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    (Original post by Jenx301)
    If you have never lived together then I think you are definitely rushing into things. I know you say you practically live with each other over summer but it really isn't the same thing. Seems a little pointless to me if you are not planning to get married for a long time. You may as well wait until you are ready. You can stay together without needing to have a ring to prove things.
    your point is very valid, but I dont see living together as one of the criteria for engagement. I understand it creates a whole different dynamic, but we manage perfectly fine on holidays and when my parents/his parents are away. we just cannot financially live together right now.

    thanks for your input, I understand where your coming from.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    your point is very valid, but I dont see living together as one of the criteria for engagement. I understand it creates a whole different dynamic, but we manage perfectly fine on holidays and when my parents/his parents are away. we just cannot financially live together right now.

    thanks for your input, I understand where your coming from.
    I understand, but I don't think anyone should get married without having lived together for a while. Going on holiday is a lot different to living together. It does sound like you are sure what you want to do anyway and aren't going to be persuaded so there isn't much point any of us trying to persuade you otherwise.

    Take care and best wishes
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    (Original post by Reue)
    You asked for my views and I gave them. Don't come asking for opinions on a public forum if you are going to get offended by them when they go against your own. Why even ask if you've effectively made up your mind already?



    I thought I was mature at 19, as did every other 19 year old I knew. Almost a decade later and I can assure you that we all now think differently with hindsight. I strongly suspect you will too.



    I dont, and neither does anyone else here. Which again begs the question; why even ask a bunch of strangers for their opinion?




    Do you want advice.. or purely for people to agree with what sounds like an already made decision?
    im not exactly asking for peoples advice, im asking for peoples opinion on my being engaged at a young age. and you gave me that which was great.

    what I didn't appreciate was how you began to slate my relationship and the fact that it will never last, as I quite frankly didn't ask for your opinion on that issue, so of course I was going to get a little defensive.

    hindsight is a fabulous thing, and as we get older we do mature more. the weird thing is I have always been really mature for my age, I do pretty much everything for myself, im solely independent (which is much more than I can say for most of the students I live with haha), and thats why I dont think its fair to tell me that im not mature and im definitely not ready. yet again you do not know me and so cannot comment there.
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    (Original post by stefano865)
    Bad idea.

    You both will change so much in the next ten years.

    25-30 is definitely a better time.
    this is very true, do you think getting engaged would hinder us? if so how? im really curious for peoples views.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    what I didn't appreciate was how you began to slate my relationship
    Where did I say that?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    and the fact that it will never last
    Again; where did I say that?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    and thats why I dont think its fair to tell me that im not mature and im definitely not ready. yet again you do not know me and so cannot comment there.
    Your entire thread is based around asking for people's opinions on whether they think you are too young to be engaged. If people post opinions you disagree with then you cannot simply counter every time with "but you don't know me". Of course we don't know you, so we must base our opinions from our own experiences.
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    (Original post by Jenx301)
    I understand, but I don't think anyone should get married without having lived together for a while. Going on holiday is a lot different to living together. It does sound like you are sure what you want to do anyway and aren't going to be persuaded so there isn't much point any of us trying to persuade you otherwise.

    Take care and best wishes
    I came onto the forum pretty sure I was going to get engaged, I just wanted peoples views on the matter of getting engaged at a young age, I wasnt really asking for your opinions in order to weigh up whether I should or not, I just wanted to see why so many people are against it.

    the problem I see with this is by the time I leave university we will have been together 8 years, and I will be wanting to get married if we are still together by then as when Ii leave uni I would like to start a family when I can. I just dont want a whirlwind engagement with no time to save up for anything, and hence why living together before we get engaged for us two may be a little hard.
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    (Original post by Reue)
    Where did I say that?



    Again; where did I say that?



    Your entire thread is based around asking for people's opinions on whether they think you are too young to be engaged. If people post opinions you disagree with then you cannot simply counter every time with "but you don't know me". Of course we don't know you, so we must base our opinions from our own experiences.
    and im not disputing that at all, im just stating that I came on here knowing I wanted to get engaged, and I was looking for peoples opinions on young engagement and my strange situation to see why so many people think its a bad idea.
    i hate pointing fingers its so catty but you said that most relationships at uni dont last and that implies you have very little faith in ours.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    this is very true, do you think getting engaged would hinder us? if so how? im really curious for peoples views.

    The person you are at 30 will quite simply be in a better position to make a marriage work and last.

    Bear in mind that guys are supposedly not emotionally 'grown up' until their late 20s.

    It is quite common for these young marriages to fail. Hence the term 'starter marriage'.


    http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandst...link-of-an-eye
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I came onto the forum pretty sure I was going to get engaged, I just wanted peoples views on the matter of getting engaged at a young age, I wasnt really asking for your opinions in order to weigh up whether I should or not, I just wanted to see why so many people are against it. .
    I am very confused about what you are after......

    :lolwut:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    and im not disputing that at all, im just stating that I came on here knowing I wanted to get engaged, and I was looking for peoples opinions on young engagement and my strange situation to see why so many people think its a bad idea.
    Seems odd to ask for people's opinions on something you've already decided, but fair enough.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i hate pointing fingers its so catty but you said that most relationships at uni dont last and that implies you have very little faith in ours.
    I did indeed say that most don't last uni and it does imply that on the basis on probability I don't think yours will last. That doesnt mean, and nor did I suggest, that it was a fact that yours would not survive.

    So again, and for the last time, because you did ask for it in the OP.... My personal opinion without knowing you or your particular circumstances are that getting engaged at 19 is a bad idea because a majority of relationships do not last through university and so it would not make sense to me to be getting engaged until after you had survived the university gap.

    Of course I would love for you to prove me wrong so by all means come back here in 3-4 years and quote me in this thread to rub it in about how you had an awesome time at university and cannot wait to get married to your fiancé
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    (Original post by stefano865)
    The person you are at 30 will quite simply be in a better position to make a marriage work and last.

    Bear in mind that guys are supposedly not emotionally 'grown up' until their late 20s.

    It is quite common for these young marriages to fail. Hence the term 'starter marriage'.


    http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandst...link-of-an-eye
    wow ive never heard that term before, learn something new everyday!

    this makes a lot of sense, I understand that maturity plays a huge role in this, and its something im going to consider. i know everyone is different!
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    (Original post by Jenx301)
    I am very confused about what you are after......

    :lolwut:
    literally peoples views on young relationships. after speaking about my situation with friends and family there were many mixed views, some were skeptical and some were happy, others wanted happiness for me but worried I was a little young, and i wanted to explore that a little further and see why people think getting engaged young is a problem/is not a good idea. I used my relationship as an example, but didnt really want you guys to tell me whether I should or shouldnt be getting engaged personally (and definetly not telling me my relationship would never last), I just wanted a general view of everyones opinions on the whole "young engagement matter" but for some reason people on these forums always assume im looking for advice, sorry if my wording was poor.
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    (Original post by Jenx301)
    I am very confused about what you are after......

    :lolwut:
    She wasn't asking for advice as she's sure she's going to go for it. She just wanted to hear people's views so she can understand why people are against it.
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    My view is 19 is too young to be engaged but that is my opinion, just think as a lot of people have already said, you probably least need to be living together first before thinking of engagement.
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    (Original post by Reue)
    Seems odd to ask for people's opinions on something you've already decided, but fair enough.



    I did indeed say that most don't last uni and it does imply that on the basis on probability I don't think yours will last. That doesnt mean, and nor did I suggest, that it was a fact that yours would not survive.

    So again, and for the last time, because you did ask for it in the OP.... My personal opinion without knowing you or your particular circumstances are that getting engaged at 19 is a bad idea because a majority of relationships do not last through university and so it would not make sense to me to be getting engaged until after you had survived the university gap.

    Of course I would love for you to prove me wrong so by all means come back here in 3-4 years and quote me in this thread to rub it in about how you had an awesome time at university and cannot wait to get married to your fiancé
    after reading my OP I do feel I made it clear that I was after general opinions on the matter of young engagement because everyone i have spoken to had so many different opinions. I just threw my relationship in there as its relevant and can be used to gain peoples opinions from. sorry if it was worded poorly but I never wanted advice, just opinions and reasons why people have those opinions.

    your 3rd paragraph here is what I was after, just your opinion and why you think that, I just wanted an insight into what people see when I mention the topic and why i get the responses I do.

    and haha ill be back in 4 years...! in all seriousness I cannot tell you I will definetly be with him in 4 years, nobody knows what will happen, but thats what I want right now and it wont change on my half im pretty sure of that. hopefully i can be back in 4 years proving you wrong!
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    My view is 19 is too young to be engaged but that is my opinion, just think as a lot of people have already said, you probably least need to be living together first before thinking of engagement.
    i understand this.

    would it be different if we had been together for longer, or we were older yet werent living together. I feel like the age and the fact we havent lived together is a deadly combination haha!!

    the reason im asking this is because we probably wont be living together until maybe 4/5 years into the future (so 8/9 years into our relationship) and by that time I would like to think I would be engaged.
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    I do think 19 is quite young and if you've never lived together and you still have many years before the marriage, perhaps hold off on a full engagement? I don't know, maybe you could get semi-engaged now, like wear the ring as a necklace, then when you properly engage, once you're ready to get married (i.e. after uni and all), then put it on your finger and fully engage? Whilst I'm sure you don't think you'll find anyone else, there is always a possibility and if someone else you meet is genuinely better for you (I have no idea how but it could happen), then if you're only half engaged, it might not be as testing on the heart if you were fully engaged? And then if you don't meet anyone and it all goes to plan, it adds to the excitement that most people only get once but you can get twice?
    I don't know, I can't say I have any experience other than from reading but it might be helpful? Good luck whatever you do
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    (Original post by HazMusicPanda)
    I do think 19 is quite young and if you've never lived together and you still have many years before the marriage, perhaps hold off on a full engagement? I don't know, maybe you could get semi-engaged now, like wear the ring as a necklace, then when you properly engage, once you're ready to get married (i.e. after uni and all), then put it on your finger and fully engage? Whilst I'm sure you don't think you'll find anyone else, there is always a possibility and if someone else you meet is genuinely better for you (I have no idea how but it could happen), then if you're only half engaged, it might not be as testing on the heart if you were fully engaged? And then if you don't meet anyone and it all goes to plan, it adds to the excitement that most people only get once but you can get twice?
    I don't know, I can't say I have any experience other than from reading but it might be helpful? Good luck whatever you do
    Ii like your idea, the sad fact is being a doctor I would have to wear my engagement ring on a necklace 99% of the time anyway so it probably wouldnt work for us, as Ii would associate the necklace with half engagement!

    The thing about meeting someone else could happen, but because we have such niche interests and arent really party goers or drinker we rarely find anyone that is even worth being close friends with at uni. and if we do its generally of the same sex haha! its unlikely to happen x
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    Maybe you should try living together without actually getting married as a 'trial'. If you can handle it, get married then, if you cant then you'll know if youre too young. Marriage isn't all lovey dovey.
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    (Original post by Reader106)
    Maybe you should try living together without actually getting married as a 'trial'. If you can handle it, get married then, if you cant then you'll know if youre too young. Marriage isn't all lovey dovey.
    god I wish relationships were all lovey dovey, but that is so far from reality. we passed the absolutely fixated on eachother sort of honeymoon new love stage by 2 years, and we then went on to develop a much deeper love for eachother, he is my best friend, and i genuinly do see us getting married.

    I wish we could trial living together, but its just to expensive and I have no financial means. I dont even have a room at my own house anymore as my family were forced to downsize due to financial reasons, so unless my mum wins the lottery or SFE decide to be uber generous to the both of us, we will crash and burn living together before we have stable jobs and end up in a tent. the sad fact is im probably the best student with my money.

    we currently share a savings account and save up for small things here and there (we went to turkey for 2 weeks in summer, were going to london soon etc, im saving up for a car for my placement years) and both know eachothers finances inside and out (sucks because it makes secret present buying hard) and have spoken about maybe living together in my 4th year (he would move down), but I doubt our financial situation would improve much more than it is at now so we have decided unless the situation changes its not an option as of yet. its just sad as we cant live together properly for years (we pretty much live alone at uni and spend 99% of our time together when were at home, just dont share bills as such yet haha!) so it may be slightly trickier for us!
 
 
 
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