Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Is there something wrong with me because I'm not comfortable with being sexual? Watch

    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Don't let him emotionally manipulate you into staying. Simply explain that you don't want a sexual relationship, and so if this is important to him, you will be better off breaking up. Sorry that he's pressuring you to do things you don't want to, that's awful of him.
    Offline

    19
    I think you are asexual
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really thought about this when I read your message, I could be asexual but it might be more due to waiting for the right guy but I do get turned on and stuff. But then again, I barely ever masturbate. I don't know, I'm quite confused.Thanks for your message though, I should end it.. I don't think i'm suited to a relationship But, I've tried many times. He won't let me. Last time, he was crying and told me not go and I felt bad :/
    http://lonerwolf.com/asexuality-test/

    Online tests are usually pretty crap but this one's not bad. You should probably take it, it can't hurt and it's better to find out than remain confused. I recommend browsing AVEN as well, http://www.asexuality.org/home/.

    As for leaving the guy, tell him you're not interested over fb or something and then block him so you don't have to put up with the emotional blackmail.
    • Very Important Poster
    Online

    19
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've tried to leave him numerous times because I don't like the pressure I'm feeling but he goes bonkers. He'll call me and text me endlessly and say he needs me and that were a good match, he loves me etc he says he doesn't mind but he clearly does because he asks me uncomfortable questions everyday
    He's making you feel really uncomfy. he says one thing and does another. Imo he wont listen and will carry on just as he is until get gets what he wants.

    Imo leave him and cut him off. He might say nasty things becayse he's immature, but ignore him. If you give in and he makes you do things you dont want to, then you will feel bad about it. Avoid that situation. He is wrong.

    You are perfectly normal, some people arent as sexual and you might find it different with someone else. Just dump him and cut him off completely.
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Welcome Squad
    Why would you think there's something wrong with you? If you don't feel comfortable maybe you just haven't met the right person. Maybe someday you'll be walking down the street and you'll bump into the some guy and that switch will just flip on. Maybe you're asexual. Doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. If your attitude and feelings toward sex do not change and you want to have a long relationship with somebody you'll probably have to have sex with your partner whether you like it or not so find somebody you really love and see what happens
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Peroxidation)
    There's nothing wrong with you at all. It's nothing like repressed memories or anything like that either. Chances are, you're asexual.

    It's the sexuality where you feel no sexual attraction at all and have no libido. You can still get attracted to people though but it's entirely platonic. I'm asexual too so I totally get where you're coming from.

    My ex used to always try touching my butt, which I'm really not comfortable with at all. He didn't understand why I was so "frigid" and always tried to convince me to get into bed with him. On every date after about 2 months in he would ask me when I'd let him "connect" with me. To his credit, he'd always back off after I said no and never cheated on me once throughout the year that we were together. He was a lovely guy but in the end it all fell apart because he wanted sex and I didn't.

    My advice would be to just let him go. Don't get into something that you're not comfortable with because you'll end up regretting it. If you want a relationship but no sex, then find someone who wants the same. There's a dating site for asexuals called platonic partners, that's the place to look if you're interested. If you want to talk about it feel free to PM me.
    Isn't having no libido a physiological problem , rather than having a different sexual preference?
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21 and this guy is 25. I'm still a virgin. I haven't done anything more than kissing. First time I met him (we met online and talked for months), he was trying to touch my boobs and I kept taking his hand off.. And he ended up giving me a lovebite on the upper part. I felt really uncomfortable. Second meet, he wanted to suck on my boobs but I said no and he still tried because he said the way I said no made me seem like I wanted it. I guess I wasn't firm with my voice.. Then I explained that I really don't want him to do it and that Im not ready.. then he said he understood and wouldnt do it again. He asks me before he does something now i.e. can I touch u there? but when I say no, he says why? I don't know maybe there's something wrong with me. We've been talking for 7 months now and people say sex is a big part of a relationship but I'm just not ready and I feel like I'm doing something wrong or there's something wrong with me
    Well, there could be multiple factors involved. You might just not be comfortable enough around him or there could be a doubt in the back of your mind that maybe he is not the right guy. Also, have you heard about asexual people? It's a real thing and people who are asexual aren't attractive to anyone in *that* way. Although if someone is asexual at a specific moment, it doesn't necessarily means that they will be asexual for the rest of their lives.
    I'm not saying that you are asexual, but I guess it is just one of those things that you could look further into and maybe there is a correlation perhaps?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21 and this guy is 25. I'm still a virgin. I haven't done anything more than kissing. First time I met him (we met online and talked for months), he was trying to touch my boobs and I kept taking his hand off.. And he ended up giving me a lovebite on the upper part. I felt really uncomfortable. Second meet, he wanted to suck on my boobs but I said no and he still tried because he said the way I said no made me seem like I wanted it. I guess I wasn't firm with my voice.. Then I explained that I really don't want him to do it and that Im not ready.. then he said he understood and wouldnt do it again. He asks me before he does something now i.e. can I touch u there? but when I say no, he says why? I don't know maybe there's something wrong with me. We've been talking for 7 months now and people say sex is a big part of a relationship but I'm just not ready and I feel like I'm doing something wrong or there's something wrong with me
    No! Nothing's wrong with you at all, lots of people have varying levels of sexual comfort/discomfort. Have you heard of the Asexual Spectrum?? You could be somewhere along there!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Tbh, I've tried to end it many times and I think he knows if he was distant/stopped talking to me, I definitely wouldn't message him again or chase him. That's true.. He was. May I ask your reasons for not having sex at 23?

    I just haven't wanted to - I'm not against the idea, but haven't found someone I want to with yet but you never know, I could stumble across her at any time
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Noara)
    Although if someone is asexual at a specific moment it doesn't necessarily means that they will be asexual for the rest of their lives.
    I'm not saying that you are asexual, but I guess it is just one of those things that you could look further into and maybe there is a correlation perhaps?
    ^ The emboldened text is very true - Asexuality is often dismissed as abstract, but it's real and embodied within those who don't feel the need for penetrative sex like myself. The key point highlighted above however, is that this can change, so try not to feel as though you're wrong in some way - because it can be subject to time, place etc - and obviously, attraction.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've tried to leave him numerous times because I don't like the pressure I'm feeling but he goes bonkers. He'll call me and text me endlessly and say he needs me and that were a good match, he loves me etc he says he doesn't mind but he clearly does because he asks me uncomfortable questions everyday
    Met a guy online exactly like this. Cut him off for his own good
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21 and this guy is 25. I'm still a virgin. I haven't done anything more than kissing. First time I met him (we met online and talked for months), he was trying to touch my boobs and I kept taking his hand off.. And he ended up giving me a lovebite on the upper part. I felt really uncomfortable. Second meet, he wanted to suck on my boobs but I said no and he still tried because he said the way I said no made me seem like I wanted it. I guess I wasn't firm with my voice.. Then I explained that I really don't want him to do it and that Im not ready.. then he said he understood and wouldnt do it again. He asks me before he does something now i.e. can I touch u there? but when I say no, he says why? I don't know maybe there's something wrong with me. We've been talking for 7 months now and people say sex is a big part of a relationship but I'm just not ready and I feel like I'm doing something wrong or there's something wrong with me
    You need to grow up. You're 21 for god's sake and you can't even have a proper sexual encounter with someone. This is a matter of concern. A healthy functioning adult at the age of 21 should be able to maintain sexual encounters with the opposite sex. There is definitely something in the back of your mind that is repressing you. To be brutally honest, this guy probably does think you're a little weird. If you keep on continuing like this, he will eventually express his frustration to you and it may not end well.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: May 2, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brussels sprouts
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.