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    Your dream is to go to university, which is entirely respectable. There is female only accommodation or you might consider commuting to uni and living at home if that would get them on board. Though of course that may not be an option. If they absolutely point blank refuse then you have to apply anyway. There will be time to beg forgiveness after your degree. You deserve to go after what you've worked for and better your future.
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    (Original post by Lwin)
    Your dream is to go to university, which is entirely respectable. There is female only accommodation or you might consider commuting to uni and living at home if that would get them on board. Though of course that may not be an option. If they absolutely point blank refuse then you have to apply anyway. There will be time to beg forgiveness after your degree. You deserve to go after what you've worked for and better your future.
    They do accept me going to university, as long as it is one that is local, so I can live at home and commute..

    What I want is to go for the better university, the one that can help me the most after I've graduated and the one I've been quietly aiming for for a very long time.

    I have mentioned the female-only college at the university but they still don't accept it.

    And yes, I agree.
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    (Original post by enaayrah)
    They do accept me going to university, as long as it is one that is local, so I can live at home and commute..

    What I want is to go for the better university, the one that can help me the most after I've graduated and the one I've been quietly aiming for for a very long time.

    I have mentioned the female-only college at the university but they still don't accept it.

    And yes, I agree.
    Hmmm... Well then they accept the idea of going to university, but want to supervise you? I suppose then it boils down to convincing them to trust you, that you won't be alone and wild, but responsible. You could try offering them other ways to keep tabs on you? Like offering to call every evening or something (sorry if that sounds like a drag). I don't know but genuinely hope that you get into the university you want, preferably with your parents on board if possible.
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    I completely understand what you're going through right now as I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I had the grades to go to a better Uni than where I am right now but my parents were completely against me moving out.
    I ended up staying at home and commuting but I've always regretted not moving out and going where I wanted to go.

    My only advice to you is that follow your dreams, even if your parents don't understand right now they will eventually see what you're capable of and be fine with your choices. If you don't move out now you'll always be thinking 'what if' and this will effect your Uni work and will ruin your relationship with your parents anyway.

    Just don't give up on your dreams! All the best, I hope you get to the Uni you want to go to.


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    (Original post by Lwin)
    Hmmm... Well then they accept the idea of going to university, but want to supervise you? I suppose then it boils down to convincing them to trust you, that you won't be alone and wild, but responsible. You could try offering them other ways to keep tabs on you? Like offering to call every evening or something (sorry if that sounds like a drag). I don't know but genuinely hope that you get into the university you want, preferably with your parents on board if possible.
    I've been trying to explain but they start shouting and dismissing everything I say immediately

    Thank you


    (Original post by MathQ123)
    I completely understand what you're going through right now as I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I had the grades to go to a better Uni than where I am right now but my parents were completely against me moving out.
    I ended up staying at home and commuting but I've always regretted not moving out and going where I wanted to go.

    My only advice to you is that follow your dreams, even if your parents don't understand right now they will eventually see what you're capable of and be fine with your choices. If you don't move out now you'll always be thinking 'what if' and this will effect your Uni work and will ruin your relationship with your parents anyway.

    Just don't give up on your dreams! All the best, I hope you get to the Uni you want to go to.


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    Thank you
    • #1
    #1

    Fellow Asian here with a really similar story of over protective parents. But I'm male, so what I did might not work for you...(I think we're the same age).

    At the start of this summer holiday, I literally said I'm doing what I want.
    I went out a lot without telling them, did everything I missed out on all these years. Guess what I came back to?
    My parents arguing with me and with eachother, my mum getting **** from my dad for raising me wrong and vice versa. Did I feel bad? Slightly, but at the same time I felt like this is my life and I honestly can't let you control it forever, guide me if you want but at the end what I want to do is my decision.
    I went out and got a job aswell, so I have money for things now .

    After AS results day, they were happy but still didn't want me going out. Then they talked to me about uni and how they didn't want me moving etc. I told them it's my decision and im deffo moving out. I'm pretty sure you don't need them to sign anything for you to go.

    TL;DR: OP just tell them to **** off, asian parents are absolute r3tards who have no idea wtf they're on about. You will go to uni and this is your last year with them, **** what the asian community and they have to say. 10 years down the line this "over protective" bull**** won't matter and you'll regret it all.
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    Sorry to hear about this. What are you hoping to study at university?
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    I think you should keep trying to talk to them about it, right now they might be abrasive but over time they will start to consider what you are saying seriously. If they still dont agree then you should do it anyway, they should trust you to keep your morals.
    I was in a similar situation but after a year my mum finally agrees because I've convinced her to disassociate education and honour. considering that my family has many high earning females it was really hypocritical and unfair to suddenly put a cap on my success. But I treated her with love and got her to see that if I move out I am still a muslim and still her baby.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Fellow Asian here with a really similar story of over protective parents. But I'm male, so what I did might not work for you...(I think we're the same age).

    At the start of this summer holiday, I literally said I'm doing what I want.
    I went out a lot without telling them, did everything I missed out on all these years. Guess what I came back to?
    My parents arguing with me and with eachother, my mum getting **** from my dad for raising me wrong and vice versa. Did I feel bad? Slightly, but at the same time I felt like this is my life and I honestly can't let you control it forever, guide me if you want but at the end what I want to do is my decision.
    I went out and got a job aswell, so I have money for things now .

    After AS results day, they were happy but still didn't want me going out. Then they talked to me about uni and how they didn't want me moving etc. I told them it's my decision and im deffo moving out. I'm pretty sure you don't need them to sign anything for you to go.

    TL;DR: OP just tell them to **** off, asian parents are absolute r3tards who have no idea wtf they're on about. You will go to uni and this is your last year with them, **** what the asian community and they have to say. 10 years down the line this "over protective" bull**** won't matter and you'll regret it all.
    Thank you, and what your tl;dr says is very true.

    I've been very adamant on my decision so far and nothing they have said or done is swaying me away from what I want to do. I have now become a 'disobedient child who doesn't respect her parents' but I can't let them have their way all the time, I need to start thinking about myself and what makes me happy.

    (Original post by Hydeman)
    Sorry to hear about this. What are you hoping to study at university?
    Natural Sciences at Cambridge or Biochemistry anywhere else

    (Original post by sophicoco)
    I think you should keep trying to talk to them about it, right now they might be abrasive but over time they will start to consider what you are saying seriously. If they still dont agree then you should do it anyway, they should trust you to keep your morals.
    I was in a similar situation but after a year my mum finally agrees because I've convinced her to disassociate education and honour. considering that my family has many high earning females it was really hypocritical and unfair to suddenly put a cap on my success. But I treated her with love and got her to see that if I move out I am still a muslim and still her baby.
    I have been trying to talk to her calmly and make her understand, but my mother simply doesn't want to hear me out
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    (Original post by enaayrah)
    I have been trying to talk to her calmly and make her understand, but my mother simply doesn't want to hear me out
    Lol I used to do that, like try and convince my parents. I really don't understand how this is supposed to work with Asian parents, they're so ****ing stubborn. Just go out and do it, if you can't gain their trust, make them lose their faith in you.
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    (Original post by enaayrah)
    Natural Sciences at Cambridge or Biochemistry anywhere else
    Nice one! I'd hoped to apply for that as well but unfortunately didn't quite make the grades.

    I had this crazy idea... Is it more important for you to move out or go to Cambridge? If it's the latter and you don't mind living at home, you could broach the idea of the whole family actually moving to Cambridge. Of course since they don't particularly sound like the most pleasant people to be around, it would be understandable if the freedom aspect is the most important thing here.

    I largely agree with what somebody else said: you should apply anyway and then, if you get accepted, tell them you're going whether they approve or not. If not then nobody needs to know you applied in the first place. If the former does happen, do be careful OP... I hate to stereotype but there have been quite a few instances in the papers in the last few years with honour killings and such over the dumbest things like disapproval of clothing, going out with friends etc.

    I hope it works out for you. :/
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    I understand the frustration you may be feeling, you have to understand that your parents are of a different generation, the same way you are unable to understand
    their logic they are struggling to see your point of view too.

    So let's go through your stated issues step by step...

    Social life:
    I understand what its like to be told you're not allowed to do certain things and to be shushed when you merely ask why! BUT lets take a moment to see the logic your mum and dad use before making such decisions, they come from a generation where socialising to the extent our generation do was not even thought about let alone encouraged. So I don't particularly think getting annoyed or angry is going to help but communicating the issue with then might.

    Education:
    moving out to go to uni isn't the only option... There will be many unis that are in an accessible radius by train/ bus very close to you! and some with a high percentage of young Muslim females in the same boat and background as you. Having to travel to uni can be a very awesome kick start to prepare you for adulthood and working life.

    Religion:
    As a Muslim myself it really gets on my nerves when the older generation use Islam as an excuse not educate females further... The prophets first wife was a very successful merchant! knowledge is something Islam strongly encourages.


    sorry if that's all waffle x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Lol I used to do that, like try and convince my parents. I really don't understand how this is supposed to work with Asian parents, they're so ****ing stubborn. Just go out and do it, if you can't gain their trust, make them lose their faith in you.
    I'm just waiting for the day when they give up on me altogether (and that day better be soon)

    (Original post by Hydeman)
    Nice one! I'd hoped to apply for that as well but unfortunately didn't quite make the grades.

    I had this crazy idea... Is it more important for you to move out or go to Cambridge? If it's the latter and you don't mind living at home, you could broach the idea of the whole family actually moving to Cambridge. Of course since they don't particularly sound like the most pleasant people to be around, it would be understandable if the freedom aspect is the most important thing here.

    I largely agree with what somebody else said: you should apply anyway and then, if you get accepted, tell them you're going whether they approve or not. If not then nobody needs to know you applied in the first place. If the former does happen, do be careful OP... I hate to stereotype but there have been quite a few instances in the papers in the last few years with honour killings and such over the dumbest things like disapproval of clothing, going out with friends etc.

    I hope it works out for you. :/
    I don't think my family can afford to move over there unfortunately and it would be very difficult for my dad to get a job over there.
    And yeah, independence is what I want.

    I might take up that idea, but also ask my school to intervene and talk to them separately. I'm actually very afraid of that happening

    (Original post by -Mariam-)
    I understand the frustration you may be feeling, you have to understand that your parents are of a different generation, the same way you are unable to understand
    their logic they are struggling to see your point of view too.

    So let's go through your stated issues step by step...

    Social life:
    I understand what its like to be told you're not allowed to do certain things and to be shushed when you merely ask why! BUT lets take a moment to see the logic your mum and dad use before making such decisions, they come from a generation where socialising to the extent our generation do was not even thought about let alone encouraged. So I don't particularly think getting annoyed or angry is going to help but communicating the issue with then might.

    Education:
    moving out to go to uni isn't the only option... There will be many unis that are in an accessible radius by train/ bus very close to you! and some with a high percentage of young Muslim females in the same boat and background as you. Having to travel to uni can be a very awesome kick start to prepare you for adulthood and working life.

    Religion:
    As a Muslim myself it really gets on my nerves when the older generation use Islam as an excuse not educate females further... The prophets first wife was a very successful merchant! knowledge is something Islam strongly encourages.


    sorry if that's all waffle x
    Thanks for the advice but I simply can't accept what they say and let them make decisions on my life.
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    Thanks for the advice but I simply can't accept what they say and let them make decisions on my life.

    I'm not suggesting that you let your parents make your decisions for you I'm just encouraging you to incorporate your parents into your decisions.
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    (Original post by enaayrah)
    I don't think my family can afford to move over there unfortunately and it would be very difficult for my dad to get a job over there.
    And yeah, independence is what I want.

    I might take up that idea, but also ask my school to intervene and talk to them separately. I'm actually very afraid of that happening
    You take care OP.

    Yeah, the school idea sounds good since, as far as my experience of Asian parents tells me, they tend to take teachers quite seriously. It might also help if one of your teachers is a Muslim and/or Asian although that might be a long shot.
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    "Thanks for the advice but I simply can't accept what they say and let them make decisions on my life."

    I'm not suggesting that you let your parents make your decisions for you I'm just encouraging you to incorporate your parents into your decisions.
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    (Original post by Hydeman)
    You take care OP.

    Yeah, the school idea sounds good since, as far as my experience of Asian parents tells me, they tend to take teachers quite seriously. It might also help if one of your teachers is a Muslim and/or Asian although that might be a long shot.
    I actually have a tutor who is both Asian and Muslim, and she went to Imperial. I think that's a brilliant idea, thank you! I had never thought of her
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    "Thanks for the advice but I simply can't accept what they say and let them make decisions on my life."
    I'm not suggesting that you let your parents make your decisions for you I'm just encouraging you to incorporate your parents into your decisions.
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    Universities can offer financial support.Your parents can't stop you so don't let them dictate your life. I've seen you around in the Cambridge thread a lot so you're obviously something special Don't let your talent and hard work go to waste.
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    (Original post by enaayrah)
    I actually have a tutor who is both Asian and Muslim, and she went to Imperial. I think that's a brilliant idea, thank you! I had never thought of her
    No problem. Imperial's a great university (said the guy hoping to get into Imperial having failed to get the grades for Cambridge)! You should definitely get her involved!
 
 
 
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