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Muslims: My dad doesn't like me applying for jobs outside of my hometown...? watch

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    (Original post by Shirogirl)
    Religiously speaking, as a Muslim girl do I have to listen to him?

    I've tried to keep him happy, I studied what he wanted, I studied where he wanted. But it's at a point where my family is on the path of recommending arranged marriage (which I don't want) and working as a "normal Muslim woman" would, not on bridges or travelling the world by myself (my work is highly male dominated).
    I feel I limit my potential and I'm compromising my happiness, but at the same time good Muslims are supposed to respect their families. My family tells me I wouldn't be happy if I just follow my impulsive emotions, and that I should listen to wiser older people instead to make my life easy.

    What do I do? This doesn't seem fair.

    edit: This isn't for Muslims to answer only. Sorry if it seems that way. I just needed people who are familiar with the culture that surrounds Muslims.
    I understand the culture. I would advise you to become financially independant, move away and make something of your life. Prove them wrong, that you're strong and independant.

    There will be chaos and depression at the start, but it gets better in time.
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    (Original post by ermahgerd11)
    :lolwut:
    #tooextremeforme.
    Extreme? If this middle path of Islam (as all muslims have been instructed to follow in the Qur'an) if seen as extreme then what about ISIS? They must be super extreme! And on the other end of the spectrum we have the majority of muslims who believe that everything is allowed and care not for what was really said.

    It's a shame for both sides of the extreme that religion is not defined by the people who follow it but by The Lawgiver (God). If they don't like the true facts of the religion, then they have the free will to leave rather than try to change it
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    (Original post by Butternuts96)
    Extreme? If this middle path of Islam (as all muslims have been instructed to follow in the Qur'an) if seen as extreme then what about ISIS? They must be super extreme! And on the other end of the spectrum we have the majority of muslims who believe that everything is allowed and care not for what was really said.

    It's a shame for both sides of the extreme that religion is not defined by the people who follow it but by The Lawgiver (God). If they don't like the true facts of the religion, then they have the free will to leave rather than try to change it
    Whatever. I may not know much about islam but people like you love to make islam hard. What are you on about, leaving? Piss off
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    (Original post by ermahgerd11)
    Whatever. I may not know much about islam but people like you love to make islam hard. What are you on about, leaving? Piss off
    I don't choose the rules bro. Tell me one thing I have said that is contradicted by what God said in the Qur'aan? If you can tell me that, then I'll accept that "I'm making it hard" but I don't like it when people make up stuff in my religion or any other religion for that matter. People should never try and change religion and if they want to make a statement about a religion, they should bring proof of what they're saying because otherwise they're just making stuff up what comes to their mind.

    For example this goes for any Abrahamic religion, if I was a Christian, I would be a Roman Catholic because they actually follow the Bible how it was presented and don't try to change it. The protestants deviate from the original teachings of the Old testament (side note: even this was not the original as the original original carried the true Islamic teachings given to Jesus before it got changed after his death) and they go for a liberal everything is allowed attitude much like the majority of muslims these days. Apparently the Roman Catholics make Christianity "too hard". No, no they do not. They are just practising it just like how Jesus said so in their version of the old testament and I agree with this.

    Religion is not how the people follow it. It is in the holy books given to the religion. Change the people not the religion. Some things are allowed, some things are not. If you do something forbidden in the religion that someone tells you (with proof) that it's not allowed, then feel free to carry on coz God gave you free will to do whatever but just at the very least UNDERSTAND that what you're doing it wrong and don't try and justify it.

    Islam's not hard, I find it ridiculously easy to practise it. I play video games, football and I watch shows and movies on a regular basis and I'm studying medicine at the same time. I also pray my prayers on time, I try my best to avoid all interaction with the opposite gender, I try and memorise the Qur'aan. I don't see what's so hard about it. The rules are explicit for anyone who understands Arabic. What's so hard?
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    (Original post by Butternuts96)
    I don't choose the rules bro. Tell me one thing I have said that is contradicted by what God said in the Qur'aan? If you can tell me that, then I'll accept that "I'm making it hard" but I don't like it when people make up stuff in my religion or any other religion for that matter. People should never try and change religion and if they want to make a statement about a religion, they should bring proof of what they're saying because otherwise they're just making stuff up what comes to their mind.

    For example this goes for any Abrahamic religion, if I was a Christian, I would be a Roman Catholic because they actually follow the Bible how it was presented and don't try to change it. The protestants deviate from the original teachings of the Old testament (side note: even this was not the original as the original original carried the true Islamic teachings given to Jesus before it got changed after his death) and they go for a liberal everything is allowed attitude much like the majority of muslims these days. Apparently the Roman Catholics make Christianity "too hard". No, no they do not. They are just practising it just like how Jesus said so in their version of the old testament and I agree with this.

    Religion is not how the people follow it. It is in the holy books given to the religion. Change the people not the religion. Some things are allowed, some things are not. If you do something forbidden in the religion that someone tells you (with proof) that it's not allowed, then feel free to carry on coz God gave you free will to do whatever but just at the very least UNDERSTAND that what you're doing it wrong and don't try and justify it.

    Islam's not hard, I find it ridiculously easy to practise it. I play video games, football and I watch shows and movies on a regular basis and I'm studying medicine at the same time. I also pray my prayers on time, I try my best to avoid all interaction with the opposite gender, I try and memorise the Qur'aan. I don't see what's so hard about it. The rules are explicit for anyone who understands Arabic. What's so hard?
    I'm not changing or making anything up. I already said idk much about islam. So you don't have to keep telling me to leave if i don't like the rules. Who even gave you the right to tell people to leave smh

    And what rules even? Where does it say in the quran women aren't allowed to work in a mixed environment? And for what reason? Does that mean they're not allowed to attend mixed schools or uni's too. This is the first time i've heard this so give me the proof for it pls and theni'll believe what you're saying

    I didn't say islam is hard. I said people like you love making it hard :wink: "If you don't like blah blah, then leave". Instead of guiding/correcting someone you encourage them to leave..:erm:
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    (Original post by Butternuts96)
    Men are the sole source of income and it's their job to make the money for the family. Women's role is to bring up the children properly and look after the house and family. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule for example imagine the husband cannot work or is not earning enough to get by and there are NO other sources of income. As an absolutely last resort, the woman may work but it has to be in a segregated enviroment.

    Also, Islam does encourage women to become nurses and doctors but so that they can help women who need medical help because women would prefer a female doctor and so forth and they again shouldn't be in a mixed environment. There are also other lines of work which women can get into which are suited for them but anything along the lines of business, retail, and engineering and the like is completely unacceptable for the woman because it would involve a great deal of mixing with the opposite gender. These are fixed rules.

    People try to argue a lot against this, muslims and non muslims alike but islamic rules were already set in stone so if they don't like this rule and can't accept God's ruling, they're free to leave the religion. Noone's forced to stay or convert because there's no compulsion in religion.
    kthxbye


    OP don't listen to your dad and do whatever the hell you want. Many Asian Muslims of the older generation don't have a single drop of logic within them, trust me. They're not worth listening to.

    Wtf do these 'wiser older people' even know? They came from a village in the medieval times, with no regard for women's rights and equality yet feel they are all knowing and that their ****ty values are fine for the 21st century.

    Seriously, stand up to them, apply for jobs even further out so you can completely move away from home.

    You have to assert your own independence. Only you have the right to control your life.
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    (Original post by Shirogirl)
    Religiously speaking, as a Muslim girl do I have to listen to him?

    I've tried to keep him happy, I studied what he wanted, I studied where he wanted. But it's at a point where my family is on the path of recommending arranged marriage (which I don't want) and working as a "normal Muslim woman" would, not on bridges or travelling the world by myself (my work is highly male dominated).
    I feel I limit my potential and I'm compromising my happiness, but at the same time good Muslims are supposed to respect their families. My family tells me I wouldn't be happy if I just follow my impulsive emotions, and that I should listen to wiser older people instead to make my life easy.

    What do I do? This doesn't seem fair.

    edit: This isn't for Muslims to answer only. Sorry if it seems that way. I just needed people who are familiar with the culture that surrounds Muslims.
    You don't have to obey your parents and the notion that you should sacrifice your happiness to please them is absurd as well as dangerous. Parents have to learn that their children are not simply an extension of themselves and that they have every right to make their own decisions and lifestyle choices, especially in a country such as the UK which allows you to do that.

    If you sacrifice your dreams for the sake of pleasing your parents then it's likely that some day in the future you'll feel awful resentment, bitterness and regret for having done that.
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    (Original post by Shirogirl)
    Religiously speaking, as a Muslim girl do I have to listen to him?

    I've tried to keep him happy, I studied what he wanted, I studied where he wanted. But it's at a point where my family is on the path of recommending arranged marriage (which I don't want) and working as a "normal Muslim woman" would, not on bridges or travelling the world by myself (my work is highly male dominated).
    I feel I limit my potential and I'm compromising my happiness, but at the same time good Muslims are supposed to respect their families. My family tells me I wouldn't be happy if I just follow my impulsive emotions, and that I should listen to wiser older people instead to make my life easy.

    What do I do? This doesn't seem fair.

    edit: This isn't for Muslims to answer only. Sorry if it seems that way. I just needed people who are familiar with the culture that surrounds Muslims.
    My parents did this exact same thing to me, not about work but about what I should study. I think the best thing to do is show them that you can make up your own mind about things, they shouldn't dominate every aspect of your life, its totally unfair and completely backward in this day and age.

    I basically told my dad that I was mature and trustworthy enough to do what I wanted (plus I made them feel a little bad for not trusting me). If you have a respectful conversation with them they should really listen to you tbh, from my own experience if I became mouthy or rude to them they became angry and placed more restrictions upon me.

    But to be honest I feel like your parents just worry about you. I know that my own parents are very protective and even though I don't agree with everything they say, they do have my best interests at heart
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    (Original post by enaayrah)
    kthxbye


    OP don't listen to your dad and do whatever the hell you want. Many Asian Muslims of the older generation don't have a single drop of logic within them, trust me. They're not worth listening to.

    Wtf do these 'wiser older people' even know? They came from a village in the medieval times, with no regard for women's rights and equality yet feel they are all knowing and that their ****ty values are fine for the 21st century.

    Seriously, stand up to them, apply for jobs even further out so you can completely move away from home.

    You have to assert your own independence. Only you have the right to control your life.
    But what happens when I need to marry and I need their approval? This is where this plan goes haywire and can affect the groom etc. I wouldn't want that. I also really want to do this though
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    (Original post by Final Fantasy)
    I understand the culture. I would advise you to become financially independant, move away and make something of your life. Prove them wrong, that you're strong and independant.

    There will be chaos and depression at the start, but it gets better in time.
    What bothers me the most is the bitterness my family will feel towards me. I can't see them depressed and disappointed in their old age. Any advice for maintaining good ties?
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    (Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
    You don't have to obey your parents and the notion that you should sacrifice your happiness to please them is absurd as well as dangerous. Parents have to learn that their children are not simply an extension of themselves and that they have every right to make their own decisions and lifestyle choices, especially in a country such as the UK which allows you to do that.

    If you sacrifice your dreams for the sake of pleasing your parents then it's likely that some day in the future you'll feel awful resentment, bitterness and regret for having done that.
    Whilst I agree with you, I don't think they mentally have the capacity to become liberal with their views. So I don't think it would be effective to teach them a lesson the "hard way", and nor would it be comfortable.
    I'm aware I'm making excuses but I just really don't want to hurt them or my future relation with them.
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    (Original post by Shirogirl)
    Religiously speaking, as a Muslim girl do I have to listen to him?

    I've tried to keep him happy, I studied what he wanted, I studied where he wanted. But it's at a point where my family is on the path of recommending arranged marriage (which I don't want) and working as a "normal Muslim woman" would, not on bridges or travelling the world by myself (my work is highly male dominated).
    I feel I limit my potential and I'm compromising my happiness, but at the same time good Muslims are supposed to respect their families. My family tells me I wouldn't be happy if I just follow my impulsive emotions, and that I should listen to wiser older people instead to make my life easy.

    What do I do? This doesn't seem fair.

    edit: This isn't for Muslims to answer only. Sorry if it seems that way. I just needed people who are familiar with the culture that surrounds Muslims.

    I'm sorry what a load of bs. You shouldn't be making your dad happy you should be making yourself and Allah happy. Its ok to respect your parents and family but sometimes you have to do what is best for you. Like if your parents told you to jump of a cliff would you do it? You should listen to them I'm not saying don't, but your in control of your life and what ever you say do or don't do you will be judged for that not anyone else. They're there to guide so ultimately what ever you decide is your decision but you shouldn't let them control you. Now with the arrange marriage, if you don't want to get married yet don't. I'm more close with my mum since she understands me more and I can literally talk to her about anything so maybe you could talk to your mum about how you feel.
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    (Original post by Butternuts96)
    The Prophet Muhammed peace and prayers be upon him said that there will be 72 different sects in Islam. And only one of them will go heaven. So this is from a Sunni Muslim perpective. Shia aren't Muslims. And don't anybody reading this go giving me that difference of opinions rubbish and say that all opinions are valid because only one group will be going heaven and it's either Sunni or Shia and all the evidence says that Shia aren't even muslims.

    Wahhabis and salafis are the same thing. They're not extremists as some people believe. All it means is that they fight against innovation in religious beliefs and they only deal with the authentic ahadith and the correct interpretation of the Qur'aan. They're part of the sunnis.

    Shaafi is one of four accepted schools of thought in sunni Islam that has their own set of views. The differences of opinions of these 4 schools are valid as they all have their own valid evidences. These differences are not in beliefs but over little things like slight variations in the prayer. They all respect each others' opinions as they all provide valid evidence.

    For the laymen (the people who aren't scholars), they should follow the teachings of any one school of thought because they do not have the time to study so extensively. Wahhabi/salafis tend not to stick to one school of thought but mix and match between the schools with the strongest sources of authentic information and there's nothing wrong with that either.

    I hope that cleared things up.
    It is not compulsory to follow a sect, all muslims have to do is follow the quran and sunnah. And look for explanations from any of the imams you mention. There were no sects in the prophets time, so the prophet should be followed and the quran.
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    (Original post by ermahgerd11)
    I'm not changing or making anything up. I already said idk much about islam. So you don't have to keep telling me to leave if i don't like the rules. Who even gave you the right to tell people to leave smh

    And what rules even? Where does it say in the quran women aren't allowed to work in a mixed environment? And for what reason? Does that mean they're not allowed to attend mixed schools or uni's too. This is the first time i've heard this so give me the proof for it pls and theni'll believe what you're saying

    I didn't say islam is hard. I said people like you love making it hard :wink: "If you don't like blah blah, then leave". Instead of guiding/correcting someone you encourage them to leave..:erm:
    This site should have all the answers to everything in Islam WITH direct references. Just type in the keywords eg "women work" "prayer" etc

    I hope that answers your question I didn't mean to come across as rude if I did. I fail to express my emotion through text properly; I'm a gentle speaker in person trust me bro.
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    (Original post by underestimate)
    It is not compulsory to follow a sect, all muslims have to do is follow the quran and sunnah. And look for explanations from any of the imams you mention. There were no sects in the prophets time, so the prophet should be followed and the quran.
    Yeah exactly what you said bro but the schools of thoughts are there for people to follow to make it easier for them rather than having to refer to the Qur'aan and Hadiths for everything. Majority of the people do not know arabic.
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    (Original post by Butternuts96)
    Extreme? If this middle path of Islam (as all muslims have been instructed to follow in the Qur'an) if seen as extreme then what about ISIS? They must be super extreme! And on the other end of the spectrum we have the majority of muslims who believe that everything is allowed and care not for what was really said.

    It's a shame for both sides of the extreme that religion is not defined by the people who follow it but by The Lawgiver (God). If they don't like the true facts of the religion, then they have the free will to leave rather than try to change it
    Yes, ISIS are indeed "super extreme". What are you trying to say?

    No mainstream interpretations of Islam suggest that people have "the free will to leave". Haven't you heard of apostasy?
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    (Original post by Butternuts96)
    Men are the sole source of income and it's their job to make the money for the family. Women's role is to bring up the children properly and look after the house and family. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule for example imagine the husband cannot work or is not earning enough to get by and there are NO other sources of income. As an absolutely last resort, the woman may work but it has to be in a segregated enviroment.

    Also, Islam does encourage women to become nurses and doctors but so that they can help women who need medical help because women would prefer a female doctor and so forth and they again shouldn't be in a mixed environment. There are also other lines of work which women can get into which are suited for them but anything along the lines of business, retail, and engineering and the like is completely unacceptable for the woman because it would involve a great deal of mixing with the opposite gender. These are fixed rules.

    People try to argue a lot against this, muslims and non muslims alike but islamic rules were already set in stone so if they don't like this rule and can't accept God's ruling, they're free to leave the religion. Noone's forced to stay or convert because there's no compulsion in religion.
    That's not Islam... that's your ****ed up brain...

    This post pissed me off so ****ing much HOLD ME BACK Y'ALL!
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    (Original post by sweeneyrod;[url="tel:60405927")
    60405927[/url]]Yes, ISIS are indeed "super extreme". What are you trying to say?

    No mainstream interpretations of Islam suggest that people have "the free will to leave". Haven't you heard of apostasy?
    I'm trying to say that the middle path is the way.
    Not the super extreme isis nor the super liberal "everything is allowed" kind of people.

    Yes they are free to apostasise. God gave them free will so they use it how they wish. Of course the punishment for apostasy is death but the only place that is legally allowed to happen in is an islamic country by a judge who has to do it by following procedure. Not just any random civillian does it.

    Therefore, this is only found in Saudi Arabia, Indonesia etc but this belief is accepted by muslims all over the world. Any muslim who disagrees with it means he has directly contradicted what God said in the Qur'aan and therefore he/she has left Islam.

    Basically, free will is always there.
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    (Original post by ermahgerd11)
    I'm not changing or making anything up. I already said idk much about islam. So you don't have to keep telling me to leave if i don't like the rules. Who even gave you the right to tell people to leave smh

    And what rules even? Where does it say in the quran women aren't allowed to work in a mixed environment? And for what reason? Does that mean they're not allowed to attend mixed schools or uni's too. This is the first time i've heard this so give me the proof for it pls and theni'll believe what you're saying

    I didn't say islam is hard. I said people like you love making it hard :wink: "If you don't like blah blah, then leave". Instead of guiding/correcting someone you encourage them to leave..:erm:
    I forgot to mention the site. It's called islamQA
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    (Original post by z33)
    That's not Islam... that's your ****ed up brain...

    This post pissed me off so ****ing much HOLD ME BACK Y'ALL!
    What? What's wrong? What do you know about Islam? Tell me
 
 
 
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