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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    mum is not religious at all, she thoroughly keeps out of it... its so hypocritical though, because he says he would not allow me to marry a non-muslim, even though he did :/ (Yep, the Koran allows men to do that but not women)
    my moms like that-she says she doesnt mind who i want to get married to as long as hes muslim

    honestly though-would he and ur brothers stop speaking to u if u told them u were muslim?

    because obvs u dont want to lose ur family but u also dont wanna keep lying to them
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    In my opinion, you don't need to come out with this big speech about how you are not Muslim so shouldnt live by those rules, but if you have a boyfriend just bring it into conversation.

    Why hide it? you are an adult. You are responsible for yourself and are also educated enough to make your own decisions.

    Religion or not he is your dad first.

    If you want to go out wearing a short dress, feel free to post it on facebook (if you want to). Seriously, I get where you are coming from but don't be afraid to be you, that's just ridiculous. It may take some adjusting for him but put yourself and your happiness first. Please
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please help

    My dad and I have had a strained relationship since I hit 15 (now 20). It's basically because he is Muslim (very moderate though, has lived in UK all his life and my mum is white/french/nonreligious). He thinks i am muslim but I am not. He doesn't expect me to wear hijab or pray etc, but does impose other rules on me (no drinking, no boyfriends, dress modestly, obey him and speak to him deferentially)

    I am now at university and living a completely 'british' life, if you get me. (No, I am NOT a 'slut', before anyone makes comments). This is working okay because I go to uni in scotland and he is all the way back in the south of england, and im careful about what goes on the internet

    The thing is I feel like I'm suffocating every time I lie to him. Maybe the guilt is because he loves me so much and has such a warped, optimistic view of me. I have 2 brothers who are similar in age to me who he treats very differently to me. Obviously, he doesnt make them dress modestly. He recently didnt talk to me for a few weeks because he was angry that i showed my shoulders. My brothers also live british lives, but dont have to hide it like i do. My dad even jokes to my younger brother (18 years old) about him getting a girlfriend, whereas if i so much as look at a man on the TV, i can feel his awkward stare. My dad expects me to just study all the time and not have a life....

    I dont really know what answer I am looking for, just support really I think everyday about 'coming out' as a non muslim but I know it would absolutely crush him and he'd think he's a failed parent. But i hate having to live a double life and lie all the time, its really depressing me
    Ex muslim here; if you need to talk or what to share experiences PM me.

    Good luck with everything. Also about coming out; only come out if youre financially stable to support yourself, ive found from experiences of my own and others that you do need to prepare for the worse.
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    (Original post by MGreenland5)
    In my opinion, you don't need to come out with this big speech about how you are not Muslim so shouldnt live by those rules, but if you have a boyfriend just bring it into conversation.

    Why hide it? you are an adult. You are responsible for yourself and are also educated enough to make your own decisions.

    Religion or not he is your dad first.

    If you want to go out wearing a short dress, feel free to post it on facebook (if you want to). Seriously, I get where you are coming from but don't be afraid to be you, that's just ridiculous. It may take some adjusting for him but put yourself and your happiness first. Please
    even the thought of telling him i have a boyfriend terrifies me, and scares me off ever having one to be honest its a mixture of being scared of the consequences (him throwing me out of the house or hitting me maybe, im not sure) but also being sad about disappointing him. I do love him and when we get along he is so great, but i always have a voice in the back of my head saying 'he wouldnt love you if he knew the real you'. like im not sure if he loves me unconditionally.....
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    mum is not religious at all, she thoroughly keeps out of it... its so hypocritical though, because he says he would not allow me to marry a non-muslim, even though he did :/ (Yep, the Koran allows men to do that but not women)
    He doesn't own you. Do what you want. Find a job in Scotland and cut the ties.

    He sounds absolutely evil.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    even the thought of telling him i have a boyfriend terrifies me, and scares me off ever having one to be honest its a mixture of being scared of the consequences (him throwing me out of the house or hitting me maybe, im not sure) but also being sad about disappointing him. I do love him and when we get along he is so great, but i always have a voice in the back of my head saying 'he wouldnt love you if he knew the real you'. like im not sure if he loves me unconditionally.....
    I am so sorry that you feel this way, I truly am. I can relate to the voice in the back of your head, I've experienced that before. The way to get over a fear is to face it,
    I know that that is terrifying for you so do it in your own time. There is no rush so just keep your cool head on and there will come a time where you know exactly what you want to do. Which may include cutting your ties from him. I think maybe you need to find yourself first without him before you consider telling him anything, or showing him a liberal British approach to life you have adopted if you don't really know what that is yet and what you want yet.

    Enjoy the good times you have with him AND your friends Maybe take on the 'time and a place' approach for your own sanity Basically, you are a daddy's girl and you love him lots and work hard (which are great qualities!) and you also can socialise with people you like, enjoy yourself and use it as a stress release.

    BTW him hitting you is not ok, in any faith for any reason (other than self defence) which is clearly not the case here so keep safe
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    theres so many threads on muslims I honestly cant tell which are trolls or not now
    It depends on what you categorise them as.

    "Theology" and "Relationships" aren't exactly one and the same; they're separate.
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    (Original post by Josb)
    He doesn't own you. Do what you want. Find a job in Scotland and cut the ties.

    He sounds absolutely evil.
    it would be much easier if he was evil, believe me
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    (Original post by MGreenland5)
    I am so sorry that you feel this way, I truly am. I can relate to the voice in the back of your head, I've experienced that before. The way to get over a fear is to face it,
    I know that that is terrifying for you so do it in your own time. There is no rush so just keep your cool head on and there will come a time where you know exactly what you want to do. Which may include cutting your ties from him. I think maybe you need to find yourself first without him before you consider telling him anything, or showing him a liberal British approach to life you have adopted if you don't really know what that is yet and what you want yet.

    Enjoy the good times you have with him AND your friends Maybe take on the 'time and a place' approach for your own sanity Basically, you are a daddy's girl and you love him lots and work hard (which are great qualities!) and you also can socialise with people you like, enjoy yourself and use it as a stress release.

    BTW him hitting you is not ok, in any faith for any reason (other than self defence) which is clearly not the case here so keep safe
    thanks, this actually really helped...i think i agree with you but its useful to have someone else say it, bc as you say i don't always have a 'cool head' on this issue haha x

    ps he hasnt hit me since i was a child (ordinary smacks, not abusive)...its just i think it might be a possibility bc he does get angry v easily
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    (Original post by chocolatexo)
    loool everytime a shirtless guy comes on tv i have to become very interested in the wallpaper
    Or the floor, or the ceiling, or whatever isn't the TV XD

    I feel my skin start to burn if I stare too long at the TV and my parents are there.
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    There's nothing you can do, your Dad won't change no matter what people tell you or how much you stand up to him. This backwards, freshie mindset has been passed on generation to generation, there is no way you can break it. I'm Pakistani and while my parents aren't like this thank ****, I know others whose parents are, it's unfortunate tbh.

    Graduate > Find a job ASAP (even a stopgap job) > Rent > Cut ties with dad.

    He won't change, don't bother trying to make a stand if there's probability of violence or being thrown out.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    Or the floor, or the ceiling, or whatever isn't the TV XD

    I feel my skin start to burn if I stare too long at the TV and my parents are there.
    trustt

    i have brothers who love to watch wwe so it gets awkward cuz the guys never have their shirts on.....i can only enjoy it until my mom walks in
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    theres so many threads on muslims I honestly cant tell which are trolls or not now
    Yeah, Islam cannot make people feel miserable. They must be trolls.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thanks, this actually really helped...i think i agree with you but its useful to have someone else say it, bc as you say i don't always have a 'cool head' on this issue haha x

    ps he hasnt hit me since i was a child (ordinary smacks, not abusive)...its just i think it might be a possibility bc he does get angry v easily
    So glad this has helped you out a little ! yayy
    I can relate 100% to that, sometimes you really just need someone else to agree with you and have their opinion from another perspective so you know that what you are doing is the right thing and that the way you're feeling is ok and totally normal/allowed

    ah phew I'm glad he doesn't hit you! angry is still difficult to deal handle, especially when you actually don't need to. Just take your time and a step back, really look at what is going on and ask yourself what you want and what you feel is the best way to deal with each different situation.

    If you ever want another chat just message me on here! I'm not on loads but I will find the message and reply as soon as I do. Going to sleep now so good night and I hope you feel a lot lighter in the morning when you wake up. X
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    It's more difficult to take this seriously with all the connotations around the word "daddy".
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's more difficult to take this seriously with all the connotations around the word "daddy".
    yeah i figured i'd get more clicks, woops. tbh though i think a lot of girls who had strict dads do struggle with their sexual self afterwards, hard not to imagine him shaking his head even when youre wearing something a lil revealing, never mind.....other things
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    (Original post by chocolatexo)
    trustt

    i have brothers who love to watch wwe so it gets awkward cuz the guys never have their shirts on.....i can only enjoy it until my mom walks in
    did u ask your mates about the bj question lololol
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    You're 20, show it. Stand up for yourself and be thankful he was there for you as a kid
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    did u ask your mates about the bj question lololol
    lmaoooo nope i actually didnt

    i didnt realise ppl still wanted to know-ill ask monday
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    (Original post by HELLBOUND101)
    how can people say islam has no place in britain
    islam has brought a massive intellect to the uk
    from the inception of math and physic
    islam has brought hatred and destuction to the uk
    they are animals
    why are they like that?
    Hellbound are you some sort of randomly generated troll engine?
 
 
 
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