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how to overcome performance anxiety watch

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    (Original post by Virgili)
    Wow you sexist pig, I shouldn't say that pigs have rights too.

    I'm trying to make OP feel better about his floppy disk.
    I know, why does man become anxious at the wrong time

    Lmao
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I suppose the issue i'm having is that i still keep thinking about "what if this happens next time? I can't let it happen next time". Even if I tell myself I'm not going to think about it when the time comes, I know I'm going to. I've never had any issues before and now this has happened I'm not sure how I stop it from affecting me.
    Yep, it's a horrible spiral.

    The plus side is that 'success' - you need to think about what that would be - will greatly reduce the thoughts, so the question is how to get there.

    What would take the pressure off you? Being tied up so you're 'not responsible' for what happens? An agreement that you're just going to do other stuff and not have intercourse for a week? (That's a typical sex therapy order, but the expectation is that the clients will ignore it when there's both an erection and desire.) Remembering the times it didn't happen? Focusing on what you're feeling physically at any given moment? Something else?
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    (Original post by samina_ay)
    I know, why does man become anxious at the wrong time

    Lmao
    Well because there is pressure. An erection is kind of instrumental for sex so if there isn't one then it isn't going to happen.

    Anyway, thinking back it wasn't even that I was nervous or anything really. I spent too much time concentrating on her needs and then when I lost it I panicked a little bit and couldn't get going again.

    I don't think you understand how frustrating this is.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well because there is pressure. An erection is kind of instrumental for sex so if there isn't one then it isn't going to happen.

    Anyway, thinking back it wasn't even that I was nervous or anything really. I spent too much time concentrating on her needs and then when I lost it I panicked a little bit and couldn't get going again.

    I don't think you understand how frustrating this is.
    I have anxiety myself - so i know how it is. Your gf should do foreplay - so you won't lose it
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    (Original post by unprinted)
    Yep, it's a horrible spiral.

    The plus side is that 'success' - you need to think about what that would be - will greatly reduce the thoughts, so the question is how to get there.

    What would take the pressure off you? Being tied up so you're 'not responsible' for what happens? An agreement that you're just going to do other stuff and not have intercourse for a week? (That's a typical sex therapy order, but the expectation is that the clients will ignore it when there's both an erection and desire.) Remembering the times it didn't happen? Focusing on what you're feeling physically at any given moment? Something else?
    I really can't say what would take the pressure off. I don't really want to tell her I don't want to have penetrative sex though because we haven't actually done it properly yet. On the drunken night she had some issues that got in the way and we had to stop half way through.

    I just need to relax. I'm thinking of making sure we have one or two drinks before anything happens (one or two, not so much that I am drunk). I have 2 weeks before I will see her again so I have time to try and forget about it.
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    (Original post by samina_ay)
    I have anxiety myself - so i know how it is. Your gf should do foreplay - so you won't lose it
    This is what I think. I mean, am i expected to just get off on kissing and seeing her naked while she probably needs a little bit of help to get off?
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    take some pre workout, I would recommend jack3d
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is what I think. I mean, am i expected to just get off on kissing and seeing her naked while she probably needs a little bit of help to get off?
    She needs to help you out.. lol
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    (Original post by samina_ay)
    I have anxiety myself - so i know how it is. Your gf should do foreplay - so you won't lose it
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think you understand how frustrating this is.
    It's frustrating for the girl as well getting her all worked up for nothing
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    (Original post by samina_ay)
    She needs to help you out.. lol
    Do girls need to be asked? The girls I've been with in the past have just went ahead and done things without me asking (at least for the first few times) just like I went down on her without asking.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Do girls need to be asked? The girls I've been with in the past have just went ahead and done things without me asking (at least for the first few times) just like I went down on her without asking.
    You ask her haha
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    (Original post by samina_ay)
    You ask her haha
    I didn't know there were girls who had to be asked to touch my penis during sex, I just assumed they would.

    I guess we should just have the talk about what we like and I'll bring up that I would like a little bit more foreplay on my end.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I didn't know there were girls who had to be asked to touch my penis during sex, I just assumed they would.

    I guess we should just have the talk about what we like and I'll bring up that I would like a little bit more foreplay on my end.
    She might not have been in an intimate relationship before? Or she might not have been in that similar situation before, who knows
    And you tell her that
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    Asking before doing / saying what you'd like to do in a way that it's ok if it doesn't happen / asking for what you want...

    ... all really useful things to do.
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    (Original post by unprinted)
    Asking before doing / saying what you'd like to do in a way that it's ok if it doesn't happen / asking for what you want...

    ... all really useful things to do.
    This is definitely something I'm going to bring up. I haven't had any issues with girls I've been with in the past, most have just gone ahead and done things most guys like until we eventually have the discussion of "what do you actually like?" (just like I have been doing things that most girls like). I guess I'll just have to mention something about it.

    Obviously the main issue is me thinking about failing to get it up which will result in me not getting it up again. I need to clear my mind of this. I've been telling myself that I should have no issues in the heat of the moment because I haven't before. I also think I just spent too long focusing on her needs and then panicked when I lost it. I'll just have to hope thinking these things now will help me relax/not think about things when the time comes.
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    People vary. Some like some sexual stuff, some hate it. (I know women who hate receiving oral, for example.) The only way to know is to ask. Some stuff is better asked before starting to do it (anyone sticking their finger in my bum without asking needs to be prepared to have a bad reaction...) and some while doing it ('Is this good? Firmer? Faster?')

    Similarly giving feedback about what's being done to you - possibly after having asked for it - will help focus on the sensations rather than over-thinking about the current hardness of your penis.
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    Funny, I created the same thread last week. I had exactly the same problem. I really like the girl too, she's hot as hell but doesn't do much to help (no BJ, hand stuff either). Yeah, we were in the exact same situation.

    It's easier said than done but you need to relax. I kind of panicked when I lost it and couldn't think about anything else than getting the erection back lol. That's a terrible idea because if you focus on that, you don't focus on anything else... You're not enjoying anything, so it makes sense it just won't work anymore.

    Breathe and stop thinking, just enjoy the moment.
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    maybe her foof just doesnt do it for you?
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    nah honestly it's nothing to do with not being physically attracted to her

    i'm telling myself this was a one-off
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    it's still an issue

    my girl is totally understanding and nice about it but i really don't know how to overcome this
 
 
 
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