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I'm Finished. The Uni is finished too. Social crisis. watch

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    Why are so many freshers struggling this year? I see so many threads like this.. Has there been some kind of structural societal change that I am not aware about?
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    (Original post by Nerol)
    You keep saying 'it's a shame' as if its inevitable and out of your control. You can't control the behaviour of others, but you are in control of your own behaviour. If your flat mates don't contact you a lot, I guess they don't feel that close to you. So what? Why does your friendship circle have to end with them? Go and make more friends and build relationships outside of your home.

    I understand the difficulty of dealing with depression and how hard it can be to socialise with new people, I've been there myself. I buried myself in work and studying, which, if you are university can be a good thing.

    If you're really struggling, talk to the student counsellor. Life's not going to get any easier if you have no motivation to make a change yourself. Don't doom yourself to 'four more years of pain', do something to change it!
    I thought friendships start with flatmates. I thought flatmates were meant to be your best friend in first year. I've even realised there seem to be divide or something and i haven't even met the new flatmate, my flatmates FAILED to mention to me (i'm suspecting its an international student).

    I'm not going to seek counsellors or some bull****. I'm just going to have to fight the battle.

    Are you in uni btw? how do you cope since you have experienced depression
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    (Original post by PPF)
    Why are so many freshers struggling this year? I see so many threads like this.. Has there been some kind of structural societal change that I am not aware about?
    It's 2015. The year got dramatically worse in the world.

    Joke Aside, i knew this was going to be challenge, I'm going to a uni which is too popular in the Midlands and i know several people from school who goes to my uni ranging from first to third years.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I thought friendships start with flatmates. I thought flatmates were meant to be your best friend in first year. I've even realised there seem to be divide or something and i haven't even met the new flatmate, my flatmates FAILED to mention to me (i'm suspecting its an international student).

    I'm not going to seek counsellors or some bull****. I'm just going to have to fight the battle.

    Are you in uni btw? how do you cope since you have experienced depression
    I'm not. I coped by moving abroad! I've been living in China for the last 4 years and here I have made amazing friends and have an excellent life. I never went to uni back home, because I was too busy destroying my life and being miserable, but I study online now while I am in China.

    I always thought counselling was a load of rubbish before to be honest, because I just didn't see how it could possibly help to talk about personal things with a stranger. However, I fully believe that talking to a counsellor literally saved my life. It's amazing how much it can help.

    You really seem like you have no intention of trying to resolve your problems, rather you have just given up and believe you just have to continue going with the way things are.

    First of all, who said you had to be best buddies with your flatmates? You never know who you will be placed with, and the chance of being placed with only people you connect with and get on well with is pretty slim if you think about it. If that is the case, it is a shame, but it's not surprising. Go out and make friends elsewhere.

    Think optimistically and find things to do that you enjoy to fill any free time. Focus on studying and always remember what you are working towards. If you really are feeling down more often than not, don't be ashamed to ask for help. It could just get worse if you don't.
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    I wholeheartedly agree.

    (Original post by Nerol)
    You keep saying 'it's a shame' as if its inevitable and out of your control. You can't control the behaviour of others, but you are in control of your own behaviour. If your flat mates don't contact you a lot, I guess they don't feel that close to you. So what? Why does your friendship circle have to end with them? Go and make more friends and build relationships outside of your home.

    I understand the difficulty of dealing with depression and how hard it can be to socialise with new people, I've been there myself. I buried myself in work and studying, which, if you are university can be a good thing.

    If you're really struggling, talk to the student counsellor. Life's not going to get any easier if you have no motivation to make a change yourself. Don't doom yourself to 'four more years of pain', do something to change it!
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    Anonymous - I feel your pain. I was in a different place within myself when I went to my (second attempt) uni and felt so underconfident socially I withdrew entirely and locked myself in my room (I did hang around a group for a few weeks and make a friend on he course towards the end but socially my 1st year was horrific and I ended up commuting!) Only now, being 35, am I looking back regretting I was not more sociable!

    It sounds like you may be getting a little paranoid about your flatmates - its a horrible Catch 22, the more paranoid you get, the more withdrawn you get, the more you think you 'deserve' your flatmates to be against you! Hard situation, Again, been there, done that, could write the book abot it!

    PS - Midlands uni - University of Birmingham, by any chance? (I went there!)

    I am 35 now (lol!) but if you are in Birmingham I work in the city and would happily met you for a drink to discuss your situation - I regret how it was for me and I feel somewhat evangelical about stopping others having the experience I did! (Message me if this interests you!)

    I would look at a transfer( dropouts occur by now. The uni might have a room elsewhere with no extra cost.) It won't necessarily solve things but if you are lucky you might find flatmates who like you! And don't get fixated on one girl - that way lies the road to heartbreak!

    PPS fair play in saying you don't intend to drop out! Fight the god fight and lets get you some friends!
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    i feel sort of the same but more like i wanted to party hard and make friends and it doesnt seem to be happening as i imagined, maybe partly because i chose private halls. are you in nottingham?
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    (Original post by electricllama)
    i feel sort of the same but more like i wanted to party hard and make friends and it doesnt seem to be happening as i imagined, maybe partly because i chose private halls. are you in nottingham?
    i'm at a midlands university which i will not mention.

    It is sad. It's just over. I'm just going to continue doing assignments every night. go bed at 4/5am and sleep for the day since this is helping me.
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    Everybody thank you for your comments

    Today has been a very sad day. I've realised my flaws.

    1. People will only hang out with me if i'm drunk but this doesn't happen anymore.
    2. My personality is boring, socially awkward
    3. I have realised i have become clingy to a girl who has friendzoned me and someone said 'you should talk the guys' simulating that i'm gay or something.
    4. I'm still upset of my flatmates snubbing me . I thought we was a family but now it seems clear during the week that i'm invinsible. I haven't cooked in 2 weeks

    It's a shame. My dream has been ruined and now i'm a statstic to people who don't enjoy uni.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Everybody thank you for your comments

    Today has been a very sad day. I've realised my flaws.

    1. People will only hang out with me if i'm drunk but this doesn't happen anymore.
    2. My personality is boring, socially awkward
    3. I have realised i have become clingy to a girl who has friendzoned me and someone said 'you should talk the guys' simulating that i'm gay or something.
    4. I'm still upset of my flatmates snubbing me . I thought we was a family but now it seems clear during the week that i'm invinsible. I haven't cooked in 2 weeks

    It's a shame. My dream has been ruined and now i'm a statstic to people who don't enjoy uni.
    Clearly you have no intention of resolving these problems and have given up bothering. People aren't going to say 'poor you' or tell you it's not your fault. If you know what your flaws are and aren't willing to better yourself or your situation, nobody is going to do it for you. Motivate yourself and change something instead of saying 'it's over'. It's not over, you're just not willing to do anything to change it.
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    (Original post by Wimbs)
    Anonymous - I feel your pain. I was in a different place within myself when I went to my (second attempt) uni and felt so underconfident socially I withdrew entirely and locked myself in my room (I did hang around a group for a few weeks and make a friend on he course towards the end but socially my 1st year was horrific and I ended up commuting!) Only now, being 35, am I looking back regretting I was not more sociable!

    It sounds like you may be getting a little paranoid about your flatmates - its a horrible Catch 22, the more paranoid you get, the more withdrawn you get, the more you think you 'deserve' your flatmates to be against you! Hard situation, Again, been there, done that, could write the book abot it!

    PS - Midlands uni - University of Birmingham, by any chance? (I went there!)

    I am 35 now (lol!) but if you are in Birmingham I work in the city and would happily met you for a drink to discuss your situation - I regret how it was for me and I feel somewhat evangelical about stopping others having the experience I did! (Message me if this interests you!)

    I would look at a transfer( dropouts occur by now. The uni might have a room elsewhere with no extra cost.) It won't necessarily solve things but if you are lucky you might find flatmates who like you! And don't get fixated on one girl - that way lies the road to heartbreak!

    PPS fair play in saying you don't intend to drop out! Fight the god fight and lets get you some friends!
    I'm at a midlands uni but not birmingham

    I wouldn't transfer as i see potential in this uni but sadly isn't working out. I'm planning to live alone in 2nd year to slyly turn into a recluse.

    It's getting worse with the girl. I've realised i'm clingy to her and of course it will end it heartbreak. She's in 2nd year!
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    (Original post by Nerol)
    Clearly you have no intention of resolving these problems and have given up bothering. People aren't going to say 'poor you' or tell you it's not your fault. If you know what your flaws are and aren't willing to better yourself or your situation, nobody is going to do it for you. Motivate yourself and change something instead of saying 'it's over'. It's not over, you're just not willing to do anything to change it.
    I have tried changing it. I don't have a clue anymore. I know you said how you dealt with it is by starting a new life in china but i have started a new life away from London and its still the same thing.

    Only option is leaving halls this month and trying to find a one bedroom flat or a studio flat.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have tried changing it. I don't have a clue anymore. I know you said how you dealt with it is by starting a new life in china but i have started a new life away from London and its still the same thing.

    Only option is leaving halls this month and trying to find a one bedroom flat or a studio flat.
    If you're not getting on with your flatmates, I would agree that leaving them is a good idea. Don't surround yourself with people who you don't feel care about you. At the same time, don't alienate yourself. Reach out to other people and try to make new friends. I spent years being completely hidden away from everyone, hiding behind drugs and alcohol and sex, because I wanted to cover up who I really was. The people I associated with around that time were not real friends, and only when I became comfortable with who I am and honest with people did I make real friends. Don't put yourself down by saying you're boring. Focus on how to amplify the positive parts of your personality. For example, once I came off the drugs and booze, I became a recluse because all my friends were still into that, so I thought I was like a boring hermit. I've always been into writing and put all my energy into that, and met some people online via blogs I wrote and on forums, and that is actually how I found out about the opportunities in China. You should try and focus on what makes you interesting and different. There will be people who have similar interests, or even similar concerns to you, and these can be real building blocks of friendships, rather than just the fact that you live together or are in the same class.
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    (Original post by Nerol)
    You keep saying 'it's a shame' as if its inevitable and out of your control. You can't control the behaviour of others, but you are in control of your own behaviour. If your flat mates don't contact you a lot, I guess they don't feel that close to you. So what? Why does your friendship circle have to end with them? Go and make more friends and build relationships outside of your home.

    I understand the difficulty of dealing with depression and how hard it can be to socialise with new people, I've been there myself. I buried myself in work and studying, which, if you are university can be a good thing.

    If you're really struggling, talk to the student counsellor. Life's not going to get any easier if you have no motivation to make a change yourself. Don't doom yourself to 'four more years of pain', do something to change it!
    I wish I could bury myself in work and studying. However I can't focus, I can't even focus while Im watching a movie because all that goes on in my head are the horrible things that I've been through for the past 1.5 years, which is why I've suffered through severe depression and has severely affected my studies. So my question is how were you able to focus? Because I'd really like to stop thinking about everything and bury myself in my studies too.

    Btw I just clicked on your profile and it says you're a English teacher - I too want to eventually become a teacher! I currently tutor IGCSE economics and accounting but would really like to become a qualified teacher one day!
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    OP, this whole thread the responses from you are all, 'woe is me/it's not fair/I'm going to stop trying'. That is your depression talking and you really do need to seek professional help with it.

    I'm also getting the sense that you haven't done that much in terms of effort to make friends. You had an image in your head of uni hall mates being like family and when they let you go missing for weeks without saying anything to them about where you were going (your prerogative btw) and responded likewise when you returned and started dodging them, your fantasy image has been shattered and you're cut up about it.

    This is adulthood now. There are no teachers to assign buddies to you. You have to seek and make friends or isolate yourself as you see fit. Choose wisely and be happy with what you choose.
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    You don't need "friends" OP, but you do need positive relationships with other people. It is not the same thing. The latter is extremely important if you ever want to hold down a job.
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    PS by transfer I mean within your uni to different flat/halls!

    PPS I got 'resigned' to what was going on when I got significantly depressed at my first uni. I think fundamentally you are depressed and need help. There is no shame at all in taking antidepressants and they DO help.

    Change comes from within. You may feel you are 'boring' and 'lack personality' but if and when your mood improves your personality will improve with it!
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    (Original post by Wimbs)
    PS by transfer I mean within your uni to different flat/halls!

    PPS I got 'resigned' to what was going on when I got significantly depressed at my first uni. I think fundamentally you are depressed and need help. There is no shame at all in taking antidepressants and they DO help.

    Change comes from within. You may feel you are 'boring' and 'lack personality' but if and when your mood improves your personality will improve with it!
    The problem with moving to different halls is that it may be the same thing with the flatmates. I mean take for example, we have a new flatmate, and i have never seen her before (assuming she is an international student and spoke in a female chinese language when i walked passed her door), non of us doesn't bother to knock on her door and i'm 100% certain she came to live in our halls because she had her own problems.

    I'm planning on living alone but i haven't got the guts to accept the recluse life. Life in general is sad and true colours are showing in particular people.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The problem with moving to different halls is that it may be the same thing with the flatmates. I mean take for example, we have a new flatmate, and i have never seen her before (assuming she is an international student and spoke in a female chinese language when i walked passed her door), non of us doesn't bother to knock on her door and i'm 100% certain she came to live in our halls because she had her own problems.
    OP, have you knocked the door of the new flatmate, 1) to introduce yourself, and 2) to check on the wellbeing of another student that may be feeling as isolated as you?
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    'The problem with moving to different halls is that it may be the same thing with the flatmates. I mean take for example, we have a new flatmate, and i have never seen her before (assuming she is an international student and spoke in a female chinese language when i walked passed her door), non of us doesn't bother to knock on her door and i'm 100% certain she came to live in our halls because she had her own problems.
    '

    Why should it be different if the student is international or not?

    You are right, there is the chance that new flatmates may think 'why has this person moved in with us' but then you might meet some wonderful people who could be lifelong friends!

    In life you reap what you sow, you get back what you put in. You HAVE to put yourself out there to get people returning the favour! And btw if your own flatmates are ignoring you, go knock on some doors below and above? I KNOW this this all FAR easier said than done, I just wish I followed my own advice 15/16 years ago. You don't want to look back with regret later. And you needn't be lonely! Don't expect to have a wonderful social life overnight, it may take some time but first year first term is early days!
 
 
 
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