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How to deal with an extremely controlling parent? watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks a lot for the reply!! I'm sorry you went through this sort of thing as well, it's horrible. My mum isn't as concerned about be doing stupid things as she is about criminals. Whenever I'm out that's all she's thinking about. She thinks I'm going to get raped (she still uses this term --- and I'm a male --- I'm not sure how that works) wherever I go. It's ridiculous. I've tried the conversation thing multiple times, and there's absolutely no convincing her.
    Then maybe go to and from the place with a friend then? That can maybe help with the criminals thing (men can get raped by the way, the world's a horrid place). You basically need a chaperone, and I'm sure she'll like that word a lot!:laugh: Or if your parents know how to drive, get one of them to drop you around the corner to the party and pick you up in the morning. If you look like you're trying to give YOURSELF restriction, she'll think you're finally on her wavelength, then realise how responsible you are and then be cool with you having fun.

    And by the way, just apply for student finance. What kind of person stops their child from applying for "free" money? (even though you have to pay it back)
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    Hi, I feel for you honestly

    The advice I would give is to man up. Sometimes parents need that, and it's the only way you can free yourself, come on, you are nearly 19. Otherwise your going to have a dreary life ahead of you.

    Good luck man
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    You're just going to have to disobey her, otherwise she'll control every aspect of your life. I know you love and respect her, but there's a point when you need to put your foot down and make your own choices.
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    Life is for living. You are going to feel a lot of resentment if you don't do what you can to move out. Uni is the best chance to do this with.
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    I know how you feel.

    It's better to talk this off with your mum and come to an agreement of some sort.
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    Very Important Poster
    At some stage you need to say no and resist. that will mean independence of mind and the ability to financially support yourself. Eventually she will give up and let you go or agree to your terms. people grow up.
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    I did briefly read most of it, and from the sound of it, your Mum sounds like my Mum (but not as serious) Like they actually sound like sisters.

    I am not allowed out to sleep overs either because it's too "dangerous" and if my friends offer me food it might potentially be poisonous and kill me and my friends parents are evil.
    I am not allowed to stay out at night because again, it's dangerous and I might get raped or attacked on my way home.
    My Mum calls me at least 20 times when I am out, but there isn't even a solution to ignore it because, guess what? My Mum would somehow find my friends number, scream at my friend and ask where I am (Yes, indeed it has happened before)
    I am not allowed not allowed to invite friends over because my brothers and I, have potentially bad friends that might rob our house.
    I am basically not allowed to move to a uni outside of London because my Mum has no idea to cope without me and she wants me to do things for her e.g go shopping for her and take the bins outside which she knows 3 of my brothers won't do. Because of this, she has threatened me and said she basically won't give a **** about me when I go to uni, Just because I am moving outside of London.
    She calls me dirty and talks about how unclean I am, for doing the smallest things e.g leaving footprints when I come out of the bath.

    Don't worry- You are not alone lol, my Mum isn't as extreme as yours, but she is up there literally why I can't wait for September to come
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I questioned my mum about university and how she's going to cope without me - well apparently she's going to move into my accommodation with me, so that she knows what I'm doing, and where I am 24/7 hours of the day. .
    My condolences. I don't know what you can do though.

    Also you should probably edit and add paragraphs.

    My mum was acting like that with me until i was 16 lol. If she still behaved that way now I'd go crazy.

    At that point I'd genuienly just sneak out. At least uni will be better for you
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    (Original post by lucabrasi98)
    My condolences. I don't know what you can do though.

    Also you should probably edit and add paragraphs.

    My mum was acting like that with me until i was 16 lol. If she still behaved that way now I'd go crazy.

    At that point I'd genuienly just sneak out. At least uni will be better for you
    Thank you for the reply

    Originally I did - well at least here: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...1#post66222681

    I posted that in the wrong category, and so I copied and pasted it along ... however somehow that took out the paragraphs, sorry
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    thanks for all the replies guys, it means a lot to me, and you've all given me something to think about ... sooner or later I'm going to have to oppose her oppressive parenting
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can't deal with this any more; it's driving me crazy. Where to start? I'm an 18 year old male, Christian, coming onto 19 in a few months, and I'm not allowed to do anything because of my unbelievably authoritarian mother. My mother is Belarusian, my dad is English (completely opposite in nature to my mum).I have a car, and am permitted out during the day (I am extremely thankful for this - this is the only freedom I can experience ... I seriously don't know how my mum allows me to drive 1/2 the time), but always have to be home by about 5 / 6 pm, because only maniacs drive at night, and at night visibility is 0, and therefore driving at night is basically a guarantee to crash, well at least according to my mum.My friend is hosting a house party next month, who's very kindly offered me to sleep over. I've never been to a sleepover before (because again, it's too dangerous apparently). I figured that 18 I'd be allowed and that it wouldn't be a problem - nope. I got the bo*locking of a lifetime from my mum. Apparently my friend's house will be full of prostitutes, everyone will be drunk, doing drugs and having sex. And half the people will be carrying knives and stabbing each other. I questioned my mum about university and how she's going to cope without me - well apparently she's going to move into my accommodation with me, so that she knows what I'm doing, and where I am 24/7 hours of the day. And she's talked about how she's going to walk me right up to the university doors with me, so that I don't get lost, raped or attacked. I'll be maybe allowed to move out at 30. 10-year olds have sleep overs without these kind of problems, I AM 18, not 10. Let that sink in. Well, on the bright side, I'm allowed to go to that party (I have no idea how), but not stay the night.Whenever I'm allowed out during the day, she needs to know where I'll be, why, for how long, and asks me to phone when I arrive at each location. It's almost like she's mission control and she's keeping track of my every move. If I'm late home, well the minimum she'll shout and verbally abuse me for is probably an hour. After she calms down, she'll bring up the issue multiple times again over the next few following days. If my phone says "missed call from mum" - oh god ... that is something that absolutely cannot happen. Last time that happened, she almost called the police (I was on a bike ride with friends and couldn't hear my phone ring). That was 4 years ago. To this day, I'm not allowed on bike rides with friends any more.A year ago I wanted to go to London to a concert (DURING THE DAY), and meet up with a friend. Apparently I'm incapable to using the tube (because it's too complicated) and there are too many criminals.Forget girls, forget alcohol, forget clubs, forget all that stuff. I don't care about any of that right now at all. I just want to live a bit. I feel like I'm living on a leash. I've worked my ass off on school work and I just want to live a bit. Absolutely everyone I know is not treated like this, in fact, their parents don't care what they do at all. Their parents just know their children are responsible, and won't get into trouble for doing anything stupid. My friends are going on holiday to other countries for god sake, and I'm not allowed to stay at a friends house at night. I'm fed up of making bullsh*t excuses to my friends as to why I can never do anything.I could go on an on and on about it. Please, I need advice. How do I handle this situation? And I can't just move out, before anyone suggests it. I won't be allowed to work at university, because I need to study all the time, so I won't have any money (and no I'm not allowed a student load either). And yes, I know, my parents can enforce their own rules while I'm living under their roof, but I feel like I'm living with a dictator, enforcing her bullsh*t regulations on me.She thinks I'm incapable of life. Ironically, I'm always the one directing her in airports, as she's incapable of understanding simple directions and reading simple maps. And I will probably be incapable of life soon with her mothering anyway.5 years ago, people were taking the p*ss out of me because I was never allowed to do anything. I though that hitting 18 = more freedom. Since hitting 18 my mum's become more controlling. Please help. I need it. Thank you for reading this through ... I could keep going for another 10 pages about her. Sorry if there are any typos / bad grammar. I cannot read this through without feeling sorry for myself and crying. And yes, I know that sounds incredibly sad, however I am just so done with life right now.
    I cant believe that just a couple days after i made a post, someone comes in with a very similar situation as mine jheez.. We're almost the same, although mine not as bad as yours though.... What if we comment about how im trying to deal with my situation as well as yours?
 
 
 
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