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Any other girls lose interest as soon as a guy starts to chase them? watch

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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    I used to feel like this before I met my bf. You would think having a guy like you back would make you feel happy but it didn't for me, it just killed off any feelings I had. It showed me though that they were for me and when my bf liked me back, it only made my feelings stronger so I knew the cycle could be broken.

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    Yeah i have a feeling that if it was someone I found attractive and really liked/respected them then knowing that they like me back would only make me more interested.


    Don't get me wrong I'm not one to go after guys who are unavailable, if i think they are not very interested ill slowly lose interest. It's just that when I've gotten to know these guys they've started to act a little needy or self-deprecating or Ive discovered things about them that make me lose respect for them, for example if they are superstitious or they mock people behind their backs and I'm put off by it. It's a bit disappointing really when you think you've found a good one :/

    (Original post by EllainKahlo)
    Maybe you're just not into them other than attraction-wise? And once they start showing you attention, you realise that? Does this happen every single time?
    See my reply above Yeah I think this may be it, I'm not as into them as I thought I was and I liked the fantasy in my head. It doesn't happen at the same rate very single time, honestly I don't meet that many guys and the ones I have met I haven't been interested in enough. I want to be with someone who I can actually admire and respect y'know? :/

    Although Ive never had boyfriend so I'm not sure whether the problem is me not meeting enough guys that I may like, or that Im the one with emotional issues regarding intimacy
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    (Original post by PusE)
    No. Looks like your on your own with that one. I don't understand these games people play

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    They are not 'games', I can't help it if I get turned off by them
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    (Original post by SaucissonSecCy)
    Subconsciously, you may be avoiding relationships.
    Any way to figure out why or how to stop avoiding relationships? Do you think it might be a case of not having met the right person?
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    When I've felt like this, I think it has meant that deep down, I just don't want a relationship. I think when I meet someone and there's a real connection, I'll change my mind. At the moment, I'm not all that interested because I like being single.

    Could also be a case of the whole 'wanting what you can't have' thing.
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    Possibly OP, its an instinctive "thrill of the chase thing" where when theyre not interested, they will appear more desirable because theyre something to be gained? Possibly because subconsciously the mind presumes they are "better" than you thus interest develops, whereas those who chase you are "lesser" and beta (not saying this is the case, just a possible insight)
    Imo meeting more guys and just letting things develop, and not overthinking, things will develop just fine, if its guys you want
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    (Original post by JBlad)
    Possibly OP, its an instinctive "thrill of the chase thing" where when theyre not interested, they will appear more desirable because theyre something to be gained? Possibly because subconsciously the mind presumes they are "better" than you thus interest develops, whereas those who chase you are "lesser" and beta (not saying this is the case, just a possible insight)
    Imo meeting more guys and just letting things develop, and not overthinking, things will develop just fine, if its guys you want
    Yeah I think you're on the right track here. I don't think I presume they are beta, they do act beta like they act insecure or needy or like they aren't being genuine, or they do or say things that make me lose respect for them, whereas when I didn't know them, all I had was the fantasy in my head.

    Yeah I think I ought to meet more guys. Its a bit worrying though because Ive not found anyone one I have been truly interested in and it being mutual... I don't want to end up alone (but I don't wanna settle either, unfair to us both)
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    it proves the alpha/beta dating theory.
    Women like guys who are alpha. Guys who are self confident, bit arrogant, sure of themselves and make you feel like they don't need you because of these reasons.
    Women dont like beta guys who appear desperate and are overly keen but theres no fun in it. Girls have sex with guys she wants to have sex (the alpha ones) with, not everyone who thinks shes attractive (all men).
    Thats why its funny how girls complain about there being no nice guys out there when of course there is, its just not an attractive trait. Thats a lot of guys downfall. They believe what girls say too much and try and be nice when this is counterproductive.
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    (Original post by sqwertylol)
    it proves the alpha/beta dating theory.
    Women like guys who are alpha. Guys who are self confident, bit arrogant, sure of themselves and make you feel like they don't need you because of these reasons.
    Women dont like beta guys who appear desperate and are overly keen but theres no fun in it. Girls have sex with guys she wants to have sex (the alpha ones) with, not everyone who thinks shes attractive (all men).
    Thats why its funny how girls complain about there being no nice guys out there when of course there is, its just not an attractive trait. Thats a lot of guys downfall. They believe what girls say too much and try and be nice when this is counterproductive.
    Niceness is an attractive trait. There's a huge difference between being nice and being desperate or needy.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Any way to figure out why or how to stop avoiding relationships? Do you think it might be a case of not having met the right person?
    Might be. We all find proximity slightly less mysterious, but I think you have it too extreme.
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    (Original post by mollyxrose)
    Niceness is an attractive trait. There's a huge difference between being nice and being desperate or needy.
    nice in terms of trying to attract someone by being nice. telling them they are attractive repetitively, buying them things, reply to texts immediately. It shows that the guy is desperate. He is doing too much to show his interest. Often that is done by being too nice. Theres no challenge in dating a nice guy. you have won from day one. boring
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    (Original post by sqwertylol)
    nice in terms of trying to attract someone by being nice. telling them they are attractive repetitively, buying them things, reply to texts immediately. It shows that the guy is desperate. He is doing too much to show his interest. Often that is done by being too nice. Theres no challenge in dating a nice guy. you have won from day one. boring
    Ah, it seems we have quite different definitions as to what a 'nice' guy is :laugh:
    I see what you mean though, I wouldn't want to be smothered by affection like that. There are other ways to make it clear you like someone rather than repeatedly complementing them and buying them gifts. In fact, that'd probably be the last thing I want out of a relationship. Not because theres 'no challenge' but I wouldn't want to be with someone constantly trying to win me over - it's so forced.
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    Eh this is an odd one.

    I find effort attractive.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah i have a feeling that if it was someone I found attractive and really liked/respected them then knowing that they like me back would only make me more interested.


    Don't get me wrong I'm not one to go after guys who are unavailable, if i think they are not very interested ill slowly lose interest. It's just that when I've gotten to know these guys they've started to act a little needy or self-deprecating or Ive discovered things about them that make me lose respect for them, for example if they are superstitious or they mock people behind their backs and I'm put off by it. It's a bit disappointing really when you think you've found a good one :/



    See my reply above Yeah I think this may be it, I'm not as into them as I thought I was and I liked the fantasy in my head. It doesn't happen at the same rate very single time, honestly I don't meet that many guys and the ones I have met I haven't been interested in enough. I want to be with someone who I can actually admire and respect y'know? :/

    Although Ive never had boyfriend so I'm not sure whether the problem is me not meeting enough guys that I may like, or that Im the one with emotional issues regarding intimacy
    Then I think that's normal and there isn't anything wrong with you. It's pretty normal to think about what it would be like to be in a relationship with guys around you but not necessarily want to continue that fantasy once you get to know them, that's part of the experience it's better to find out sooner than later that you're just not compatible or interested in them.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah I think you're on the right track here. I don't think I presume they are beta, they do act beta like they act insecure or needy or like they aren't being genuine, or they do or say things that make me lose respect for them, whereas when I didn't know them, all I had was the fantasy in my head.

    Yeah I think I ought to meet more guys. Its a bit worrying though because Ive not found anyone one I have been truly interested in and it being mutual... I don't want to end up alone (but I don't wanna settle either, unfair to us both)
    Relax OP, you'll meet the right guy, and if you dont, that's better than a miserable relationship, tbf though, no relationship is perfect, they are what you make of them, and no man is perfect either

    Plus are you sure you're into men?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    They don't even have to come on too strong, even initiating text convos will do it, and I'll start feeling a teeny bit suffocated or annoyed or start to lose interest and think I can do better if he's giving me attention :/

    It's annoying though because I might like the guy but as soon as he chases I'm convinced we have no spark, but if he loses interest eventually, ill start to like him again

    It's almost like I fell like I haven't done enough to earn his attention and so that might be why I feel this way?

    Any advice?
    My advice is if you like someone instead of playing games with them actually talk to them and get to know them, is it any wonder that guys lose interest when someone plays games.
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    (Original post by mollyxrose)
    Niceness is an attractive trait. There's a huge difference between being nice and being desperate or needy.
    Niceness is to be expected. Most people who parrot on about being nice usually aren't actually nice at all.

    If anyone's entire personality consists purley of being nice, then they are an incredibly boring person.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    They don't even have to come on too strong, even initiating text convos will do it, and I'll start feeling a teeny bit suffocated or annoyed or start to lose interest and think I can do better if he's giving me attention :/

    It's annoying though because I might like the guy but as soon as he chases I'm convinced we have no spark, but if he loses interest eventually, ill start to like him again

    It's almost like I fell like I haven't done enough to earn his attention and so that might be why I feel this way?

    Any advice?
    I get this, although I think it's only when a guy comes on really strong that I get put off. Him taking a bit of initiative / putting in a bit of effort, I'm fine with - how else are you gonna know they're interested?

    I do HATE it when they're over keen though. And I have a guy friend who is always getting rejected by girls, he always comes out and tells them straight, as soon as he has feelings, cause he doesn't like 'playing games' - no amount of advice will stop him!
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    (Original post by SophisticatedSir)
    Niceness is to be expected. Most people who parrot on about being nice usually aren't actually nice at all.

    If anyone's entire personality consists purley of being nice, then they are an incredibly boring person.
    Exactly. The whole "being nice gets you nowhere" mentality is a load of bs because most people appreciate a genuinely nice person. I do agree though, niceness alone is never enough.
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    (Original post by JBlad)
    Relax OP, you'll meet the right guy, and if you dont, that's better than a miserable relationship, tbf though, no relationship is perfect, they are what you make of them, and no man is perfect either

    Plus are you sure you're into men?
    Ive asked myself this a few times and I'm pretty sure Im into men, I mean (excuse the tmi) I fantasise about men only and do feel genuine sexual attraction to guys but I don't know why I've never been intimate with a guy, like when it comes down to it I freak out and avoid it :/
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    My advice is if you like someone instead of playing games with them actually talk to them and get to know them, is it any wonder that guys lose interest when someone plays games.
    I always hear people saying not to play games but can you give examples of game playing so that I know what you mean by this?

    Also, just curious, since Im not actually playing games with any sort of intent and am just acting on my feelings at the time, which part of my issue could potentially come across as playing games to a guy?
 
 
 
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