
But... when a guy is so drunk I think he wouldnt even be able to get erect anyway. And this sounds dodgy, like you got really drunk, lost from your friends and he picked you up as easy sex :/ And he showered you and stuff that sounds weird like he tricked you into undressing..
This, 100%.

It's almost like he was making out he was being a good guy, taking her home and showering her, putting her to bed. If she was soo drunk and covered in vomit that she needed to be showered, then it's weird he then went ahead and had sex with her.

And if she did need that kind of help, surely her friends were the ones who should have done it?

That pretty much cinches it in my mind that it is rape.
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young_guns
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#36
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#36
(Original post by ZolaCFC25)
Just because she can't remember, doesn't mean it's not rape.
Yup, that's what I just said, also that just because she can't remember doesn't mean it is. You said it was rape. You need to learn to distinguish the two.

And you should probably read up R v Bree
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DiddyDec
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#37
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#37
(Original post by young_guns)
Nonsense. There is a big difference between being extremely drunk, paralytic even, and maybe falling asleep, on the one hand, and on the other feeling quite intoxicated one second and in your perception of the next many hours have passed and you've done countless things you don't remember.

The latter is absolutely like what happens on GHB. The former is not.

It sounds like you're a little bit confused.
I quite often blackout through drink and I can be out for 6 hours and still be fully functional I just don't remember it. It is more common than you might think.
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icdjabtjk
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#38
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#38
wait.. if you are so drunk that you cant remember having sex.. then it was rape, regardless of giving consent. If a girl is being sick on herself, dizzy, cant walk properly, a guy convinces her to have sex, she says yes, then the next morning she cant even remember having sex, that was rape. Because she was too drunk to give consent. The only time when I'd personally not see sex whilst someone is THAT drunk as rape is if the guy is also just as drunk and genuinely wasnt taking advantage but also didnt know better because he was also so wasted himself, in which case I'd see that as both of them being just as bad as each other, and who knows the next day the guy could regret that they had sex more than she does in that situation, although in that situation a court still might see that as the guy being a rapist.

But like I said when a guy gets to a certain amount of drunk, I think you cant get an erection. From the story told this guy almost certainly was far more sober and initiated the sex, and before that initiated undressing the person to shower them and stuff. And they were so drunk they just agreed to undress and shower under the pretence of it being the right thing to do, him looking after her to wash off the sick etc.

So yeah this sounds like rape and it really should be reported, the guy should be locked away to stop him preying on and raping more drunk students.
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ChickenMadness
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#39
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#39
(Original post by young_guns)
I'd say your drink was spiked (and I say this as someone who has regularly spiked his own drink, for recreational purposes, with GHB... simply blacking out for a long period and doing things you don't remember is not normal, unless you are a long-term alcoholic)

And even if it wasn't, I very much doubt you were of a sound state of mind to consent.

Do you know who this guy is? Would you be able to identify him to police?
I'd have to agree. I've never managed to black out on alcohol alone.
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icdjabtjk
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#40
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I am sorry that it happened and that you have such a big responsibility placed on you now, if you want to talk about anything you could send me a message if I can ever help.
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