Turn on thread page Beta

Why you should always try and go for a slightly older man watch

    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Jeff Seid)
    jimmy status:

    [x] rustled
    [] unrustled

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TUiqNomFeM
    avoiding the question

    not rustled
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    This thread is stupid.

    How about not caring about age, and marrying someone who you love and get on with? Generalising whole genders by maturity/readiness to settle down is retarded.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by claireestelle)
    My partner graduated at 24, we live up north so will get a house once we re married,but we don't want to be at the top of our careers before getting married just want a budget wedding with family really.
    I think you should perhaps explain in a simple way that having children becomes more difficult as you get older and if he wants you to wait that long can he accept the risk of you struggling to get pregnant. my mum really struggled to have my sister at 39 so it's always been a thing for me to have all my kids before my mid 30s so hopefully have an easier time throughout pregnancy.
    yeah I don't think he realised, though his sister is struggling at 34 so surely it must have crossed his mind! He wants 3 or 4 kids too! I said unless it's triplets that's definitely not gonna happen if we wait till 35! I'd be happy with 2 really but we will see.*
    • Section Leader
    • Very Important Poster
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Section Leader
    Very Important Poster
    Peer Support Volunteers
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yeah I don't think he realised, though his sister is struggling at 34 so surely it must have crossed his mind! He wants 3 or 4 kids too! I said unless it's triplets that's definitely not gonna happen if we wait till 35! I'd be happy with 2 really but we will see.*
    Doesn't sound like he's thought this through, even if biologically 4 kids was possible they might not be out of the house till you re almost at retirement age
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Doesn't sound like he's thought this through, even if biologically 4 kids was possible they might not be out of the house till you re almost at retirement age
    I know lol it's cos he is from a big family- except his mum started at 18 and was finished by 30!*
    • Section Leader
    • Very Important Poster
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Section Leader
    Very Important Poster
    Peer Support Volunteers
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know lol it's cos he is from a big family- except his mum started at 18 and was finished by 30!*
    I hope for you he comes to understand that unless he realises that you need to start younger that he can't have a big family
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    $$$
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    See the trouble is that women live longer than men. To use average statistics; if the guy is older than you by about five years, and he stays with you his whole life, you'll be a widow for about 10 years after he dies. I think that's worse than waiting a couple more years to have a kid. Really the ideal situation is the woman being a couple years older than the guy, while the guy is happy to start settling down a bit earlier. I mean that'd be the dream. But if you're gonna limit your relationships based on a checklist, you're an idiot.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Alaric III)
    See the trouble is that women live longer than men. To use average statistics; if the guy is older than you by about five years, and he stays with you his whole life, you'll be a widow for about 10 years after he dies. I think that's worse than waiting a couple more years to have a kid. Really the ideal situation is the woman being a couple years older than the guy, while the guy is happy to start settling down a bit earlier. I mean that'd be the dream. But if you're gonna limit your relationships based on a checklist, you're an idiot.
    Interesting that you pointed that out. Men don't usually mention this significant disadvantage to women when they are looking for a younger woman, since it suits them to have a younger carer in their old age before popping off nice and comfortably and leaving their wife alone. This is very long term thinking though most people are only concerned with the first stage of life up to say age 45 - the childbearing years. Statistically many people dont bother to have kids anyway (about 1-2 in 5 people) so for a lot of couples there is no biological pressure.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    I agree with what you've said. I also think it's important to not that if you are the same age and the man wants to wait until he is well established to settle down, you also run the risk of getting dumped at an older age when your fertility is declining and have no certainty hat he will end up marrying you at the end of it, because lets face it, most relationships do not end up in marriage and the prospect of ending up with a younger girl is not exactly a bad one.

    Problem is where do you find older guys if you are at university? Most people here are age mates or a year older/younger, so where would one find older guys who are closer to their 'settling down' age?
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by abcde3237)
    I agree with what you've said. I also think it's important to not that if you are the same age and the man wants to wait until he is well established to settle down, you also run the risk of getting dumped at an older age when your fertility is declining and have no certainty hat he will end up marrying you at the end of it, because lets face it, most relationships do not end up in marriage and the prospect of ending up with a younger girl is not exactly a bad one.

    Problem is where do you find older guys if you are at university? Most people here are age mates or a year older/younger, so where would one find older guys who are closer to their 'settling down' age?
    I read an article the other day stating that many women are filing for divorce because of husbands who don't want children or are putting off having them, maybe this is the wanting to be 'well established' thing but then many women want to be secure in a job too. I'm really considering adoption when I'm older as I just don't want to be pregnant and there's no biological pressure to settle down/rush into having kids.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by indigofox)
    I read an article the other day stating that many women are filing for divorce because of husbands who don't want children or are putting off having them, maybe this is the wanting to be 'well established' thing but then many women want to be secure in a job too. I'm really considering adoption when I'm older as I just don't want to be pregnant and there's no biological pressure to settle down/rush into having kids.
    Those women really should have determined that their timelines match up with their (potential) husbands before marrying them, I imagine many of them probably thought they could change his mind after getting married, unless he completely turned his views around after getting married which is unlikely if this is a trend and not one-offs.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by abcde3237)
    Those women really should have determined that their timelines match up with their (potential) husbands before marrying them, I imagine many of them probably thought they could change his mind after getting married, unless he completely turned his views around after getting married which is unlikely if this is a trend and not one-offs.
    Determine that timelines match up ha. Women don't know it all, circumstances can change a lot in months and years -jobs are changed, family problems crop up, health problems. Chances are they liked the man and so entered relationships/marriage, we don't know what conversations they had about future children I find that most people when asked just tend to say 'maybe someday'. For some reason your post puts a lot of blame on women.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by indigofox)
    Determine that timelines match up ha. Women don't know it all, circumstances can change a lot in months and years -jobs are changed, family problems crop up, health problems. Chances are they liked the man and so entered relationships/marriage, we don't know what conversations they had about future children I find that most people when asked just tend to say 'maybe someday'. For some reason your post puts a lot of blame on women.
    Well considering that they are the ones initiating divorce as you said, which is a BIG irreversible decision they should have rightly taken steps to prevent such a situation from occurring in the first place. 'Maybe someday' isn't really good enough with the person they intend to marry and start a family with, it's a major factor just like something like religion would be. And a change in plans would delay plans for maybe a few years max, not to the point where a spouse would feel divorce to be necessary. I'm putting blame where I feel there is blame to be had.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I never really understood why a lot of girls tend to end up with guys a bit older than them (I mean maybe a 3-6 year age gap nothing massive). I've always mainly dated guys my own age, or year older/younger. This was mainly as I was meeting them at university and everyone tends to be within the realms of 18-22 there. When I was 24 I met my now partner and he was 25. So we're only a year apart. Didn't think anything of this until recently.

    We've been together almost 3 years. We'll both be 28 on our anniversary. I was just casually talking about some of my friends who are starting to settle down. I know my boyfriend does want marriage and kids but when I said that I'd like to start thinking of settling down around 30/31 he freaked out. That's basically 2 years away. He said he can't see himself getting married/kids/house until at least 35. I did remind him that if he wants kids at all it would be sensible to start trying earlier than 35 and then it dawned on us both why the guy is generally older in a relationship.

    Then I looked at some of my friends who have recently got engaged/married. The guy is generally a few years older (none the same age or younger). Guys have a lot less pressure biologically and even socially to settle down. I did joke with my boyfriend that he will leave me for a 21 year old - but to be honest, was I not in the picture that would be a sensible option for him.

    What are you experiences of this? Are you an exception? Do you agree men want to settle down older than girls do?*

    *
    Most men panic. Dont push him, hes 28? Men are slighly mentally younger than women. Remind yourself when you was a teenager around 10-12. Some men are ready very early other dont, each have their reason.
    One of my male friend who was 35, his exgirlfriend told him few months ago that she was pregnant and he freaked out. So relax.
    Give him time, maybe he wants to develop his company to enable his future family to leave well.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ElsMoll)
    Most men panic. Dont push him, hes 28? Men are slighly mentally younger than women. Remind yourself when you was a teenager around 10-12. Some men are ready very early other dont, each have their reason.
    One of my male friend who was 35, his exgirlfriend told him few months ago that she was pregnant and he freaked out. So relax.
    Give him time, maybe he wants to develop his company to enable his future family to leave well.
    Men arn't mentally younger it depends on the person, my female cousin is mentally young at 30 yet my 20 year old brother has settled down.

    28 is nothing like a 10-12 year old many 28 year olds are married with kids
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I never really understood why a lot of girls tend to end up with guys a bit older than them (I mean maybe a 3-6 year age gap nothing massive). I've always mainly dated guys my own age, or year older/younger. This was mainly as I was meeting them at university and everyone tends to be within the realms of 18-22 there. When I was 24 I met my now partner and he was 25. So we're only a year apart. Didn't think anything of this until recently.

    We've been together almost 3 years. We'll both be 28 on our anniversary. I was just casually talking about some of my friends who are starting to settle down. I know my boyfriend does want marriage and kids but when I said that I'd like to start thinking of settling down around 30/31 he freaked out. That's basically 2 years away. He said he can't see himself getting married/kids/house until at least 35. I did remind him that if he wants kids at all it would be sensible to start trying earlier than 35 and then it dawned on us both why the guy is generally older in a relationship.

    Then I looked at some of my friends who have recently got engaged/married. The guy is generally a few years older (none the same age or younger). Guys have a lot less pressure biologically and even socially to settle down. I did joke with my boyfriend that he will leave me for a 21 year old - but to be honest, was I not in the picture that would be a sensible option for him.

    What are you experiences of this? Are you an exception? Do you agree men want to settle down older than girls do?*

    *
    I don't know why women do this, I personally find the prospect of going out with any man older than 24 revolting. That being said I know a guy at my works who is 21, has a child and is considering marrying said woman (who is only 20 herself)

    Imo I wouldn't mind a guy who didn't want kids at all because I don't want kids either and all the older men I've met seem to want kids for some reason. One guy even said to me that if I married him he would change my mind :toofunny:
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 10, 2016

1,717

students online now

800,000+

Exam discussions

Find your exam discussion here

Poll
Should predicted grades be removed from the uni application process

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.