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Discuss: The benefits and risks of a girl asking a guy out? watch

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    (Original post by william walker)
    Is that you in your profile photo?
    yes
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    (Original post by sparklenshine)
    As a girl don't you think that a guy may agree just because it's better than being single? Do you worry about not being his number 1 choice if you approach rather than him? This has always been my concern but I don't want to keep believing it anymore.
    Those are the exact same worries that guys have but it doesn't stop them, so it shouldn't stop girls either. Although no, I personally do not worry about either of those things. Just go for it if you like him
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    (Original post by libbylangham)
    You have as much right to do it as any guy. This is the 21st century - we're all so over gender roles and stigma! You like him, ask him out. He says yes - great. He says no - strut the **** out of his life with a quick hair flick
    Haha yeah I should be more like this and not give a **** and stop analysing so much
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    (Original post by Student403)
    Pros
    You avoid crappy mind games waiting for him to ask you
    You don't need to worry anymore about whether or not he'll say yes or no
    Might actually boost your confidence
    At least he'll see you as someone who can take charge of a situation
    He might actually like you and is unaware you like him

    Cons
    You don't conform to some stupid, pointless social expectation. Oh how terrible /s
    I agree. It's better to probably just ask. I do want a change and to experience new things, maybe even experiencing rejection once will teach me something..but my only concern is actually not being rejected but rather led on until he finds someone better. I'd rather be rejected
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    (Original post by SeanFM)
    One of my favourite quotes from Vine is 'bruh just go for it right now here we go'.

    With that in mind, it can get things moving forward if the guy is shy or doesn't know how you feel.
    True. What is the most subtle and indirect way of approaching a guy without actually asking him if he'd like to go on a date?
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    (Original post by Bupdeeboowah)
    OP, let's just make everything easy and sign a contract for how we should date. I propose the following:

    1. Dates
    (a) Dates will be a weekly affair to be held on Thursdays to Sundays, unless a satisfactory excuse is provided.
    (b) Dates occurring on weekdays shall be exclusively conducted at night.
    (c) After the 4th date both parties shall have the option to invite the other out on one more occasion in the week, but such an option can only be exercised once every fortnight.
    (d) After the 10th date the above restrictions in (a)-(c) shall be lifted, but there must be at least one date a week, unless a satisfactory excuse is provided.
    (e) The guideline budget for dates shall be £30 per pax (excluding transportation costs). Notice shall be given to the other party if one party suggests a date which would require a higher budget.

    2. Gifts
    (a) Each party shall gift the other a surprise gift in the 1st, 3rd, and 5th months of the relationship.
    (b) The value of each aforementioned gift in (a) shall be within £30-100.
    (c) Gifts as mentioned in (a) shall include (but not necessarily be restricted to): jewellery, clothing, cosmetics, perfumes, and admission tickets to events.

    3. Communication
    (a) Parties shall be limited to 20 instant messages (via for e.g. Facebook, Whatsapp, Imessenger, email) in communication per day in the first 2 months of the relationship.
    (b) Parties shall be limited to phone calls of 100 minutes per week in the first 2 months of the relationship.
    (c) No phone calls shall be made after 12.30 am, unless it is for an emergency.
    (d) After the 10th date the above restrictions in (a)-(b) shall be lifted.

    4. Sex
    (a) It is understood that one of the parties is uncomfortable with sex, and thus no sexual contact shall take place in the first 4 months of the relationship.
    (b) (a) however does not preclude any form of affectionate contact, e.g. cuddling.
    (c) Discussion of cohabitation shall only occur after the first 6 months of the relationship.
    (d) Consent to sexual activity must be made in written consent and signed by a notary.

    5. Socialisation
    (a) Parties can only invite the other party to social events after the 8th date.
    (b) Social events as mentioned in (a) shall include (but not necessarily be restricted to): company social events, family events, charity events, dinners with friends, and barbeques with neighbours.
    (c) It is understood that one of the parties has problems with making friends, and thus the other party shall try his best to introduce the said party to his friends.

    These terms are provisional and subject to change after negotiations.
    LOL this was amusing
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    Why does the thread title sound (or look, for the grammar police here )
    like it's a generally bad thing for a girl to ask a guy out???
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Well for me it is.
    It's exactly like say what are the benefits and risks of sex/ non-renewable energy/etc
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    (Original post by sparklenshine)
    I agree. It's better to probably just ask. I do want a change and to experience new things, maybe even experiencing rejection once will teach me something..but my only concern is actually not being rejected but rather led on until he finds someone better. I'd rather be rejected
    Well I don't think that's a risk limited to the 'girl-asking-out-guy' thing. I think if it's going to happen, it will happen regardless of who initiated things. Plus, if the guy is the kind of person who would do that, I'm sure it could be judged beforehand.
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    (Original post by hektik)
    (Assuming there already is a specific guy)

    You'll either get to go out with him or you'll finally get the answer to the question whether he wants to go out with you.

    Not much use waiting around for him to ask you; it's passive and even if he likes you, there's a chance he won't ask you out so less chance of you getting what you want (him).

    If he likes you, asking him out (as a girl) will unlikely affect your chances of getting him, and if it does, was pining after this guy really worth it?

    The risks are rejection (which isn't nice at all) and potential embarrassment, although you have more control over the latter (you don't have to feel embarrassed) but maybe you will feel that way.

    When it comes down to it, do you like him? If yes, and you think he may like you (which I think is quite important), ask him out.
    True, what do you think is the best way to ask/ approach that would cause the least amount of embarrassment if one was rejected?
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    (Original post by sparklenshine)
    LOL this was amusing
    Thank you. I do put in quite a lot of effort in making these posts.

    But my main point is, don't be too serious and logical about anything. Too much thought and everything will look robotic and calculated, the very antithesis of love and affection.
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    At the end of the day, if a guy tried to enforce gender roles here and judges you for being a girl and asking him out, he's probably not the guy for you. If not, you have your standard pros and cons for anyone asking anyone out - either you end up dating, you end up not being friends anymore or you continue being friends and eventually move past this.
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    (Original post by sparklenshine)
    True, what do you think is the best way to ask/ approach that would cause the least amount of embarrassment if one was rejected?
    "Hey, [insert name here], are you up for a [your date idea] with me"? When you have seen said person enough times and you think he feels the same way, that's when you ask. Make your date idea not too cliched and not too complicated at the same time
    It's how you react to the rejection that determines how "embarrassing" it is imo.
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    (Original post by sparklenshine)
    Lol
    If you like someone just ask them out. I know you want to be asked out but its OKAY if the girl approaches. I'm a guy and I've been approached 2-3 times and I'm no model. If you like someone just give it a shot. Not every date will lead to a relationship. Some people experience early and some late. There is no shame or 'missing out' or gone 'past the age'
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    (Original post by sparklenshine)
    yes
    No wonder you rejected me before. You are really hot.
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    (Original post by william walker)
    No wonder you rejected me before. You are really hot.
    The thirst is strong with you.
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    (Original post by Bupdeeboowah)
    The thirst is strong with you.
    I am not thirsty. I actually like the OP.
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    (Original post by william walker)
    I am not thirsty. I actually like the OP.
    Well, then I permit you to use my dating contract template on her.
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    (Original post by Bupdeeboowah)
    Well, then I permit you to use my dating contract template on her.
    I emailed with her for a bit. However my email got blocked. So I couldn't keep talking to her.
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    (Original post by sparklenshine)
    True, what do you think is the best way to ask/ approach that would cause the least amount of embarrassment if one was rejected?
    I'll be honest, I don't know. I'd recommend doing it in person. If you get the chance alone together and you're having fun, try to ask him then. Don't wait for the perfect moment, it won't come. Pick a good moment, and even if you're anxious, push through. Otherwise I'm not sure.
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    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    Positive: you could end up having a boyfriend, because he says yes.
    Negative: you could end up not having a boyfriend, because he says no. And if he says no, no harm is done. Move on and find someone else. So you might as well just do it.
    (Original post by Student403)
    Pros
    You avoid crappy mind games waiting for him to ask you
    You don't need to worry anymore about whether or not he'll say yes or no
    Might actually boost your confidence
    At least he'll see you as someone who can take charge of a situation
    He might actually like you and is unaware you like him

    Cons
    You don't conform to some stupid, pointless social expectation. Oh how terrible /s
    thats balls guys....asking people out at times is dodgy in general for boy and girl

    if a girl can get away with it why not do that.
 
 
 
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