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He said he's falling out of love with me? Watch

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    So it ended last night.

    I'm hurt and very upset. I don't know how to deal with all of this, frankly; it all seems so sudden.

    He was saving up to visit me this summer, and we both saw that as being the thing that would be able to save our relationship, after deciding that the lack of physicality was one of the main factors in his loss of feelings. But his family were having financial troubles recently, and he had to use the money he had saved up for the trip to pay for a family member's operation. So he has literally no money left, according to him. I found all this out last night, but he told me that this only happened recently. So there'll be no visit this summer. Or this year, either; I don't know why he couldn't see me at another time that's not summer. But the next time he's be able to visit would be next summer, as re-raising the funds in the space of this month would be almost impossible. That added to the increasing prices of travelling as it gets closer to the time of booking. I said I would pay towards it if he needed me to, if that would mean that I got to meet him this summer like it was meant to happen, but he said that even with some money, it probably wouldn't be enough.

    That would have been alright, but he said that all of that, combined with the change of feelings for me, means that he's not willing to wait for me until next year. He's not willing to stay with me in the relationship until then. But I understand that. Personally, I would be willing to wait and stay in the relationship if it meant I could be with him and see him next year. But I guess we're different in that respect.

    He didn't string me along any further, though. He's been quite good in that respect, and he hasn't given me any false hope. He said that he definitely still wants to meet me, and he will next summer. And he said that maybe when we meet next year, then that could spark the feelings back. But that's all hypothetical.

    I just feel like he's given up; like he doesn't care anymore. I mean he's lost feelings, which was one thing to come to terms with (it still hasn't sunk in properly), but now the impossibility of meeting this summer, when I was really excited about it, and I'd told all my friends about him recently (finally), and on top of that the break up - all within the space of 3 days, when I had no clue about any of it - makes it all really hard for me to swallow.

    I know I'm still raw. I know it will take time to heal. I just don't like the idea of him falling in love with someone else..

    But there you have it. A less than desirable conclusion to the original problem.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    imo

    1. You havent done anything wrong, but relationships cna run their course.
    2. Long distance makes it even harder.
    3. Its obvious he doesnt feel the same way because he has got bored or the long distance aspect is too frustrating for him. Either way he isnt getting enough out of it.

    Can you do anything?

    Talk and agree on a plan that might make both sides happier. Give it 3-6 months to try and work. If you both make an effort, then you might revive it. Reassess it after the time and see how you both feel. If you know he hasnt made the effort then you will know he isnt that bothered and you should be ready to split. Imo its very likely his mind is wandering out of the relationship hence what he said but he either darent say it or doesnt wnat to be mean.
    By the way, I did suggest to him the 3 months of trying idea, but he made the point of what if it came to the end of the 3 months and it still had the same outcome (i.e. him not having the same feelings)? If it's bad now then how would it be then? So he said that he'd rather leave it here than hurt me even more. I think if he was still able to visit, then he would have agreed to do that. But...life happens, I guess.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So it ended last night.

    I'm hurt and very upset. I don't know how to deal with all of this, frankly; it all seems so sudden.

    He was saving up to visit me this summer, and we both saw that as being the thing that would be able to save our relationship, after deciding that the lack of physicality was one of the main factors in his loss of feelings. But his family were having financial troubles recently, and he had to use the money he had saved up for the trip to pay for a family member's operation. So he has literally no money left, according to him. I found all this out last night, but he told me that this only happened recently. So there'll be no visit this summer. Or this year, either; I don't know why he couldn't see me at another time that's not summer. But the next time he's be able to visit would be next summer, as re-raising the funds in the space of this month would be almost impossible. That added to the increasing prices of travelling as it gets closer to the time of booking. I said I would pay towards it if he needed me to, if that would mean that I got to meet him this summer like it was meant to happen, but he said that even with some money, it probably wouldn't be enough.

    That would have been alright, but he said that all of that, combined with the change of feelings for me, means that he's not willing to wait for me until next year. He's not willing to stay with me in the relationship until then. But I understand that. Personally, I would be willing to wait and stay in the relationship if it meant I could be with him and see him next year. But I guess we're different in that respect.

    He didn't string me along any further, though. He's been quite good in that respect, and he hasn't given me any false hope. He said that he definitely still wants to meet me, and he will next summer. And he said that maybe when we meet next year, then that could spark the feelings back. But that's all hypothetical.

    I just feel like he's given up; like he doesn't care anymore. I mean he's lost feelings, which was one thing to come to terms with (it still hasn't sunk in properly), but now the impossibility of meeting this summer, when I was really excited about it, and I'd told all my friends about him recently (finally), and on top of that the break up - all within the space of 3 days, when I had no clue about any of it - makes it all really hard for me to swallow.

    I know I'm still raw. I know it will take time to heal. I just don't like the idea of him falling in love with someone else..

    But there you have it. A less than desirable conclusion to the original problem.
    Im sorry to hear how its turned our but honestly I would say its for the best. To wait another year to introduce physical intimacy in the relationship would be too much for you as a female let alone him ( as a guy)

    Obv whatever happened in his family was unavoidable and that resulted in whatever happened. But there is only to an extent a relationship can survive online without something physical. It may be wrong but guys are programmed this way. The less physical connection they get the less emotionally attached they are, and if the physical aspect doesnt come soon enough, its the male biology to satisfy urges by looking somewhere else.

    Dont put yourself down as you have done nothing wrong. Its just circumstances are against a lot of long distance relationships that dont work out rather than the guy and the girl. Time will heal anything and who knows if u both are meant to be it WILL happen in the future. Till then live your life and improve yourself as a person. Good things will come to you automatically!*
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    By the way, I did suggest to him the 3 months of trying idea, but he made the point of what if it came to the end of the 3 months and it still had the same outcome (i.e. him not having the same feelings)? If it's bad now then how would it be then? So he said that he'd rather leave it here than hurt me even more. I think if he was still able to visit, then he would have agreed to do that. But...life happens, I guess.
    You just have to learn from experience many boys (not all) speak a load of rubbish.


    He did make it clear that he still loves me. But when I asked if he's still inlove with me, he said he didn't know. He said he wants to have the feelings back that he had for me before, and that this is confusing him because he doesn't know what exactly is wrong. He's also reassured me that there's not someone else in the mixture as well, and I trust him on that - so that's not a factor in this.
    He told me that he doesn't want to break up with me - that's the last thing he wants. And he said that he told me about this because he wanted to be honest and not keep anything from me.
    This is just him not being straught with you. He likes you but he doesnt love you. He isnt commited to trying to make it work otherwuse he'd do the 3 month thing. ge was just looking for a way out, but he thinks if he says nice things it will keep you still liking him. This creates confusion imo and being straight is mych better.

    Will read your other larger post.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So it ended last night.

    I'm hurt and very upset. I don't know how to deal with all of this, frankly; it all seems so sudden.

    He was saving up to visit me this summer, and we both saw that as being the thing that would be able to save our relationship, after deciding that the lack of physicality was one of the main factors in his loss of feelings. But his family were having financial troubles recently, and he had to use the money he had saved up for the trip to pay for a family member's operation. So he has literally no money left, according to him. I found all this out last night, but he told me that this only happened recently. So there'll be no visit this summer. Or this year, either; I don't know why he couldn't see me at another time that's not summer. But the next time he's be able to visit would be next summer, as re-raising the funds in the space of this month would be almost impossible. That added to the increasing prices of travelling as it gets closer to the time of booking. I said I would pay towards it if he needed me to, if that would mean that I got to meet him this summer like it was meant to happen, but he said that even with some money, it probably wouldn't be enough.

    That would have been alright, but he said that all of that, combined with the change of feelings for me, means that he's not willing to wait for me until next year. He's not willing to stay with me in the relationship until then. But I understand that. Personally, I would be willing to wait and stay in the relationship if it meant I could be with him and see him next year. But I guess we're different in that respect.

    He didn't string me along any further, though. He's been quite good in that respect, and he hasn't given me any false hope. He said that he definitely still wants to meet me, and he will next summer. And he said that maybe when we meet next year, then that could spark the feelings back. But that's all hypothetical.

    I just feel like he's given up; like he doesn't care anymore. I mean he's lost feelings, which was one thing to come to terms with (it still hasn't sunk in properly), but now the impossibility of meeting this summer, when I was really excited about it, and I'd told all my friends about him recently (finally), and on top of that the break up - all within the space of 3 days, when I had no clue about any of it - makes it all really hard for me to swallow.

    I know I'm still raw. I know it will take time to heal. I just don't like the idea of him falling in love with someone else..

    But there you have it. A less than desirable conclusion to the original problem.
    1. Funds and hopsital?? Maybe. I dont know him well enough to know if its true.
    2. You are investing too much time and hope in this relationship. There are others, it will just take more effort. You can still cherish the good times, but move on. If you ever get into anotherldr then realise this is one of the weaknesses, so be aware.
    3. It makes sense to end and then you cna both go on and find someone else. I would cut most contact so you dont end up stalking him and get on with life.
    4. Again you need some perspective. It might seem like the end of the world and by all means cry for as long as it takes, but really you will find better matches who you can actually meet. This is always the danger of ldrs and even normal relationships.
    5. You have to get him out of your mind as fast as possible and move on. That doesnt mean next week , but as fast as natural so you cna get on with your own life.
    6. It will take some time to come to terms. keep his contact details. Live your life well and then maybe see what hes up ton in a few years, when you can deal with the situation better.
    7. Sad, but its all experience, just use it to your advantage next time.
    • #1
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    (Original post by sachinisgod)
    I'm sorry to hear how its turned our but honestly I would say its for the best. To wait another year to introduce physical intimacy in the relationship would be too much for you as a female let alone him ( as a guy)

    Obv whatever happened in his family was unavoidable and that resulted in whatever happened. But there is only to an extent a relationship can survive online without something physical. It may be wrong but guys are programmed this way. The less physical connection they get the less emotionally attached they are, and if the physical aspect doesn't come soon enough, its the male biology to satisfy urges by looking somewhere else.

    Don't put yourself down as you have done nothing wrong. Its just circumstances are against a lot of long distance relationships that don't work out rather than the guy and the girl. Time will heal anything and who knows if u both are meant to be it WILL happen in the future. Till then live your life and improve yourself as a person. Good things will come to you automatically!*
    I know...it's just the worst feeling in the world. The fact that the only reason we're not still together is because of the distance (among other things, but that has obviously become the deal breaker). I understand that the lack of physical intimacy was a problem. To be honest, it never bothered either of us until recently, I think; he always used to be the one to tell me that the physical aspect didn't matter all that much to him, but with the promise of meeting him on the horizon, and me getting so excited about that, it does feel a little empty (I haven't had a chance to accept it fully yet but I know where he's coming from, unfortunately). But I don't blame him for wanting to look elsewhere in the mean time. I'd rather him end it now than stay with me and end up going astray.

    I really do hope, so badly, that the meeting next year will almost magically fix everything, and make it as if it was like when we first started talking again. I miss that already.

    I just won't be able to deal with it if he gets serious with someone else in the mean time. He said at the end of the Skype call last night after telling me about the break up, that although he can't promise that he wouldn't fool around, he won't love anyone else for some time. Because feelings like those don't just happen (or something along those lines). And that in itself is filling me with a little hope - I'm a very optimistic person, unfortunately, and I've noticed that I've been clinging onto any form of hope that he's been giving me.

    I also hope that the time we spend away form each other makes him realise that his feelings never went away in the first place. Or like he said, that it would give him a chance to actually miss me, and that might make the spark reignite.

    Anyway, it's done now. I've cried a lot over the past 4 days, and the silliest of things will make me break down in tears. But I'm sure I'll be okay. Not now, but maybe sometime soon...I hope.....
    • #1
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    1. Funds and hospital?? Maybe. I don't know him well enough to know if its true.
    2. You are investing too much time and hope in this relationship. There are others, it will just take more effort. You can still cherish the good times, but move on. If you ever get into another LDR then realise this is one of the weaknesses, so be aware.
    3. It makes sense to end and then you can both go on and find someone else. I would cut most contact so you don't end up stalking him and get on with life.
    4. Again you need some perspective. It might seem like the end of the world and by all means cry for as long as it takes, but really you will find better matches who you can actually meet. This is always the danger of LDRs and even normal relationships.
    5. You have to get him out of your mind as fast as possible and move on. That doesn't mean next week, but as fast as natural so you can get on with your own life.
    6. It will take some time to come to terms. Keep his contact details. Live your life well and then maybe see what he's up to in a few years, when you can deal with the situation better.
    7. Sad, but its all experience, just use it to your advantage next time.
    1. I believe him 100% when he said that. And I really don't think that he was looking for excuses to not meet up with me, because he wanted as much as me for the feelings to come back. (that's only what he's told me, but again, I trust him)

    And for most of the others: yes, I need to move on. But I can't help but retain the hope of something happening or restarting again next summer when he meets me. It's natural for me to see things that way, and to just forget the possibility of that is going to be extremely difficult for me.
    Just to note, I won't be getting into another relationship within the next year - my parents, again, are very strict, and I have school and exams to focus on. So no more boys for the moment, or LDRs. I don't think I could enter another LDR after him anyway. And I loved him so much and so fully.

    I'd rather be happy on my own for a while than replace him with a "better match".

    He asked me if I would be willing at all to remain friends with him. After asking for an explanation of why on earth he would want to stay friends, and equally why he would still want to visit me, even next year, I agreed to remain friends - I'm not going to throw away a friendship just because I can't get over him without cutting all contact. Plus it would be too big of a change in such a short time to not only go from being boyfriend and girlfriend to not, but also from talking for hours every day to no contact at all. No way. Maybe it would be for the best and help me move on but I wouldn't physically be able to do that. I will, however, be taking some space for a while; I need it to process everything.

    I also can't help but feel very bitter towards him for not being attached to me anymore when I'm completely attached to him in terms of feelings - it must make the break up a lot easier to deal with, for him.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    1. I believe him 100% when he said that. And I really don't think that he was looking for excuses to not meet up with me, because he wanted as much as me for the feelings to come back. (that's only what he's told me, but again, I trust him)

    And for most of the others: yes, I need to move on. But I can't help but retain the hope of something happening or restarting again next summer when he meets me. It's natural for me to see things that way, and to just forget the possibility of that is going to be extremely difficult for me.
    Just to note, I won't be getting into another relationship within the next year - my parents, again, are very strict, and I have school and exams to focus on. So no more boys for the moment, or LDRs. I don't think I could enter another LDR after him anyway. And I loved him so much and so fully.

    I'd rather be happy on my own for a while than replace him with a "better match".

    He asked me if I would be willing at all to remain friends with him. After asking for an explanation of why on earth he would want to stay friends, and equally why he would still want to visit me, even next year, I agreed to remain friends - I'm not going to throw away a friendship just because I can't get over him without cutting all contact. Plus it would be too big of a change in such a short time to not only go from being boyfriend and girlfriend to not, but also from talking for hours every day to no contact at all. No way. Maybe it would be for the best and help me move on but I wouldn't physically be able to do that. I will, however, be taking some space for a while; I need it to process everything.

    I also can't help but feel very bitter towards him for not being attached to me anymore when I'm completely attached to him in terms of feelings - it must make the break up a lot easier to deal with, for him.
    I tried advising, but you have to make your own mistakes. Its your choice, but not what i would have done. GL.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    I tried advising, but you have to make your own mistakes. Its your choice, but not what i would have done. GL.
    I know. I have taken what you've said on board. I need to be slapped with reality, but not right now I think. For the moment I'm going to go slowly, day by day, and I'll work through it. Thank you for the advice.
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    Make a note in your diary and see what you think of it when you look back in 3-4 years.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So me and my boyfriend reached a year of being together last week. We're in a long distance relationship that has been based entirely online so far as we live in different countries, but that doesn't stop us from skyping and texting and what not. There have been ups and downs regarding the time zones and busy schedules resulting in not much time, out of the little we have, being spent together; but apart from that, there's not much else in the relationship that I could say I'm unhappy with.

    But - and this is quite a big but - he just told me that he doesn't feel the same about me anymore. And he said that he's felt this way for a couple of weeks now.

    This both confused and hurt me, because neither he (apparently) nor I can pinpoint anything that I've done differently recently. I know that it would be down to him and how he feels rather than me having done anything to make him feel this way, but I can't help feeling like I'm the one who has caused his feelings to change.

    He did make it clear that he still loves me. But when I asked if he's still inlove with me, he said he didn't know. He said he wants to have the feelings back that he had for me before, and that this is confusing him because he doesn't know what exactly is wrong. He's also reassured me that there's not someone else in the mixture as well, and I trust him on that - so that's not a factor in this.

    He told me that he doesn't want to break up with me - that's the last thing he wants. And he said that he told me about this because he wanted to be honest and not keep anything from me. But he wants to be in this 100% (I want that too). Lately, I had been feeling as if he hadn't been putting in as much effort into the relationship as he used to. So he's more or less confirmed my fears by telling me this. I, on the other hand, feel like I've been more into the relationship now than I have been before, and my love for him has increased with that (which I'm sure you can imagine is quite disheartening in this situation).

    So overall, I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure if there's anything I can do. He said he thinks he needs space, or a break, but I didn't think that was a good idea as a break wouldn't make the problems magically go away; they'd still be there when/if he came back.

    Does anyone have any advice? I know the most obvious thing to do is to give him space...but in this situation I feel like it might make him become distant and the relationship will go south from there. Obviously I'll give him his space, but not so much that he completely forgets about me/the relationship/everything else.

    Help please ?? (Thank you in advance)
    You two are living in a fantasy world.

    A) you've only known each other s year and you think you love each other?......ha!

    B) you don't even see each and you think you love each other?.....lols

    I suggest you find yourself a new bf, one that doesnt live X hundred miles away from you

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    Gareth Bale on that fool! :mrt:
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    To everyone who offered me helpful advice: thank you. I'm feeling a lot better - even now, only after a week. I know that's no measure of things, and it doesn't mean that I'm 100% over him yet...but I'm getting there. As much as the distance really does suck, it certainly does make it easier to distance yourself to get over the other person. I've had time and space to think. He doesn't text me an awful lot lately; there are a lot of one-worded answers from him, which is hard to get used to considering we both used to talk in paragraphs. But I understand that.

    Healing is hard, but I'm getting there. I'll be okay again one day. And thank you once again; it helped a lot.
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    I know I'm a bit late to the punch here but I felt I had to say something. You sound like a great girl, as I was reading all the comments you made and I'm pretty sure you'll be ok. Good luck 👍
 
 
 
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