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My boyfriend seriously hit me but this is also our kink ! help? watch

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    (Original post by the bear)
    your English is excellent !
    s̶o̶ So is y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶ ̶!̶ your's!
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    (Original post by Stevo F)
    s̶o̶ So is y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶ ̶!̶ your's!
    cheer's mate !
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    (Original post by garfeeled)
    Traffic light safety words.

    Red = too far stop everything
    Yellow = slow down I'm nearing read
    Green = this is great can go for more.

    That being said you crying and him continuing is very worrying, it implies he is either careless or actively doesn't care both are very dangerous when engaging in risky kinks, especially the last one and I would say ending things probably is the safest and best thing for you to do.

    Now if you have engaged in rape play in the past it is possible he misunderstood and thought that was what was happening in which case I could say that you really need to out right make it clear before hand that it's something you are going to be doing, preferably before hand saying that you want to engage in some rape play. Even so he should be checking on you regularly during (especially with rape play) and the fact he hasn't is also very worrying , it implies once again carelessness or active uncaringness.

    At the very lest you need a serious conversation with him talking through adding more safety measure. Remeber SSC ( safe sane consensual) or RASK (risk awareness consensual kink) or some other similar system in place to make things as clear as possible. Consent is a vitally important thing and always will be.
    ^ bolded

    Is the traffic light thing a normal tactic used for couples that enjoy this type of fetish?
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    This relationship sounds really dangerous. You need to get out ASAP
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    (Original post by xobeauty)
    ^ bolded

    Is the traffic light thing a normal tactic used for couples that enjoy this type of fetish?
    I have been known to use it, not sure if it's common, just sayin
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    (Original post by whorace)
    I have been known to use it, not sure if it's common, just sayin
    Wouldn't that be such a mood killer ?
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    (Original post by redorange666)
    Support team edit 16:30- Yes this is a long post. Please give helpful comments or just don't comment. Posting saying that it is too long or you didn't read it is not helpful.

    So I'm a college law student and my boyfriend is a 30 years old respectable lawyer. Let's start with the fact that I really love him and so does he, he always cares about me first, always texts me even if he's at work, cares about my health more than my family does, is supportive with my anxiety/depression, orders for me, etc.

    Today after college I decided to put up with my boyfriend. The thing is that we were both very tired. We cuddled a bit on his couch, squeezed and dry humped at first until he got really horny. I like it rough, I like to get pinned down, slapped, pushed, dominated verbally and physically; not into extremes (I like to have my breast untouched no matter what, only a gentle grab and that's all). I told my boyfriend about my kink a whole ago and he was like: Oh, I haven't done this at all, honestly, I don't know if I'm into this but I might try to get a bit of dominant with you. So he started to get horny, pinned me down on the couch, squeezed me, grabbed my hands with his hand and started to slap me from slowly to hard. He had saying thing like : ''have you been nice, do you disagree with me?, are you saying something (as in shut up already)" while slapping me.

    I was semi-okay with it. I say semi because he slapped me too many times but I liked it. He, then, got on top of me, hold my hands and gave me a very angry look. We would sometimes stop, chuckle and ask ourselves if we're okay with things we do. He rarely asked me this time but he did a few times though. Fast-forward we do this cuddle-rough-play for a long-ish amount of time.

    Then, out of nowhere, grabbed my hand and dragged me off the couch, dragged me to the middle of the room and told me to get on my knees to do oral. The grab shocked me but the rest was okay, I like to look at him, get slapped and continue to do oral. I was fine with this but the grab! I like to get very submissive and choke, spit. After a while we went on the couch to do vaginal sex and I came first. When he heard my I'm-going-to-*** moans slapped my face and ruined the orgasm.

    I asked him what's the spot on his penis (I couldn't see clearly because it was late but it was a spot !!! not a line or something from the 'scratch' and he said : Oh, I didn't want to upset you the last time we hooked up (3 weeks ago!) but you scratched my penis badly and every time I showered the wound tissue would fall off and the healing cycle would being again plus the fact that towel moves when I'm drying contributed. I told him: Oh, I thought you've been naughty and did some nasty things out there. He replied: I'm very horrified you'd think I'd do this.Yes, it looked like a tiny dot of a healing wound but I didn't bite his ****...wouldn't that leave a line instead of a dot? It looked like a scab indeed but I couldn't see it clearly. He couldn't come anymore because of what I said and of me proceeding to lay down and breathe like a steamy pot and not wanting to do anything with my vagina/mouth.

    After that we went to bed because I wanted to comfortably lay down. I hugged him and said: I came fast because I skipped few doses of my antidepressants. The hell here began: he started to slap my face really badly few times while saying in an angry tone: ''I knew you would do this, I knew you would do a ******** mistake" until I burst out crying and roll over to turn my back on him and the face buried in the bed. He grabbed me, turned me around and slapped me few times again even though I was crying like a newborn! (it's not a big deal to me personally that I skipped a few doses, he knows this). After this, I hugged him and continued to cry even harder while trying to say: you hit too hard. He said: you deserve even worse for doing that. Then he gently rolled over me, grabbed my head and proceed to repeatedly kiss my lips fast asking me if I'm okay. After I calmed down I went in the living room sitting on the couch alone. As I walked through the hall, he was behind me and I nervously laughed about how hard he hit me. He jokingly told me to walk faster in a rude way and I told him: you do that! He slap-punched my vagina because I turn around while saying that...Ouchie

    We went to cuddle on the couch and I told him to stop swearing. He said: no, I do whatever I want, I'm the leader. I told him no, not when you're swearing. I'm NOT okay with this. I started to cry again. He said if I stop crying he would stop swearing me from now on. We agreed. He told me he felt really bad when I started to cry and didn't want to cuddle me anymore because I was crying even more and that would make him angry(angrier?). Let's not mention he always pinches me really hard no matter when/what we do. He says he feels good after doing so.So what can I do? I talked to him about it and he said he's only doing this only if provoked, only if I push him first/say a rude thing due to his volcanic temper. He also said if he's coming home and I waste my time instead of cooking dinner he'd get mad and start to swear at me.

    I love him so much... If you've reached this far I thank you for reading and I'm yearning to read your comments. I also apologize for my English, I'm not a native. I hope I haven't forgotten something. Thank you again!
    read thread title and the the first line and first thought was "is this 50 Shades of Law?" :lol:
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    (Original post by xobeauty)
    Wouldn't that be such a mood killer ?
    Absolutely, it's why you do it properly in the first place, it should be more of an instinctive rather than a conscious thing, if you're uncomfortable with something you shouldn't think 'oh I might go red in a minute' it should be - 'RED!!!'. It can be prevented by simple intuition, idk about the original poster but when i'm intimate with someone I can generally tell if they are enjoying it or not even when it's playful and acting.
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    (Original post by xobeauty)
    Is the traffic light thing a normal tactic used for couples that enjoy this type of fetish?
    Yes.

    Wouldn't that be such a mood killer ?
    No.

    Alternative 'I'm ok / stop' signals exist, including hand squeezes (one person does one, second does two to say 'ok') or dropping something noisy to say 'stop'.

    All of them mean someone gets to go 'Ha, ha, ha, ha, I have all the power' while minimising the risk that it's going to go horribly wrong, as here.
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    leave him. 100% get out of there, to me it just seems like something could so easily happen that would seriously hurt you. i don't know if its just me, but he seems to like getting off of how vulnerable you are. theres having kinks and theres being manipulative.
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    Code word.

    But seriously couldn't tell this was your second language

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    feel like im reading 50 shades of grey
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    (Original post by redorange666)
    Support team edit 16:30- Yes this is a long post. Please give helpful comments or just don't comment. Posting saying that it is too long or you didn't read it is not helpful.

    So I'm a college law student and my boyfriend is a 30 years old respectable lawyer. Let's start with the fact that I really love him and so does he, he always cares about me first, always texts me even if he's at work, cares about my health more than my family does, is supportive with my anxiety/depression, orders for me, etc.

    Today after college I decided to put up with my boyfriend. The thing is that we were both very tired. We cuddled a bit on his couch, squeezed and dry humped at first until he got really horny. I like it rough, I like to get pinned down, slapped, pushed, dominated verbally and physically; not into extremes (I like to have my breast untouched no matter what, only a gentle grab and that's all). I told my boyfriend about my kink a whole ago and he was like: Oh, I haven't done this at all, honestly, I don't know if I'm into this but I might try to get a bit of dominant with you. So he started to get horny, pinned me down on the couch, squeezed me, grabbed my hands with his hand and started to slap me from slowly to hard. He had saying thing like : ''have you been nice, do you disagree with me?, are you saying something (as in shut up already)" while slapping me.

    I was semi-okay with it. I say semi because he slapped me too many times but I liked it. He, then, got on top of me, hold my hands and gave me a very angry look. We would sometimes stop, chuckle and ask ourselves if we're okay with things we do. He rarely asked me this time but he did a few times though. Fast-forward we do this cuddle-rough-play for a long-ish amount of time.

    Then, out of nowhere, grabbed my hand and dragged me off the couch, dragged me to the middle of the room and told me to get on my knees to do oral. The grab shocked me but the rest was okay, I like to look at him, get slapped and continue to do oral. I was fine with this but the grab! I like to get very submissive and choke, spit. After a while we went on the couch to do vaginal sex and I came first. When he heard my I'm-going-to-*** moans slapped my face and ruined the orgasm.

    I asked him what's the spot on his penis (I couldn't see clearly because it was late but it was a spot !!! not a line or something from the 'scratch' and he said : Oh, I didn't want to upset you the last time we hooked up (3 weeks ago!) but you scratched my penis badly and every time I showered the wound tissue would fall off and the healing cycle would being again plus the fact that towel moves when I'm drying contributed. I told him: Oh, I thought you've been naughty and did some nasty things out there. He replied: I'm very horrified you'd think I'd do this.Yes, it looked like a tiny dot of a healing wound but I didn't bite his ****...wouldn't that leave a line instead of a dot? It looked like a scab indeed but I couldn't see it clearly. He couldn't come anymore because of what I said and of me proceeding to lay down and breathe like a steamy pot and not wanting to do anything with my vagina/mouth.

    After that we went to bed because I wanted to comfortably lay down. I hugged him and said: I came fast because I skipped few doses of my antidepressants. The hell here began: he started to slap my face really badly few times while saying in an angry tone: ''I knew you would do this, I knew you would do a ******** mistake" until I burst out crying and roll over to turn my back on him and the face buried in the bed. He grabbed me, turned me around and slapped me few times again even though I was crying like a newborn! (it's not a big deal to me personally that I skipped a few doses, he knows this). After this, I hugged him and continued to cry even harder while trying to say: you hit too hard. He said: you deserve even worse for doing that. Then he gently rolled over me, grabbed my head and proceed to repeatedly kiss my lips fast asking me if I'm okay. After I calmed down I went in the living room sitting on the couch alone. As I walked through the hall, he was behind me and I nervously laughed about how hard he hit me. He jokingly told me to walk faster in a rude way and I told him: you do that! He slap-punched my vagina because I turn around while saying that...Ouchie

    We went to cuddle on the couch and I told him to stop swearing. He said: no, I do whatever I want, I'm the leader. I told him no, not when you're swearing. I'm NOT okay with this. I started to cry again. He said if I stop crying he would stop swearing me from now on. We agreed. He told me he felt really bad when I started to cry and didn't want to cuddle me anymore because I was crying even more and that would make him angry(angrier?). Let's not mention he always pinches me really hard no matter when/what we do. He says he feels good after doing so.So what can I do? I talked to him about it and he said he's only doing this only if provoked, only if I push him first/say a rude thing due to his volcanic temper. He also said if he's coming home and I waste my time instead of cooking dinner he'd get mad and start to swear at me.

    I love him so much... If you've reached this far I thank you for reading and I'm yearning to read your comments. I also apologize for my English, I'm not a native. I hope I haven't forgotten something. Thank you again!
    Hit him in the balls. Then that becomes your kink
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    He sounds like a possible psychopath/sociopath if he doesn't care about your boundaries. Even if he may be empathetic, he's an abuser using kink as a way of releasing his anger. He would provide the correct after care if he was interested in doing it safely. Babe, just leave immediately, pack your stuff and leave, he's not worth it xxx
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    Doesn't look like he understands the implicit boundaries on these kinks i.e. you only want hitting during sexual activity. So make them explicit and use a safe word.

    It is weird that he carried on hitting you and telling you off for everything but it doesn't really seem like "domestic abuse", more like a misunderstanding.
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    (Original post by TheGreatImposter)
    How are people okay with what just happened?

    Even if you skip the fact that she's into this kinky stuff and asked to be dominated it does NOT give him the right to act like a ****, especially if you read the last two paragraphs you'll see some of the stuff he did was not in a sexual setting either e.g. slapping her when she forgot her antidepressants or pinching her etc.

    OP, please get out of this relationship. It sounds abusive. Please stay safe x
    Christ almighty! I second your this response
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    (Original post by shawtyb)
    feel like im reading 50 shades of grey
    PRSOM, so true
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    Christ almighty! I second your this response
    i can tolerate most things for example (in any context) hair pulling, nudges etc, slapping = starting to make me mad but pinching? wow that makes me go from 'cool' to 'im gonna rip your ****ing head off' in like 0.2 seconds

    pinching is my red button
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    (Original post by shawtyb)
    i can tolerate most things for example (in any context) hair pulling, nudges etc, slapping = starting to make me mad but pinching? wow that makes me go from 'cool' to 'im gonna rip your ****ing head off' in like 0.2 seconds

    pinching is my red button
    Pinching is abuse! I would contact the police
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    (Original post by xobeauty)
    ^ bolded

    Is the traffic light thing a normal tactic used for couples that enjoy this type of fetish?
    Reasonably common, at least with the people I know. It's a reasonably simple but rather effective safety system.


    (Original post by xobeauty)
    Wouldn't that be such a mood killer ?
    With calling red that's the point, things have gone to far and they need to stop, killing the mood in that situation isn't a bad thing. but with the others it's better to be safe than sorry and the more experience people become the better they can intergrate them, instead of words they can have actions or they can disguise code words to fit better into the roles they are into (apart from red which a lot of people leave alone).
 
 
 
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