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Did I act cold towards my friend? watch

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    (Original post by and another one)
    :lolwut:
    Why else would someone be so damn hesitant to show a tiny amount of physical intimacy TO A FRIEND IN CLEAR NEED?

    I just do not get it. It is as bizarre to me as someone who did believe that anyone who likes hugging would love a good fingering swiftly afterwards.
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    (Original post by Withengar)
    Let me get this straight.

    Your friend, who is is not eating, is unhappy with her relationship and life in general, starts to cry and you just sit there and wait for her to stop? I think that no matter how "huggy" you are, she deserved some kind of acknowledgement, some kind of comforting gesture or act. Hold her hand, hug over over the shoulders, talk to her, tell will it will all be alright. Don't just sit there and pretend nothing is happening. Honestly, I'm not sure I would even consider you a friend after that point.

    I think we seriously need to consider that machines will take over the world. With this heartless robot over here, it's obvious they're already out there.
    I listened, talked things through with her (best I could), sat with her outside for our dinner hour then sent her a text afterwards. I just don't hug (unless someone else initiates it) or show much affection I just think of ways to solve problems logically. I don't like being hugged either unless I have a crush on the person so can't relate to the huggy culture which seems to have got more prominent the older I've got ha.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I listened, talked things through with her (best I could), sat with her outside for our dinner hour then sent her a text afterwards. I just don't hug (unless someone else initiates it) or show much affection I just think of ways to solve problems logically. I don't like being hugged either unless I have a crush on the person so can't relate to the huggy culture which seems to have got more prominent the older I've got ha.
    Sounds just like something a robot would say.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    It sounds like you don't really care, if you loved her you would attempt to make her feel better even if you're not a huggy type of person.

    I'm not either, hugs when someone is crying makes me cringe, but I'd still do it if I knew my friend needed one. y'know?
    I did attempt to make her feel better by sitting with her in the cold for an hour (she had a cig), listening, reassuring her, thinking how to solve the issue. she said thanks afterwards. Then I texted her on my way home. I'm still thinking of how to solve her issue now but it's a difficult one, just didn't think that not hugging was a big no no y'know no?
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    (Original post by Withengar)
    Sounds just like something a robot would say.
    I don't mind being robot like they work off logic rather than feelings, my bf said I'm a cold person too but I do what I can to help/support him. I just think logically like what's best for people bro
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    Why else would someone be so damn hesitant to show a tiny amount of physical intimacy TO A FRIEND IN CLEAR NEED?

    I just do not get it. It is as bizarre to me as someone who did believe that anyone who likes hugging would love a good fingering swiftly afterwards.
    That attitudes not very open minded to me as not everyone hugs, you do it, others don't. Some people hug people all the time yet don't really care for them. How come it can't work the other way.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That attitudes not very open minded to me as not everyone hugs, you do it, others don't. Some people hug people all the time yet don't really care for them. How come it can't work the other way.
    I understand that. I understand that it can make you uncomfortable. HOWEVER.

    If you are a friend you would surely compromise by accepting some personal discomfort for a short while IF you know it would help your friend. Your friend opened up to you unlike normal. she was clearly in need of emotional aid. You could have really helped her and yes it would have 'hurt' you but unless you have a serious serious phobia of personal intimacy (which I suggest you go to the doctor about because that cannot be healthy... and will certainly **** up any relationship prospects you may have) it probably would not have hurt you anywhere near as much as it would have helped your friend.
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    I understand that. I understand that it can make you uncomfortable. HOWEVER.

    If you are a friend you would surely compromise by accepting some personal discomfort for a short while IF you know it would help your friend. Your friend opened up to you unlike normal. she was clearly in need of emotional aid. You could have really helped her and yes it would have 'hurt' you but unless you have a serious serious phobia of personal intimacy (which I suggest you go to the doctor about because that cannot be healthy... and will certainly **** up any relationship prospects you may have) it probably would not have hurt you anywhere near as much as it would have helped your friend.
    So I did a **** job despite sitting in the cold with her for an hour listening, it felt like I put effort in but I shouldn't have bothered at all looking at the replies on here. I just don't hug doesn't feel right, my mum and aunts don't either, I think it was more accepted in their day though and I'm just unfortnate to be in this culture. I mustn't be a friend then using your logic. Don't mind touching animals and comforting them physically it's just people. People have relationships but are not the huggy/kissy types (I'd rather hug than kiss hate kissing). I went to some doctors/counsellor with my bf due to lack of sexual desire/passion my boyfriend said I was abnormal lol. My tests were normal and I was told there was nothing wrong with me but they said that he had 'disordered desire' whatever this means, unless he's disordered for desiring me lol. But yea you get all sorts of weird characters these days trans/homo's/grey asexuals so I shouldn't be feeling that abnormal.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I did a **** job despite sitting in the cold with her for an hour listening, it felt like I put effort in but I shouldn't have bothered at all looking at the replies on here. I just don't hug doesn't feel right, my mum and aunts don't either, I think it was more accepted in their day though and I'm just unfortnate to be in this culture. I mustn't be a friend then using your logic. Don't mind touching animals and comforting them physically it's just people. People have relationships but are not the huggy/kissy types (I'd rather hug than kiss hate kissing). I went to some doctors/counsellor with my bf due to lack of sexual desire/passion my boyfriend said I was abnormal lol. My tests were normal and I was told there was nothing wrong with me but they said that he had 'disordered desire' whatever this means, unless he's disordered for desiring me lol. But yea you get all sorts of weird characters these days trans/homo's/grey asexuals so I shouldn't be feeling that abnormal.
    You did what you could. You sat outside for an hour and listened to her and helped her.

    Hugging is a cultural thing. In some cultures, hugging is considered weird. In ours, it's seen as a positive thing.

    A diagnosis of sexual desire disorder should only really be made if it causes distress.

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    Hmm it's tricky because I can relate to not being huggy. Sometimes when someone is upset I find it hard knowing what to do with comforting people. Does that make sense to you? Also does that mean we don't care or just find it hard to give the right response?

    Other times I might even just put my hand on theirs or their shoulder but it's hard sometimes knowing how to make a situation better.
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    (Original post by Katty3)
    You did what you could. You sat outside for an hour and listened to her and helped her.

    Hugging is a cultural thing. In some cultures, hugging is considered weird. In ours, it's seen as a positive thing.

    A diagnosis of sexual desire disorder should only really be made if it causes distress.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Yea I am English and so it is part of my culture but even so I've never been touchy/feely huggy, my mum isn't either. I suppose it only feels right with someone I'm in a relationship with but even then it doesn't come natural.

    I got a bit confused about what she meant exactly with the 'disordered desire' comment she made to my bf, I tried googling it but only found 'sexual desire disorder' unless it's the same thing. Well it was causing him distress but only because he was in the relationship with me.
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    (Original post by DanielleT192)
    Hmm it's tricky because I can relate to not being huggy. Sometimes when someone is upset I find it hard knowing what to do with comforting people. Does that make sense to you? Also does that mean we don't care or just find it hard to give the right response?

    Other times I might even just put my hand on theirs or their shoulder but it's hard sometimes knowing how to make a situation better.
    Yes hard knowing what to do and it's like the hug would be just too much for me so I think I might as well do what's natural to me rather than pretend. A hug outside a relationship just feels wrong to me, I know it's not wrong and many people benefit from it but it's like the sensation is too much. I didn't even think of the hand on shoulder thing lol.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes hard knowing what to do and it's like the hug would be just too much for me so I think I might as well do what's natural to me rather than pretend. A hug outside a relationship just feels wrong to me, I know it's not wrong and many people benefit from it but it's like the sensation is too much. I didn't even think of the hand on shoulder thing lol.
    Yeah I don't know where I started the whole hand on shoulder thing lol might seem a wee bit condescending, I don't know but it feels natural to me.

    Personally, doing what is natural is what's best, although I don't know if that's the best advice, speaking from someone who's the same as you. There's more than one way of comforting a person and I'm sure that your friend will know you by now to know you're just not the huggy type.

    Also my mum is the same and we never hug each other or say anything like we love each other etc. We just listen and get like tissues or water or something to cheer each other up or show our support.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I did a **** job despite sitting in the cold with her for an hour listening, it felt like I put effort in but I shouldn't have bothered at all looking at the replies on here. I just don't hug doesn't feel right, my mum and aunts don't either, I think it was more accepted in their day though and I'm just unfortnate to be in this culture. I mustn't be a friend then using your logic. Don't mind touching animals and comforting them physically it's just people. People have relationships but are not the huggy/kissy types (I'd rather hug than kiss hate kissing). I went to some doctors/counsellor with my bf due to lack of sexual desire/passion my boyfriend said I was abnormal lol. My tests were normal and I was told there was nothing wrong with me but they said that he had 'disordered desire' whatever this means, unless he's disordered for desiring me lol. But yea you get all sorts of weird characters these days trans/homo's/grey asexuals so I shouldn't be feeling that abnormal.
    Hey, you tried, right?

    Maybe she was happy with it Ask her what she'd like in that scenario in the future? Ask how her you can help her. Maybe that would make it less comfortable for you ? I mean, you obviously felt like she wanted to be hugged or you wouldn't have made this thread...
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    (Original post by DanielleT192)
    Yeah I don't know where I started the whole hand on shoulder thing lol might seem a wee bit condescending, I don't know but it feels natural to me.

    Personally, doing what is natural is what's best, although I don't know if that's the best advice, speaking from someone who's the same as you. There's more than one way of comforting a person and I'm sure that your friend will know you by now to know you're just not the huggy type.

    Also my mum is the same and we never hug each other or say anything like we love each other etc. We just listen and get like tissues or water or something to cheer each other up or show our support.
    I wouldn't say it's condescending if it's in done a supportive context it's probably a more accepted method than doing nothing like me. Same, my family never hug, kiss or say I love you it would feel so uncomfortable and weird but it's just always been the norm in my family. I've never seen my parents do this with each other either yet it's obvious they care about each other.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I wouldn't say it's condescending if it's in done a supportive context it's probably a more accepted method than doing nothing like me. Same, my family never hug, kiss or say I love you it would feel so uncomfortable and weird but it's just always been the norm in my family. I've never seen my parents do this with each other either yet it's obvious they care about each other.
    Aww I wouldn't rule out what you have done though. You listened and gave her advice and that sometimes is enough for some people. Maybe if you feel that way and if she or someone else is upset, you can try a gesture like above or even a quick hug? Then you can know for sure.

    The fact you've posted shows to me you do care and want other people to know what is 'normal' but frankly everyone's different. If you do feel that maybe you could have hugged her to show her a bit more support then you can try it next time and see how you are.

    I'm the same nobody in this house are affectionate. My dad is the opposite though and used to always try and hug us and kiss us but I found it so cringy and I found from my dad that love isn't just about words and gestures. Haha too deep here 😛
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    Tbh me and my friend of 13 yrs never really hugged each other. If one of us is upset then we tend to just listen, give advice and joke about something to lighten the mood. Thats just how things always have been.
 
 
 
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