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Joined Army One year ago, found out girlfriend has been cheating on me for 6 months Watch

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    (Original post by Vennec)
    I'm sorry you're going through this. This sort of situation seems to be quite common in military relationships.

    You need to talk to her. Give yourself time to process it first, don't seek confrontation. Think about what you're going to say and why she might have done what she has. I'm not going to make excuses on her behalf or point fingers at anyone but she won't have done this for no reason. Was she lonely? Were her sexual needs not being met with you deployed?

    Whatever the reason, if she didn't discuss her needs with you beforehand or during your deployment then you need to find out why. Just be honest with yourself and with her and don't ignore it. It won't go away.
    LOL.

    If you're in an exclusive relationship, you stay exclusive regardless of sexual needs (because going without sex for a few months is apparently impossible?) or whatever other problems that come your way. You have to discuss these problems and find a solution, not immediately start cheating!

    OP, dump her on the spot, no ********. Be a realist and recognize that either she's a.) OK with the chance of ruining her relationship with you or b.) thinking that you'll forgive her if you find out (and she has all the power). End this unhealthy relationship.
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    (Original post by Vennec)
    I'm sorry you're going through this. This sort of situation seems to be quite common in military relationships.

    You need to talk to her. Give yourself time to process it first, don't seek confrontation. Think about what you're going to say and why she might have done what she has. I'm not going to make excuses on her behalf or point fingers at anyone but she won't have done this for no reason. Was she lonely? Were her sexual needs not being met with you deployed?

    Whatever the reason, if she didn't discuss her needs with you beforehand or during your deployment then you need to find out why. Just be honest with yourself and with her and don't ignore it. It won't go away.
    Regardless it does not justify cheating, sorry but if you are with someone and you claim you want to be with them then you would not go and have sex with someone else.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    LOL.

    If you're in an exclusive relationship, you stay exclusive regardless of sexual needs (because going without sex for a few months is apparently impossible?) or whatever other problems that come your way. You have to discuss these problems and find a solution, not immediately start cheating!

    OP, dump her on the spot, no ********. Be a realist and recognize that either she's a.) OK with the chance of ruining her relationship with you or b.) thinking that you'll forgive her if you find out (and she has all the power). End this unhealthy relationship.
    Which is why I'm telling him to talk to her about it and see whether there was something else going on. I know the relationship isn't healthy and people can go without sex for a few months, and I'm not condoning her actions, I'm simply suggesting he first find out why she's turning to other people rather than immediately jump to "dump the *****".

    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Regardless it does not justify cheating, sorry but if you are with someone and you claim you want to be with them then you would not go and have sex with someone else.
    Again, I'm not saying it justifies cheating. I'm simply saying there may be a reason such as loneliness and/or poor decision making.
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    (Original post by Illuminaughty_22)
    Hi Guys and Girls, as the title suggests i joined the British Army in 2015 in the Grenadier Guards, and have been with my girlfriend for 4 years, i came home a week ago on leave to find that her phone had a message pop up from a guy she had been friends with at university (she was also home from university)

    To cut a long story short i went on to her phone to find they had been sending dirty messages to one another, and had also met up with one another at least 3 or 4 times, and she also instigated some of the sexting sessions,

    Obviously i'm upset because i helped her out with so much and she betrayed me, i honestly feel sick from looking at the messages and pictures, should i tell her i know everything? what do i do? I don't want to have a career shrouded by doubt and guilt by her.
    tell her she's not your gf anymore
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by Vennec)
    Which is why I'm telling him to talk to her about it and see whether there was something else going on. I know the relationship isn't healthy and people can go without sex for a few months, and I'm not condoning her actions, I'm simply suggesting he first find out why she's turning to other people rather than immediately jump to "dump the *****".



    Again, I'm not saying it justifies cheating. I'm simply saying there may be a reason such as loneliness and/or poor decision making.
    The best thing to do is immediately jump to "dump the *****". At the end of the day, the problem is either the relationship or her - there's no point waiting to find out which.
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    The thing is if you do forgive her and stay with her, you will go back to the Army and constantly worry what she is getting up to.

    As someone who has recently been cheated on for a few months I can tell you that's is hard to break up but it has to be done. You deserve better, your job is admirable and someone would be lucky to have you


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    (Original post by Illuminaughty_22)
    Hi Guys and Girls, as the title suggests i joined the British Army in 2015 in the Grenadier Guards, and have been with my girlfriend for 4 years, i came home a week ago on leave to find that her phone had a message pop up from a guy she had been friends with at university (she was also home from university)

    To cut a long story short i went on to her phone to find they had been sending dirty messages to one another, and had also met up with one another at least 3 or 4 times, and she also instigated some of the sexting sessions,

    Obviously i'm upset because i helped her out with so much and she betrayed me, i honestly feel sick from looking at the messages and pictures, should i tell her i know everything? what do i do? I don't want to have a career shrouded by doubt and guilt by her.
    Most people cheat these days. Welcome to the real world.
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    (Original post by Illuminaughty_22)
    Hi Guys and Girls, as the title suggests i joined the British Army in 2015 in the Grenadier Guards, and have been with my girlfriend for 4 years, i came home a week ago on leave to find that her phone had a message pop up from a guy she had been friends with at university (she was also home from university)

    To cut a long story short i went on to her phone to find they had been sending dirty messages to one another, and had also met up with one another at least 3 or 4 times, and she also instigated some of the sexting sessions,

    Obviously i'm upset because i helped her out with so much and she betrayed me, i honestly feel sick from looking at the messages and pictures, should i tell her i know everything? what do i do? I don't want to have a career shrouded by doubt and guilt by her.
    Ah dude, I know the feeling....and it sucks, but times a healer. Finish it creatively: that's my advice.
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    (Original post by john2054)
    Welcome to the real world. My wife also cheats on me. Deal with it.
    How do you deal with it?
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    (Original post by hezzlington)
    How do you deal with it?
    i'm not bothered. never mind. at least she isn't threatening to leave me.
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    (Original post by john2054)
    i'm not bothered. never mind. at least she isn't threatening to leave me.
    would she leave you if you cheated on her?
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    Tap one more and Dumb!
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    Brutal stuff OP - Obviously dump her. Why on earth do you need to even ask the question
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    (Original post by hezzlington)
    would she leave you if you cheated on her?
    correct, but it doesn't matter. when i said the vows i said them for the both of us.
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    (Original post by john2054)
    correct, but it doesn't matter. when i said the vows i said them for the both of us.
    you're adorable.
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    (Original post by john2054)
    Most people cheat these days. Welcome to the real world.
    No they don't....


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    4 years worth of a relationship means nothing to her apparently, leave her.
    Although, it's not like she'll be hit hard, she'll probably just start a formal relationship with the other guy...
    I'm sorry OP
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    (Original post by Vennec)

    Again, I'm not saying it justifies cheating. I'm simply saying there may be a reason such as loneliness and/or poor decision making.
    YOu'd surely then be the bigger person and either talk about it or end it.
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    (Original post by john2054)
    i'm not bothered. never mind. at least she isn't threatening to leave me.
    With that attitude it's no wonder she cheats on you
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    (Original post by scrotgrot)
    With that attitude it's no wonder she cheats on you
    I'm obviously not 'man' enough for her. Suck cheese
 
 
 
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