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Was this a controlling/emotionally abusive relationship? Watch

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    (Original post by Ezme39)
    As a woman <25, with many other female friends of the same age, I must disagree. It's not the norm to send pics like that to guys outside a relationship
    Don't worry, I don't think this is what most women are like at all. Just the ones who go for me

    (Original post by Carloes)
    Things will get better man I'm sure of it. Just keep your head up and be yourself. Someone will come round that you never expected.
    The problem is I don't know how to get over it. I can't trust people again, there's always this niggling feeling at the back of my head. Even if someone does come around, I probably wont even be able to get into a comfortable enough place with them.
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    (Original post by Chrysisure)
    From your side of the story, it definitely sounds like she was emotionally manipulative.

    You can't control who you fall for, and it's okay to be angry, as long as you don't channel your anger back at her. Retaliating will still be giving her your time and attention, which will only prolong the situation.

    You've done well to leave the relationship and not respond to her attempts to contact you. Many victims of emotional abuse don't get that far. I know it can be tempting to, but refuse to contact her again whatsoever; she will eventually focus her attention elsewhere.

    Females and males are capable of emotional abuse. One, two, or even a dozen bad experiences shouldn't cause you to distrust an entire gender, but I'm sure you know that already.

    My advice for future relationships, if you encounter another instance of emotional abuse, would be to warn them the first time it happens. Should they continue, tolerate none of it and turn your back on them entirely. That kind of person will likely never change, and it's not worth waiting around to see whether they do.
    I know, but that doesn't seem to help. Yeah, you're right about the retaliation thing. I want her to know exactly how I feel, but she's going to deflect it anyway and I cba for that any more.

    I know everyone's going to blow up at me, saying I'm attention seeking, making it up ect, but we did function for a while as friends afterwards. I did still have feelings towards her, not romantic just platonic. Like I said, she isn't a bad person imo. Just really selfish.
    I also didn't have any other friends to talk to.
    It's just that all these feelings are eating me up from the inside now. And they aren't going anywhere, I don't know how to diffuse them.

    I know, I'm not making any statement on men or women. I've clarified it a few times. I have trust issues, but not towards women in particular. Just anyone who gets close with me.
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    Any advice on how to actually get over the feelings though?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Cheers dude, I didn't mean it as a remark on you btw. I just don't want this one girl to screw up my view of all girls because of this one thing.
    I think I'm just going to abstain from relationships for a long time. It took me long enough to get over the trust issues in the first place, cba to go over that again :lol:
    I hope you do too, thanks :hugs:
    No worries, im aware i give a negative impression on this forum people see it the wrong way.

    If you want a good relationship dont go for "party girls", instead the library is a better place to look
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    (Original post by ripjonsnow)
    No worries, im aware i give a negative impression on this forum people see it the wrong way.

    If you want a good relationship dont go for "party girls", instead the library is a better place to look
    Thing is, people can be so *****y it's difficult not to start losing trust in people. I certainly can't blame you for feeling how you do.

    I don't even "look" for girls normally. The only other relationship I've been in was with one of my best friends at the time.
    I actually met this girl in question online
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know, but that doesn't seem to help. Yeah, you're right about the retaliation thing. I want her to know exactly how I feel, but she's going to deflect it anyway and I cba for that any more.
    People who do these sorts of things tend to not possess much empathy, so telling her how you feel will achieve very little, other than maybe giving her the sense of satisfaction that she's still on your mind. Don't show her that you care about her at all, even if right now, you do.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know everyone's going to blow up at me, saying I'm attention seeking, making it up ect, but we did function for a while as friends afterwards. I did still have feelings towards her, not romantic just platonic. Like I said, she isn't a bad person imo. Just really selfish.
    I also didn't have any other friends to talk to.
    I'm not going to agree or disagree with your assessment, since I haven't met her in person, but do consider: would you still think she's not a bad person if you had several other friends? Sometimes you'll misjudge individuals because you lack a standard for comparison, or in other cases, you feel obliged to not label them a bad person because they are there for you when nobody else is.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's just that all these feelings are eating me up from the inside now. And they aren't going anywhere, I don't know how to diffuse them.
    Without sounding too generic, do whatever you enjoy, as long as it isn't harmful. Distract yourself from whatever you are feeling now, even if that seems like an entirely unfeasible proposition. I'm assuming you felt content with life before she came into the picture, so it's possible to feel content with life after too. The anger will diffuse with time, but if you don't find something to replace it with, you're going to be left feeling rather empty—and that's when you may begin to feel the desire to have her back. You don't necessarily need another person to replace her, be it a friend or partner; just find something you like to do, and do it often.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know, I'm not making any statement on men or women. I've clarified it a few times. I have trust issues, but not towards women in particular. Just anyone who gets close with me.
    Completely understandable. That comment was targeted more at some of the other posters in this thread who seem to have other ideas.
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    (Original post by Chrysisure)
    People who do these sorts of things tend to not possess much empathy, so telling her how you feel will achieve very little, other than maybe giving her the sense of satisfaction that she's still on your mind. Don't show her that you care about her at all, even if right now, you do.
    I've managed to do this, so I'm on the right track I suppose :yep:

    (Original post by Chrysisure)
    I'm not going to agree or disagree with your assessment, since I haven't met her in person, but do consider: would you still think she's not a bad person if you had several other friends? Sometimes you'll misjudge individuals because you lack a standard for comparison, or in other cases, you feel obliged to not label them a bad person because they are there for you when nobody else is.
    That's fair enough, it's best to know the other perspective to before bandwagonning. IDK man, what she did to me was *****y but I must've seen something in her. She has Borderline and while that isn't at all an excuse for her, it does sorta help get across how she could flip-flop between states.
    Maybe, I may have seen her differently under different circumstances, but other people also do like her so it isn't that she's just a horrible person and I was desperate. I do think her biggest fault is that she was just very self centred

    (Original post by Chrysisure)
    Without sounding too generic, do whatever you enjoy, as long as it isn't harmful. Distract yourself from whatever you are feeling now, even if that seems like an entirely unfeasible proposition. I'm assuming you felt content with life before she came into the picture, so it's possible to feel content with life after too. The anger will diffuse with time, but if you don't find something to replace it with, you're going to be left feeling rather empty—and that's when you may begin to feel the desire to have her back. You don't necessarily need another person to replace her, be it a friend or partner; just find something you like to do, and do it often.

    I really hate what I'm saying, it seems like whining to me but before her I wasn't doing that great. I was depressed anyway, then have Seasonal Affective Disorder which just makes it way worse in Winter, which is when we met. (What a catch right? :lol:)
    It's like this is just another thing I have to deal with now and I just cba with the effort now.

    Thanks for listening to this and taking the time to reply anyway anyway
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    . . .
    Thanks for listening to this and taking the time to reply anyway anyway
    No worries. It's an awful thing to have to deal with on top of other things, and it's unfortunate you found yourself in this situation. Hopefully something that I or anyone else have said is of use to you. Take care.
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    It seems like it, I've seen a friend a go through something similar in the past. I know you said you don't have anyone to talk to, but are you at college/uni? Is there someone there to talk to about how you're feeling?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It seems like it, I've seen a friend a go through something similar in the past. I know you said you don't have anyone to talk to, but are you at college/uni? Is there someone there to talk to about how you're feeling?
    I'm at uni, but it's a very in/out affair so i don't know what's available. I also can't talk about my self so idk how that'll work
 
 
 
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