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Whats the best way to find out/expose a cheating partner? watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She is now telling me she loves me and whether or not she's upset me..after I responded vaguely to her after she told me she'd fallen asleep.....ffs why does it need to be this way..l

    Why does my gut feel so sick and feel like something is really going on ? I want to just straight out ask her, but I'm not prepared for her responses.
    The fact that you aren't prepared for her responses shows that you are convinced she is cheating. If she says she is, your relationship will be over. If she says she isn't, you won't believe her and so these arguments and insecurities will continue.

    I just realised you made a thread two years ago about this, and people told you to break up with her as you would continue feeling paranoid. And two years later, you're still in the same situation. It's only going to continue and if you can't trust her then you need to think about whether or not to continue the relationship
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Don't know if she is 100% and I don't know specifically who with, I have an idea she's either using her phone or Facebook to interact with someone. Hence why she is up for periods on a night, and doesn't respond to me at midnight when she blatantly sees my messages, yet at 4am she will respond to me...

    I should note, it's around the same times everynight; same time she ignores me but sees my messages, same times she tends to reply I'm early hours, same time she's active.
    You need to stop being paranoid otherwise you will drive her away, when she said she was asleep has it occurred to you she may have actually fallen asleep. Ask for checking social media, if I wake up halfway through the night I have had a quick check in Facebook etc before, it doesn't mean she is chatting someone up, other times she might have read the message e.g. during the day but may not have had chance to reply. This happens between me and my girlfriend, she works a lot as well and is far away from me, simply she doesn't get chance to reply.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon for obvious reasons.

    I'm beside myself with anxiety and paranoia (though I'd love to have my paranoia proven to be unfounded). Its just I have this gut feeling that wont go away.

    She did something with someone when we first went out; I forgave her.

    Despite me thinking I'd moved on, I still think about it, and you never really 'forget it'.

    I love her dearly, and as much as i'd like to think things have changed, and we're much stronger (as it was nearly two years ago since) since, I still feel rather uneasy.

    Specifically recently, where she is working more often, and we have less communication than we used to do. Whenever I've brought this up as a valid concern I'm told she 'fell asleep' or 'her battery died'. My paranoia has gotten so bad I question her often, and she often gets frustrated with me. Eerily enough, sometimes she reacts calmly though.

    Tonight I asked her how work went, and pressed for her to elaborate on what she did, and then expressed how i thought her doing a particular role seemed unrealistic because shes a new starter, and her tone of voice suggested she was a bit nervous upon my pressing the issue.

    I objectively have no way of proving anything. We're long distance, and I daren't get into her social media accounts and the like.

    What can I do to ease these problems?

    Me and her have been down this road before and we broke up only to get back together. Only this time wer'e engaged.
    Are long distance 'relationships' really relationships though.......
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    (Original post by NathanDYEL)
    Are long distance 'relationships' really relationships though.......
    I am in one, so I would hope so.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    I am in one, so I would hope so.

    Well good luck with that, im not sure if the people in them are very trusting or gullible or both.
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    (Original post by NathanDYEL)
    Well good luck with that, im not sure if the people in them are very trusting or gullible or both.
    Me and my girlfriend trust each other just fine thanks, they can work.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Me and my girlfriend trust each other just fine thanks, they can work.

    You believe she hasn't cheated on you? Yeahh i guess that works then.
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    (Original post by NathanDYEL)
    You believe she hasn't cheated on you? Yeahh i guess that works then.
    I have no reason to believe she has
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    I have no reason to believe she has
    Is she attractive ? Good sex drive?
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    (Original post by NathanDYEL)
    Is she attractive ? Good sex drive?
    Both I feel, just saying there's no point getting worked up or paranoid.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I mean, initially I'd built up a lot of trust with her and thought I could move past it. We got engaged and I'd slowly had no further concerns.

    Just lately she's started a new job working 30/40 hours a week, and our communication has dwindled a heck a lot more than it used to do (although in her previous job she worked less).

    Nowadays, I'll be sending her a message and she sees it but doesn't respond (not always but often). I've brought this up and I've said she feels 'distant' from me and she tells me 'I can't sleep in the bed upstairs, I'm so used laying next to you, that when your not here I can't get to sleep there so I end up falling asleep in sofa'. Now, to start with I thought that was fair enough, she's tired and working a lot.

    Lately, she told me that her battery on her phone had died, while she was in bed; and it made no sense because she has a charger there. She said her phone also went into battery saving mode so all of her tones/notifications were deactivated.

    Last night I said to her, just go up to bed if you're tired, and get used to sleeping in your bed again. She agreed, but as time goes on, I see she's online, I talk to her...she goes silent and doesn't respond (she's seeing my messages), but no reply. At 4am I get a response...'sorry this bed is really comfy, I fell asleep'. Isn't this the polar opposite of what she'd been telling me the day or so before

    I personally feel she's chatting to someone online, or investing her time elsewhere. What can I do to help these deep feelings of suspicion? I see a therapist for anxiety etc, but even with her reassurance I feel odd.

    Get a move on mate. That ***** aint for you. If you really want to give yourself some high blood pressure, keep pressing her to tell you why she is acting that way. I see you trying to hack into her phone but be assured that the result would leave you very devastated.

    The hand writing is right there on the wall but you still cant read it. Resolve this if you can and feel very confident but trust me, you aint gonna be happy with her. Leave while you still have your sanity. Dont let some idiot make you feel miserable. You,ll be happy you did.

    Get your engagement ring back, kick her out or move on. You,ll meet someone that would make you wonder why you kept yourself in that relationship dungeon all the while.
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    Call Cheaters or get a lie detector done on the JK show.

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    Why are you with someone you quite clearly can't trust?
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    (Original post by bardnnyc)
    Get a move on mate. That ***** aint for you. If you really want to give yourself some high blood pressure, keep pressing her to tell you why she is acting that way. I see you trying to hack into her phone but be assured that the result would leave you very devastated.

    The hand writing is right there on the wall but you still cant read it. Resolve this if you can and feel very confident but trust me, you aint gonna be happy with her. Leave while you still have your sanity. Dont let some idiot make you feel miserable. You,ll be happy you did.

    Get your engagement ring back, kick her out or move on. You,ll meet someone that would make you wonder why you kept yourself in that relationship dungeon all the while.
    Why do you feel (in your opinion) the writing is on the wall?

    Why would it be devastating?

    At the moment I'm struggling between the morality of doing something bad to uncover something bad, which will ultimately have a good outcome. I know I wouldn't want someone to hack my social media, certainly for reasons of privacy. So I'd hate to think how that would make her feel.

    Shes reassured me she isn't cheating, and as far as I am aware it is the fact she is tired and at work. She seems to be making more of an effort to communicate with me, texts me regularly, rings me, asks me to call her, and we skype a bit more. So to all intents and purposes it is going well.

    My feeling is still there, but I am not sure it is a projection of mine on to her.
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    (Original post by OU Student)
    Why are you with someone you quite clearly can't trust?
    My response is going to be quite a common and cliched one: I love her. I'm not sure if it is a case of 'not trusting her because I just don't' or more 'I don't trust her because I can't (past incidences)'.

    Why you say I "quite clearly can't trust [her]"- were you referring to the idea that I cannot/shouldn't trust her, or because I have a general sense of 'mistrust' toward her?

    If you were me, would you trust her?

    Without going too much into this, I am not sure if the reason I don't trust her is because she has done something wrong and I can subconsciously sense it. Or because I am projecting on to her my anxiety.
 
 
 
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