Turn on thread page Beta
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xPunkx)
    Yeah just tell them you consider them a good friend, but nothing more.

    *sigh* why is it always the ones we don't like back that take an interest?!
    I hear that!
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Spoog!)
    I hear that!
    Are you sure they don't like you back? Have you asked them? I mean, you're not exactly ugly. I think a lot of girls just assume guys aren't interested!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by pinkchampers)
    I have 3 men that are interested in me, but I have no desire to date them, but i would like to be their friend. I just get so akward about letting them down. What is the best way to deal with this situation?

    I dont want to lie and say i have someone else, but i dont want to hurt thier feelings. I have just come out of a difficult relationship and am keen to get back dating, AND making more friends that includes men, because i like male company but some men kinda get the wrong idea.

    In the past ive always used the " i just see you as a friend line" or " im not looking for a relationship right now" but i still feel awkward.

    oh and back in my teens i used the " im a lesbian" excuse to ward of lecherous men, but that had the opposite effect lol :p:

    any ideas?
    Well uh I wish I had problems like yours! Just be honest with them you just came out of a difficult relationship and want to get back to dating. You want to have fun and be free, simple as that
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xPunkx)
    *sigh* why is it always the ones we don't like back that take an interest?!
    Because they took an interest

    With guys you do like it's because they usually escalate a relationship the right way which is to not give too much away at the start unless you already know a girl really likes you.

    So with guys you like I'm guessing the reason you didn't realise they took an interest is because at every step of the way you thought it was your interest in them which moved things forward, keeping things more interesting for you as you think you need to work harder to win him over. But obviously this is only a theory..

    As for the OP, best thing to do is be honest. You can't exepct a guy to guess unless you know he knows you really well. And lets face it, if a guy thinks you're interested and has read the signs wrong then he damn well needs as much help as he can get hence needing to be honest. I used to be that guy who spoke to girls on msn (happened in RL once as well) only to find out 9 times out of 10 they just wanted some love and attention and nothing more, but the one or two times when I questioned them on it after they (seemingly suddenly) didn't appear interested they said it was because they couldn't trust guys or a range of other excuses which weren't true which made me think it wasn't a matter of them not liking me. That was a long time ago now but I can see clearly why guys might think you're interested especially if you are flirting with them.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    What else can you tell them if not true? You have to. Believe me but man usually doesn't fall in love in woman for very long is she is not interested. If they are clever they'll easily understand. You may expect they will not want to meet with you because sometines it's to hard for men to meet wit girl he likes too much. To sum up, be honest. It's only good way.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Fyi: Guys aren't made of paper. You might briefly upset them, but you won't crush their hearts. It's arrogant to prolong it on those grounds.
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    In reply to the original post:

    It obviously depends on the guy.

    You can simplify and put guys in 3 categories for this:
    • desperate Dan, who (like Quagmire in Family Guy), thinks every girl who smiles at him wants his children; he loves to misread all signals given and almost always gets the wrong idea; telling him some untrue excuse like you currently have a boyfriend or you see him mostly as a friend will only tell him "I love you, and want to have your babies, but I can't just leave the guy I'm with at the moment, give it time and I'll come to you";

    • thoughtful Tim, on the other hand has a firm grasp of female mentality (and neurotism) and is aware of overt and covert flirting signals; this doesn't however make him immune to error, after all, even the girls make errors with their signs; telling him "I'd rather we remain friends" means "I think you're unattractive, I'm trying to be nice about it (so you don't know what I really think about you), I'm also keeping my chances open, in case something terrible happens in the future and I can't get any of the more attractive guys so I come back to you";

    • cool Craig, who also knows the female mentality, and has worked to present himself in a way that the minor majority of girls swoon over; he knows the ones that actually do want his children, and there are a few to choose from; he doesn't waste his time and efforts on the teeming masses trying to catch his eye from a distance; his only efforts are to those he has guarantee of getting, and they are brief and purposeful; the "I just want to be friends" line is something he's well versed in using, and in the rare occassion he is confronted with this out-right lie from a girl, his response is a pure disinterest


    Essentially, from what I understand, only guys of such low intelligence, they're incapable of interpreting normal speech and thus take things at face value, would infer from an "lets be friends" line that the girl likes them, but they should just keep things simple and be friends.

    This is not to say guys of normal intelligence will not play the friend role after being presented with such line. It is just that they are literally 'playing' the role, with full awareness of what it means. It is highly unlikely the friendship will be as strong as it was before, or develop into a stronger friendship.

    I see little value in warping the truth to make it appear more friendly. I think desperate Dan and thoughtful Tim may appreciate an honest discussion, so that they may understand the character of the girl (e.g. vanity, callousness, two-faced behaviour, religious predispositions, strong cultural constraints, etc) and also where they fit in within the girl's psyche. The "let's just be friends" view or the "I have a boyfriend" line, at its worst reflects the girls desire to use the boys for her benefit, whilst fooling them into thinking there may be some deeper emotional connection. That, from my perspective, is a particularly poor personality trait for any person to have.

    My 3 pence.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Simple.

    Tell them your a lesbian, then make out with a girl friend in front of them.

    This way you'll still make them happy, they'll definately stay your friend and you don't have to go out with them.

    (Minor Drawback: You have to make out with a girl)
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    id go for... "i'm not looking for a relationship right now"

    thats the one i always use...and he the guy really loves you then he should respect your decision
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Something tells me we probably aren't talking about love here.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    To be honest, there isn't a "good" way to let down someone, but something with people can never argue with is the truth. If you aren't interested in someone, you just have to tell them straight. If that means telling them that you are only interested in them as a friend, say it. Don't go out of your way trying to think up excuses, it's not worth it. Stick to the truth, just be honest with them.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ross_j)
    i tell them i have a boyfriend
    Oh I'm so disappointed

    Tell them the truth, or invent a significant other..
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Jossyboy45)
    The truth hurts, but life is for learning.
    No it's not! Where did you come up with that from? Life is not about anything, in particular. Life has no meaning, at all. It's just that our brains are so big, that after taking care of all the involuntary stuff in our bodies, we have some brain left over to do things like attach meaning and value to our meaningless existence!
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by Walrus Rider)
    Drop it in to a conversation about something else.

    Like, for example, start talking about how you want a boyfriend and how hard it is to find a guy thats both sexually attractive and nice as a person.
    Then say something like 'I mean, take you for example. You're a really nice guy but (no offence) I'm not attracted to you. And then there are other people who are really good looking but are total jerks' (Carry on the conversation as if nothing is amiss).
    It's subtle enough to avoid embarassment.
    Bad idea, would make her sound like a fault finding shallow piece of........
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I learnt that from Joni Mitchell... She knows about life.
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by LennonMcCartney)
    No it's not! Where did you come up with that from? Life is not about anything, in particular. Life has no meaning, at all. It's just that our brains are so big, that after taking care of all the involuntary stuff in our bodies, we have some brain left over to do things like attach meaning and value to our meaningless existence!
    There's a place for such philosophical musings, but I doubt this is it. The H&R threads aren't exactly reknown for their depth of thought.

    You've proposed a solid explanation for human thought though!
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 8, 2007
Poll
Black Friday: Yay or Nay?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.