Girl wants to "take a break" due to her anxiety. Anxiety sufferers' advice wanted!

ok so i've been going out with this girl for 4/5 months and i really like her. She told me early on she has anxiety

things have been going fine up until the past week where she's been distant/not meeting up/hardly texting etc. so i confronted her about it and she told me that she has been "really mentally ill" recently with her anxiety and couldn't really feel anything and suggested we "take a break" until I get back from my holiday in a few weeks and see if she's up for getting things back on track again

I told her I can be patient but now i'm wondering how i progress things from here. Do i wait for her to text me when i get back and if i don't hear from her just assume things are completely done? Or do I text her when I get back and ask her?

I really want things to work but I don't really understand anxiety as I have never even met anyone with it (as far as I'm aware). I've also never had a "break" it's always been a clear cut "break-up"

Assume things are completely done. If she valued your relationship (and you) she'd "let you in" and use your presence as a way to keep herself stable. My partner and I both have anxiety and depression, and this is what we do.

In the meanwhile, I'd try and persuade her to seek help/treatment. She's clearly either not coping or not bothered, and that's not good.

I mean 4 months isn't a huge amount of time to be together but I get what you're saying. What I'm confused about is why we have to "take a break". She told me she "felt nothing" not just about me but everything. Surely if she had feelings for me and knew that this anxiety episode would end in the future then she would have wanted to stay together? I don't know, this is the logical way someone would think but i suppose people with anxiety don't necessarily think logically.

So you think i should just consider it over and move on? Don't even bother trying to get back in touch in a few weeks time?

Pretty much. Leave her to it if she wants to be pathetic.

I know there are going to be people who don't like me saying that kind of behaviour is pathetic, but it is. When you've got anxiety (though this sounds more like clinical depression, but they're very similar), your feelings can fade - but you know it's going to pass. You don't push people away, you keep people who can help you remember what it's like to be positive (partners, friends, parents) around you to help buck you back up. Recovering solo from an episode - in my own experience - is far more difficult than with the support of loved ones. That said, I have severe depression as well as anxiety. But without my parents and best friend being there when I had my worst bout of it, I would have been sectioned (at best) or even tried to kill myself.

More recently, my own partner had a bout of it last year. She was awful to know at that point, and she knew it, but she also knew that if she could drag her heels for long enough, she'd get over it - and she did. She and I stayed together. We talked, we fought, we kissed and made up. That's how a couple deals with mental health problems.

I'm sorry if I sound callous or anything... I suppose it's a callous disorder, and a very selfish one.

So, yes, if she thinks a "break" is necessary or even relevant, she's not good for you. Chuck, rid, find a woman who's worthy of you.

ok so i've been going out with this girl for 4/5 months and i really like her. She told me early on she has anxiety

things have been going fine up until the past week where she's been distant/not meeting up/hardly texting etc. so i confronted her about it and she told me that she has been "really mentally ill" recently with her anxiety and couldn't really feel anything and suggested we "take a break" until I get back from my holiday in a few weeks and see if she's up for getting things back on track again

I told her I can be patient but now i'm wondering how i progress things from here. Do i wait for her to text me when i get back and if i don't hear from her just assume things are completely done? Or do I text her when I get back and ask her?

I really want things to work but I don't really understand anxiety as I have never even met anyone with it (as far as I'm aware). I've also never had a "break" it's always been a clear cut "break-up"

I suffer from anxiety myself and it has often put strain on my relationship with my boyfriend of 8 months. There have been times I have considered having a break for a few reasons: not wanting to take my illness out on him, not let my illness ruin our relationship, or simply just not having it in me to maintain a relationship. Anxiety is a hard, tiring illness and as this is a stressful time of year, I am sure she is just really struggling to get a grasp on her feelings. In all likelihood, she still wants to be with you or she would break things off all together, she just needs some time to focus on herself before coming back to you. Perhaps she is worried you cant handle her at her worst?

The best advice I can give is to let her know that you're there for her and want to be with her regardless of how badly her illness is affecting her, and that if she needs anything you're just a message away. By doing this it means that you have reassured her that you still want to be in the relationship and are willing to help her through this tough time, but you are not forcing her to talk to you. I hope this helps somehow? And I hope your relationship gets back on track soon!

Actually, I suffer from anxiety myself, and it was the cause of one of my previous breakups. I used to get stressed and worked up convinced that no one could ever want me as much as I wanted them. Relaxing isn't the overall solution but it's a step in the right direction. Sorry if it felt that way, if I wanted to plug my blog I would have done it via Twitter etc.

I wouldn't bother pursuing someone who wants a break, fair enough she has anxiety but she can't just decide when it suits her to be in a relationship.

As a life long sufferer (and I hate that word) I can tell you that she is in control of how she feels. By that I mean you should not turn your head inside out trying to solve this situation. She has to solve it. You could try to make it better and it might not make the slightest bit of difference. It might make a world of difference or she might just push you away. The problem is we can tell when people are trying to make us feel better. My wife would attest to this. If I hit a low patch she can sometimes pull me out of it, but sometimes it is as aggrevating as broken glass on skin. Not in the sense of being painful, more like something is clawing or scratching at your nerves.

Now, she has asked for space. I assume from they way you talk about her that you care for her and that you would like to be a person she can lean on. You are perfectly entitled to tell her this, but do so in a way that does not pressure her. However, you are as entitled to not have to feel like your feelings are being fed through a mangle. This is a tricky situation to weigh up and you will have to decide how dependent you are on the affirmation of this girl. If you are a strong independent person you might be comfortable playing the long game in this relationship. It takes a strong individual to endure the ups and downs of another person. But you have to have a good sense of your own self worth and don't kid yourself on this point. If you tell yourself now that really want to be there for her, but then six months down the line, when familiarity sets in and reality shows you how demanding this illness can be, it is not good enough that you stuck with it just because you weren't truthful with yourself about how you don't like being alone or getting dumped. You are both better off if you want to be with this girl for the right reasons.

If you are a self assured individual, you will also be well placed to take that chance on talking to her about what you both deserve. The potential fallout from said action is that she dumps you. If she has low self esteem, and you tell her that you will only wait for so long, then you might be fulfilling her presuppositions that she is ultimately unloveable and dump because she feels she is not worthy of you or so she doesn't expose you to any undue heart ache or just because it is all just too much ****ing hassle. This is the point where it would pay to be that self assured individual, because you will recognise that, whilst it might still hurt that it hasn't worked out, you ultimately understand that it wasn't meant to be. But if you tell her that the person she is keeping on a string is more interested in genuinely, and I mean genuinely, wants to just be with her - not try to cheer her up or suggest ways she take her mind off it - then she might recognise that you are a genuine individual without expectations. And that might be a refreshing experience for her.

I envy you, in a way. You are faced by a big decision. I would say life changing, but then the point is all decisions are life changing. This one seems bigger than other because your emotions are wrapped up in it. But it is decision none the less, and one you have to make. No one else. Just you. Everyone will reach the end of their lives with at least one regret. The test isn't how many regrets you have. The test is knowing that you are supposed to view them in an interesting and ironic way. They should not be collected and lamented over.

When do you return from your holiday? What is the duration

Posted from TSR Mobile

I get back on the 13th June. Not including the 30 minute talk we had about these issues, it will have been a month since we last spent any serious time together.

Well, you have no choice but give her the space she's asked for as hard as it is. When you return get in touch to ask where you stand and take it from there. No point fretting over it mate. Go on holiday, enjoy youeself then return to see what happens.

Posted from TSR Mobile