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    (Original post by Des_Lumières)
    Il s'agit d'une dissertation et le candidat doit donc penser à adopter un style plus soutenu et général. Le texte manque de structure et il est, d'ailleurs, tout-à-fait trop long pour une seule paragraphe. Avec les corrections évidement il est meilleur mais toujours loin de se lire bien. Je donne bien sûr des recommandations. Quand j'ai le temps je rendrai ce texte plus fluide si le candidat le désire.
    You could make it more formal, if you want to, but I won't guarantee that I'll use it as it won't even be my work anymore!
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    (Original post by Marie-Antoinette)
    My sister made a little mistake : "Ma soeur et moi allons introduire."
    Voilà ^^
    ****ings typos lol thanks !

    (Original post by Des_Lumières)
    C'est quoi ce délire avec les spaghettis? Récit trop long qui risque d'ennuyer le jury. Je te suggère d'abréger et de consulter un médecin. Si tu cherches à parler de l'anorexie fais le ouvertement en adoptant une approche plus structurée. Il vaut mieux viser un style approprié dans une langue correcte qu'un récit long et ennuyeux.

    PS. Tu savais que les tagliatelles, ce sont aussi des pâtes ?
    Bonjour !

    Tu sais c'est pas la peine d'être aussi dure ! Effectivement son texte c'était un peu le bazar avant d'être corrigé, mais maintenant c'est beaucoup mieux. L'histoire des spaghettis, c'est parce que c'est un plat qui existe en fait , mais la traduction du nom du plat est assez foireuse.
    Ah et sinon je sais pas si t'as compris mais OP répond à des questions à chaque paragraphe , questions que tu ne vois pas ! C'est pour ça que tu as du mal à te situer maus la fluidité n'est vraiment pas catastrophique à mon sens

    (Original post by Sugoi_Sugoi)
    First of all this is not a real story, and is entirely made up. Secondly the languages is NOW corrected thanks to French Unicorn, and also yes I know tagliatelle is also pasta, it was humour.
    YW
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    (Original post by Sugoi_Sugoi)
    First of all this is not a real story, and is entirely made up. Secondly the languages is NOW corrected thanks to French Unicorn, and also yes I know tagliatelle is also pasta, it was humour.
    Yes I thought perhaps it was however I think it is usually best to avoid humour in examinations. Remember: the examiner will not have long to look at your papier, and they will be doing it probably during their summer holiday.

    It is with this in mind that I suggest you add some definite paragraphs with introductory sentences and a clear point to each. In this way, you well be able to better develop your line of thinking and arrive at an interesting conclusion.

    It reads at the minute like someone discussing their confused experience of anorexia, without much insight into what they are going through. This is fine bu not essay material. If you like, I will demonstrate to you how you can convert what you already have into a fluent essay.

    What is the essay question you are responding to?
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    ****ings typos lol thanks !


    Bonjour !

    Tu sais c'est pas la peine d'être aussi dure ! Effectivement son texte c'était un peu le bazar avant d'être corrigé, mais maintenant c'est beaucoup mieux. L'histoire des spaghettis, c'est parce que c'est un plat qui existe en fait , mais la traduction du nom du plat est assez foireuse.
    Ah et sinon je sais pas si t'as compris mais OP répond à des questions à chaque paragraphe , questions que tu ne vois pas ! C'est pour ça que tu as du mal à te situer maus la fluidité n'est vraiment pas catastrophique à mon sens


    YW
    Bonjour,

    J'essaye d'être franche afin le candidat puisse améliorer son écriture et éventuellement sa note aux examens ! Le candidat peut aussi peut-être bénéficier d'apprendre que toutes les cultures ne sont pas pareilles : dans un contexte scolaire français on est exigeant et ont a beaucoup tendance à critiquer. Utile à savoir ...

    Effectivement je n'ai vu aucune indication dans le titre qu'il ne s'agissait pas d'une dissertation. Fluidité pas catastrophique mais qui ne mérite actuellement pas de mention !
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    (Original post by Des_Lumières)
    Bonjour,

    J'essaye d'être franche afin le candidat puisse améliorer son écriture et éventuellement sa note aux examens ! Le candidat peut aussi peut-être bénéficier d'apprendre que toutes les cultures ne sont pas pareilles : dans un contexte scolaire français on est exigeant et ont a beaucoup tendance à critiquer. Utile à savoir ...

    Effectivement je n'ai vu aucune indication dans le titre qu'il ne s'agissait pas d'une dissertation. Fluidité pas catastrophique mais qui ne mérite actuellement pas de mention !
    Effectivement c'est bien d'être franche ^^

    Mmmh je sais pas , je crois pas qu'ils seront aussi sévères que tu ne le crois en fait ! Mais bon OP nous dira , on le saura bien assez tôt !

    Et tu as un bon français
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    (Original post by Des_Lumières)
    Yes I thought perhaps it was however I think it is usually best to avoid humour in examinations. Remember: the examiner will not have long to look at your papier, and they will be doing it probably during their summer holiday.

    It is with this in mind that I suggest you add some definite paragraphs with introductory sentences and a clear point to each. In this way, you well be able to better develop your line of thinking and arrive at an interesting conclusion.

    What is the essay question you are responding to?
    Sorry I haven't fully explained the situation. This is an AURAL EXAM which are usually more informal in speech and it is about pronunciation aswell. The spoken tongue needs to have fluidity, and only about half of the 30 marks are for the written material. Also, I am not responding to one question, it is 5 questions which I noticed I haven't put yet. There is humor because it is spoken instead of formally written.
    Questions:
    1. Quel est votre probleme avec la nourriture et comment est-ce que cela affecte votre style de vie? (What's your food problem and how does it affect your lifestyle?)
    2. Comment vous sentez-vous a propos de l'echange de votre regime et pourquoi? (How do you feel about swapping your diet with the other contestant?(The exam board decided that we must act as if we were on a 'supersize vs superskinny' episode, which also explains why the problem can be drastic and unrealistic))
    3. Comment votre probleme a-t-il commence? (How did your problem start?)
    4. Est-ce qu'un regime et un style de vie sain est important et pourquoi? (Are a healthy diet and lifestyle important and why?)
    5. Comment allez-vous vous recompenser si vous arrivez a changer de regime? (How are you going to reward yourself if you succeed in changing your diet?)
    There are also 5 surprise questions (SQ) but they are very simple so I decided not to post them. Sorry if I confused you
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    (Original post by Sugoi_Sugoi)
    Sorry I haven't fully explained the situation. This is an AURAL EXAM which are usually more informal in speech and it is about pronunciation aswell. The spoken tongue needs to have fluidity, and only about half of the 30 marks are for the written material. Also, I am not responding to one question, it is 5 questions which I noticed I haven't put yet. There is humor because it is spoken instead of formally written.
    Questions:
    1. Quel est votre probleme avec la nourriture et comment est-ce que cela affecte votre style de vie? (What's your food problem and how does it affect your lifestyle?)
    2. Comment vous sentez-vous a propos de l'echange de votre regime et pourquoi? (How do you feel about swapping your diet with the other contestant?(The exam board decided that we must act as if we were on a 'supersize vs superskinny' episode, which also explains why the problem can be drastic and unrealistic))
    3. Comment votre probleme a-t-il commence? (How did your problem start?)
    4. Est-ce qu'un regime et un style de vie sain est important et pourquoi? (Are a healthy diet and lifestyle important and why?)
    5. Comment allez-vous vous recompenser si vous arrivez a changer de regime? (How are you going to reward yourself if you succeed in changing your diet?)
    There are also 5 surprise questions (SQ) but they are very simple so I decided not to post them. Sorry if I confused you
    I understood it was about some questions you didn't post before :yep:
    And I was not confused dw
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    I understood it was about some questions you didn't post before :yep:
    And I was not confused dw
    Yeah this was mostly for des_lumieres who didn't know it was a controlled assessment yet, but I tagged you just incase you wanted to know :grin:
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    (Original post by Sugoi_Sugoi)
    Yeah this was mostly for des_lumieres who didn't know it was a controlled assessment yet, but I tagged you just incase you wanted to know :grin:
    Yep I see, thanks for letting me know anyway
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    np
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    (Original post by Sugoi_Sugoi)
    Sorry I haven't fully explained the situation. This is an AURAL EXAM which are usually more informal in speech and it is about pronunciation aswell. The spoken tongue needs to have fluidity, and only about half of the 30 marks are for the written material. Also, I am not responding to one question, it is 5 questions which I noticed I haven't put yet. There is humor because it is spoken instead of formally written.
    Questions:
    1. Quel est votre probleme avec la nourriture et comment est-ce que cela affecte votre style de vie? (What's your food problem and how does it affect your lifestyle?)
    2. Comment vous sentez-vous a propos de l'echange de votre regime et pourquoi? (How do you feel about swapping your diet with the other contestant?(The exam board decided that we must act as if we were on a 'supersize vs superskinny' episode, which also explains why the problem can be drastic and unrealistic))
    3. Comment votre probleme a-t-il commence? (How did your problem start?)
    4. Est-ce qu'un regime et un style de vie sain est important et pourquoi? (Are a healthy diet and lifestyle important and why?)
    5. Comment allez-vous vous recompenser si vous arrivez a changer de regime? (How are you going to reward yourself if you succeed in changing your diet?)
    There are also 5 surprise questions (SQ) but they are very simple so I decided not to post them. Sorry if I confused you
    Good luck to you in your oral exam !

    I have never heard of «supersize vs super-skinny» - that sounds mad... I did indeed skim your piece very quickly w/o reading the rubric.

    I'm not entirely sure whether we should be correcting entire sections of work for memorisation (?) in an oral, and I am unconvinced that the regurgitation of a text constitutes fluency. Each to their own.

    Anyway, you better go and get on with your tongue stretches... ?
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    I understood it was about some questions you didn't post before :yep:
    And I was not confused dw
    C'est clair : je suis bête de n'avoir pas vu dans la rubrique qu'il s'agissait d'un oral quand j'ai lu le message en 20 secondes...

    :curious:
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    (Original post by Des_Lumières)

    I'm not entirely sure whether we should be correcting entire sections of work for memorisation (?) in an oral, and I am unconvinced that the regurgitation of a text constitutes fluency. Each to their own.

    Anyway, you better go and get on with your tongue stretches... ?
    Yes i didn't really understand why replicating a text you've memorised is graded as a proper GCSE test, but I think it's mostly to see if you pronounce the words right, for example some people can't get out of the habit of pronouncing the last constanant on every word.
    P.S: also, supersize vs superskinny is a show where a morbidly obese person and an extremely underweight person swap dies for a week. It's basically meant to help them change their ways and lose weight
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    (Original post by Sugoi_Sugoi)
    Yes i didn't really understand why replicating a text you've memorised is graded as a proper GCSE test, but I think it's mostly to see if you pronounce the words right, for example some people can't get out of the habit of pronouncing the last constanant on every word.
    P.S: also, supersize vs superskinny is a show where a morbidly obese person and an extremely underweight person swap dies for a week. It's basically meant to help them change their ways and lose weight
    Yes, I hope it doesn't seem like I'm trying to blame you for an examination system. If this is for a GCSE (not familiar with them myself but have an idea of the kind of level they are I think) then I take back what I said. I think you will likely do very well.

    Good luck
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    I understood it was about some questions you didn't post before :yep:
    And I was not confused dw
    ..
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    I understood it was about some questions you didn't post before :yep:
    And I was not confused dw
    Et toi tu ne fais pas du lèche botte auprès de l'OP !Ton 'like', c'était carrément insultant...
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    Thanks
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    (Original post by Des_Lumières)
    ..
    Oui ?
    (Original post by Des_Lumières)
    Et toi tu ne fais pas du lèche botte auprès de l'OP !Ton 'like', c'était carrément insultant...
    -_____- euh meuf t'as un problème ? T'as vu comment tu parles OP ? C'est toi qu'est insultante alors respire un coup et arrête de faire chier.
    Je like qui je veux, si ça te plaît pas, et jusqu'à preuve du contraire, personne t'as obligée à lire.
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    Oui ?


    -_____- euh meuf t'as un problème ? T'as vu comment tu parles OP ? C'est toi qu'est insultante alors respire un coup et arrête de faire chier.
    Je like qui je veux, si ça te plaît pas, et jusqu'à preuve du contraire, personne t'as obligée à lire.
    Lèche-cul toi !

    J'ai donné des recommandations académiques à l'OP ainsi que des offres d'aide directe. Mais bien sûr que pouvoir recevoir des critiques constructives sur son travail, ça exige une certaine maturité... (dont tu ne possède pas pour ta part, c'est clair).

    Liker mon com, je vois ça comme une action passive-aggressive vu qu'en faisant ainsi t'as insinué que tu me crois bête. C'est pas gentil du tout !

    Personne ne m'a obligée à lire quoi ? Comment est-ce que j'aurais pu éviter de voir ton like...?

    Moi je pense que tu t'es trouvé une petite niche sur le forum et tu supportes pas que personne d'autre aie les mêmes compétences que toi ... :O

    Va savoir ...
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    (Original post by Des_Lumières)
    Lèche-cul toi !
    :girl:
 
 
 
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