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Worried my boyfriend is bi Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I need some advice please. I have been dating a guy for 3 weeks and am really worried that he is bi. I don't k is whether it is too early in our relationship to just come out and ask him.

    Basically the reason for my suspicion is that on Twitter he has liked a post made from an account that is run by a bisexual man. The tweet says something along the lines of this man having a busy day because he was filming and shooting new tgirl content for his website. The tweet refers to this person's website which when I clicked on the link only shows transvestite porn.

    I am very inexperienced with relationships - although I'm 24 I'm still a virgin and I am just not interested in porn so clicking onto that website made me feel uncomfortable.

    I really like my bf, we get on well and I enjoy spending time with him and getting to know him. Things have been going well. He actually dumped me after our first date for someone else which was a MAJOR red flag for me. When he realised it wasn't working he came back to me and although I didn't accept him back with open arms I made it clear that I was not going to be his second best. This is an issue that took me a lot of effort to deal with because normally in these situations I wouldn't have ever given him another chance. However this in top of the bisexual issue is making me question everything and whether I should just move on from him.

    If it turns out that he is bi, I'm not sure I can continue a relationship with him - it's not something I think k I can accept because I'd always be worrying about whether i as a woman would be enough for him. What I want to ask is if there is any chance he could still be 100% straight? Part of me thinks maybe he liked the tweet by accident but that is naive of me and am I correct in thinking that straight guys would access this sort of material?
    You think that it is too early to ask him about his sexuality, but how can you have a happy relationship with him when you have doubt that whether he is bisexual or not. I my opinion, if you have any issue about dating someone who is bisexual, you should ask him. You also mentioned that you like him, so what's the problem with his sexuality. He is your boyfriend, you are not going to marry him. His bisexuality cannot cause any problem in your relationship when you both like each other. And if he really is bisexual, you should also consider that a bisexual man also deserves to be loved.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    that is why I don't know if just a woman is enough for a bisexual man
    We're not strange, hungry beings that need to be satiated by both male and female love. It doesn't work like that.

    It just means we can be attracted to and fall in love with someone of either sex ~ just because we can be attracted to both, it doesn't mean that we need both to satisfy us in a relationship.
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    Another bisexual piping up here-
    • Being bisexual doesn't mean he's going to cheat.
    • Being bisexual doesn't mean he needs to be with a man and a woman at the same time, or that he wants to be.
    • Bisexuals aren't inherently greedy or weird or hyper-sexual or nymphomaniac.
    Not wanting to date someone because you believe those things - you believe he's going to cheat or want an open relationship, you believe he needs both to be "satisfied" or whatever - is biphobic. That's not the same thing as homophobia - someone can be perfectly accepting of gay guys and lesbian girls but still distrust bisexual people because of the above misconceptions. And they are misconceptions. Are some bisexuals cheaters? Sure. So are some straight guys, or straight girls, or gay guys, or lesbians.

    If he is bisexual - let's not forget that this hasn't actually been confirmed yet - and you can't accept that part of him, then yes, I suggest you leave him. For both of your sakes. If you are constantly jealous or worried, if you don't want him talking to gay guys or whatever because he might be attracted to them, then that's going to destroy your relationship. But if you can get your head around the fact that yes, he is also attracted to guys, but that doesn't change anything, he chose you, then you might have a chance. You're a straight girl who is attracted to men, right? Are you going to go cheat with another man, just because you're attracted to them? Being attracted to other people doesn't matter if you are in a monogamous relationship. He's no more likely to go cheat on you than you are on him. Seriously.
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    #1

    Thanks everyone for helping me to understand what bisexuality actually means.

    All of your responses have made me realise that I think I have trust issues/insecurity with him and I think perhaps this is more what the problem is rather than the possibility that he could be bisexual. I still feel very very uncomfortable that he is watching porn involving transsexual males. We met on a dating site we were talking for 2 months and just before we were due to go on our first date he cancelled because he had told me he met someone else and wanted to stop talking to me completely, so we didn't talk for weeks. I could still see that he was active and online and kept on viewing my profile. A few weeks later he asked me out again and I refused but we continued to talk and eventually agreed to go on a date with him after making it clear that I was not going to be his second best option or some fall back because he can't find anyone else.

    I don't understand why he was still active and on dating sites when he said he was with someone elseand. he has potentially lied to me and I feel awkward about the fact that I may well be his second best option - I guess this is the stuff I can't get over. And then his interest in transsexual porn just makes me even more uncomfortable. At the same time I really do like him, he IS a wonderful man when we are together and I enjoy being with him but I feel as if I have mental barriers. I honestly want it to work but I dont know how to trust him and I'm worried that leaving him will be a MASSIVE mistake.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks everyone for helping me to understand what bisexuality actually means.

    All of your responses have made me realise that I think I have trust issues/insecurity with him and I think perhaps this is more what the problem is rather than the possibility that he could be bisexual. I still feel very very uncomfortable that he is watching porn involving transsexual males. We met on a dating site we were talking for 2 months and just before we were due to go on our first date he cancelled because he had told me he met someone else and wanted to stop talking to me completely, so we didn't talk for weeks. I could still see that he was active and online and kept on viewing my profile. A few weeks later he asked me out again and I refused but we continued to talk and eventually agreed to go on a date with him after making it clear that I was not going to be his second best option or some fall back because he can't find anyone else.

    I don't understand why he was still active and on dating sites when he said he was with someone elseand. he has potentially lied to me and I feel awkward about the fact that I may well be his second best option - I guess this is the stuff I can't get over. And then his interest in transsexual porn just makes me even more uncomfortable. At the same time I really do like him, he IS a wonderful man when we are together and I enjoy being with him but I feel as if I have mental barriers. I honestly want it to work but I dont know how to trust him and I'm worried that leaving him will be a MASSIVE mistake.
    If you 'met' on a dating site why do you expect him to be so devoted to you?
    Perhaps you were not his first choice because he could see that you might have insecurity & trust issues, and therefore wouldn't be the best fit for him.

    He shot you down even though he was trying to keep his options open, maybe because he thought it was best to cut off contact with you but then changed his mind?
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    Honestly, I think you should probably break up and remove yourself from the online dating market until you feel more secure in yourself.

    Online dating is pretty brutal and it is a general expectation that you will be dating several people at once, picking and dumping people at a moment's notice and that is before you even get onto the dishonest ones. I was dating several people at the same time as my, now, wife and she has never felt second best simply because I wasn't exclusive during the initial non-exclusive period of our relationship.

    As you say this entire thing is about your own insecurities and I seriously doubt you are going to be able to address them and gain more self confidence while within this relationship - not least because of your history with this guy and his potential kinks.
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    if he's bi thats gonna have no effect on your relationship innit. He's with you; if he's bi, he likes boys and girls.
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    Its understandable to be iffy to contiune a relationship with a partner who might be bi.
    Maybe he likes ******/transvite porn because they kind of look like women? I dont think thats enough evidence to prove anything or hes bi.

    Have you tried talking with him? It might be pointless but maybe it would give you answers. Listen to what he has to say first.
    If it is really bothersome, ask him for the truth. If youre unhappy than you should end the relationship.
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    I think its more than reasonable to have some concerns about the sexuality of one's partner. If you think he's bisexual but aren't completely sure, what's to say he's not gay and simply suppressing his feelings? There are numerous examples of men in the media declaring themselves as bisexual before eventually coming out as homosexual.

    It's also perfectly reasonable to be concerned if someone is watching a lot of porn that involves a demographic completely dissimilar to yours.

    Have a talk with him about it all, though. Speculating is not going to help you much at this point.
 
 
 
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