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is my boyfriend emotionally abusive? watch

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    (Original post by angelcake123)
    I agree with all of the above posts. Plus you need to know that:

    He's treating you that way because you are letting him treat you that way. He clearly does not respect you (treating you like you are less equal to him) because you don't respect yourself. You said you don't deserve any better but you do!

    Even if you do continue into marraige, and then have kids. If he is constany leaving and coming back, do you know how difficult that will be for your kids? You may be able to handle it, but they probably will feel rejected and not worthy enough for their father's love.

    Even if you do not want/ cannot have kids, there will be times in your adult life where you will need emotional support. This could be bereavement or some awful injury or work stress, anything! Surely you would rather a man that would definitely support you, than a potentially cold one who may end up saying 'thats your problem not mine' or something?

    You say you don't feel like you will ever find a better man. This is true if you remain 'taken' by your current partner. You need to make yourself single and available because many people resist attraction from girls who are in relationships. Has your bf ever made snide comments about how you are so lucky to have him and that no one else will want you? If so, he is wrong.

    I know what you are going through is hard, especially as you love him. But he knows he has you wrapped around his little finger. Prove him wrong.
    We spoke about it last night, about how we need to sort our issues out if we want to have a family, and to his family is the most important thing so he agreed saying soon we'll have others relying on us..

    The reason I feel I wont find someone better is because he honestly is crazy attractive and I know another guy like that wont look at me again, but despite his looks he wants things like a family and he goes on about how he's going to do everything to support me in every single way, and does make me feel like the most incredible girl so I feel like I just wont get all that again. Maybe someones gonna treat me well, but they wont have all these qualities he does..

    But yes he did tell me I am lucky to have someone who puts up with how much of a pain i am..
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    (Original post by Twinpeaks)
    Broke up with you just before clubbing? He wanted a night out as a single man, and I bet 100% that he'll get back with you this morning.


    Yes, this is emotional abuse. My suggestion; get out before it's too difficult to leave. But somehow I don't think you're going to do that.
    well he broke up with me because i wanted to go out and he says he doesnt trust me out unless hes there too (which he would have been). I know he wouldnt act like a single man when he'd go out because he isnt the type to do that. However he didnt come back this morning, sent a few pictures to me on snapchat and thats it.

    I know i should leave, I know I should be treated so damn well but I hold onto all the perfect things about us, because my mind is controlled now.. but i cant help and imagine that since he wants to marry me he will change, and I think if we did go ahead with it and start a family he would turn his **** around and treat me well

    I know i sound insane
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    (Original post by PangXie)
    I just want to add my voice to the many who are calling this emotional abuse. Like others here I had a relationship like this myself, with a guy who would use breaking up with me and cancelling plans as a punishment to try to control my behaviour. He lapped up my distress and the attention I gave the situation, and then would "give me another chance" when that got boring and he felt he'd made his point, only to break up with me again within hours or days. In between these times, he treated me like the love of his life.

    He was a very insecure, unhappy man who felt like the only way he could keep me was by stamping me into the ground until I didn't feel that I was worth anybody else's love, and making me think that I was lucky he would even look at me. He would blatantly flirt with girls in front of me to prove how easily he could get someone else, then tell me I was lucky he had chosen me. He even cheated on me and then told me I should appreciate that he then chose to come back to me instead of going off with her. Thank god, at that point I opened my eyes and finished it. (About time.)

    I feel like a lot of this might ring true for you, OP. I hope you take on board what others and myself are saying, and kick this toxic jerk to the kerb.


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    God I feel like Im reading my own post here... The top bit is EXACTLY what its like with him he'd always do stuff as a way of 'punishment' to 'teach me a lesson' and gave me 'final warnings'. Then he'd dump me again and come back to give us another chance. He'd say that his head is a mess which is why hes going back and forth.

    I wouldnt say this guy is insecure, the best way to describe him would be..one of those guys that work in Hollister/abercrombie & fitch, except with a really big muscly body. He knows how good looking he is and that he can have any girl.

    There was an incident where he cheated on me and said it was my fault and that it wouldnt happen if i didnt doubt him..and another time before that he almost got with a girl in front of me in a club but said i was just over reacting and that he only wants me because im so perfect.

    I was fuming at both occassions, and I even dumped him myself.. then he came back begging for a chance. And I soon let go of my anger and thought i cant let him go because our future will be so amazing and our happy times were the best times of my life.
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    (Original post by BrokenLife)
    Sorry but don't ever get into a relationship. Men are not worth it. They are heartless creatures with never ending ego. Sorry if I'm generalising but that's I've learnt. There is only one man I know of who is actually a man.
    Yes, go on, generalise all you want.

    Speaks volumes about you and your personality.

    (P.S. I hate uncalled-for cynicism; bad experiences with cynical people. And no, cynical isn't synonymous with realistic.)
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    (Original post by XcitingStuart)
    Yes, go on, generalise all you want.

    Speaks volumes about you and your personality.

    (P.S. I hate uncalled-for cynicism; bad experiences with cynical people. And no, cynical isn't synonymous with realistic.)
    Not even going to argue.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We spoke about it last night, about how we need to sort our issues out if we want to have a family, and to his family is the most important thing so he agreed saying soon we'll have others relying on us..

    The reason I feel I wont find someone better is because he honestly is crazy attractive and I know another guy like that wont look at me again, but despite his looks he wants things like a family and he goes on about how he's going to do everything to support me in every single way, and does make me feel like the most incredible girl so I feel like I just wont get all that again. Maybe someones gonna treat me well, but they wont have all these qualities he does..

    But yes he did tell me I am lucky to have someone who puts up with how much of a pain i am..
    I also thought the same that I wouldn'tfind someone as good-looking as my ex, then I realised that the looks mean absolute jack ****.
    Do you really want someone like that raising your kids? From what I've read, all I can see is that he is abusive, and that you need to leave. he can sweet talk you as much as he likes, it doesn't change the fact that he abuses you and that you are on this forum because you know it is not right..
    you can do 100 times better than this. You don't deserve the abuse ,and it is not your fault.
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    plus he's already cheated on you, what a prize catch this guy is. Would you rather have a Hollister model who treats you like crap or an average-looking guy who makes you feel secure and loved and won't abuse you?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We spoke about it last night, about how we need to sort our issues out if we want to have a family, and to his family is the most important thing so he agreed saying soon we'll have others relying on us..

    The reason I feel I wont find someone better is because he honestly is crazy attractive and I know another guy like that wont look at me again, but despite his looks he wants things like a family and he goes on about how he's going to do everything to support me in every single way, and does make me feel like the most incredible girl so I feel like I just wont get all that again. Maybe someones gonna treat me well, but they wont have all these qualities he does..

    But yes he did tell me I am lucky to have someone who puts up with how much of a pain i am..
    He isnt the only attractive guy in the world. You arent psychic. You may feel like other attractive guys wont treat you like a princess, but that is an opinion not a fact. If youre only with him because he is attractive then no one can really help you here. Yes you said you admire his family orientated views but if he wasnt as good looking, that means you would leave him. Once you boost your self value, you will be able to get over to him and listen to yourself. seriously look at yourself. Tou may think there is so many thins wrong with you, but there are so many things right with you. if you continue to focus on the minor benefits of this relationship and focus on the minor negatives of yourself, there is no escape to this ongoing tragedy. Even if you dont find someone, so what? Why do you need a man to depend on?
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    (Original post by BrokenLife)
    Sorry but don't ever get into a relationship. Men are not worth it. They are heartless creatures with never ending ego. Sorry if I'm generalising but that's I've learnt. There is only one man I know of who is actually a man.
    Wow sooo much ignorance in this post.

    Are you being serious?

    Please tell me you're trolling?
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    (Original post by BrokenLife)
    Sorry but don't ever get into a relationship. Men are not worth it. They are heartless creatures with never ending ego. Sorry if I'm generalising but that's I've learnt. There is only one man I know of who is actually a man.
    Aren't you engaged?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But what do I do if I want to work it out with him if he broke up with me..again? It does feel like it's for good this time because he genuinely doesn't care. I thought it's over for good before but it wasn't. He always came back. And should I go ahead and go out with my friends? Or will that be pushing my luck in terms of getting him back?😕
    You must realise that "breaking up" every 5 minutes isn't normal and doesn't happen in a normal relationship? He sounds far from perfect.

    This is so unhealthy and you deserve so much better. You might feel like you won't find anyone else, but you will, and you'll have the good stuff without all the manipulation.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    Aren't you engaged?
    Her quote is a prime example of pure unfiltered Feminism right here, ladies and gentlemen.:yes:
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    Yes. Sounds like my ex, leave him you'll be much happier for it.

    You're being taken for a mug, he enjoys manipulating you. This nonsense "happy" phase you keep talking about in the relationship is a sham is how he emotionally manipulates you into feeling like you are dependant on him to be happy. He does and says all those nice things to butter you up, so when he leaves over and over again you're a mess and will always take him back when he comes calling. It's power play and it's sickening. I'm sorry but he has no intention of actually sticking with you or being faithful to you or getting a house with you, you are a pawn in a game of chess to him.

    Please for the love of god, wise up and leave him. This is classic emotional abuse.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But what do I do if I want to work it out with him if he broke up with me..again? It does feel like it's for good this time because he genuinely doesn't care. I thought it's over for good before but it wasn't. He always came back. And should I go ahead and go out with my friends? Or will that be pushing my luck in terms of getting him back?😕
    This right here is a classic example of how emotionally abuse partners alienate their partners from their friends and family. They make their partner question every move they make to wonder if they do something if their abuser will leave them again or be angry at them. You shouldn't have to see seeing your friends as "pushing your luck" that is not remotely normal, and someone not in an abusive relationship would never utter those words.

    Please, open your eyes and leave. It's emotional abuse now, but who is to say once you are isolated from all friends and family it won't turn physical?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We spoke about it last night, about how we need to sort our issues out if we want to have a family, and to his family is the most important thing so he agreed saying soon we'll have others relying on us..

    The reason I feel I wont find someone better is because he honestly is crazy attractive and I know another guy like that wont look at me again, but despite his looks he wants things like a family and he goes on about how he's going to do everything to support me in every single way, and does make me feel like the most incredible girl so I feel like I just wont get all that again. Maybe someones gonna treat me well, but they wont have all these qualities he does..

    But yes he did tell me I am lucky to have someone who puts up with how much of a pain i am..

    Sorry, but this is again his way of manipulating you. Telling you all the sweet so and sos about how he wants kids and a big house and a white picket fence with you. But still mentioning to you that you are lucky to have him, because of course no one else would put up with you?

    I cannot even describe how painfully obvious it is to me how much you need to leave him. I feel like I was in the exact same relationship with my ex, he said all the same things to be me. He'd tell me about the cottage we would move into once we finished uni, about the life we'd have. And yes he's even say he would work on his issues, but it was all a farce to butter me up and manipulate me and a couple of days later he'd be angry at me for talking to a guy at uni about a group project. Please, see the wood for the trees and realise this relationship will NEVER work. And you WILL be happy if you leave him, you WILL find someone else and they won't put you down and make you think you deserve to be treated like this.
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    (Original post by Ya Dunno)
    Wow sooo much ignorance in this post.

    Are you being serious?

    Please tell me you're trolling?
    Yes I'm being serious. Its solely based on my experience. I seriously believe that I'd rather have a happy single life than a married life or a life revolving relationships with men or anyone for that matter.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    Aren't you engaged?
    Lol. That's a question. Experience teaches you a lot.
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    (Original post by BrokenLife)
    Yes I'm being serious. Its solely based on my experience. I seriously believe that I'd rather have a happy single life than a married life or a life revolving relationships with men or anyone for that matter.
    That's fair enough, everyone can make their own choice but don't judge every guy as made from the same mold. There are plenty of people in relationships who don't get into arguments at all, in the space of years. I've been in two of these. So it is possible for two people to co-exist. Not every guy is a jerk, and putting it out there that all men are egotistical dirtbags isn't solving anything for anyone, yourself included.
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    He sounds like a prize tosser.

    Being in a relationship is supposed to add something positive to your life and clearly this doesn't.

    Walk away. Seriously. Look after you.
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    (Original post by ron_trns)
    That's fair enough, everyone can make their own choice but don't judge every guy as made from the same mold. There are plenty of people in relationships who don't get into arguments at all, in the space of years. I've been in two of these. So it is possible for two people to co-exist. Not every guy is a jerk, and putting it out there that all men are egotistical dirtbags isn't solving anything for anyone, yourself included.
    Hmm. Its not about getting into arguments. I think arguments are very natural to take place in any arguments. However, again as based on my own experience, men arrgh..sorry I would rather not offend anyone.
 
 
 
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