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Cheated on my GF of 2 years with an old flame. watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not going to go into detail, but I'm going to just break up with her after her exams - hopefully either at house or somewhere private and close by.

    I'll just tell her that I'm not interested in pursuing the relationship any further and I need some time and space.
    It is a lot kinder if you tell her exactly why you are breaking up with her (that you slept with your old flame). Otherwise she might find ways to blame herself or spend ages trying to figure out what went wrong. At least if you tell her she can be 100% upset with you and then move on.
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    (Original post by Ribbits)
    Jeeze, you really don't seem to care about your girlfriend at all... where is your guilt?
    You're so focused on what an incredibly pleasurable experience this whole thing has been for you, that you're not allowing yourself to be aware of the suffering and betrayal even on a basic emotional level.

    I understand that you are much more attracted to (whether it is just because of the history/mystery/surprise/excitement of a foreign country or not) this girl than your girlfriend, so you just went along and did what felt indescribably great to you... but you reaaally didn't even think or care about the pain you were causing. The lack of any real sense of guilt is a bit disturbing. It's like if there was a million pounds but taking it would also stab your partner in the heart: some people wouldn't take it, some would but would feel bad... you my friend, would take it and go on about how amazing a million pounds is to have with little remorse beyond 'yeah I know it's bad - but look at all this money, look how beautiful it is!'.

    That's still understandable in some ways, in others it's not. This is someone you were close to and supposedly cared about deeply for two whole years, and yet you're still not even really thinking about her. Maybe it's just because she's not there, and it will hit you when you see her? People cheat, it happens all the time for lots of reasons. Intense times in Paris with an old flame? Okay. You realise you're not right for each other and will split up? Good, there's no shame in having realised that. But the lack of guilt? Why? How?
    OK right, well you've overexaggerated a little there...

    Who says I'm not feeling any guilt? Why are you pressuming I'm not?

    I cared about this flame of mine for 5 years - and for god sake's of course I'm thinking about my current GF, that's why I'm going to end it and not lead her own like some douche.

    The fact I'm attracted to this other girl has nothing to do with my current GF - my current GF is beautiful, kind, generous and a great listener, but I simply can't carry on with her.
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    #1

    (Original post by ivybridge)
    Speak to her after her exams and spend the time between then and now thinking about how to best put it. You were completely out of line and I suggest you do not pursue the old flame anymore until things are officially over, if you have any shred of self-respect and respect for both girls
    I've still got some time over here and so does she, so we will end up seeing eachother plenty of times - our parents are on talking terms too, so...

    I've fallen for another girl, I can't help that.



    (Original post by ivybridge)
    She should dump him and understand what? What is there to understand? The OP has no self-control and that's all there is to it. She is better off without him.
    Well yeah, she is. We're better off not being together, hence why I'm ending it with her.

    I have no self-control when it comes to this old flame - none whatsoever. I can easily remember how we first met 7 years ago... it was the very same intensity.
    [/QUOTE]
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    (Original post by desdemonata)
    You're talking the talk but not walking the walk. Taking full responsibility for your actions is not just breaking up with your girlfriend (that's the least you should be doing), it would include admitting to yourself that you could have acted differently, that it is your fault you let it go too far, that you were in actual fact not possessed by an alien and were in control of what you chose to do, etc.

    So just saying "I take responsibility" and then saying "but I wasn't in full control of myself" (AKA it wasn't really MY fault...) or "but I didn't really love my GF anyway" (AKA I didn't really do anything wrong because I have stronger feelings for my ex) is not going to fly. Neither is a lot of history, guess what, I have a lot of history with my ex, too; did I agree to meet up over coffee to catch up? No.

    If feelings aren't gone, what you don't do is nurture them by hanging around that person for 6 hours. This is what you need to learn. This is not something that "just happened" and from which you can immediately exonerate yourself of guilt because your ex is "special", it is an important lesson on how to avoid temptation when you are in a relationship. And I get that me repeating this might sound condescending, but you sound like you genuinely do not understand the pitfalls of temptation and also incredibly young (despite your claims of "long history" and this is exactly the kind of mistake people all make in their first few years of relationships/dating. And it's one of the things you learn by the time you have been around the merry go-round a few times.
    I told you I should've walked away and ignored it but I didn't, and I besides, I don't think I wanted to walk away. Deep down I know I still love her and I have to end it with my current GF.

    I don't think there's any point reading the rest, I've made my decision.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I understand that cheating is wrong and take full responsibility for my actions and make no excuses for it, I just couldn't physically or emotionally help myself.

    I'm away in France for the next 2 months on a summer job in Biarritz. On the third day I bumped into an old flame I used to see - she's spending a month here with her family. I was startled, we hadn't seen each other for over 2 years (we cut contact).

    I asked her to this bar I'm semi-helping out with and we spent 6 hours together(!!) from 8pm to 2am. We didn't sleep together then.

    The next day I got a text from her asking me to meet her in the city centre by the church. I headed over there and she was just jaw-dropping - white dress, beautiful hair, brilliant smile and peachy-red lipstick. We went for a walk round town and ended up at this auberge where we had lunch. I couldn't keep my eyes of her, and it seemed she couldn't too. She kept asking about what had been going on, what I was up to, that she got through to her final year at University in Paris, that her mum is finally getting better and that she had no idea why we cut contact.

    By the time we left it was round 6:30pm, so we started to head back to the hotel/casino. It was quite a silent walk back I must say, but I could feel the tension between us, the looks we were making, the cute smiles...

    I asked if I could sit down (I've got breathing issues from a recent illness). She sat down next to me and we ended up making out quite... passionately.

    I'm not going to go into anymore details, but we did end up sleeping together.


    I realise I've got to tell my GF sooner rather than later, but she's not here and I do kind of want to tell her in person so she isn't confused or whatever.

    I don't know what's goingto happen between me and my old flame, but yeah...



    Any sound advice?
    Was the flame from a Bunsen burner?


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    #1

    (Original post by desdemonata)
    Just because you have already been unfaithful to your girlfriend does not give you a free pass to continue doing so. You have shown no real remorse or guilt over the fact that you have cheated on someone and plan to continue doing so. You are most certainly not mature enough to be in monogamous relationships.

    You can't help your feelings, you can help your actions and what you do to nurture or avoid those feelings. I actually just lost all respect for you as a person. Giving you advice on how not to be *****y boyfriend is clearly a lost cause, and I can only hope time and someone treating you with the same callousness as soon as their "special snowflake ex" pops up teaches you this lesson.
    I'm really starting to give up on replying: I've told you I do feel guilty, I do feel remorse, I put my hands up and I take full responsibilty.

    I didn't come here for a lecture on relationships, I came here asking for advice on how to break up with my current GF. Now stop your rants.

    Why are you being such a ****ing ***** now... where did this come from? Have you been cheated on in the past or something?
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    #1

    (Original post by RasputinReborn)
    Was the flame from a Bunsen burner?


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    That's dead.
    • #1
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    (Original post by desdemonata)
    Have you? I see it mentioned nowhere in any replies to me. And as I've said, in the advice you haven't bothered to read, you are using lots of ways to justify to yourself what you have done. I've been trying to tell you how to better avoid situations that could lead to cheating in future and your response has basically been "but we have history!" "but things are intense!" And you're wondering why you come across as too young? But you've already decided how you feel about that, so all you want is discussions of logistics. Alright then.

    You aren't willing to not see your ex, but you want to not mess up your girlfriend's exams. Stringing your girlfriend along while pretending everything is fine is also morally questionable. I wouldn't be able to do anything but break it off immediately, exams or no, because I couldn't live with serial cheating on someone. But you clearly have a different set of morals than me, so honestly you just have to decide based on what choice you will regret least and what choice you think will hurt your girlfriend the least, based on what you know of her.

    You also have to ask yourself here, if this is something you know can't actually last with you ex, if you're going to end up more hurt by trying to rekindle things knowing you will have to get over her again.
    TL;DR

    Have a good night.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's dead.
    Almost like your relationship it seems.

    💦💦💦💦💦🔥🔥🔥 🔥🔥




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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've still got some time over here and so does she, so we will end up seeing eachother plenty of times - our parents are on talking terms too, so...

    I've fallen for another girl, I can't help that.





    Well yeah, she is. We're better off not being together, hence why I'm ending it with her.

    I have no self-control when it comes to this old flame - none whatsoever. I can easily remember how we first met 7 years ago... it was the very same intensity.
    You clearly have no remorse and do not take responsibility for what you have done - quite frankly, you evidently could not care less. So, get on with it and break up with her so she can find someone worth having.
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    #1

    You clearly have no remorse and do not take responsibility for what you have done - quite frankly, you evidently could not care less. So, get on with it and break up with her so she can find someone worth having.[/QUOTE]

    OK, sure.
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    (Original post by RasputinReborn)
    Almost like your relationship it seems.

    💦💦💦💦💦🔥🔥🔥 🔥🔥




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    Yes indeed.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by desdemonata)
    You look like a bit of a **** now because I actually answered your question about how to break up :lol:
    Why are you still responding. Good night.
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    How much time do you have left in France? I broke up with my last boyfriend on Skype for a similar reason. I don't think using Skype is that bad? Virtually the same as doing it in real life.

    Also agree with everyone criticising you (and me, by extension). It's not worth the remorse of betraying your partner and it's best to end it as soon as possible.
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    You're a terrible and horrible person. I hope your partner never ever finds out. It would break her heart and shatter her completely.
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    (Original post by toohottohandle)
    Don't say anything to your girlfriend back home. She will not understand and will dump you!
    What's there to understand? That OP is a piece of ****?
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    (Original post by Audrey18)
    You're a terrible and horrible person. I hope your partner never ever finds out. It would break her heart and shatter her completely.
    What??? She has to find out!!! Otherwise she will stay and waste her life with this guy. Better to know the truth than live a lie.
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    So you will continue to shag your ex and carry on cheating on your gf while you are still working there?

    Also your ex lives in Paris you are just there for 2 months what will happen when you come back here will you have a long distance relationship with your ex?

    Either you keep things friendly until you told your gf cause no one deserves that or go on the next plane home and tell her in person.
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    (Original post by donutellme)
    What??? She has to find out!!! Otherwise she will stay and waste her life with this guy. Better to know the truth than live a lie.
    Pretty much this^^ honesty is the best policy even if its tough to find out :007:
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    (Original post by ivybridge)
    Speak to her after her exams and spend the time between then and now thinking about how to best put it. You were completely out of line and I suggest you do not pursue the old flame anymore until things are officially over, if you have any shred of self-respect and respect for both girls.



    She should dump him and understand what? What is there to understand? The OP has no self-control and that's all there is to it. She is better off without him.



    I don't quite get how you can say don't sweat it - how is this not monumentally wrong to you?
    No it's not sh*t happens. He shouldn't dump his girlfriend because a group of mainly prepubscent teenagers on an internet website tell him to. Lot's of men (and women for that matter) have affairs. Grow up get over it. This is not the end of the world!
 
 
 
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