How the **** do people let things get to this point...? I'll never understand.
Secret Affair - He's older and married Watch
- 22-02-2016 15:58
- Political Ambassador
- 22-02-2016 16:05
- 22-02-2016 16:05
I'm going to answer with a simple turn of phrase:
"You can't eat your cake, and have it too."
(Original post by Anonymous)
- 22-02-2016 16:05
Please please no judging. I just need advice
I have been seeing someone for the last 3 months and we have completely fallen in love with each other. Our relationship is far from perfect though. I am 21 and he is 37. He is married with 2 children and I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years. And he is a colleague of mine.
I know that I sound beyond foolish and naive, but honestly we are completely love with each other. I have never felt love like this and he tells me the same. He isn't the type of man to lie to get me into bed or anything, we truly do have a connection, I know this for sure. I know he's not using me because he spends all his spare time with me and treats me with complete respect.
Things with my boyfriend have been bad for about 6 months but I can't hurt him by leaving him, because I care for him so so much. Also my family and his would be broken if we split up, I feel so trapped...
Please, someone give me some advice I feel like I'm going crazy.
Dump your boyfriend and come clean to his wife (or give him an ultimatum). That would be the right thing to do but you won't do it so it wouldn't matter.
Have a nice day.
- 22-02-2016 16:07
Thanks for restoring my faith in relationships
- 22-02-2016 16:34
I'm sorry but I can't really be compassionate in cases like this. Irrespective of whether you and your boyfriend have issues. You and him have been together for five years- that's a long time. Do you feel the spark has gone in your relationship (so strongly) that you felt the need to go behind his back and cheat with a married man?
You need to think back to the time you first got with your boyfriend- what were the initial feelings/attraction? It is this that should be moulding you together- if it isn't (which it seems not) or you no longer feel the same you should really break up with him. Or at least, you should've already worked this out (I'm working backwards here).
I think you've been extremely disrespectful of your boyfriend here. You so consumed with your 'presumed love' of (more like infatuation) this married man- you've had fair share of the forbidden fruit- and at the young age of 21 you are just 'eye-candy' and nothing but sex to him. I highly doubt he will leave his wife and children for you- highly- and if he does he is a scumbag of the lowest form.
Throughout your post you bang on about his bloke like he is 'god's gift to women', I think you mention your boyfriend once or twice. Not even a single consideration for his feelings (might I add).
It would be interesting to know exactly what you like about having a married man. Is it the taboo? The sex? In what way is he better than your boyfriend?
You write about how you don't want to hurt boyfriends' feelings or 'cheat' on him. I think you've already done both of those. Too late.
But I won't talk much more about him or you. The real people I feel sorry for is first and foremost your boyfriend, but also, his family.
You'll get no sympathy from me. But what I have given you is a good 'ol kick in the teeth, because I think you needed this to wake up to the reality.
You've opened up many cans of worms here. Firstly, you've completely destroyed your own relationship- or what was left of it. Having issues in your current relationship is absolutely no excuse (doesn't make it justifiable). Many will disagree here but so what.
You've betrayed and more than likely have upset his family- and yours- as I assume after five years they are close to him.
Secondly, you've allowed a married man to effectively 'use' you for his gratification (as he isn't gonna leave his wife regardless of your belief), and had your three months of fun or whatever.
Now the harsh reality....
Thirdly, you've established yourself in the eyes of many as a 'home-wrecker'- not a very good reputation to have- as well as potentially destroyed a family.
Fourthly, his wife will hate you and his children will grow up to resent you as some randy whore that ruined their childhood and took away their familial stability. Believe me- I've had a wicked woman I called 'Step-mum' do that.
Finally, you have ruined your lover's life. There is no way he will actually get with you after this, he'll likely get a dose of reality and wake up and probably resent you- despite sharing culpability.
All in all: You've ruined at least five peoples lives, many of whom will scorn you and potentially give you a bad reputation.
Do as you want- but be rest assured we all told you.
- 22-02-2016 17:04
Honestly I've never understood how the conversation starts for stuff like this to happen... if you think he loves you, I'm pretty sure he tells his wife he same thing, but he's cheating on her, and if he's willing to cheat on his wife, that should be a sign he can't be trusted. You seem to think this old guy loves you which quite frankly, is unlikely. He is manipulating you, and you're playing along. You're 21 years old, he's 37. First red flag there that you're being objectified and don't seem to see that. Second red flag, the guys married. Take the kids out the equation, it's still a HUGE no-go. Now put his kids in the equation, you've got a 37 year old married man with children having an affair with a 21 year old, who doesn't want to "hurt" her boyfriend... Christ. You're very misled, whenever someone starts a sentence with "no judgement", it usually implies they think they've done something wrong but you only seem concerned about you and the old guy... never understood how a man could stoop that low and a woman could simply abide by that. What you're both doing, in every sense of the word, is very, very wrong. I feel mostly for his wife and children and your boyfriend. I'm not trying to be malicious, or launch a personal attack as I know none of the people in question, but judging purely from actions, it's really really sad to hear that somewhere there's a wife that believes her husband is faithful, children who look up to that man and you being taken advantage of and not seeing it. So please, end the affair, come clean to your boyfriend after breaking up with him and start fresh in a new relationship. Nothing more needs to be done or said, just please, end the affairLast edited by BigPoppa; 22-02-2016 at 17:23.
- 22-02-2016 17:42
I hope this is a troll. It makes me depressed to think that such miserable cretins exist in the world....