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she used to text me every day- am i just being needy? watch

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    It's possible she's having problems with her phone.

    Have you tried calling her, instead of texting her? Because to me, if you text me, then it can't be that important and can wait.
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    (Original post by Tiger Rag)
    It's possible she's having problems with her phone.

    Have you tried calling her, instead of texting her? Because to me, if you text me, then it can't be that important and can wait.
    It wasn't an important text. It's just that there has been a lack of communication altogether recently. We used to text regularly, now there aren't even texts to ask how I am/what My plans are etc. I'm the one making effort
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just get sad because I think that things aren't working. I feel like texting but I think that it's best if I don't because I don't want to appear to needy or insecure (even though I probably am, but I don't think I come across like that in person because we always have a good time together). So I just stop myself from texting.

    It's happened before with her, not with anyone else as this is the first girl I have seen for more than a few weeks. This is probably why I feel so insecure as I have never really properly liked anyone before.

    Previously when it happened I caved and texted her again asking to meet up and we didn't see each other for a week which I felt was unusual (usually it is 2 or 3 times per week and she has texted me 3 days into her holiday saying she missed me). I thought she was going to end things but she didn't and we saw each other 3 times that week and it was great. Now it is back to this again though.
    What else could you focus on -things to do, interests to pursue etc- instead of using the time to dwell on her?

    You are concerned about feeling needy/insecure. How would you like to feel in this situation?

    If you were to imagine your life as a whole, from your birth to the day of your death, how important is this relationship?
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    (Original post by Davide_online)
    What else could you focus on -things to do, interests to pursue etc- instead of using the time to dwell on her?

    You are concerned about feeling needy/insecure. How would you like to feel in this situation?

    If you were to imagine your life as a whole, from your birth to the day of your death, how important is this relationship?

    I have other interests. I have a job, I have a band, I go to the gym. But still I think about her, probably too much. I'd imagine certainly more than she thinks about me.

    I would like to feel secure. Knowing that she likes me and that things are going fine. I have this fear that things are always on the cusp of going wrong and the relationship ending. I know it's probably irrational but i can't help it.

    Obviously if you put things into perspective like that then the relationship doesn't seem that important. However, at this moment and time it does feel important to me, spending time with her makes me happy.
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    Maybe shes wanting you to start the conversations rather than her starting them all the time
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    She's a bit bored with you. yes you are a bit insecure and needy. Its not wrong to want to communicate, but she has different ideas about making an effort. Talk to her, but I see it just fizzling out. The ignoring your message is a sign of her priorities she isnt interested, its deliberate.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    She's a bit bored with you. yes you are a bit insecure and needy. Its not wrong to want to communicate, but she has different ideas about making an effort. Talk to her, but I see it just fizzling out. The ignoring your message is a sign of her priorities she isnt interested, its deliberate.
    But why is she fine/affectionate/enthusiastic in person if she is bored? It's not like I bombard her with texts when she's not texting me, I know that's not cool. Making an effort would maybe be her asking me to do something instead of me always arranging things.
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    I know a guy with a similar problem. Turns out he wrote a song about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But why is she fine/affectionate/enthusiastic in person if she is bored? It's not like I bombard her with texts when she's not texting me, I know that's not cool. Making an effort would maybe be her asking me to do something instead of me always arranging things.
    As your friend pointed out you arent shiny and new any more. Her normal way of dolng this maybe not to communicate every day and she has gone back to that. Alternatively she chooses to ignore you becayse your communications dont have priority for her when ccompare to being on spotify or facebook. People have different ideas.

    You are right to be wary of your own insecurity and neediness.
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    (Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob)
    Noticed this before, people in secure relationships stop putting effort in, take their partner for granted and seek novelty. It happens, best thing to do is to keep her at a distance for a while, it might feel a bit cruel but it'll work better in the long term.
    so true, however you both need to talk still. dont let it die out
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    (Original post by lascelles101)
    so true, however you both need to talk still. dont let it die out
    Well I text her again asking how she was etc. and if she wanted to do something tomorrow. She replied only with "I can't tomorrow". I asked if there was another day she was free and she said she would have to let me know and that she is feeling really ill just now.

    I guess I'll just leave it until if/when she texts me asking me to do something. Although I think this is finished probably. Just seems so bizarre considering how she was when we saw each other last week.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well I text her again asking how she was etc. and if she wanted to do something tomorrow. She replied only with "I can't tomorrow". I asked if there was another day she was free and she said she would have to let me know and that she is feeling really ill just now.

    I guess I'll just leave it until if/when she texts me asking me to do something. Although I think this is finished probably. Just seems so bizarre considering how she was when we saw each other last week.
    Looks like the sparks gone from your relationship the only thing to do is to wait for her to let you know.
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    tell her to come round urs and if she says no then she has finished you m8
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    3 months is the end of infatuation and the honeymoon period.
    Time to figure out if she's bored with you, busy, comfortable or something else.
    Get something arranged to go out together and see what happens.
    Try not to preempt the outcome
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have other interests. I have a job, I have a band, I go to the gym. But still I think about her, probably too much. I'd imagine certainly more than she thinks about me.

    I would like to feel secure. Knowing that she likes me and that things are going fine. I have this fear that things are always on the cusp of going wrong and the relationship ending. I know it's probably irrational but i can't help it.

    Obviously if you put things into perspective like that then the relationship doesn't seem that important. However, at this moment and time it does feel important to me, spending time with her makes me happy.
    There is no attractive or easy way out of your core dilemma here, which is your lack of control over her attitude and conduct.

    I see that you have 3 choices: carry on as you are, and things may or may not improve; carry on, doing your best to increase the chances of success but working with lower expectations of her and the relationship; finally, deciding that the situation is beyond you emotionally and withdrawing from it.

    Yes, you do seem 'needy' but that's understandable given what you've honestly stated in your posts. It's not reasonable to expect yourself to just shut down how you feel.

    Everyone is different, and you should do what you feel is right for you, but if it were me I'd sit down and talk with her and listen carefully to what she said and how she said it.
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    (Original post by Davide_online)
    There is no attractive or easy way out of your core dilemma here, which is your lack of control over her attitude and conduct.

    I see that you have 3 choices: carry on as you are, and things may or may not improve; carry on, doing your best to increase the chances of success but working with lower expectations of her and the relationship; finally, deciding that the situation is beyond you emotionally and withdrawing from it.

    Yes, you do seem 'needy' but that's understandable given what you've honestly stated in your posts. It's not reasonable to expect yourself to just shut down how you feel.

    Everyone is different, and you should do what you feel is right for you, but if it were me I'd sit down and talk with her and listen carefully to what she said and how she said it.
    My only option is to wait until she texts me saying she wants to meet I suppose. Then I can talk to her.

    It's just so frustrating that there is such a huge contrast from the way she was acting last week and the way she's acting now.
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    Yep, very frustrating. I've been there many a time myself. It has led me to ponder that Shakespeare quote "Frailty, thy name is woman", but I'm on the very of going off-topic..
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    Is 3 months enough time to expect someone to tell you "I dont want to see you anymore" or is it acceptable to just let it die out?
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    Unfortunately, there are no objective 'rules' for situations such as this in my experience. As hard as it can be, you're better off concentrating on what you can control and try to let go of what you can't. If it were me I'd want to take the initiative and find out where I stand sooner than later, but everyone is different.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Is this an issue or am I just being needy and irrational/insecure?
    nail on the head. chill the f out. Also if you like this girl then stop texting her and offer to do something with her in the real world, she might be losing interest in you cuz it's going nowhere
 
 
 
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