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No friends, single & about to be made redundant. Can't cope anymore. Watch

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    Hey bud,

    Plenty of people worse off than you who have partners. You ever watched Jeremy Kyle? Those lads seem to pull new girls on a daily basis, God only knows how.

    Anyway, don't beat yourself up over this. No need. Life is a journey, albeit a hard one that can be made slightly easier with a positive mindset and the determination to succeed.

    Do things that make you happy. Change the things that don't make you happy.

    Socially awkward? PM a few people here and get a conversation rolling. Not as good as interacting with others in real life, but it'll help you be more comfortable with people.
    Shy? We all are to an extent. Making passing comments to people whilst waiting in line, talk to the cashier, anything just to build up a bit of self-confidence/esteem in your conversational abilities.
    Fat? Gym, or accepting yourself for who you are is the best way to go here.

    A good lady is out there waiting for you. Make yourself happy first and then start looking. Maybe try online dating for the time being until your social circle picks up. To start making more friends, attend meet-ups or clubs that interest you and will put you in contact with like-minded people.

    PM me if you fancy a chat.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My redundancy package is very generous plus I have savings so I am thinking of going travelling, only problem is that I have nobody to go with and i have never been on a plane before

    I've had people suggest online dating but I look absolutely disgusting and any girl who uses one of those places is going to have confident, attractive men queueing up for them
    You're very down on yourself mate. OK lookswise you might not be much, we get what we're given. But you say you are fat? You can do something about that. No shame in trying to lose weight & making yourself attractive, not just for girls but for yourself and your self esteem, right? Make a plan. List a week at a time. Reduce junk food, do some exercises at home, just as beneficial as gym if you're shy about going as many do if overweight. It's down to you to change those things you can! Get to it.

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    (Original post by beautifulbigmacs)
    disgusting is such a strong word. I recommend counselling.
    How would counselling help out of interest?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How would counselling help out of interest?
    Understanding why he thinks the way he does, controlling emotions and turning negative thoughts into positive ones.

    Quality of life improvements. May not help with dating situation but it's certainly the right way of going about making progress.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I had no friends in college and moved to uni hoping things would be better, and they were. Then everyone left and never bothered to keep in touch so I was back to square 1.

    All i've done since I graduated last summer is go to work. My social life is non existent, and if I disappeared right now nobody would notice i'd gone. It's been 3 months since I got a message from anyone other than Dominos Pizza or EE saying i've ran out of data. Not even on my birthday.

    On top of this i'm about to be made redundant and can't find a new job. I've had 6 interviews and failed all of them. There's nothing to apply for outside London, where I can't move to due to high competition & housing costs. Every time i'm left alone with my own thoughts I feel awful so if I don't have a new job by then I am not going to last 5 minutes.

    Everyone in the office is in an LTR/already married and everyone I went to uni with is in an LTR. It just feels like once you get to your mid 20s everyone has their boyfriend/girlfriend and doesn't give a **** about anyone else. Unfortunately I am fat/shy/socially awkward and look like a cave troll, so there's no girl out there who would be seen dead with me.

    When one of my friends move away at uni all she had to do was go to a bar, meet a guy on the first night and bam instant group of friends with no effort. Life just seems so much easier if you're a girl.

    It just feels like my life is over before it has began and I don't know what to do anymore.
    F****k friends, start a business, become rich and then they will wish that they were friends with you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I had no friends in college and moved to uni hoping things would be better, and they were. Then everyone left and never bothered to keep in touch so I was back to square 1.

    All i've done since I graduated last summer is go to work. My social life is non existent, and if I disappeared right now nobody would notice i'd gone. It's been 3 months since I got a message from anyone other than Dominos Pizza or EE saying i've ran out of data. Not even on my birthday.

    On top of this i'm about to be made redundant and can't find a new job. I've had 6 interviews and failed all of them. There's nothing to apply for outside London, where I can't move to due to high competition & housing costs. Every time i'm left alone with my own thoughts I feel awful so if I don't have a new job by then I am not going to last 5 minutes.

    Everyone in the office is in an LTR/already married and everyone I went to uni with is in an LTR. It just feels like once you get to your mid 20s everyone has their boyfriend/girlfriend and doesn't give a **** about anyone else. Unfortunately I am fat/shy/socially awkward and look like a cave troll, so there's no girl out there who would be seen dead with me.

    When one of my friends move away at uni all she had to do was go to a bar, meet a guy on the first night and bam instant group of friends with no effort. Life just seems so much easier if you're a girl.

    It just feels like my life is over before it has began and I don't know what to do anymore.
    I'm really sorry to hear about it all OP.
    Just remember with hardship comes ease. There is a path out there for you, I promise.
    Don't ever give up and keep trying and definitely.

    Try a new activity perhaps that you normally wouldn't consider and try making friends that way.

    Also sometimes it can really help by getting things of your chest and speaking to people, so maybe a close relative or even a counsellor.

    Also yoy don't need other people to go out and enjoy yourself.

    Don't let pressures from society drag you down.
    Put yourself out there and enjoy your life and the relationship will come when the time is right.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I first had counselling in 2004, i've spent time in a psychiatric institution and had every kind of therapy you can think of, it just doesn't work. As soon as I finish seeing someone and go back to having nobody to talk to I just fall apart.

    Unfortunately I have really poor social skills and i'm really shy, so there's no chance i'd ever join any kind of club or group by myself because I know i'd be the quiet guy sitting in the corner and awkwardly leaving when nobody talks to me.

    I'm desperate to lose weight but whenever I have a bad day or feel upset (which right now is a lot) I just end up eating junk food. I don't really know how to cook or eat healthily because i've basically lived off takeaways for years.

    I'm not suicidial or anything, but I just can't live like this anymore. My self esteem is so low I assume i've failed before i've even tried. I can't get any part of my mind to ever build myself up or think I could achieve something.

    I'm really concerned about what could happen to me once my job goes and my last network of social interaction disappears. Getting through a weekend is hard enough for me, the last time there was a bank holiday I spent the whole of the Friday crying because it meant an extra day off alone.
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    Not like I'll be any help, but I'll try my best...
    Don't you have any family to meet up with? In which case, why don't you? Try to interact with their friends. Obviously if your family is still around. Another suggestion, try moving to a new town, if you have enough money of course, because no-one will know you, and you can have the opportunity to meet new people and get into new social circles. Now it shouldn't be this optimistic, but I just thought, which is unusual considering I'm a realist. Yet another suggestion, try making an effort at these interviews you go to, attempt to stand out from all the other interviewees, and better yet, try to acquaint yourself with one of the interviewers.
    Like I said, this probably won't help, but I just wanted to suggest a few ways to resolve this rather depressing predicament of your's.
    • #3
    #3

    Buddy,

    If you really give a damn about your life, I suggest you love yourself more than you could ever love yourself. In this situation, right here, right now, you are not alone . Thousands of others have been through it before and thousands more will go through it.

    Get yourself out of here by loving yourself. Change your mindset and be more positive. I dunno how or why but when your mindset is positive, things become better. Expect that the best days area ahead of you. Know that after rain comes growth. After pain comes wisdom.

    Read more books, watch more YouTube videos by people like Prager University and etc. Exercise more, meditate more, eat healthier, take walks more.

    Love yourself. Work hard for YOU. Make friends for YOU. Get money for YOU. Lose weight for YOU. This is a time where you could lose out on what you could gain from this experience or you could build yourself. You've been broken down by life. Now build yourself up. You owe this to yourself, mate. You owe this to your future kids. You owe this to your future self.

    I believe in you. JUST DO IT.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I had no friends in college and moved to uni hoping things would be better, and they were. Then everyone left and never bothered to keep in touch so I was back to square 1.

    All i've done since I graduated last summer is go to work. My social life is non existent, and if I disappeared right now nobody would notice i'd gone. It's been 3 months since I got a message from anyone other than Dominos Pizza or EE saying i've ran out of data. Not even on my birthday.

    On top of this i'm about to be made redundant and can't find a new job. I've had 6 interviews and failed all of them. There's nothing to apply for outside London, where I can't move to due to high competition & housing costs. Every time i'm left alone with my own thoughts I feel awful so if I don't have a new job by then I am not going to last 5 minutes.

    Everyone in the office is in an LTR/already married and everyone I went to uni with is in an LTR. It just feels like once you get to your mid 20s everyone has their boyfriend/girlfriend and doesn't give a **** about anyone else. Unfortunately I am fat/shy/socially awkward and look like a cave troll, so there's no girl out there who would be seen dead with me.

    When one of my friends move away at uni all she had to do was go to a bar, meet a guy on the first night and bam instant group of friends with no effort. Life just seems so much easier if you're a girl.

    It just feels like my life is over before it has began and I don't know what to do anymore.
    (Original post by ALittleLost25)
    Disregard friends and make bank.
    Join meetup as well and join some groups
    OP this is what you need to do ^
    l
    who needs friends when you can have money to spend on nice stuff
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by jamesthehustler)
    OP this is what you need to do ^
    l
    who needs friends when you can have money to spend on nice stuff
    I'm in a well paid job and i'm quite well off for someone fresh out of university. Having money makes zero difference when I can't spend it as nearly everything i'd want to do - from simple things like going out for dinner to more extravagant things like going on holiday - requires another person to do it with.

    Since I got home from work today i've just sat in bed and ate a entire 6 pack of crisps. I hate myself so much.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Still absolutely no luck. Worked out today that it's been 4 months since I last spoke to someone who wasn't a work colleague.

    I can't do this anymore. I just can't.
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    Bad situation OP.

    With regards to the friends issue this is probably more common than you'd think. I for example found that post-uni my friends scattered about the country for work or to live and hence found myself lacking a proper social group since i'm not one to spend £50 on train fare every other week to see somebody.

    Two suggestions for the social issue...

    1) Fill your time. Stuff like the gym or watching sports in the pub or reading the paper in a coffee shop all take up those hours in which you'll have nothing to do and be getting depressed about it. Hell, you can even go visit family.

    2) Short of making friends the old fashioned way (heading to a pub and joining the regulars) there are internet facilities that allow you to meet new people.. Websites like meetme and meetup allow you to head to an event or join a group based on your interests.

    To tackle the dating issue you ultimately have to get yourself into the best form you can physically and then put yourself out there.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I had no friends in college and moved to uni hoping things would be better, and they were. Then everyone left and never bothered to keep in touch so I was back to square 1.

    All i've done since I graduated last summer is go to work. My social life is non existent, and if I disappeared right now nobody would notice i'd gone. It's been 3 months since I got a message from anyone other than Dominos Pizza or EE saying i've ran out of data. Not even on my birthday.

    On top of this i'm about to be made redundant and can't find a new job. I've had 6 interviews and failed all of them. There's nothing to apply for outside London, where I can't move to due to high competition & housing costs. Every time i'm left alone with my own thoughts I feel awful so if I don't have a new job by then I am not going to last 5 minutes.

    Everyone in the office is in an LTR/already married and everyone I went to uni with is in an LTR. It just feels like once you get to your mid 20s everyone has their boyfriend/girlfriend and doesn't give a **** about anyone else. Unfortunately I am fat/shy/socially awkward and look like a cave troll, so there's no girl out there who would be seen dead with me.

    When one of my friends move away at uni all she had to do was go to a bar, meet a guy on the first night and bam instant group of friends with no effort. Life just seems so much easier if you're a girl.

    It just feels like my life is over before it has began and I don't know what to do anymore.
    Quit crying like a pathetic little child and have some perspective. You admit you are a fat yet your stuffing your face with dominos... make an effort to improve yourself and you will feel the benefits in confidence and esteem. Quit crying about what other people have and you dont ... maybe look at what you do have and be thankful.

    Everybody feels so entitled to the perfect life of house job luxury car latest Iphone, its pathetic and self defeating
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I had no friends in college and moved to uni hoping things would be better, and they were. Then everyone left and never bothered to keep in touch so I was back to square 1.

    All i've done since I graduated last summer is go to work. My social life is non existent, and if I disappeared right now nobody would notice i'd gone. It's been 3 months since I got a message from anyone other than Dominos Pizza or EE saying i've ran out of data. Not even on my birthday.

    On top of this i'm about to be made redundant and can't find a new job. I've had 6 interviews and failed all of them. There's nothing to apply for outside London, where I can't move to due to high competition & housing costs. Every time i'm left alone with my own thoughts I feel awful so if I don't have a new job by then I am not going to last 5 minutes.

    Everyone in the office is in an LTR/already married and everyone I went to uni with is in an LTR. It just feels like once you get to your mid 20s everyone has their boyfriend/girlfriend and doesn't give a **** about anyone else. Unfortunately I am fat/shy/socially awkward and look like a cave troll, so there's no girl out there who would be seen dead with me.

    When one of my friends move away at uni all she had to do was go to a bar, meet a guy on the first night and bam instant group of friends with no effort. Life just seems so much easier if you're a girl.

    It just feels like my life is over before it has began and I don't know what to do anymore.
    I'm female, past my mid twenties now and have found life far from easy. I've always been very quiet and offered my own company but still I've never had a close group of friends or social circle, therefore I have never socialised much. At school and college I was very much into keeping fit, lifting and running, I joined a club and went for runs with middle aged people as I didn't know many people my age into it. Ive always had a slim toned body (though I'm only short so have never looked skinny). I didn't really know how to style my hair to make it look good as a result it was always a very unstylish brown Bob style. I always wore trousers and a tracksuit top wasn't the pretty girly type so I never got attention. I didn't know how to socialise, I tried but I just have no charisma, wasn't 'cool' and so had no friends other than another odd 'outcast' girl like myself lol.

    The lads just either ignored or laughed at me and other girls ignored me, I never stuck up for myself. I barely spoke in class even though I wanted to, but as time went by it would have been weirder for me to suddenly speak lol after not speaking for most of the term. I didn't know how to get around this problem. To make things worse one of the lecturers at college didn't help. He asked me in front of everyone what I had against the result of the class. I just said 'nothing, I like them they are funny' ' he said 'well why don't you mix with them then' I had nothing to say as I didn't know. This same teacher also did a class'experiment' on facial attraction for a psychology topic. We were all asked if we agreed to take part and I was curious so said ok. We each had to rate each other out of 10 for facial attraction anonymously on a piece of paper. I didn't give anyone below a 6 as I thought it was harsh. The teacher wrote our scores on the board and I got a string of 4's and a 5, the lowest in the class, even the teacher scored higher lol. So it made me worry for years after. I've never had a problem with my looks I realise I dress plain/unstylish and can see how I'm not attractive but Ive always liked my body and been fairly satisfied with my face. So for years after that score, plus the lack of interest from guys' made me think that I must be ugly and am just not seeing it. I just focused on keeping fit and tried to forget about my face.

    Around that same time I also got fired from a job making sandwiches, apparently I didn't make them quick enough. When I told my mum she said 'your just a loser arn't you'. She's been supportive overall but I remember nasty comments she has made. To make things worse at this time I was also very anxious. I fainted in college (in that same class I never spoke in lol) due to stomach cramps and was worried about fainting again so I started missing lessons. I got told off, got a warning from college and so the pressure to attend increased. I did quite a bit of studying at home for A levels and started to get panic attacks when I went out as I was scared of fainting. I managed to finish college with bad grades, started a degree but quit this as I never attended. I saw a councellor about the anxiety which didn't help much. Then again I lied to her, when she asked if I had friends and went out I said yes as I was ashamed to say no.

    The anxiety went eventually but I still have no close friends nor a relationship. I've had a close friendship/relationship with a much older man who used to coach me and went running with me but he was always saying how abnormal I was and how I lacked worldly knowledge. It's fine said in a constructive way but he kept saying I was like a 12 year old and how he had to 'bring himself down to my level' when having a conversation. I couldn't voice my opinion on matters without being criticised it was like walking on egg shells. So this has ended, though he now insults me to others plus I get funny looks from some of the other runners (not all) because I dated someone so much older. I feel like Ive missed out in that I never had a social life as a teenager nor have I had the chance to date a young guy. If I do find a date now it will likely be a man in his late twenties, thirties or forties. I still have no close friends.

    You say life is much easier for females but I often think that being a guy would be better. I'd be in the gym everyday 'bulking up' and 'getting ripped' to increase my social status a little. I could focus on my career without feeling the time limit pressure of having to have kids before age 35/37. I don't even know if I want kids but I still feel on a time limit to decide. Some men have this 'red pill' theory where after the age of 30 women lose social power/dating options as their looks/youth decline but for men it increased as they build up their career, income and 'status'. If this has much truth to it then life can only get worse for me and I've not even had the options/benefits that are meant to go with being young lol. So as a male you have plenty of time to get a good life together, yet I feel lots of pressure to decide what I really want out of life.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Betelgeuse-)
    Everybody feels so entitled to the perfect life of house job luxury car latest Iphone, its pathetic and self defeating
    I have nearly all of those things, i'm quite well off and never need to check my bank balance because I know if I want something the money is there.

    My fear getting involved with any group like meetup is that it'll all be middle aged people, and even if there were people my age i'd just be the quiet one sitting in the corner
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in a well paid job and i'm quite well off for someone fresh out of university. Having money makes zero difference when I can't spend it as nearly everything i'd want to do - from simple things like going out for dinner to more extravagant things like going on holiday - requires another person to do it with.

    Since I got home from work today i've just sat in bed and ate a entire 6 pack of crisps. I hate myself so much.
    I have plenty of friends and I prefer traveling alone as many do. I don't speak Spanish and this past month (including right now) I've visited 8 Latin American countriess with no issues at all. In fact, I've been on 30 flights this past year so far - all on my own. Traveling really doesn't "require" a partner.
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    Work your way to the top, earn your $$$$ and just do you baby! **** all the irrelevant people, if you need a chat message me! Xx
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    Work your way to the top, earn your $$$$ and just do you baby! **** all the irrelevant people, if you need a chat message me! Xxxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have nearly all of those things, i'm quite well off and never need to check my bank balance because I know if I want something the money is there.

    My fear getting involved with any group like meetup is that it'll all be middle aged people, and even if there were people my age i'd just be the quiet one sitting in the corner
    You have money and transport.. throw in the internet.. are you telling me you cant find an event of meetup with people around your age and interests?

    Why would you be the quiet one in the corner? Meet people in a setting thats about a hobby or passion you know a lot about or are confident in..?
 
 
 
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