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    Would call you a shambolic idiot for choosing a uni based on where your girl is, but at least you've realised.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    For sake of anonymity I will not use any real names / names of universities. Sorry if this resembles a GCSE algebra problem...

    I've been with my girlfriend for around half a year now – and it's been absolutely great.

    Initially, I had high hopes of getting into University X – but was rejected. Had I not met my girlfriend, my second choice university would be University Y.

    However, both my girlfriend and I have offers for University Z – a Russell Group uni - and it just so happens that University Z is on the opposite side of the country to University Y – at least a 6 hour train journey from eachother which costs a fortune. We've both discussed the potential of long distance but it doesn't really appeal to either of us...

    I have firmed University Z – as has my girlfriend – but I am having second thoughts. I've suddenly just realised what a huge sign of commitment this is – and although I love her, at 17, I'm not sure I'm ready for that. What if the regret of not choosing University Y causes me to resent my girlfriend?

    She has obviously expressed a preference for me to join her at University Z – I wouldn't say she's explicitly emotionally blackmailed me, but it is true to say that I'm not sure how I could bring myself to tell her that I have changed my mind and chosen University Y instead.

    University Z is a great university but University Y (my original second choice) is more prestigious and boasts a higher ranking in most league tables.

    It just feels slightly weird to be making my university choice based off a relationship – especially at this age.

    I don't know if I'm on the verge of making the biggest mistake of my life and would really appreciate some advice.
    Go to the University you wanna go. Who knows ur relationship may end while ur at uni. OP its 4 yrs of ur life, and youve worked hard towards getting into a good university. Plz choose y
    • #3
    #3

    See if you're still together on results day. If you receive both your Firm and Insurance offer, then you can call up the Firm and ask them to release you on the day - meaning you automatically accept your Insurance offer (your original choice) instead.
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    Honestly?

    If you think your relationship wouldn't stand up to being apart, then I doubt it'll stand up to being together either.

    Choose your favourite university. You will regret it otherwise :closedeyes:
    • #4
    #4

    I would usually say go to uni,
    but my drama teacher turned down a place at (I think) Cambridge (let's just say Oxbridge) to go to Manchester because of her boyfriend.

    They're now married....

    But that doesn't always happen, not everyone get's the happy ending (not that I'm saying you'll get the unhappy ending,) so you need to choose what you think is best for your future.
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    I've seen this play out twice. In both instances the respective partners chose to go to alternate Universities and in both instances they met up later in life and got married.

    To be honest, there's no upside to choosing to go to a University which isn't your best option.

    Scenario 1: You choose the lesser of the two Universities. What is your immediate inclination? Resentment. You will ALWAYS, for the rest of your life, wonder whether you could have done more for yourself, particularly if your career options don't pan out as you hope they will. Then you'll resent her, then you'll break up.

    Scenario 2: You go to your preferred Uni. You renege on what is a pretty serious commitment to be making at such a young age, you go your separate ways while likely still retaining some contact. You enjoy your youth and you likely, if it's meant to be, come back to each other with a renewed sense of commitment after experiencing some more of what life has to offer.

    Scenario 2 is easily your best option, otherwise it will impact your relationship.
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    To be honest it's highly questionable if your relationship will survive the first term. I would go with the right academic choice at this stage and see what happens with the relationship.
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    The thing is, if you saw a strong future with her you wouldn't even be having these thoughts! If the idea of long term doesnt appeal to you then it will not work out regardless of distance. If you really really wanted a future you would try anything, even long term. The fact that you're not sure means you cant be 100% about your girlfriend surely?? So I'd say go with choice that benefits your future. In this case your academic future.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    For sake of anonymity I will not use any real names / names of universities. Sorry if this resembles a GCSE algebra problem...

    I've been with my girlfriend for around half a year now – and it's been absolutely great.

    Initially, I had high hopes of getting into University X – but was rejected. Had I not met my girlfriend, my second choice university would be University Y.

    However, both my girlfriend and I have offers for University Z – a Russell Group uni - and it just so happens that University Z is on the opposite side of the country to University Y – at least a 6 hour train journey from eachother which costs a fortune. We've both discussed the potential of long distance but it doesn't really appeal to either of us...

    I have firmed University Z – as has my girlfriend – but I am having second thoughts. I've suddenly just realised what a huge sign of commitment this is – and although I love her, at 17, I'm not sure I'm ready for that. What if the regret of not choosing University Y causes me to resent my girlfriend?

    She has obviously expressed a preference for me to join her at University Z – I wouldn't say she's explicitly emotionally blackmailed me, but it is true to say that I'm not sure how I could bring myself to tell her that I have changed my mind and chosen University Y instead.

    University Z is a great university but University Y (my original second choice) is more prestigious and boasts a higher ranking in most league tables.

    It just feels slightly weird to be making my university choice based off a relationship – especially at this age.

    I don't know if I'm on the verge of making the biggest mistake of my life and would really appreciate some advice.
    I really hope you listen to what people have said OP.You're young, you're 17 years old. Remember you only get one student loan, one chance . That's why it is so important that *you* choose where to go. This is a girl we are talking about, not even your parents who made you. There's no guarantee you'll be with her next month, next year or in 2 years time.
    Even if it means taking a gap year OP, if you are not 100% satisfied with it,Don't go!



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    I think testing your rlationship over the distance is a good thng because you will a) find out whether it is meant to be b) still be in your prefered uni and have a gf.
    The other thing that is standing out is that you both are not very keen for the distance... and also, she is going to her prefered uni and ask you to join her.
    Ask yourself :
    whether if it was the other way arround- would she join you in your prefered uni or not?
    what is your dream?
    does her uni is going to make your dream come true on 100% ?

    This is an important decision and you should be thinking about yourself first.
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    At the risk of sounding mean and heartless, the chances that you will still be with this girl in 5 years (irrespective of the uni you go to) are pretty low.

    Go for your preferred university (if you still can?).
    This! I had a similar dilemma friend but I took a step back and observed my choices. The quoted option is the best. Not just because of the 5 years thing but also, you'll want some freedom from a girlfriend in uni and also if you two are that good with each other it wont be very difficult to make the long distance work.

    Regards, a brother who's been in your position
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    Many sixth form relationships have not lasted much after results day. I would choose University Y if I was you. You can stay with her as I know a few couples that are still together long distance in different Universities, but I wouldn't advise you to go to the same University as her just because you are together right now.

    Talk this through with her, and tell her your heart's in University Y, if she truly cares for you she'll understand

    Best of luck hun! xx
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by spanker)
    In the words of Walder Frey.

    "I'll find another!"
    ahahah brilliant
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Eternalflames)
    Many sixth form relationships have not lasted much after results day. I would choose University Y if I was you. You can stay with her as I know a few couples that are still together long distance in different Universities, but I wouldn't advise you to go to the same University as her just because you are together right now.

    Talk this through with her, and tell her your heart's in University Y, if she truly cares for you she'll understand

    Best of luck hun! xx
    Thank you!

    It'd just be difficult to tell her...I've been wavering between going to uni with/without her for the past 2 months and constantly changed my mind, I've just messed about with her alot regarding this whole thing
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you!

    It'd just be difficult to tell her...I've been wavering between going to uni with/without her for the past 2 months and constantly changed my mind, I've just messed about with her a lot regarding this whole thing
    Well, think it through again. This time, just think about what you would you would do if you weren't with her. Based on what you feel like, choose that University.

    Because there are many examples where a couple chose the same university and broke up shortly after moving there.

    Just let her know that it's not certain that you'll last the whole time and things could get awkward should you split. Hopefully you won't, but you just never know in cases like these.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ...
    Girlfriends will come and go- the majority of the people in my 6th form who were going out split up and made new relationships at uni . Your university degree will be with you for life- decide wisely my friend- you will regret choosing University Z when you break up with her (statistics are not in your relationship's favour)
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Just to give you more info, the Unis are Durham and Exeter.

    Durham being the more prestigious one.
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    If you really want to go to the other university then I'd advise you to do so. My boyfriend actually did decide to go to the university that I firmed, but he couldn't have cared less where he studied (he initially picked his choices by going down the league tables and picking the highest ranking ones he'd meet the requirements for ).
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    If you and your girlfriend go to the same uni then you will be very distracted. You have to think further than love. This may seem harsh and I understand that you dont want to break up with your girlfriend. Will you do enough work to get a 2.1 or 1st degree. PICK PICK PICK PICK the Uni that has the better course. Ignore the girlfriend part of the question. Why should someone stop you from achieving greatness. If your girlfriend truly loves/has strong emoitions for you then she will support your choice to go to a university that has the best teaching and facilities. 6 hrs is a long journey. Just remember that a degree takes 3-4 years to get so dont go to the university that you 'have to go to' because of other people.
    Ask urself this: Does the cost of the degree from uni Z reduce your chances of getting a job from uni Y
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    It is always best to choose the university that best suits you.
 
 
 
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