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My boyfriend is white and I'm a Muslim girl. watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi all... Here goes.

    I'm in love with a non- Muslim, he's white and I cannot see myself with anyone but him.

    My parents:
    My mum is a strict Muslim and prays five times a day, I can't talk to her about anything and I don't really have much of a personal relationship with my mum as she's very quick to judge and doesn't like listening.

    My dad married again in Pakistan but is still married to my mum and she seems to be okay with it but I'm totally against it. He's always messing about and I know he does things that he's not supposed to be doing but when it comes to his daughters he becomes this strict hitler type of man and you can't actually talk to him either.

    My older sister is the golden child and has done everything perfectly in life and has married a Muslim guy and my parents think the sun shines out of her arse.

    My younger sister is kind of like me but no attention is thrown at her because I'm always under the spotlight for " bad child "

    Me: I'm 24, final year at uni, I like to go out and enjoy myself, I don't commit crimes and I just like to live my life... and my boyfriend is 31 and is a well established business man with great values and personality - except he isn't Muslim.

    Long story short : I told my aunties about him and they seemed okay with it at the time until all hell broke loose and she told my mum. Mum said she would disown me if I ever went near him again and that she would die of shame if anyone else were to find out.
    ( my dad still doesn't know but I reckon he would flip out too.)

    I had a massive argument with my aunties and I cut all extended family off because of their negativity and racist behaviour towards it all.

    Till this day it's depressing me day by day as I'm being watched on my every move... And it's come to a point where I just want to run away and that's what il do... But that means I can't return ... Ever.

    Has anyone felt this way before? What shall I do ?!
    Screw your parents. If you love this man and see yourself having a future with him you should continue seeing him. If you are financially stable don't go back to youre parents. Think about it, your dad is a polygmist and your mother is perfectly fine with that. Would you want a husband like that? Its time people letgo of old fashioned tradititions and start living their lives. Good luck to you!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If you were a muslim man you could marry a christian or a jewish woman but if you were to marry your bf your marriage would not be valid unless he converts to islam.
    It may not be valid in her parents' eyes, but as she lives in the UK the marriage would most certainly be valid and recognised by the state.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Shiv is Light)
    Screw your parents. If you love this man and see yourself having a future with him you should continue seeing him. If you are financially stable don't go back to youre parents. Think about it, your dad is a polygmist and your mother is perfectly fine with that. Would you want a husband like that? Its time people letgo of old fashioned tradititions and start living their lives. Good luck to you!
    yes but that doesnt mean she should abandon her religion, fair enough her culture
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    Study Helper
    OP: I'm not Muslim so my comments must be taken in that context.

    Have you watched the film East is East? I think many of the issues you are going through are explored in that movie.

    I will throw in another angle:

    How do you want your own children to be raised and with what values? Would you put your own daughter/s through potentially the same trauma as yourself? Why is it that the women in your parents culture must suffer in silence in loveless marriages while the men literally 'play the field' with no consequences - indeed bigamy is part of the culture?

    If you don't want that miserable existence for them, then you cannot take the risk of an arranged marriage with someone who you barely know and have no idea what they will turn out to be like. You will not only be throwing away your own happiness and freedom for the sake of 'pleasing' your parents, but also potentially condemning your own children and grandchildren to the same fate.

    I know that the person you love is also a risk, but then it's you who has to make that decision either way. But at least you have had the chance of knowing this man and his values over a period of time as well as his family and close friends. So the decision is your own responsibility and what you do cannot be blamed on anyone but yourself.

    You will still be here when your parents are long gone, but you will also be left to deal with the legacy they left for you.

    In the same way that women in your parents culture 'sacrifice' themselves for the sake of their children, you can legitimately do the same by spinning the table and say you don't want them to be raised in such an oppressive culture and so you are prepared to sacrifice the relationship you have with your parents exactly because you don't wish them to live through the awful decisions and grief you are now living through.

    I utterly sympathise with your plight.

    My mother always used to say, 'to thine own self be true'. Perhaps those words will resonate with you too.

    Sincerely good luck whichever decision you make.
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    Any religion which forces you to choose between two things you love so much is seriously messed up.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yes but that doesnt mean she should abandon her religion, fair enough her culture
    I wasn't referring to her religion I was talking about the tradition of marrying another muslim. And if her religion did prevent her she should abandon that too. Lifes too short to please a god we don't know exists.
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    Depends how serious the relationship is, I guess. If it's serious then the choice is between who you'd rather spend your life with from now on; the partner you're in love with or your bigoted, controlling parents.
    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by luminarychild)
    Go for him, If you really love him and he feels the same way

    But I was once was in love with a non muslim white girl too we were together for over a year and my family severed that relationship, even though we both fought so hard. On the plus side both of you are pretty well established so you can take care of yourselves, but honestly you might never see your family again.
    idk why Muslims on here are encouraging her to, if she does run away and live her life of sin then you will get the same sin for encouaging her too. careful with your words
    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by Dinaa)
    Yes, go solo.



    Are you religious? If you are, think about it more? The risks, is he worth it, religion etc.
    (Original post by xsarawr)
    if he makes you happy then you should be with him!!


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    idk why Muslims on here are encouraging her to, if she does run away and live her life of sin then you will get the same sin for encouaging her too. careful with your words
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    As the brilliant Shakespeare said

    This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
    • #2
    #2

    To the Muslims here encouraging her, if she listens to your advice and marry him (which is a sin) then you will get the sin too.
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    If you do that you will be turning your back on Islam and your family. This is your own fault why you weren't up front with them from the beginning if they decide to turn their back on you now you can't blame them.
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    if your religion is more important to you than your boyfriend then you would leave him.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Blood is thicker than water and I know you don't get on with your family much but they are the only people there for you when it really counts.
    Except on those occasions when they aren't. Apparently, fanatical dogma is thicker than either.
    • #7
    #7

    If you are Muslim why did you get into a relationship like this?

    Anyway, you need to think long and hard, as the wrote OP you obviously feel negative about your family, but if you leave them who's to say you won't miss them like crazy and feel lonely a few years down the line.

    Also, are you sure you want to be with this guy forever? If you run away and decide not to stay together, then what?

    Are you sure you're not just trying to rebel because you if your dysfunctional relationship with your parents? You sound bitter about your sister being "good" (what's wrong if she married a Muslim man :s)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If you are Muslim why did you get into a relationship like this?

    Anyway, you need to think long and hard, as the wrote OP you obviously feel negative about your family, but if you leave them who's to say you won't miss them like crazy and feel lonely a few years down the line.

    Also, are you sure you want to be with this guy forever? If you run away and decide not to stay together, then what?

    Are you sure you're not just trying to rebel because you if your dysfunctional relationship with your parents? You sound bitter about your sister being "good" (what's wrong if she married a Muslim man :s)

    That is exactly what I thought. She sounds like a huge self hater.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To the Muslims here encouraging her, if she listens to your advice and marry him (which is a sin) then you will get the sin too.
    Those without sin cast the first stone

    I am sure you are in no place to judge.

    The only person who can judge her is God not you, no offence.

    Seriously, OP if you love him dearly, go for it because you could regret it down the line, love always prevails Good Luck
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    You need to think about properly you said your muslim, so in regards to that have you thought about marriage ? Or how your religion will affect this ? I understand where you coming from but you have to look at the long term. Ive been in a similar situation nothing like this thought. But some muslim pakistani's do marry english guys and girls. PM if you want.
    • #8
    #8

    See where your family's anger truly lies; whether it is because he is not muslim or if he is white. If it is the first, ask your bf if he'd consider converting. If it is the second, then you need to decide if this man is truly who you want to be with because your family will never accept it.
    • #7
    #7

    (Original post by Tom.x.Gotze)
    That is exactly what I thought. She sounds like a huge self hater.
    Thecway the OP is written, it sounds like she's trying to justify her relationship the best she, by focusing on her families negatives, I mean sure her dad doesn't sound great, but why drag drag her sister into it?

    But yeah, she needs to think about it long and hard, and look at things from different angles. How would she raise her children? Is this guy going to stay with her forever? Is religion or this man more important?

    I can't tell her what to do, only she can FAIRLY assess the situation and make her own decision. At the end of the day it's her life, and we Muslims cannot judge her.
 
 
 
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