Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

When it comes to relationships, are non good looking guys overlooked for hot guys? Watch

    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Arghhh!!!!!! So angry right now!!!

    My last crush (who rejected me by ignoring me 1 week after we first spoke) is now sooo happy that shes seeing a guy because hes so cute!!!!
    What the actual ****!!!! I was perfectly nice to her and complimented her loads! Yet shed rather be with ****ing him because hes ****ing cute!!
    So angry right now!!!
    Im gonna go in rage mode soon!! So angry at that!!
    Just need to point out that just because you're nice to a girl it doesn't mean you're entitled to her affections. She has the right to not be interested.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Aww thats relieving!!
    Good to hear it! I like how how you put personality first! Youre a genuine person!

    Yeah thats always the case here too! Its just so disheartening for me!
    Wow thats just wrong i think, surely others get offended by that?
    Haha yeah personality is so much more important to me. If you genuinely like someone then looks should've even matter. Looks don't last forever but personality does.

    It's not easy finding someone you like that also likes you back. You still have time so don't give up!
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Arghhh!!!!!! So angry right now!!!

    My last crush (who rejected me by ignoring me 1 week after we first spoke) is now sooo happy that shes seeing a guy because hes so cute!!!!
    What the actual ****!!!! I was perfectly nice to her and complimented her loads! Yet shed rather be with ****ing him because hes ****ing cute!!
    So angry right now!!!
    Im gonna go in rage mode soon!! So angry at that!!
    Women aren't machines that you put your niceness coins into and have a reward pop out.

    If, at the end of the day, you treat her right, care for her etc without expecting anything in return, if she chooses to go off with someone else then that is potentially her loss. Though, for the record, his cuteness is probably not exclusively to do with his appearance (cute + confident).
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Every single girl says looks don't matter personality is more important. That is so hypocritical honestly. Most girls are sly as us guys who date based on looks.

    Girls who say looks are not important, are only saying it to look good in front of other people and not seem like a bi*ch. Were in reality they would only date a good looking guy and best friendzone the not so good looking one.

    Inside they probably thinking I really like your personality but why did you have to be so damn unattractive, bam friendzoned.

    Look at all the ex bf the girls have dated most if not all of them would be fairly attractive. Ask them if personality is not so important then why haven't you dated a ugly guy? Why friend zone them?

    Bear in mind not all girls are like this and some actually do date unattractive guys. But girls like that are quite hard to find.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    I am aware i was just joking there (edited it now to avoid rioting)

    Well no **** i already know that, but im on about girls in general. Like is it possible for a non good looking guy to get a girlfriend at all?
    Of course it is. The problem is that you work longer at getting to the same point a good looking guy can possibly achieve fairly quickly with the same girl - but then it is difficult to say who likes what aesthetically. There are plenty of people I know that crush on guys you probably wouldn't call good looking. This can even be quick if the guys are confident and have good banter. Separately, there are lots of times you find someone you're not initially attracted to becomes more appealing after knowing them for a while.

    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Arghhh!!!!!! So angry right now!!!

    My last crush (who rejected me by ignoring me 1 week after we first spoke) is now sooo happy that shes seeing a guy because hes so cute!!!!
    What the actual ****!!!! I was perfectly nice to her and complimented her loads! Yet shed rather be with ****ing him because hes ****ing cute!!
    So angry right now!!!
    Im gonna go in rage mode soon!! So angry at that!!
    You know that just because he's cute, and she's happy about that, doesn't mean that's the only reason she got with him? Like even subconsciously, they could just be well matched in their personalities and find it particularly easy to get on. You can't boil everything down to looks. *

    Stop thinking of it as a competition or that it's one thing in your way. There are lots of people out there, with all different personalities, meaning there are plenty of times you can feel disheartened because the person you approach isn't feeling the same as you. It sucks but that's how a lot of people feel even if those you're seeing at the moment have an easier time of it. You are not the exception to the rule, like many people you just have to keep going and accept that's life.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    I'm bi and I can safely say that if someone has a terrible personality it consequently ruins their appearance as well.

    I initially found an old co-worker nice to look at, but as I got to know how much of a **** he was it realllyyyy changed how attractive I found him.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Jennie1987)
    Of course it is. The problem is that you work longer at getting to the same point a good looking guy can possibly achieve fairly quickly with the same girl - but then it is difficult to say who likes what aesthetically. There are plenty of people I know that crush on guys you probably wouldn't call good looking. This can even be quick if the guys are confident and have good banter. Separately, there are lots of times you find someone you're not initially attracted to becomes more appealing after knowing them for a while.



    You know that just because he's cute, and she's happy about that, doesn't mean that's the only reason she got with him? Like even subconsciously, they could just be well matched in their personalities and find it particularly easy to get on. You can't boil everything down to looks. *

    Stop thinking of it as a competition or that it's one thing in your way. There are lots of people out there, with all different personalities, meaning there are plenty of times you can feel disheartened because the person you approach isn't feeling the same as you. It sucks but that's how a lot of people feel even if those you're seeing at the moment have an easier time of it. You are not the exception to the rule, like many people you just have to keep going and accept that's life.
    JENNIE!!!
    Well thats relieving! See i get so disheartened by that! Surely if im nice to them then thats the main thing, but no i need to look good too! Not like the mess i am now!
    Well you obviously dont live where i am then!
    Im not confident either, but that girl i mentioned later on, i went and approached her and spoke to her! Yeah i hadnt spoken to her before but i went and said hey and we had a good chat, we had a lot in common too!
    Yup ive experienced that before!

    Well thats just what she said in the post and he was lying on top of her in bed
    Im just upset and angry that she gave him a chance but not me! She literally wouldnt talk to me the second time we spoke (or didnt but you get what i mean, i hope). Well they could be but i have a suspicion that theyre not. But shes the type of girl that does!

    But it seems that way from past experiences! Its either get a girlfriend or get told your ugly by every single girl in the school (yup i experienced the latter). But when its all of them its very disheartening! Ive been told numerous times that ill never get a girlfriend because of my looks (girls and boys have said that to me!).
    I am still going and am accepting it but its just the fact that no one ive met in person has been nice to me (no one at all, girls and boys). I just want to be loved by someone! I just want someone who will be there for me and not make fun of me 24/7!
    This hasnt really made me feel better about myself tbh
    • #3
    #3

    I first met my boyfriend as friends when I was 14 and he was 15, and to be honest to begin with I didn't find him attractive at all. In fact, initially I would make fun of him to my friends (he's well aware of this and finds it funny now, although when he first found out it was awkward lol). But when I got to know him and realised how well his personality clicked with mine, it was only then that I was able to find a physical attraction to him. So, I would say that physical attraction is dependent on personality. Although to be fair, I wasn't romantically pursuing him to begin with.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    you have nice guy syndrome; forget your looks and sort that out
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by banterboy)
    you have nice guy syndrome; forget your looks and sort that out
    Whats nice guy syndrome?
    I think i know but tell me anyway
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Whats nice guy syndrome?
    I think i know but tell me anyway
    basically you come off as friendly, and then normal guys get the girls tyour trying to impress by by being nice, and you think that morals (as opposed to your niceness) is a turn off for women.

    Women want a man who has the balls to be themselves irrespective of her. If you're deterrent to her she won't see you in that way. Being too nice comes off as qualifying yourself for her attention.

    That attitude is at least as important to your chances as looks.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Adamski191)
    I tell you what (I'm a guy, but f**k it) I do think that less attractive guys are overlooked in favour of their hotter counterparts. Looks aren't all there is to a relationship, it should also depend on how you truly feel about each other, and your personalities, whether they are compatible or conflicting. All this bull about a relationship only being able to work on how 'good-looking' the pair are, is just a false generalization. My cousin is (I regret to say it) rather unattractive, but her boyfriend is rather good-looking, and they just got engaged yesterday. But this is just my opinion...not like it matters anyway.
    I agree as well and in my opinion 'good looking people' with a nasty or not so pleasant attitude is DEFINITELY NOT attractive so you might as well say the looks go down the drain for me. I'd rather be happy with a guy I can relate to then walking around with someone only as eye candy and no similarities. There's an emptiness to it.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by banterboy)
    basically you come off as friendly, and then normal guys get the girls tyour trying to impress by by being nice, and you think that morals (as opposed to your niceness) is a turn off for women.

    Women want a man who has the balls to be themselves irrespective of her. If you're deterrent to her she won't see you in that way. Being too nice comes off as qualifying yourself for her attention.

    That attitude is at least as important to your chances as looks.
    Yeah thats what i thought!

    Well fyi i dont have that!
    I be myself around girls i dont try impress them by being nice, i make them laugh, i take interest in what theyre saying, i am nice to them (im not gonna be nasty now am i!) But i just act myself around them and then get pushed aside when a cute guy comes along. Then im no good for then and when they break up with this guy a week later, i just get so angry. But from now on ill go and give them presents and celebrate the fact that hes got the girl i wanted! Ill be like 'Woo congrats man! Well done on getting in a relationship after a day! I only worked at this for a couple months so i m glad youve just wasted my time! Thanks man!! Awesome!' Yeah ill be like that then shall i!

    Why the **** am i not allowed to be pissed off at losing a girl to someone who then goes and abuses her! But yet its ok for the popular guys to be sad and upset.

    Ill go celebrate next time. Ill throw a party for them!

    Im being myself around her!! Im not saying im a nice guy (id like you to find where i said that please!)
    I be myself and i speak to them but some other guy always comes in and starts groping her and gets in a relationship with her! No joke!
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    JENNIE!!!
    Well thats relieving! See i get so disheartened by that! Surely if im nice to them then thats the main thing, but no i need to look good too! Not like the mess i am now!
    Hi!
    Tbh most times everyone is nice to everyone and that's like a baseline interaction so isn't going to tip everything in your favour as some kind of power move. It's a big amalgamation of things that creates a spark between two people and looks are the quickest way for that to happen due to evolution. It just happens that way. You just have to keep on doing the best with what you have - many things in life are disheartening but it doesn't make it impossible.
    Well you obviously dont live where i am then! No but also you're really young, you'll see that things are different and not everything mirrors school culture Im not confident either, but that girl i mentioned later on, i went and approached her and spoke to her! Yeah i hadnt spoken to her before but i went and said hey and we had a good chat, we had a lot in common too! that's a really brave move and you should take pride in that. Confidence isn't easy and as much as you hate it these things can take years to improve. It's just one part that can build up what attracts people to you. Sometimes you can have things in common with people and it still doesn't create that spark :dontknow: for every lock there is a key Yup ive experienced that before!

    Well thats just what she said in the post and he was lying on top of her in bed
    Im just upset and angry that she gave him a chance but not me! She literally wouldnt talk to me the second time we spoke (or didnt but you get what i mean, i hope). Well they could be but i have a suspicion that theyre not. But shes the type of girl that does! You need to acknowledge these feelings as valid but not to be dwelled upon. If someone doesn't feel like there is a possibility of a romantic relationship because they just aren't feeling it then they shouldn't give it a chance as you wished. She was just going with how she felt and you never know how her first interaction went with her now boyfriend. You can't be mad at her for going with her heart, just because you're ready to be a good boyfriend doesn't mean a girl you have things in common with should give dating you a try. You are putting too much weight in things out of everyone's hands, what would you rather that she puts lots of effort into trying to change her feelings for a guy she just met who has some common interests? That's not the way it works. *But it seems that way from past experiences! Its either get a girlfriend or get told your ugly by every single girl in the school (yup i experienced the latter). But when its all of them its very disheartening! Ive been told numerous times that ill never get a girlfriend because of my looks (girls and boys have said that to me!).
    I am still going and am accepting it but its just the fact that no one ive met in person has been nice to me (no one at all, girls and boys). I just want to be loved by someone! I just want someone who will be there for me and not make fun of me 24/7! This hasnt really made me feel better about myself tbh
    You need to focus on bringing positivity into your life; hanging on to grudges and the words of people that aren't worth your time is not going to better your life. You don't want to have bitterness and resentment! If you allow this to shape how you think and feel about yourself and your life it can only make things worse!! It won't change over night but you need to continually battle these ideas when you have them, work on being the best version of yourself and ignoring criticism (unless it's constructive and comes from a supportive person of course). You have so many new experiences coming your way that you have no idea about. You're so young and your world appears one way because school created this independent system of gossip and hierarchy totally separate to how you'll find the rest of your life works when many things that seem important now are left in the past.

    Don't think of this as a competition. Don't think that in your future you can't achieve your goals. Don't focus on one part of yourself and continually pile on negative reinforcement that you are defective. I understand that you desperately want a partner and for girls you're interested in to at least try a date, these are not too much to ask but it doesn't mean you will find them right now. You have to just keep living your life and not lose hope! It doesn't matter if you're religious or anything but you should have faith regardless of how it's put together, there is a plan bigger than ourselves. The alternatives will only succeed in making you feel worse. You can't know what will happen in the future but you can change what you're doing in the present so that you don't waste time and energy seething over things out of your control.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Arghhh!!!!!! So angry right now!!!

    My last crush (who rejected me by ignoring me 1 week after we first spoke) is now sooo happy that shes seeing a guy because hes so cute!!!!
    What the actual ****!!!! I was perfectly nice to her and complimented her loads! Yet shed rather be with ****ing him because hes ****ing cute!!
    So angry right now!!!
    Im gonna go in rage mode soon!! So angry at that!!
    This is probably why you're finding it difficult. You seem like you need to mature a bit.
    In the nicest possible way, you sound emotionally unstable and contrary to what people say, it's a pretty big red flag for a lot of people.

    We all know what it's like when your crush chooses someone else over you, but being nice and showering with compliments isn't attractive. It's cringy and overbearing. You can't build a relationship on compliments, it's boring.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Yeah thats what i thought!

    Well fyi i dont have that!
    I be myself around girls i dont try impress them by being nice, i make them laugh, i take interest in what theyre saying, i am nice to them (im not gonna be nasty now am i!) But i just act myself around them and then get pushed aside when a cute guy comes along. Then im no good for then and when they break up with this guy a week later, i just get so angry. But from now on ill go and give them presents and celebrate the fact that hes got the girl i wanted! Ill be like 'Woo congrats man! Well done on getting in a relationship after a day! I only worked at this for a couple months so i m glad youve just wasted my time! Thanks man!! Awesome!' Yeah ill be like that then shall i!

    Why the **** am i not allowed to be pissed off at losing a girl to someone who then goes and abuses her! But yet its ok for the popular guys to be sad and upset.

    Ill go celebrate next time. Ill throw a party for them!

    Im being myself around her!! Im not saying im a nice guy (id like you to find where i said that please!)
    I be myself and i speak to them but some other guy always comes in and starts groping her and gets in a relationship with her! No joke!
    Maybe the girl you're after is just into that kind of stuff or simply looking for that kind of attention. You don't have to change yourself for anyone more like change the person your trying to impress. Give it to someone who'd appreciate it. I'm not saying to just settle but I am saying maybe you should just let this girl go. As a female I can say if she's not looking for help or to change then she's comfortable where she's at with that guy. Maybe in the end she'll regret it. Maybe not but one thing I have to disagree with is having balls doesn't mean to always be assertive but know when to put your foot down and draw a line. A guy can be nice and have balls he just isn't flashing them when it's not needed. Doesn't have to always be assertive...


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Aww...dw..you'll find someone...how old r u..just curious..?? Not sounding creepy or anything...
    Online

    19
    ReputationRep:
    biologically speaking it makes sense after all the whole coupling up thing is still based in our genetics so... a nice person [whilst nice] isnt going to be able to support said women against a bear is he?
    then again it depends on the person.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Yeah thats what i thought!

    Well fyi i dont have that!
    I be myself around girls i dont try impress them by being nice, i make them laugh, i take interest in what theyre saying, i am nice to them (im not gonna be nasty now am i!) But i just act myself around them and then get pushed aside when a cute guy comes along. Then im no good for then and when they break up with this guy a week later, i just get so angry. But from now on ill go and give them presents and celebrate the fact that hes got the girl i wanted! Ill be like 'Woo congrats man! Well done on getting in a relationship after a day! I only worked at this for a couple months so i m glad youve just wasted my time! Thanks man!! Awesome!' Yeah ill be like that then shall i!

    Why the **** am i not allowed to be pissed off at losing a girl to someone who then goes and abuses her! But yet its ok for the popular guys to be sad and upset.

    Ill go celebrate next time. Ill throw a party for them!

    Im being myself around her!! Im not saying im a nice guy (id like you to find where i said that please!)
    I be myself and i speak to them but some other guy always comes in and starts groping her and gets in a relationship with her! No joke!
    You might not be a nice guy but you have a related mentality.

    You havent lost a girl who goes for someone else; you never had her.

    You'll be a lot happier if you stop getting attached before they give you anything (ie sex). Then that happiness will feed into your overall state and you'll be more attractive.

    Dont celebrate if another guy gets a girl your grafting . Just do nothing, it shouldn't be important to you. you can easily get another girl. If you dont feel that, just portray it, it'll come. When i first interacted with women i made that mistake of getting attached to a girl whose given you nothing to get attached to. It ruins your game man.

    When a guy gets the girl you like, think about what that guy has. Forget about trying to morally codify that; women's sexuality isn't based on morality.You'll start to see what these guys have and you dont is confidence and absolute self respect. Girls respect that; and emotional respect turns girls on; emotional affection doesn't.

    Theres 3 types of guys in the world. Good guys, bad guys and nice guys. The good guys and bad guys can get laid.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Right everyone seems have misunderstood me here.
    First off sex isn't what I want. I want a strong relationship and just with someone who loves me for who I am.
    I don't shower her with compliments, I will give one two each time I see her!
    I don't consider myself a nice guy. I'm just ordinary.
    But the thing that annoys me is that every girl I've tried to get with has chosen another guy over me and then broken up with them soon after.
    But I have accepted this and moved on to the next one.
    I do lack confidence (I'm aware of that) but I'm confident enough to talk to girls and have a nice convo with them.
    I don't get attached to them because I know what to end result will be. So there's no point.
    But I do everything other guys do but I just get shut down in the no because of the social status being important here. If you date someone unpopular, you're gonna get bullied hard for it. That's all completely true! I've seen it happen numerous times. It doesn't matter about the girls popularity, only the guys.

    Please can we stop the hate towards me. I apologize for having no confidence and for being absolutely useless in life but no more hate please!
    Thankyou
 
 
 
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 5, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you like to hibernate through the winter months?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.