Don't know whether to be flattered or disgusted...

Not really, I'm exhausted but I have slides to put together from a long ass chapter for a presentation on Friday!

What book?

Will you help me with it if I tell you?

Possibly, if I know it and like it

x

So I went out for a spot of lunch this afternoon and had a fondue, rather enjoyed it. The type with skewer-type utensils that you stab your food with to pick it up. I'd been having a cheeky flirt with our waitress, what a gorgeous set of buttocks she had

After I'd finished eating, the same waitress took my plate away and went around the bar, almost round the corner to some sinks but she was still just about in clear view from my seat, and I was having another look at that fantastic ass.

Here's where it gets odd. She put my plate in the sink. She then took the skewer I was eating from and started sucking it, then popped it in her pocket and disappeared round the back somewhere. What on Earth...

I feel weirded out, obviously. Did she just fancy a bit of what was left on the stick and thought I looked in good hygeine (maybe similar to how a lot of people would still drink a beverage if someone they fancied spat in it)? Why did she keep the stick, though... Hopefully she's not gathered our mixed DNA on a stick and is planning to create a test tube baby (which, thankfully, I don't think is possible).

My head is genuinely a little bit of a mess right now.

So I went out for a spot of lunch this afternoon and had a fondue, rather enjoyed it. The type with skewer-type utensils that you stab your food with to pick it up. I'd been having a cheeky flirt with our waitress, what a gorgeous set of buttocks she had

After I'd finished eating, the same waitress took my plate away and went around the bar, almost round the corner to some sinks but she was still just about in clear view from my seat, and I was having another look at that fantastic ass.

Here's where it gets odd. She put my plate in the sink. She then took the skewer I was eating from and started sucking it, then popped it in her pocket and disappeared round the back somewhere. What on Earth...

I feel weirded out, obviously. Did she just fancy a bit of what was left on the stick and thought I looked in good hygeine (maybe similar to how a lot of people would still drink a beverage if someone they fancied spat in it)? Why did she keep the stick, though... Hopefully she's not gathered our mixed DNA on a stick and is planning to create a test tube baby (which, thankfully, I don't think is possible).

My head is genuinely a little bit of a mess right now.

Next time on things that never happened

GUMI's real parents deciding to keep him upon his birth

So I went out for a spot of lunch this afternoon and had a fondue, rather enjoyed it. The type with skewer-type utensils that you stab your food with to pick it up. I'd been having a cheeky flirt with our waitress, what a gorgeous set of buttocks she had

After I'd finished eating, the same waitress took my plate away and went around the bar, almost round the corner to some sinks but she was still just about in clear view from my seat, and I was having another look at that fantastic ass.

Here's where it gets odd. She put my plate in the sink. She then took the skewer I was eating from and started sucking it, then popped it in her pocket and disappeared round the back somewhere. What on Earth...

I feel weirded out, obviously. Did she just fancy a bit of what was left on the stick and thought I looked in good hygeine (maybe similar to how a lot of people would still drink a beverage if someone they fancied spat in it)? Why did she keep the stick, though... Hopefully she's not gathered our mixed DNA on a stick and is planning to create a test tube baby (which, thankfully, I don't think is possible).

My head is genuinely a little bit of a mess right now.

I smell a troll.

Actually it is, the cells inside your mouth contain your entire genome, and there's enough of that in a single drop of saliva - dried or not - to take that whole copy of your genome from.

In theory, at least. In practice, your waitress would have to have some ludicrously expensive equipment to hand.

So I went out for a spot of lunch this afternoon and had a fondue, rather enjoyed it. The type with skewer-type utensils that you stab your food with to pick it up. I'd been having a cheeky flirt with our waitress, what a gorgeous set of buttocks she had

After I'd finished eating, the same waitress took my plate away and went around the bar, almost round the corner to some sinks but she was still just about in clear view from my seat, and I was having another look at that fantastic ass.

Here's where it gets odd. She put my plate in the sink. She then took the skewer I was eating from and started sucking it, then popped it in her pocket and disappeared round the back somewhere. What on Earth...

I feel weirded out, obviously. Did she just fancy a bit of what was left on the stick and thought I looked in good hygeine (maybe similar to how a lot of people would still drink a beverage if someone they fancied spat in it)? Why did she keep the stick, though... Hopefully she's not gathered our mixed DNA on a stick and is planning to create a test tube baby (which, thankfully, I don't think is possible).

My head is genuinely a little bit of a mess right now.

I am just curious: as a figment of your imagination, does this woman possess any special dietary requirements?

That's pretty weird