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[UPSETTING] Acute stress and anxiety: My experience watch

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    (Original post by iEthan)
    Warning: this content is upsetting.


    What happened?
    Let's set the scene. It was close to Christmas and I'd just had a lovely weekend with my ex. I was on my way home. I'd gotten to the train station quite early, so I was waiting on the platform for my train. The platform was packed. People were coming back home with their last minute Christmas shopping!

    I vaguely remember looking up at this guy. He was average height probably. Just a random bloke on a train platform, nothing out of the ordinary there. You know the noise the tracks make when a train is coming? The weird soft clunky noise? The tracks started to make that noise. An express train was approaching the platform, wasn't stopping at the station.

    People moved back away from the edge. Sadly… the hustle of all of this caused the man to fall into the tracks. He managed to stand up, but even by then it was too late. I'll never forget for as long as I live the moment when he realised his fate. The look of panic stricken, utter fear in his eyes. A deer in headlights. It was truly harrowing.

    There was nothing anyone could have done. The train was going quite fast. It hit him point blank. I remember forcing my eyes shut, like you would when you were younger, and you wanted to pretend to your mum that you were asleep when she checked on you at bedtime because you were scared of still being awake. It felt like I had to close my eyes. I remember hearing a dull 'thud' and feeling a spray of something hit me. It didn't register what it was that had just covered me at the time. I didn't want to think about it. I blocked it out. I heard other people on the platform panicking.

    There were screams and people crying, mixed with the screeching of the train's emergency brakes. All too late. I opened my eyes. I wanted to get away from that platform as fast as possible. No matter what I did, I couldn't move. I wanted to, I needed to. I felt paralysed in place. I couldn't even blink. I shan't describe the sight that greeted me. What I will say is that it will haunt me for as long as I live. Nobody should see another human like that.

    Eventually, a stranger came up to me and put her arms around me and led me out of the station. I don't know who this stranger was. I can't even remember what she looked like. I just remember her making the choice for me to sit down. She hugged me as I bawled and shook uncontrollably, waiting for my ex's mum to arrive and take me away from the station.

    I think about him sometimes. I never found out who he was, or where he was going. Did he have a family? Did he feel any pain? Could I have done something? Why didn't I move?

    What happened next?
    I can't remember much of the evening that followed. I went straight to bed. In the morning, I had to go home. My mum offered to drive there and pick me up, but I refused. I wanted to go back to the station. I got a train home. I thought I was conquering some anxieties over trains I could develop. I didn't. I had simply put it to the back of my mind to fester, ignoring it.

    For months afterwards, I suffered from extreme nightmares (or perhaps night terrors). I would often dream about it and wake up screaming. I should have sought help. I didn't. It made it worse for me.

    How did you deal with it?
    In the end, I looked at some advice for coping with things like this. I learned that there were breathing exercises I could do to calm me down, things like that. Since time has moved on, I've stopped having the nightmares… but I still think about it.
    holy **** that would've ****ed me up real bad I'm sorry you had to witness that I'm glad the nightmares have stopped <3
    time heals everything :console: thanks for sharing your story :hugs:
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    (Original post by z33)
    holy **** that would've ****ed me up real bad I'm sorry you had to witness that I'm glad the nightmares have stopped <3
    time heals everything :console: thanks for sharing your story :hugs:
    Thank you so much for your kind words z :hugs: I really appreciate that!
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    (Original post by ||TheUnknown||)
    Hey,

    Again, I have so much admiration for you for having the courage to write that out. I am genuinely so sorry that you had to go through such a traumatising experience.

    You are a such an incredible individual for achieving all you have done through all that. I really wish you the best of luck!

    M x
    Hi,

    Thank you. That means a lot to me. Best of luck to you too.

    Jay
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    My story


    What happened?

    So many of you already know, I'm an only child. I have my two parents, and a small family (two aunts and two uncles) Being in a small family means you are incredibly close to one another and this was certainly the case with us.

    My grandmother, was probably one of the closest family members I had. She looked after me, taught me my heritage and generally cared for me more than my parents. We had an extremely close bond, and it's safe to say, I loved her more than my parents.

    About two years ago she was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer. It was a shock, as she was the only one in my family not to smoke or drink, in fact she led the healthiest lifestyle out of all of us.

    Despite this she had multiple stomach ulcers and had surgery that removed big chunks of her digestive system (her whole stomach was removed as well as parts of her intestine) She was also put under intense chemotherapy and basically pumped full of drugs. It was that point that I really began to feel depressed and started doing stuff, which I'm not proud of. I started stealing cigarettes from my dad and I hid booze in my room. I thought, what's the point in trying to be healthy when even the healthy get sick?

    It was at this time that my aunt got married, and I think it was the last time I saw my grandmother full of life She didn't look like a typical cancer patient. She still had her hair, she looked so full of life and energetic, the colour was in her cheeks. She was happy then and so I was I.

    About three months later she died.

    We got the phone call a few days before Christmas. "Malina has died. She died in her sleep" The past three months she had been in and out of hospital, vomiting up blood, collapsing, on the brink of life and death. And finally she died. Was it a good thing? I don't know. I am glad she had stopped suffering, but I just couldn't accept it. I kept waiting for her to call me, to hear her voice again. Her reassuring voice, that always comforted me, kept my company and defended me. That, always stuck by me, and loved me.

    My mother, she completely changed. She wouldn't get out of bed. She ignored me, stopped eating, stopped talking. I stopped eating too. And when I did, I felt so guilty that I just stuck my fingers down my throat.
    I developed an eating disorder called bulimia. I couldn't eat anything, then I would stuff myself, only to force it back out.I started to steal more of my dad's stuff. I felt so alone. No one at school understood me. I stopped trying. I didn't know what was the point anymore.

    A part of me had died.

    What happened next?

    Nothing really, I haven't gotten over it to be honest. It's been two years now, and I know she's dead, but I don't want believe it. I stopped drinking and smoking though, because I deep down I knew how dissapointed my grandmother would be if she saw me doing this. My mother and I bonded over her death though. We worked with each other, to stop the feelings we had. I think we got better.

    To this day, I haven't seen her grave. Legally I am not allowed to enter the country she is buried in. I'll never be able to see her grave, which kills me.

    How did I deal with it?

    I dealt with it in a way which I spoke with my parents. I told them, and they understood. We became closer as a family ironically, despite losing a member.

    I'm not going to lie, writing this post was emotional. I miss my grandmother so much. it kills me knowing she won't see my successes. And I hate life for being so cruel and taking her away from me.

    I also still have an eating disorder, which I might talk about at a later time. It has gotten much better, but I don't think I've been able to fully recover.
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    (Original post by homeland.lsw)
    My story


    What happened?

    So many of you already know, I'm an only child. I have my two parents, and a small family (two aunts and two uncles) Being in a small family means you are incredibly close to one another and this was certainly the case with us.

    My grandmother, was probably one of the closest family members I had. She looked after me, taught me my heritage and generally cared for me more than my parents. We had an extremely close bond, and it's safe to say, I loved her more than my parents.

    About two years ago she was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer. It was a shock, as she was the only one in my family not to smoke or drink, in fact she led the healthiest lifestyle out of all of us.

    Despite this she had multiple stomach ulcers and had surgery that removed big chunks of her digestive system (her whole stomach was removed as well as parts of her intestine) She was also put under intense chemotherapy and basically pumped full of drugs. It was that point that I really began to feel depressed and started doing stuff, which I'm not proud of. I started stealing cigarettes from my dad and I hid booze in my room. I thought, what's the point in trying to be healthy when even the healthy get sick?

    It was at this time that my sister got married, and I think it was the last time I saw my grandmother full of life She didn't look like a typical cancer patient. She still had her hair, she looked so full of life and energetic, the colour was in her cheeks. She was happy then and so I was I.

    About three months later she died.

    We got the phone call a few days before Christmas. "Malina has died. She died in her sleep" The past three months she had been in and out of hospital, vomiting up blood, collapsing, on the brink of life and death. And finally she died. Was it a good thing? I don't know. I am glad she had stopped suffering, but I just couldn't accept it. I kept waiting for her to call me, to hear her voice again. Her reassuring voice, that always comforted me, kept my company and defended me. That, always stuck by me, and loved me.

    My mother, she completely changed. She wouldn't get out of bed. She ignored me, stopped eating, stopped talking. I stopped eating too. And when I did, I felt so guilty that I just stuck my fingers down my throat.
    I developed an eating disorder called bulimia. I couldn't eat anything, then I would stuff myself, only to force it back out.I started to steal more of my dad's stuff. I felt so alone. No one at school understood me. I stopped trying. I didn't know what was the point anymore.

    A part of me had died.

    What happened next?

    Nothing really, I haven't gotten over it to be honest. It's been two years now, and I know she's dead, but I don't want believe it. I stopped drinking and smoking though, because I deep down I knew how dissapointed my grandmother would be if she saw me doing this. My mother and I bonded over her death though. We worked with each other, to stop the feelings we had. I think we got better.

    To this day, I haven't seen her grave. Legally I am not allowed to enter the country she is buried in. I'll never be able to see her grave, which kills me.

    How did I deal with it?

    I dealt with it in a way which I spoke with my parents. I told them, and they understood. We became closer as a family ironically, despite losing a member.

    I'm not going to lie, writing this post was emotional. I miss my grandmother so much. it kills me knowing she won't see my successes. And I hate life for being so cruel and taking her away from me.

    I also still have an eating disorder, which I might talk about at a later time. It has gotten much better, but I don't think I've been able to fully recover.
    You're such a soldier, mate. Seriously. I'm so proud of you and you're an amazing guy. Well done for sharing this. It's not easy at all and you know what, I genuinely believe you can get through and be okay. Eating disorders are horrendously difficult to manage as you know and most people, the vast majority even, are never able to fully shake it. But you can get there bit by bit and that's all that matters.

    Keep strong and keep smiling.

    :love: :jumphug: :love:
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    I just wanted to say well done and to those posted/ that will post so far are just totally awesome. :hugs:

    I dunno, I just felt like I had to say something to show my support.
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    (Original post by homeland.lsw)
    My story


    What happened?

    So many of you already know, I'm an only child. I have my two parents, and a small family (two aunts and two uncles) Being in a small family means you are incredibly close to one another and this was certainly the case with us.

    My grandmother, was probably one of the closest family members I had. She looked after me, taught me my heritage and generally cared for me more than my parents. We had an extremely close bond, and it's safe to say, I loved her more than my parents.

    About two years ago she was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer. It was a shock, as she was the only one in my family not to smoke or drink, in fact she led the healthiest lifestyle out of all of us.

    Despite this she had multiple stomach ulcers and had surgery that removed big chunks of her digestive system (her whole stomach was removed as well as parts of her intestine) She was also put under intense chemotherapy and basically pumped full of drugs. It was that point that I really began to feel depressed and started doing stuff, which I'm not proud of. I started stealing cigarettes from my dad and I hid booze in my room. I thought, what's the point in trying to be healthy when even the healthy get sick?

    It was at this time that my aunt got married, and I think it was the last time I saw my grandmother full of life She didn't look like a typical cancer patient. She still had her hair, she looked so full of life and energetic, the colour was in her cheeks. She was happy then and so I was I.

    About three months later she died.

    We got the phone call a few days before Christmas. "Malina has died. She died in her sleep" The past three months she had been in and out of hospital, vomiting up blood, collapsing, on the brink of life and death. And finally she died. Was it a good thing? I don't know. I am glad she had stopped suffering, but I just couldn't accept it. I kept waiting for her to call me, to hear her voice again. Her reassuring voice, that always comforted me, kept my company and defended me. That, always stuck by me, and loved me.

    My mother, she completely changed. She wouldn't get out of bed. She ignored me, stopped eating, stopped talking. I stopped eating too. And when I did, I felt so guilty that I just stuck my fingers down my throat.
    I developed an eating disorder called bulimia. I couldn't eat anything, then I would stuff myself, only to force it back out.I started to steal more of my dad's stuff. I felt so alone. No one at school understood me. I stopped trying. I didn't know what was the point anymore.

    A part of me had died.

    What happened next?

    Nothing really, I haven't gotten over it to be honest. It's been two years now, and I know she's dead, but I don't want believe it. I stopped drinking and smoking though, because I deep down I knew how dissapointed my grandmother would be if she saw me doing this. My mother and I bonded over her death though. We worked with each other, to stop the feelings we had. I think we got better.

    To this day, I haven't seen her grave. Legally I am not allowed to enter the country she is buried in. I'll never be able to see her grave, which kills me.

    How did I deal with it?

    I dealt with it in a way which I spoke with my parents. I told them, and they understood. We became closer as a family ironically, despite losing a member.

    I'm not going to lie, writing this post was emotional. I miss my grandmother so much. it kills me knowing she won't see my successes. And I hate life for being so cruel and taking her away from me.

    I also still have an eating disorder, which I might talk about at a later time. It has gotten much better, but I don't think I've been able to fully recover.
    I just want to echo precisely what Jay said, you are very strong and an asset to your grandmother. She would be proud of your resilience and your good-willed attitude to everything. You're a credit to her, thank you for being brave enough to speak out :hugs: — I'm sorry that you went through so much in the aftermath. You went through a lot, eating disorders are such difficult things to deal with, but persevere, keep going bud. You can do it. Promise! Baby steps.

    Keep on keeping on
    Ethan :hugs:
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    (Original post by ivybridge)
    You're such a soldier, mate. Seriously. I'm so proud of you and you're an amazing guy. Well done for sharing this. It's not easy at all and you know what, I genuinely believe you can get through and be okay. Eating disorders are horrendously difficult to manage as you know and most people, the vast majority even, are never able to fully shake it. But you can get there bit by bit and that's all that matters.

    Keep strong and keep smiling.

    :love: :jumphug: :love:
    Thanks. I figured if you can come to terms with what really was horrendous, I can start coming to terms with my own struggles. It was a shock really because a lot of people are used to seeing grandparents die at 70 or 80. Mine died at 58, and I don't have any other grandparents.

    Anyway, it's good to see more people like me, in a similar position to me. I don't know. I think I should be more open about my stuff, because I think it can help
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    (Original post by iEthan)
    I just want to echo precisely what Jay said, you are very strong and an asset to your grandmother. She would be proud of your resilience and your good-willed attitude to everything. You're a credit to her, thank you for being brave enough to speak out :hugs: — I'm sorry that you went through so much in the aftermath. You went through a lot, eating disorders are such difficult things to deal with, but persevere, keep going bud. You can do it. Promise! Baby steps.

    Keep on keeping on
    Ethan :hugs:
    Basically what I said to Jay. :lol:

    Thanks Ethan, and your story was so disturbing, especially during christmastime. Life is cruel sometimes, but it's good to talk about it to others. Offers some closure
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    Mental health issue is something that's been close to me throughout my life, so I would like to make some contributions. Unfortunately I'll have to post anonymously here but I hope you don't mind. I'll try to keep it as concise as possible.
    Spoiler:
    Show

    What happened?
    Throughout my childhood, my mum suffered from a severe depression. This was worsened by her heart condition; she had an heart attack when I was one, and this meant that she only had a very limited choice of anti-depressants to try from. As a young child, I did not understand any 'science' and 'facts' behind mental illness, which did not help with coping with any emotional consequences her depression had on me. I found her suicide note and a very dark diary she kept. I witnessed her suicide and self harm threats. I saw her cry everyday like a vulnerable child left on the street, heard her talk emotionally and negatively about herself and our relatives. And being a child myself, I felt completely helpless and useless. I have yet to know whether it was due to her depression, her medication or something else even after all those years, but I also experienced some serious physical abuse, and inevitable neglect. As my mum's depression slowly started to get better, my mental health went downwards. I started to self harm, and was actively suicidal.

    What happened next?
    Shortly after, we moved to a different country. My suicidal thoughts slowly faded away, although I was arguably more isolated than ever as I had a huge language barrier and had no friends for about two years. Next few years I pushed aside my early childhood problems undealt with, and focused on learning the language and striving academically. I got to the point where I spoke the language fluently and held an offer to study at one of the top university worldwide. However, as I thought I had earned a stainless happiness for once, my mental health started to go downhill again. My brain decided to recall my early childhood at the most random times possible, and I started to wake up frequently at night and to cry everyday for absolutely no apparent reason.

    How did you deal with it?
    So for the first time in around 15 years (though it is true that in my early years I was too young to even consider seeking help, so practically it's around 7 years) I decided to get help. I did not want to get to the point of suicidal thinking and self harm again. I am still dealing with my anxiety, insomnia, as well as hypervigilance and probably other things that I'm not even aware of yet. I only recently realised that I had lived in denial and delusions all those years, and I am finding it hard to face and accept that what I convinced myself were okay, were actually horrible, and that I have a list of traumatic experiences that are unresolved. What I find particularly difficult is that I cannot tell my parents what is bothering me and why, because I don't want them to feel responsible and I don't want them to be hurt for knowing that I had self harmed and considered suicide. I wish I could simply hate my parents for putting me through the pain and for not noticing the pain I was going through, but I can't, because I still vividly remember how helpless my mum was and I know that she did not want to or choose to be the way she was.


    So my journey to a truer happiness has just begun, and it will be a bumpy road and I am running low on courage, but I know I am not alone in this thanks to amazing online support communities that exist nowadays. I've found it helpful to read about different people's stories as they make me feel less lonely, so I hope mine has that effect on someone out there.

    I wish everyone reading this thread all the best with your journeys ahead. :hug:
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    furryface12
    oops I just realised that you've edited my post. I'm sorry I wasn't thinking of trigger and such. Thanks for making appropriate adjustments.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    Hi OP,

    Sorry you went through something like this! You are incredibly brave for sharing your story and I'm so happy that you're feeling more content now and well done for seeking help :hugs: proud of you!

    Ethan
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    furryface12
    oops I just realised that you've edited my post. I'm sorry I wasn't thinking of trigger and such. Thanks for making appropriate adjustments.
    Don't worry, I just took out a couple of details. Really sorry you had to go through that all, hope things start to look up a bit for you!
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    (Original post by iEthan)
    Hi OP,

    Sorry you went through something like this! You are incredibly brave for sharing your story and I'm so happy that you're feeling more content now and well done for seeking help :hugs: proud of you!

    Ethan
    Thanks for your kind words.
    I was frowning and forgot to breathe whilst reading your traumatising experience!! I was like holy crap! :afraid: I hope you won't have to go through anything like that again. :hugs:

    (Original post by furryface12)
    Don't worry, I just took out a couple of details. Really sorry you had to go through that all, hope things start to look up a bit for you!
    Thank you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for your kind words.
    I was frowning and forgot to breathe whilst reading your traumatising experience!! I was like holy crap! :afraid: I hope you won't have to go through anything like that again. :hugs:


    Thank you
    Thanks to you for your kind words :hugs: — I wish you the best with everything! :excited:

    Ethan
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    Sorry you had to go through that, and that poor man

    That was very upsetting to read, can't imagine how you must have felt! Thanks for sharing. :hugs:
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    (Original post by Black Rose)
    Sorry you had to go through that, and that poor man

    That was very upsetting to read, can't imagine how you must have felt! Thanks for sharing. :hugs:
    Thank you so much for your kind words :hugs: I was thinking about him yesterday actually… often find myself doing that — I hope it raises awareness :yep:
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    (Original post by iEthan)

    Depression and Anxiety
    Mental Health Awareness Week 2016


    Depression and anxiety affect nearly 400,000 young people in the UK alone. According to YoungMinds, that's around 1 in 15 of us that have experienced depression or anxiety. Living with either or both of them can seriously impact day-to-day life.

    TSR is running a campaign all of this week for Mental Health Awareness Week 2016 to promote and inform others of the state of mental health and to try and reduce the stigmas associated with mental health.


    Have you ever experienced something traumatising? Something so utterly shocking that you'll remember it for the rest of your life? That's what I'll be talking about today. This thread aims to talk about my experience, how I reacted, what happened next and how I dealt with it.

    Warning: this content is upsetting.


    What happened?
    Let's set the scene. It was close to Christmas and I'd just had a lovely weekend with my ex. I was on my way home. I'd gotten to the train station quite early, so I was waiting on the platform for my train. The platform was packed. People were coming back home with their last minute Christmas shopping!

    I vaguely remember looking up at this guy. He was average height probably. Just a random bloke on a train platform, nothing out of the ordinary there. You know the noise the tracks make when a train is coming? The weird soft clunky noise? The tracks started to make that noise. An express train was approaching the platform, wasn't stopping at the station.

    People moved back away from the edge. Sadly… the hustle of all of this caused the man to fall into the tracks. He managed to stand up, but even by then it was too late. I'll never forget for as long as I live the moment when he realised his fate. The look of panic stricken, utter fear in his eyes. A deer in headlights. It was truly harrowing.

    There was nothing anyone could have done. The train was going quite fast. It hit him point blank. I remember forcing my eyes shut, like you would when you were younger, and you wanted to pretend to your mum that you were asleep when she checked on you at bedtime because you were scared of still being awake. It felt like I had to close my eyes. I remember hearing a dull 'thud' and feeling a spray of something hit me. It didn't register what it was that had just covered me at the time. I didn't want to think about it. I blocked it out. I heard other people on the platform panicking.

    There were screams and people crying, mixed with the screeching of the train's emergency brakes. All too late. I opened my eyes. I wanted to get away from that platform as fast as possible. No matter what I did, I couldn't move. I wanted to, I needed to. I felt paralysed in place. I couldn't even blink. I shan't describe the sight that greeted me. What I will say is that it will haunt me for as long as I live. Nobody should see another human like that.

    Eventually, a stranger came up to me and put her arms around me and led me out of the station. I don't know who this stranger was. I can't even remember what she looked like. I just remember her making the choice for me to sit down. She hugged me as I bawled and shook uncontrollably, waiting for my ex's mum to arrive and take me away from the station.

    I think about him sometimes. I never found out who he was, or where he was going. Did he have a family? Did he feel any pain? Could I have done something? Why didn't I move?

    What happened next?
    I can't remember much of the evening that followed. I went straight to bed. In the morning, I had to go home. My mum offered to drive there and pick me up, but I refused. I wanted to go back to the station. I got a train home. I thought I was conquering some anxieties over trains I could develop. I didn't. I had simply put it to the back of my mind to fester, ignoring it.

    For months afterwards, I suffered from extreme nightmares (or perhaps night terrors). I would often dream about it and wake up screaming. I should have sought help. I didn't. It made it worse for me.

    How did you deal with it?
    In the end, I looked at some advice for coping with things like this. I learned that there were breathing exercises I could do to calm me down, things like that. Since time has moved on, I've stopped having the nightmares… but I still think about it.


    For more information on mental illness, the Mind and Rethink websites are a good place to start. The Samaritans, Childline and Nightline are also great if you need someone to speak to, and also have email and instant messaging services if you can't or don't want to speak out loud to someone. If you're struggling, your GP is always a good first point of call though!

    Feel free to share your experiences. However, if the content is upsetting, please use a spoiler or an expand tag

    We're holding various events and writing about lots of different themes throughout the week. Take a look here!
    Though I am not present during that event I can feel how horrifying it was. I have also seen death (shot 3 times) in front of me. Even until now the fear still lingers. Though death is an unavoidable event in a person's life seeing someone died unnaturally is something that creates fear in our mind.
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    (Original post by pillid12)
    Though I am not present during that event I can feel how horrifying it was. I have also seen death (shot 3 times) in front of me. Even until now the fear still lingers. Though death is an unavoidable event in a person's life seeing someone died unnaturally is something that creates fear in our mind.
    Hey :hugs:

    You're really brave for talking about your experience and I hope you're doing ok! You're right, it's a terrible thing and it is awful that it happened. Hopefully stories like these will encourage others to talk about their health
 
 
 
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