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I don't enjoy casual hook ups, but I want too... Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What's weird?
    Strikes me as being a lose-lose e.g. everyone else is out having fun having casual sex vs. you hook up with guys but don't put out for them (they lose), don't keep up with your peers by actually having sex (you lose), and don't seem to be getting much out of it yourself either (you lose) :dontknow:
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Strikes me as being a lose-lose e.g. everyone else is out having fun having casual sex vs. you hook up with guys but don't put out for them (they lose), don't keep up with your peers by actually having sex (you lose), and don't seem to be getting much out of it yourself either (you lose) :dontknow:
    When you put it like that, it is weird... Is there a way I can enjoy it without having sex? That's what I'm trying to work out...?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Is there a way I can enjoy it without having sex?
    If you steer your habits more towards dating and the thrill of the chase, and away from hook ups, and fooling around, this can be most engaging/entertaining; you might even make some interesting friends/meet a potential partner along the way :danceboy:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So, why is it from people have sex with random people e.g in a club or something - they enjoy it? I don't see where I'm going wrong, it seems everyone else is having is fun yet I'm not...?
    There's an awful lot of crap casual sex out there. People tend to only boast about the good times.

    What is it that you're not enjoying?
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    If you steer your habits more towards dating and the thrill of the chase, and away from hook ups, and fooling around, this can be most engaging/entertaining; you might even make some interesting friends/meet a potential partner along the way :danceboy:
    I was thinking about this... But, I want to have that sexual enjoyment... I know that probably sounds bad. But 'the chase' isn't that exciting for me... I know what I want but when I get it, it just isn't all that...
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    (Original post by unprinted)
    There's an awful lot of crap casual sex out there. People tend to only boast about the good times.

    What is it that you're not enjoying?
    When the guy is touching me ect, I just don't enjoy it. In that moment I know I should be - but I'm not just not. Even when I'm touching him, I'm not enjoying it. I pretend that I am, but really I'm not. I don't walk away thinking it was good.

    I just seem to feel nothing and maybe that is because I've told myself to feel nothing for the person... Otherwise I'll get attached. I know when I do it that that person is not my boyfriend - they are simply someone to have fun with. I don't know if that's why...

    I don't want to allow myself to have feelings or emotion towards this person, because then I'll expect 1) them to behave a certain way 2) for us to meet again (they might not want to) 3) I'll be thinking about them
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I want to have that sexual enjoyment... I know that probably sounds bad
    Why should it sound bad? :dontknow:

    'the chase' isn't that exciting for me
    Not convinced you've ever really experienced what I'm talking about, let alone romance (in an electric/requited context)

    I know what I want but when I get it, it just isn't all that...
    Again, not convinced I'm afraid, but you'd know better than I (perhaps ask yourself what you truly want, and explore that area some more through lived experience with decent folk) :yy:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    When the guy is touching me ect, I just don't enjoy it. In that moment I know I should be - but I'm not just not. Even when I'm touching him, I'm not enjoying it. I pretend that I am, but really I'm not. I don't walk away thinking it was good.

    I just seem to feel nothing and maybe that is because I've told myself to feel nothing for the person... Otherwise I'll get attached. I know when I do it that that person is not my boyfriend - they are simply someone to have fun with. I don't know if that's why...

    I don't want to allow myself to have feelings or emotion towards this person, because then I'll expect 1) them to behave a certain way 2) for us to meet again (they might not want to) 3) I'll be thinking about them
    Ah.

    Casual sex is not for everyone, and I wonder if it's not for you. You're not actually enjoying the sex bits, giving or receiving, because your head isn't in the right place.

    If you're going to have it, it's probably going to be better with a friend - one where you both know it's not going to end up as a relationship, and if it did, it wouldn't be a huge problem. You don't have to worry about at least some of the things that are distracting you off now.

    Otherwise, you're going to be better off signing up for a massage course to get the physical touchy / non-emotional closeness stuff, and getting your sexual pleasure from masturbation.
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    (Original post by unprinted)
    Ah.

    Casual sex is not for everyone, and I wonder if it's not for you. You're not actually enjoying the sex bits, giving or receiving, because your head isn't in the right place.

    If you're going to have it, it's probably going to be better with a friend - one where you both know it's not going to end up as a relationship, and if it did, it wouldn't be a huge problem. You don't have to worry about at least some of the things that are distracting you off now.

    Otherwise, you're going to be better off signing up for a massage course to get the physical touchy / non-emotional closeness stuff, and getting your sexual pleasure from masturbation.
    I've also been thinking it's not for me as well... But I want it to be for me?

    I wouldn't say my head isn't in the right place, I just expect it to be different than it is...

    I feel as though with a friend I would get attached...

    It's like I really want to enjoy something and I feel everyone else is, but I'm not.
 
 
 
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