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Dumping girlfriend tomorrow, never actually done it this way before, tips? watch

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    (Original post by RainbowKiwi)
    Since you say you're her first bf and she cares deeply for you, my advice would still be to blame yourself even if you don't believe it. It will help soften the blow as she will most likely blame herself in some ways for not being good enough for you to carry on a LDR. If she wanted to carry it on and you didn't want to try then technically you would have some blame especially as you say she is nice and has done nothing wrong.
    its not about being "good enough for an LDR", its more along the lines of i've seen and witnessed and pretty much know it is, 95% of the time, an unviable method of dating. I'm going to thailand for a month and then studying and living in a town 2 hours away from mine, i'm already going to be so busy i just cant do it to her
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    (Original post by Charles97)
    Usually when i dumped ex's it was cause of arguments and what not, but this isnt the case like, we never argue, not even once and we've been out for 5 months and we get along fine but i'm going to be away this whole summer and moving away september and i just cant see it working long distance.. shes gorgeous and smart etc but mans gotta go places and i've been thinking about this for a while.. my minds set on it for all you Romeo and Juliets that are gonna tell me to stay with her

    i'm seeing her tomorrow, i already know the basics of what im going to say but i'm her first boyfriend ever and i have a feeling she really, really likes me and will break down etc etc, i want to remind her its not out of bad will whatsoever
    This is not the big deal man! Just manipulate her.

    Just show her few real example in your circle where long distance relationship ended up despite of the efforts of both the partner in question. And try to convenience her that it can happen in your case also.

    Don't said anything straight .

    If she is enough smart then she understand automatically and may be less emotionally hurt.

    Anyway this First lesson for her to understand the true selfishness in world.
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    (Original post by shantelle999)
    You asked people's opinions. Its a free world and everybody is free to say what they think even if you don't like it.
    i asked for tips on what would be the best way to do it, not some idiotic opinion about how i'm an awful boyfriend or how you seem to think that i don't care. do one.
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    (Original post by icdjabtjk)
    how is "i know I lied to you and told you I love you, but really you arent good enough for me to choose you over choosing to move away, and you arent good enough for me to want to be in a long distance relationship with you, so although you gave everything to me, all your first experiences which you'll always be able to remember, never be able to take back and give to someone else, I'm going to dump you now, sorry!" on good terms? Doesnt sound like good terms to me. So stupid.
    i told her i loved her? i think you need to stop now little one
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    (Original post by Charles97)
    "obviously perfect" where are you people getting this stuff from? pulling it out of thin air lol.. the lets stay friends approach is weak. im thinking of just saying like "its been amazing but because of whats soon to happen i dont think its going to work, you're beautiful and smart and its not your fault" etc etc :/
    well, please take the time to answer one of my first questions. If you could take your girlfriend with you, would you still stay with her? And I don't know, what gave me that impression...."we never argue, not even once and we've been out for 5 months and we get along fine" seems to indicate that you two would be fairly compatible.

    I'm not advocating breaking up with her, based on what your friends have done in their own relationships. If you give the LDR a chance and it fails miserably, well, hey, at least you two tried. If you don't, and fail to take the 'let's be friends approach,' you'd have that girl out of your life forever. There's a reason why you fell in love with her, right? Tap in to those feelings and see what you might find.

    Sure, it'll be unimaginably difficult for you both, but she will bear the brunt of this, as you were her first boyfriend. What if she ends up thinking it's all her fault, and could never develop a healthy relationship ever again? You may laugh, but it could well happen. It happens all too often.


    Of course, if you don't want to take anybody's advice, contact a moderator and shut the thread down, seeing as you have your mind made up, and the gist of things done. I will say this, don't hurt her feelings. It's not nice when people hurt other people's feelings...
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    (Original post by icdjabtjk)
    yeah most likely, I'd find it surprising if you didnt or give off that impression. Regardless I think you should say something similar to what I said above, because it's harsh but the truth.
    yeah while i'm at it ill write her a check for 20 grand and engage with the biggest diamond ring in britain or whatever fairy tale world you want to believe is right
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    (Original post by Charles97)
    i asked for tips on what would be the best way to do it, not some idiotic opinion about how i'm an awful boyfriend or how you seem to think that i don't care. do one.
    Also, to the OP, in keeping with the above post, if you think that random people on the internet, have the general impression that you are 'an awful boyfriend,' how's your girlfriend going to take it?

    And also, it's not an idiotic opinion. People are trying to give you advice. Not that you deserve it, mind.
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    (Original post by shantelle999)
    That is a reason why I don't want to have a boyfriend.
    Some time the world not works as we expect . This does not mean to make oneself too much inferencing.
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    (Original post by jammy4041)
    well, please take the time to answer one of my first questions. If you could take your girlfriend with you, would you still stay with her? And I don't know, what gave me that impression...."we never argue, not even once and we've been out for 5 months and we get along fine" seems to indicate that you two would be fairly compatible.

    I'm not advocating breaking up with her, based on what your friends have done in their own relationships. If you give the LDR a chance and it fails miserably, well, hey, at least you two tried. If you don't, and fail to take the 'let's be friends approach,' you'd have that girl out of your life forever. There's a reason why you fell in love with her, right? Tap in to those feelings and see what you might find.

    Sure, it'll be unimaginably difficult for you both, but she will bear the brunt of this, as you were her first boyfriend. What if she ends up thinking it's all her fault, and could never develop a healthy relationship ever again? You may laugh, but it could well happen. It happens all too often.


    Of course, if you don't want to take anybody's advice, contact a moderator and shut the thread down, seeing as you have your mind made up, and the gist of things done. I will say this, don't hurt her feelings. It's not nice when people hurt other people's feelings...
    yeah, i would no question about it. and fall in love? you're doing it again! when did i say i was in love?! i made this thread for tips in the matter because i don't want to upset her in the slightest but i haven't got a choice, i've been an amazing boyfriend to her and shes been an amazing girlfriend back but i cant stay with her.
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    (Original post by Charles97)
    its not about being "good enough for an LDR", its more along the lines of i've seen and witnessed and pretty much know it is, 95% of the time, an unviable method of dating. I'm going to thailand for a month and then studying and living in a town 2 hours away from mine, i'm already going to be so busy i just cant do it to her
    I understand what you're trying to say but she will most likely just think she's not good enough for LDR with you as you are so against even trying. You could mention how you are basing this on your friend's experiences but I doubt she will understand. There are always exceptions and if you two are ok so far, she will have the hope of trying to make it work if she cares that much. You saying no will just make her think you don't care enough to try.

    You say she is a nice girl and you want to lessen the pain. You need to blame yourself and make it fundamentally clear it isn't her fault in any way. But I think she will get hurt regardless.
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    (Original post by jammy4041)
    Also, to the OP, in keeping with the above post, if you think that random people on the internet, have the general impression that you are 'an awful boyfriend,' how's your girlfriend going to take it?

    And also, it's not an idiotic opinion. People are trying to give you advice. Not that you deserve it, mind.
    someone telling me i owe the girl 20,000 pounds because i broke up with her isnt idiotic? i wanted a mature discussion about it and all ive had so far is people telling me im a **** for breaking up with her. its just 5 ****ing months ffs
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    Eat a live chicken in front of her... so she thinks you're a bit weird and she does the dumping.
    Job's a 'gudden'?
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    (Original post by RainbowKiwi)
    I understand what you're trying to say but she will most likely just think she's not good enough for LDR with you as you are so against even trying. You could mention how you are basing this on your friend's experiences but I doubt she will understand. There are always exceptions and if you two are ok so far, she will have the hope of trying to make it work if she cares that much. You saying no will just make her think you don't care enough to try.

    You say she is a nice girl and you want to lessen the pain. You need to blame yourself and make it fundamentally clear it isn't her fault in any way. But I think she will get hurt regardless.
    i'm going to try and soften the blow. she knows i've got to move away but i just don't want her to think its her fault..
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    (Original post by physicst)
    This is not the big deal man! Just manipulate her.

    Just show her few real example in your circle where long distance relationship ended up despite of the efforts of both the partner in question. And try to convenience her that it can happen in your case also.

    Don't said anything straight .

    If she is enough smart then she understand automatically and may be less emotionally hurt.

    Anyway this First lesson for her to understand the true selfishness in world.
    M'kay?! Why make it tougher on the girl by manipulating her? That sounds abusive, quite frankly.

    What if the girl counters with the obvious point that their situation isn't quite the apples-to-apples comparison of the OP's friends failing with their respective partners at LDR, because they are not the friends and their partners? Quite frankly, I have more respect for the friends that actually gave it a shot, and failed, then I do for the OP.
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    (Original post by jammy4041)
    M'kay?! Why make it tougher on the girl by manipulating her? That sounds abusive, quite frankly.

    What if the girl counters with the obvious point that their situation isn't quite the apples-to-apples comparison of the OP's friends failing with their respective partners at LDR, because they are not the friends and their partners? Quite frankly, I have more respect for the friends that actually gave it a shot, and failed, then I do for the OP.
    you talk about respect when you insult and ridicule me over breaking up with a girl like you've known me for years. funny...
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    (Original post by icdjabtjk)
    but it is the truth, really as harsh as it is, if I was being dumped I'd respect the cold hard truth more than squirming around trying to sound nice about it, sugar coat it. If I was with someone I loved so much, I'd never consider leaving her, I'd be thinking "how can I get out of going to thailand, how can i take her with me, or if thats not possible how can I make a long distance relationship work, how can i make sure I get back to see her as soon as possible" etc. The truth is, she's not good enough to consider these things, she's at a level where it's acceptable to dump her. I'd rather be told this than "Oh I really love you but it wont work because of the distance, im going away, so we have to break up" because we will both know it's not true. I mean, did all the soldiers who went to the front in WW1 divorce their wives? Or did they love them, write to them, dream of when they can go back.. At least be honest, she isnt good enough.
    what do you want me to say? it is the truth. anyways, im done discussing this with you as i feel you've never actually been in a proper relationship. i wish you luck in the dating field. quick tip, never, ever say this to a boy on a date or he'll be running for the hills
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    (Original post by icdjabtjk)
    "I'm moving soon, I like you but I dont love you and I dont really want a long distance relationship or to wait for you, so I want to break up"
    "I'm not going to be around all summer and when i get back i'm moving away"

    How am i the bad person for trying to end this on good terms sooner rather than later? Surely she would get more hurt if i kept it going when both of us wouldnt be happy. i think you need to seriously rethink your opinions on this matter
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    I don't get why people are getting up on their high horses over a lad wanting to break up with someone on good terms. It sounds like he's in his early 20s and has his life ahead of him so how is it fair for him to sacrifice everything for a girl who will likely leave at some point anyway since he's apparently her first.

    The way I see it, it's much better to break up nicely in this way and for both to go their separate ways than for this lad to kid himself that it will work (it won't) and end up cheating on her causing a proper situation. Get a grip you gang of weirdos it's only been 5 months for God sake you act like he's been in love with her for years. Get over yourselves not everyone wants to be clingy, intrusive and unrealistic in SHORT TERM relationships. Ta, Rant over.
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    (Original post by icdjabtjk)
    but it is the truth, really as harsh as it is, if I was being dumped I'd respect the cold hard truth more than squirming around trying to sound nice about it, sugar coat it. If I was with someone I loved so much, I'd never consider leaving her, I'd be thinking "how can I get out of going to thailand, how can i take her with me, or if thats not possible how can I make a long distance relationship work, how can i make sure I get back to see her as soon as possible" etc. The truth is, she's not good enough to consider these things, she's at a level where it's acceptable to dump her. I'd rather be told this than "Oh I really love you but it wont work because of the distance, im going away, so we have to break up" because we will both know it's not true. I mean, did all the soldiers who went to the front in WW1 divorce their wives? Or did they love them, write to them, dream of when they can go back.. At least be honest, she isnt good enough.

    Personally I'd appreciate the cold truth of it rather than some pathetic attempt to make out like the person loves me and wishes they didnt have to leave me but has to. That will be more hurtful, more confusing, lead to more questions and probably a worse experience over time.

    I mean, "I'm moving soon, I like you but I dont love you and I dont really want a long distance relationship or to wait for you, so I want to break up" That is much nicer imo, its straightforward, to the point, she'll be upset but long term it'll be much easier to swallow I think.
    I don't think it's wise to be so blunt about things when it's the girl's first relationship. She could be emotionally scarred for a long time if he says, "You're not good enough for me". Besides, the OP has denied this is the case so I will refrain from making assumptions.

    Isn't it a bit much comparing their relationship to soldiers and their wives during the war? Lol. We don't even know how OP's relationship is with this girl apart from what he has stated.
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    Omg I never usually post but these replies have been awful.. So distorted lol

    I think you have the right approach. Maybe mention it's better to call it off now then wait for a bitter end which seems likely if you think it will go that way ( ie being one half of that relationship). SHe will need time to process as it may be out of nowhere considering you said its been going well so answer any questions she may have, be honest and then do the no contact thing for a while as any communication may give the wrong message.

    So in short be honest and direct. Good luck.
 
 
 
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