As i understand it, before this bloke, it was always just a fantasy yes?
And you didn't give permission as you were asleep?
If both of these are true then imo a boundary has really been crossed by your bf. Fantasies to boost your sex life and open relationships are one thing. Sleeping with someone else "for you" is another.
I think you've every right to be upset. Where you go from here, i don't know. I imagine a big part is whether you've both decided fantasies should stay fantasies or you have decided that while your bf wants more.
EDIT: Also HIV can take 3 months to show up on tests, so I'd recommend wrapping it for a while.
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I let my boyfriend sleep with another man, what have I done? :( watch
- 02-06-2016 01:31
- 02-06-2016 01:33
From experiences of personal relationships, I can imagine that you're understandably upset. Despite the encouragement, sleeping with another individual was obviously something that your boyfriend wanted to do. I know that everyone is different, but I believe that getting intimate with anyone other than your partner should be discussed at length before doing anything. I know that if my girlfriend were to do the same then I would think all sort of things. I think you should talk together about what happened and what your boyfriend got from the experience; if they are now more open to sleeping with others then perhaps considerations and changes need to be made if you do not want the same thing. Everyone has their reasons, however, and I think you should still listen to what they have to say and be prepared to forgive them if they wish to continue. As for the individual they slept with, I would get your boyfriend to confront them about what happened and tell them that they are unable to do it again and share your collective concerns.
Ps. I agree with previous comments about fantasies potentially remaining as such.
- 02-06-2016 03:00
I agree with the two posts above.
You didn't LET him do anything, he acted his on his own. He must of wanted to do it and is using your past conversations as an excuse. Not acceptable. You need to let him know how uncomfortable and sad he's made you. Conversation is conversation. Action (off his own back) is something completely different.
- 02-06-2016 10:28
Even if this is your fantasy, he still did it behind your back sort of and didn't get your consent before he did it. Maybe to you it isn't, but to me that'd be cheating because I didn't get a say in the matter.