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Boyfriend takes out his anger on me Watch

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    (Original post by heybabez)
    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years now and the last year of it has just been terrible.

    We lived together last year in Bristol as I was doing my masters there and he worked nearby.

    However, as I couldn't find a job in Bristol after my masters, I moved back in with my parents in London and got a job there, with the idea to get some experience, save some money and see if there was a chance to move back to the south west. My boyfriend has since been driving up to see me at the weekends here and there although as he is in the military I don't see him too much any way.

    It has been a year now since I moved back to London and he has made me feel so awful about our situation. He HATES driving up to see me, HATES my parents, HATES that we don't have our own place. He is constantly frustrated and annoyed at the situation and has taken it out on me all this time.

    I've tried numerous times to find a new job closer to him, been through assessment days, interviews, etc and haven't been able to find anything just yet. Even at WORK, I am consistently job searching, filling out applications etc, even though I actually quite like my job in London and I'm doing really well there (and actually just got a promotion). I'm just so desperate to sort this out as he is just driving me crazy and completely exhausting me.

    Meanwhile I just get all the stick for it, that I need to sort things out and that it's all me. I've said to him let's get somewhere and meet in the middle, but he leaves it up to me to sort out. I know our situation isn't ideal, and I don't particularly like it either and my boyfriend has just been going MENTAL at me. Calling me names, threatening to break up with me every weekend and then being like 'whoops sorry I didn't mean all that'. I even found him going on a dating website and lying so that he didn't have to see me one weekend (!!!) and I still forgave him as he promised me he would stop behaving this way.

    Last weekend I got a bit emotional about the whole thing as I felt there was too much pressure on me to make the move despite trying my hardest (I just felt like nothing was coming from him), and he just flipped on me and said he couldn't be with someone who was upset all the time, he didn't think we were compatible, he has no money, he hates his job and his life and it's all my fault. That he's young and shouldn't be this stressed. He's also in a lot of debt (own personal money problems) and he doesn't know if he wants to be with me any more.

    Now he's saying he's sorry he shouldn't have said all of that to me, that he loves me, but I've asked him for a bit of space as this is just exhausting me now and I don't know if I can take it much longer - every time he is angry he takes everything out on me. I love him and I know we are in a dire situation but I can't do any more to please him and it's getting too much.

    Please advise on how to approach this as I am so exhausted!! Thanks!!!
    Luckily, you have found out his true colours now that you are geographically away and with no shared mortgage. Leave him before it's too late.
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    Thank you for the help everyone, it's really appreciated!! He kept apologising and we had a talk about everything where I got very upset. Again, he got angry because I didn't accept his apology straightaway and then brought up everything I've done in our relationship to 'remind me'.

    We broke up about 3 years ago due to similar issues and whilst doing so, I saw another guy for a couple of weeks. It was really stupid of me and of course I regret it. I told my boyfriend EVERYTHING and he forgave me and we moved on. Now I feel like every time he does something, he brings this up and turns everything on me. I've apologised a thousand times but he insists that he's doing me a favour by still being with me and so I have to put up with him.

    We spoke today about this in which I apologised profusely again and now he isn't speaking to me (because of this). WTF? I just don't know what to do. I love him so much and want to sort this out but it is a constant struggle - I just can't do anything right.
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    (Original post by heybabez)
    Thank you for the help everyone, it's really appreciated!! He kept apologising and we had a talk about everything where I got very upset. Again, he got angry because I didn't accept his apology straightaway and then brought up everything I've done in our relationship to 'remind me'.

    We broke up about 3 years ago due to similar issues and whilst doing so, I saw another guy for a couple of weeks. It was really stupid of me and of course I regret it. I told my boyfriend EVERYTHING and he forgave me and we moved on. Now I feel like every time he does something, he brings this up and turns everything on me. I've apologised a thousand times but he insists that he's doing me a favour by still being with me and so I have to put up with him.

    We spoke today about this in which I apologised profusely again and now he isn't speaking to me (because of this). WTF? I just don't know what to do. I love him so much and want to sort this out but it is a constant struggle - I just can't do anything right.
    Note: I've sent him a whatsapp after this conversation and said 'Love you x' which he has read and not replied. I guess I can't do anything else.
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    (Original post by heybabez)
    Thank you for the help everyone, it's really appreciated!! He kept apologising and we had a talk about everything where I got very upset. Again, he got angry because I didn't accept his apology straightaway and then brought up everything I've done in our relationship to 'remind me'.

    We broke up about 3 years ago due to similar issues and whilst doing so, I saw another guy for a couple of weeks. It was really stupid of me and of course I regret it. I told my boyfriend EVERYTHING and he forgave me and we moved on. Now I feel like every time he does something, he brings this up and turns everything on me. I've apologised a thousand times but he insists that he's doing me a favour by still being with me and so I have to put up with him.

    We spoke today about this in which I apologised profusely again and now he isn't speaking to me (because of this). WTF? I just don't know what to do. I love him so much and want to sort this out but it is a constant struggle - I just can't do anything right.
    Isnt all this a bit too much drama and draining. Its ok saying I love you and sorry, but if neither of you ever do anything to address the underlying problems, then you hot them again and start the cycle over. Isnt it all a bit dull and shouldnt you both address the issues properly? It all sounds a bit tedious.
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    Honestly, dump him. It's not healthy, you can do a lot better



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    (Original post by heybabez)
    Thank you for the help everyone, it's really appreciated!! He kept apologising and we had a talk about everything where I got very upset. Again, he got angry because I didn't accept his apology straightaway and then brought up everything I've done in our relationship to 'remind me'.

    We broke up about 3 years ago due to similar issues and whilst doing so, I saw another guy for a couple of weeks. It was really stupid of me and of course I regret it. I told my boyfriend EVERYTHING and he forgave me and we moved on. Now I feel like every time he does something, he brings this up and turns everything on me. I've apologised a thousand times but he insists that he's doing me a favour by still being with me and so I have to put up with him.

    We spoke today about this in which I apologised profusely again and now he isn't speaking to me (because of this). WTF? I just don't know what to do. I love him so much and want to sort this out but it is a constant struggle - I just can't do anything right.
    Sad to say, but you're going in endless circles with him.


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    Some straight talking to sort it out or knock it on the head. Sometimes it's right to turn the page.
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    (Original post by heybabez)
    Thank you for the help everyone, it's really appreciated!! He kept apologising and we had a talk about everything where I got very upset. Again, he got angry because I didn't accept his apology straightaway and then brought up everything I've done in our relationship to 'remind me'.

    We broke up about 3 years ago due to similar issues and whilst doing so, I saw another guy for a couple of weeks. It was really stupid of me and of course I regret it. I told my boyfriend EVERYTHING and he forgave me and we moved on. Now I feel like every time he does something, he brings this up and turns everything on me. I've apologised a thousand times but he insists that he's doing me a favour by still being with me and so I have to put up with him.

    We spoke today about this in which I apologised profusely again and now he isn't speaking to me (because of this). WTF? I just don't know what to do. I love him so much and want to sort this out but it is a constant struggle - I just can't do anything right.
    Honestly...You are in an unhealthy relationship. At this point it's not love it's fear and control. I have been where you are and you need to get out of this relationship before you get hurt. I thought I loved my ex boyfriend. He made me feel like every problem in the world was my fault but also that I couldn't ever get with another guy. No one was as good as he was and I would be alone if I didn't stay with him. I thought for years that I loved him even though he treated me like crud. It wasn't love and it took some great friends to help me see the light and get out of this harmful relationship.

    You can do so much better. You will find someone who loves you for who you are. You will find someone who treats you like gold. Someone who supports you and makes you feel on top of the world. You will compliment each other on many levels and you will feel safe and loved.
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    (Original post by heybabez)
    Thank you for the help everyone, it's really appreciated!! He kept apologising and we had a talk about everything where I got very upset. Again, he got angry because I didn't accept his apology straightaway and then brought up everything I've done in our relationship to 'remind me'.

    We broke up about 3 years ago due to similar issues and whilst doing so, I saw another guy for a couple of weeks. It was really stupid of me and of course I regret it. I told my boyfriend EVERYTHING and he forgave me and we moved on. Now I feel like every time he does something, he brings this up and turns everything on me. I've apologised a thousand times but he insists that he's doing me a favour by still being with me and so I have to put up with him.

    We spoke today about this in which I apologised profusely again and now he isn't speaking to me (because of this). WTF? I just don't know what to do. I love him so much and want to sort this out but it is a constant struggle - I just can't do anything right.
    Seriously don't stay with him for the sake of being in a relationship, this guy is draining you and destroying your self esteem. Get rid of him.
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    Break up with him. Seriously.

    This relationship does not sound like it's very healthy or beneficial for either of you.
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    (Original post by heybabez)
    Yes of course I do, we've been together for such a long time and we are great together. He's just not in the best place, and blames everyone else but himself - mostly me.

    I nearly broke up with him a couple of months ago after I found out he was on a dating website, and he then promised to change and it was a bit of a wake up call. But this weekend he's suddenly gone back to how he was before and blaming me for everything.
    A fair-weather boyfriend is (worse than) no boyfriend at all.
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    (Original post by heybabez)
    Yes of course I do, we've been together for such a long time and we are great together. He's just not in the best place, and blames everyone else but himself - mostly me.

    I nearly broke up with him a couple of months ago after I found out he was on a dating website, and he then promised to change and it was a bit of a wake up call. But this weekend he's suddenly gone back to how he was before and blaming me for everything.
    The duration of a relationship doesn't really prove a lot, if anything it only puts more pressure on the couple as they feel like they have to succumb to continuing the relationship just because it's been a long time. I feel like you know what you have to do but you're just too afraid to do it. This might be because of all the blaming he's put on you so it's almost made you believe that it's all your fault when in reality you're doing pretty well as you've managed to maintain a good job and gain a promotion and meanwhile he's doing i have no idea but definitely hasn't reached your level. Just tell him it's over and if he gets angry then don't hesitate to give him a taste of his own medicine just make sure you're safe though.
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    Thank you guys for all your advice, unfortunately this has all come to a bitter blow see: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...7#post64946347

    I am absolutely broken inside I don't know what to do.
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    I suggest you post this on the relationships section on mumsnet.com. Lots of people who've been through this stuff and you'll get fantastic advice. They've helped me a lot!
 
 
 
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