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Family threatening to disown me, says I lack respect? watch

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    I hate traditional Muslim families like this, forcing their beliefs on their children. Most of the time they are acting this way be they don't want to be shamed by family members and their community, they can't separate religion from culture. Their children's happiness and health should be their priority. I advise you to stay under the radar until your old enough and financially stable to do what you want. Once you've moved away your parents won't be able to follow your actions as closely.i must mention, at the end of the day they still are your parents, don't do or say anything that will offend them or break your relationship, sometimes it's impossible to change people's mindsets, esp when they are so traditional and ridgid.
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    (Original post by Multitalented me)
    Oh no, I don't really drink, or like clubbing. I do go out partying/to pubs/bars etc, mix with the opposite & drinkers though. Don't see anything wrong with it, I'm causing no harm to anyone.
    So you're like me then! Fab! Cant stand those lot. You're in the middle of the spectrum. With regards to your family, they wouldn't disown you..Its just blank threats out of fear of losing you/ going astray. They just want the best for you- believe it or not...It took me a long time to figure that one out. They wouldn't force you to marry someone but in the end, trust me they do know best. My brother made a mistake that ruined his life. My parents are very liberal but they did warn him to not marry a girl because out of experience they could tell what a nasty piece of work she was. Trust me. Parents know what they're talking about.
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    (Original post by Multitalented me)
    I'm 24, Muslim background. Looking to move out, I didn't earlier as I was trying to respect their wishes, & also was saving up but now I might not have a choice
    I kind of know what that's like. I'm from a south asian background too. While it's not as bad for me i can empathise.

    I think it might be time to move out and live on your own terms. Good luck
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    (Original post by Multitalented me)
    Oh no, I don't really drink, or like clubbing. I do go out partying/to pubs/bars etc, mix with the opposite sex & drinkers though. Don't see anything wrong with it, I'm causing no harm to anyone.
    Forgot to add, they just need to trust you and have confidence in you when you go out. mine know that I have a good set of values and morals (with regards to pubs and so on). Drinks lead to temptation (in their minds) given that most Pakistani/ Bengali restaurant staff and owners have a heavy drinking problem because of their profession. If it counts, mine also bring up the fact that I go on night outs etc. Just doing their bit to keep me line..even though I don't need it . Honestly though..Asian parents are the best - don't have to pay rent and they look after you and love you despite their strong views at times- they have your best interests at heart.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So you're like me then! Fab! Cant stand those lot. You're in the middle of the spectrum. With regards to your family, they wouldn't disown you..Its just blank threats out of fear of losing you/ going astray. They just want the best for you- believe it or not...It took me a long time to figure that one out. They wouldn't force you to marry someone but in the end, trust me they do know best. My brother made a mistake that ruined his life. My parents are very liberal but they did warn him to not marry a girl because out of experience they could tell what a nasty piece of work she was. Trust me. Parents know what they're talking about.
    Yeah same here, they annoy me a lot too They keep telling me that they'll always be there with me unlike my friends but at the end of the day, I don't want them to be so controlling & wish they were a bit more liberal.
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    Selfish immoral parents will be selfish.

    That's what religion does to people.
    What's religion got to do with the fact people's parent's hold pretty stupid views? That's more to do with lack of education/conservative views held from the era they grew up in.
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    (Original post by Tsrsarahhhh)
    I hate traditional Muslim families like this, forcing their beliefs on their children. Most of the time they are acting this way be they don't want to be shamed by family members and their community, they can't separate religion from culture. Their children's happiness and health should be their priority. I advise you to stay under the radar until your old enough and financially stable to do what you want. Once you've moved away your parents won't be able to follow your actions as closely.i must mention, at the end of the day they still are your parents, don't do or say anything that will offend them or break your relationship, sometimes it's impossible to change people's mindsets, esp when they are so traditional and ridgid.
    Exactly! I do respect my family but on key issues like religious/cultural ones I just can't, & hate how they try & guilt trip me. If they want to disown me for following my dreams & doing what I believe will make me feel happy then I'd probably better off not seeing them again, no matter how difficult it would be at the start.
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    They say you lack respect, but threaten to disown you? Wow, they sound very hypocritical to me
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    Selfish immoral parents will be selfish.

    That's what religion does to people.
    It is selfish to expect your children to abide by a set of out dated, discriminatory, extremely restrictive rules.

    It's so irritating, I am glad I'm still young (18) and haven't hit 25/26 ish yet because that's when I expect to be bombarded with my mothers expectations of marrying me off to someone who ticks all her boxes
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    Move out...you're a guy so should be much easier for you to do so and you're old enough..
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    (Original post by george_c00per)
    They say you lack respect, but threaten to disown you? Wow, they sound very hypocritical to me
    It's only disrespect when I'm not adhering to their values :dontknow:
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    (Original post by Multitalented me)
    It's only disrespect when I'm not adhering to their values :dontknow:
    That sucks man they should understand that you're an adult and live your own life, you don't live with them anymore and are a completely independent person. Just tell them that in the nicest way possible, that's my only advice
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    (Original post by george_c00per)
    That sucks man they should understand that you're an adult and live your own life, you don't live with them anymore and are a completely independent person. Just tell them that in the nicest way possible, that's my only advice
    I tried to but they still don't understand. Even when I said that I'd be happy to move out they were like "After all we've done for you", "family will always be there, friends wont". Well if they're trying to control my life then I think it's better if I left, it's a shame but I honestly think it's probably for the best.
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    (Original post by Multitalented me)
    I tried to but they still don't understand. Even when I said that I'd be happy to move out they were like "After all we've done for you", "family will always be there, friends wont". Well if they're trying to control my life then I think it's better if I left, it's a shame but I honestly think it's probably for the best.
    Families won't always be there, especially if they're threatening to disown you!! Just do what you feel is best - if that's to leave, do that. Good luck with the future, I hope everything turns out ok in the end
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    (Original post by george_c00per)
    Families won't always be there, especially if they're threatening to disown you!! Just do what you feel is best - if that's to leave, do that. Good luck with the future, I hope everything turns out ok in the end
    Exactly, you've got it spot on! Anyway thanks man, I appreciate it!
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    I've said this too and my mum looked like she wanted to cry and asked me why I would want to shame her like that, after all that she has done for me.

    -_-
    Anyone would think that who you have as your life partner was all about her, not you.
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    (Original post by Multitalented me)
    I tried to but they still don't understand. Even when I said that I'd be happy to move out they were like "After all we've done for you", "family will always be there, friends wont". Well if they're trying to control my life then I think it's better if I left, it's a shame but I honestly think it's probably for the best.
    Trust me they have your best interests. Mine say the same sort of stuff- I'm your mum I had you in my tummy for 9 months etc...IMO muslim parents do go the extra mile with their kids..They genuinely do care about them..I didn't understand why they wouldn't let go out and stay out until 10pm like my friends. But I get it now..when I see my friends and broke and on benefits and I'm not. Ignore the negative suggesting moving out and point out hypocrisy etc - that's simply out of spite and frustration. Your parents are just worried and they're getting old. They care about you and want to secure a good bride for their child (I'm assuming they're getting on a bit aswell) before they pass away. They just want to make sure you're comfortable before the pass away. They're only doing their duties. Look beyond the control and frustration and you'll see. I get annoyed with restrictions within our culture and faith but if you do a little research the statistics show why our way of life is the best regardless of how its perceived. In the long run muslims are far happier than our counter parts. The issue with our parents and their generation is way the go about things...they're just autocratic because that's how they were raised. Not their fault. Just because they say something doesn't mean they'll follow through.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So you're like me then! Fab! Cant stand those lot. You're in the middle of the spectrum. With regards to your family, they wouldn't disown you..Its just blank threats out of fear of losing you/ going astray. They just want the best for you- believe it or not...It took me a long time to figure that one out. They wouldn't force you to marry someone but in the end, trust me they do know best. My brother made a mistake that ruined his life. My parents are very liberal but they did warn him to not marry a girl because out of experience they could tell what a nasty piece of work she was. Trust me. Parents know what they're talking about.
    Oh I don't know, it's definitely not unheard of for parents to disown their children for being apostates. Unfortunately it seems in some cultures they conflate "respect" with "obedience".
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    (Original post by Jebedee)
    Oh I don't know, it's definitely not unheard of for parents to disown their children for being apostates. Unfortunately it seems in some cultures they conflate "respect" with "obedience".
    That's not what is being discussed. Quite irrelevant imo. They're not going to disown him if he doesn't marry lol! I can understand why certain conservative parents may disown their child for being homosexual or an apostate but for every conservative parent there are at least 3 liberal ones. People are becoming more and more developed as time goes on.
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    Good for you, stand up for yourself but like in any argument make sure you have a get out clause in case things deteriorate
    do you have plenty of friends or other family members to help you maybe?
 
 
 
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