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Racist mother - Please advise me Watch

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    (Original post by lucabrasi98)
    That's not really surprising. People who think that way never actually use logic. All I can say is don't let her ridiculous views get in the way of your relationship and cause tension. Do any of your extended family think how she does and agree?

    Idk. maybe troll her one day and say and say an african guy rejected and was rude to you because he only dates asians and see her reaction
    My sisters who have all met him don't share her views and love him. We don't have much family outside the main nuclear unit.

    LMAO! That would be interesting to say the least. But thank you for your advice!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi everyone, I'm posting this thread up because I'm not sure where else to turn and i'd like to get some feedback from the TSR community. Please feel to advise as you see fit. Thank you so much in advance.

    I'm sorry if this is a little long-winded to read but I want to give as much information as possible so the situation is as clear as possible...


    So a little background:

    I'm going to my final year at univeristy in a London uni. I am a little older than the usual final year student due to me taking two gap years before and during the course of my degree. My mother is a single mother who has raised my sisters and I up for years without any help so I feel a certain level of indebtedness to her on that account. We're West African so my mother tends to have quite 'strong' views when it comes to how things should be done. However given that my sisters and I were not surrounded by people who had a similar mindset to my mother, we tend to be more liberal in our thinking and our view of the world around us.

    So the issue:

    Two years ago I met this really great guy. My previous relationships before him have not been all that great, a little lackluster and really nothing to write home about. But this guy. I spend days and days with him and I just can not describe how happy I am when we're together. We do argue and have our differences but those times still don't take away from the overall shine of the relationship. I have met his family and I get on so well with them, I adore his mom and keep in touch with her when I'm not visiting.

    My mother has never met him and refuses to do so because he is white. That is her only reason. i know how this sounds and i can not describe how heartbreaking it is to hear her racist remarks towards him and just her general abuse. I have cried and cried at the hands of this woman over my boyfriend. She's called me every name under the sun because she believes that I shouldn't be with him because of his race. She refuses to acknowledge how happy he makes me. My sisters have met him and they all love him and think he's wonderful and they have tried to talk sense into her and she refuses to budge. She just goes about her way of trying to get me to break up with him. She once gave me an ultimatum that I should either choose her or leave him. I got tired of the stress and abuse and my boyfriend and I broke up briefly. However, I got back with him again because I got tired of compromising my own happiness for her ignorance.

    Fast-forward to this morning:

    She found out that I decided to complete an internship for a Big 4 company closer to where he lives. She called me and she was furious and ranting and raving. When I initially applied I didn't think I'd get through and secure the internship so I figure I'd cross that bridge when I got there. Well, turns out that I would have to cross that bridge today. She's not happy at all that I would be living closer to him and away from the family home for the duration of my internship. It's not the fact that I would be away from the family home as I have been to boarding school and my internship in my first year meant I spent 2 months living in Herts for the duration of that internship. This internship is a great opportunity and I'm very much looking forward to it. But I can't get over the fact that she hates someone that she has never met before so strongly due to his race and the fact that I won't dump him on a whim to keep her happy.

    Has anyone else every experienced this or a similar situation before? Or do y'all have any advice for me to help manage my relationship with my mother? Regardless of her behaviour I still love her very much and I just would like to make things work and get her to accept him or at least meet him once.
    She most likely has good reason to hate white men, I'm white male but admit we are the devils spawn. Respect your mother and don't leave her for him
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    (Original post by Manchester_123)
    She most likely has good reason to hate white men, I'm white male but admit we are the devils spawn. Respect your mother and don't leave her for him
    Obvious troll is obvious.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi everyone, I'm posting this thread up because I'm not sure where else to turn and i'd like to get some feedback from the TSR community. Please feel to advise as you see fit. Thank you so much in advance.

    I'm sorry if this is a little long-winded to read but I want to give as much information as possible so the situation is as clear as possible...


    So a little background:

    I'm going to my final year at univeristy in a London uni. I am a little older than the usual final year student due to me taking two gap years before and during the course of my degree. My mother is a single mother who has raised my sisters and I up for years without any help so I feel a certain level of indebtedness to her on that account. We're West African so my mother tends to have quite 'strong' views when it comes to how things should be done. However given that my sisters and I were not surrounded by people who had a similar mindset to my mother, we tend to be more liberal in our thinking and our view of the world around us.

    So the issue:

    Two years ago I met this really great guy. My previous relationships before him have not been all that great, a little lackluster and really nothing to write home about. But this guy. I spend days and days with him and I just can not describe how happy I am when we're together. We do argue and have our differences but those times still don't take away from the overall shine of the relationship. I have met his family and I get on so well with them, I adore his mom and keep in touch with her when I'm not visiting.

    My mother has never met him and refuses to do so because he is white. That is her only reason. i know how this sounds and i can not describe how heartbreaking it is to hear her racist remarks towards him and just her general abuse. I have cried and cried at the hands of this woman over my boyfriend. She's called me every name under the sun because she believes that I shouldn't be with him because of his race. She refuses to acknowledge how happy he makes me. My sisters have met him and they all love him and think he's wonderful and they have tried to talk sense into her and she refuses to budge. She just goes about her way of trying to get me to break up with him. She once gave me an ultimatum that I should either choose her or leave him. I got tired of the stress and abuse and my boyfriend and I broke up briefly. However, I got back with him again because I got tired of compromising my own happiness for her ignorance.

    Fast-forward to this morning:

    She found out that I decided to complete an internship for a Big 4 company closer to where he lives. She called me and she was furious and ranting and raving. When I initially applied I didn't think I'd get through and secure the internship so I figure I'd cross that bridge when I got there. Well, turns out that I would have to cross that bridge today. She's not happy at all that I would be living closer to him and away from the family home for the duration of my internship. It's not the fact that I would be away from the family home as I have been to boarding school and my internship in my first year meant I spent 2 months living in Herts for the duration of that internship. This internship is a great opportunity and I'm very much looking forward to it. But I can't get over the fact that she hates someone that she has never met before so strongly due to his race and the fact that I won't dump him on a whim to keep her happy.

    Has anyone else every experienced this or a similar situation before? Or do y'all have any advice for me to help manage my relationship with my mother? Regardless of her behaviour I still love her very much and I just would like to make things work and get her to accept him or at least meet him once.

    this is your career!! there comes a point when parents are selfish. My parents physically, mentally and verbally abused my sister (west african) when she dated a boy from our country, but another area...that is how racist they are! Look follow your dreams at least your sisters support you. I have 4 other sisters and none supported her.
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    (Original post by neal95)
    It's disgusting that your mum lives in a white country yet hates the white man. Ask her how she would feel if her daughter was rejected by a white man for being black and observe her reaction
    uuuum i don't think that's how it works...
    when black people hate white people.. it's because they caused black people huge pain( e.g. slave trade, burning down their ancient cicvilsations, torture lynching black men etc)

    Generally speaking when white people have black people, they don't have much of a reason. In some black people's opinion, a white person would hate a black person, because they are simply evil (based on the history)
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    (Original post by Cicilaw)
    uuuum i don't think that's how it works...
    when black people hate white people.. it's because they caused black people huge pain( e.g. slave trade, burning down their ancient cicvilsations, torture lynching black men etc)

    Generally speaking when white people have black people, they don't have much of a reason. In some black people's opinion, a white person would hate a black person, because they are simply evil (based on the history)
    Oh eff off. Whites have done WAAAY more good for this world then bad.
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    (Original post by cipi)
    Oh eff off. Whites have done WAAAY more good for this world then bad.
    ok woah chill...I'm not the one saying white people are evil - I'm just saying that in general a black person of that generation who grows up in an entirely black community does not think highly of white people, so that reasoning you suggested would never work... Trust me my parents are the same
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi everyone, I'm posting this thread up because I'm not sure where else to turn and i'd like to get some feedback from the TSR community. Please feel to advise as you see fit. Thank you so much in advance.

    I'm sorry if this is a little long-winded to read but I want to give as much information as possible so the situation is as clear as possible...


    So a little background:

    I'm going to my final year at univeristy in a London uni. I am a little older than the usual final year student due to me taking two gap years before and during the course of my degree. My mother is a single mother who has raised my sisters and I up for years without any help so I feel a certain level of indebtedness to her on that account. We're West African so my mother tends to have quite 'strong' views when it comes to how things should be done. However given that my sisters and I were not surrounded by people who had a similar mindset to my mother, we tend to be more liberal in our thinking and our view of the world around us.

    So the issue:

    Two years ago I met this really great guy. My previous relationships before him have not been all that great, a little lackluster and really nothing to write home about. But this guy. I spend days and days with him and I just can not describe how happy I am when we're together. We do argue and have our differences but those times still don't take away from the overall shine of the relationship. I have met his family and I get on so well with them, I adore his mom and keep in touch with her when I'm not visiting.

    My mother has never met him and refuses to do so because he is white. That is her only reason. i know how this sounds and i can not describe how heartbreaking it is to hear her racist remarks towards him and just her general abuse. I have cried and cried at the hands of this woman over my boyfriend. She's called me every name under the sun because she believes that I shouldn't be with him because of his race. She refuses to acknowledge how happy he makes me. My sisters have met him and they all love him and think he's wonderful and they have tried to talk sense into her and she refuses to budge. She just goes about her way of trying to get me to break up with him. She once gave me an ultimatum that I should either choose her or leave him. I got tired of the stress and abuse and my boyfriend and I broke up briefly. However, I got back with him again because I got tired of compromising my own happiness for her ignorance.

    Fast-forward to this morning:

    She found out that I decided to complete an internship for a Big 4 company closer to where he lives. She called me and she was furious and ranting and raving. When I initially applied I didn't think I'd get through and secure the internship so I figure I'd cross that bridge when I got there. Well, turns out that I would have to cross that bridge today. She's not happy at all that I would be living closer to him and away from the family home for the duration of my internship. It's not the fact that I would be away from the family home as I have been to boarding school and my internship in my first year meant I spent 2 months living in Herts for the duration of that internship. This internship is a great opportunity and I'm very much looking forward to it. But I can't get over the fact that she hates someone that she has never met before so strongly due to his race and the fact that I won't dump him on a whim to keep her happy.

    Has anyone else every experienced this or a similar situation before? Or do y'all have any advice for me to help manage my relationship with my mother? Regardless of her behaviour I still love her very much and I just would like to make things work and get her to accept him or at least meet him once.
    It makes me laugh how other posters in this thread seem to think that your mother can actually be reasoned with. I think it's a purely Western thing because my mother is south Asian and there is absolutely no reasoning with her, what she says goes, no exceptions.

    As hard as it is I think you're best off not discussing your boyfriend with her, refusing to engage when she tries to talk about him, and if her behaviour continues then you should cut her off altogether. I have very difficult parents and it has taken me until the age of 22 and many, many, MANY tearful nights wondering what went wrong to realise that you can't change people. You can't convince someone to accept you if they don't want to. It sounds like you've tried your hardest but if your mother is just making you unhappy then you have all the reason in the world to stop including her in your everyday life. You don't deserve to be unhappy everyday because of somebody else's prejudice.

    Sorry if that seems harsh but I have been through similar things and I honestly think that in some cases it isn't worth the pain of trying to fix things. You can PM me if you want. All the best 😊

    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    #1

    (Original post by ailashes)
    It makes me laugh how other posters in this thread seem to think that your mother can actually be reasoned with. I think it's a purely Western thing because my mother is south Asian and there is absolutely no reasoning with her, what she says goes, no exceptions.

    As hard as it is I think you're best off not discussing your boyfriend with her, refusing to engage when she tries to talk about him, and if her behaviour continues then you should cut her off altogether. I have very difficult parents and it has taken me until the age of 22 and many, many, MANY tearful nights wondering what went wrong to realise that you can't change people. You can't convince someone to accept you if they don't want to. It sounds like you've tried your hardest but if your mother is just making you unhappy then you have all the reason in the world to stop including her in your everyday life. You don't deserve to be unhappy everyday because of somebody else's prejudice.

    Sorry if that seems harsh but I have been through similar things and I honestly think that in some cases it isn't worth the pain of trying to fix things. You can PM me if you want. All the best 😊

    Posted from TSR Mobile

    Thank you so much for this! I have been doing that a little. I moved for my internship and I have been having a great time without her stress. I try to speak to her when I can but honestly I'm making a conscious effort to not let it bother me
 
 
 
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