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is it shallow to reject someone on looks watch

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    No.
    Although I have never dated/been in a relationship I think that physical attraction is somewhat important. If there is no attraction then it's better just to be friends?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To be open minded, accepting of people and give it a go! Honestly, from my experience I would say if you don't give people a chance you really do miss out. I went out with a girl with acne and she was bullied in secondary school and had really low self esteem. When I asked her out and she was very shy and quiet but after being together, she started to open up and she had the nicest singing voice i've ever heard. So little by little we started to working together and building confidence, and I fell harder and harder for her as she started to develop and lose her insecurities. It took a while but we got there and now she's running the gifted and talented music society. She regularly takes part in open mic nights etc. People need to be open. I got a lot of stick from people at uni when I was with her, but I didn't care because I know what I'm doing. Vile comments etc. Its not her fault that she looked the way she did. Same applies to this situation. OP give it a go! You don't know yet! You haven't even gone on a date!
    My stomach actually churns reading this, not because someone had acne, people are human and have imperfections, but it makes me sad that you seem to seek out people with issues and try to fix them, Everyone has some sort of problem, but you should still see them as the best person in the world for you rather than your personal project to fix up.
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    (Original post by Atlas Thugged)
    My stomach actually churns reading this, not because someone had acne, people are human and have imperfections, but it makes me sad that you seem to seek out people with issues and try to fix them, Everyone has some sort of problem, but you should still see them as the best person in the world for you rather than your personal project to fix up.
    Your stomach churns because I'm not shallow and give girls who are overlooked chances? Okay then. Might as well send me to the gallows ...
    I don't "seek out people with issues" nor do I try to "fix them". It just so happens when you're with someone, they become happier and things happen where one person betters another. Her self esteem and depression got better because she felt like someone loved her and wasn't judging her. I actively encouraged her to sing and come out with me with friends etc. Is that a crime? She just changed as her confidence grew. It wasn't a pity date, I wanted to give her a chance and get to know her and I could over look her physical imperfections and quiet nature and see what a kind, soft, caring and genuine person she was. I wasn't sexually attracted to her at first site but 3 dates in I couldn't control myself. We were laughing, having fun and getting on. Some people don't always make the best first impression of themselves. So sometimes they need a chance to really show you who they are and what they're made of.
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    In short OP give him a chance. You never know until you try! Ever walk down the street and think how did he/she pull him/her? Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder and we always change our minds. Human nature.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Your stomach churns because I'm not shallow and give girls who are overlooked chances? Okay then. Might as well send me to the gallows ...
    I don't "seek out people with issues" nor do I try to "fix them". It just so happens when you're with someone, they become happier and things happen where one person betters another. Her self esteem and depression got better because she felt like someone loved her and wasn't judging her. I actively encouraged her to sing and come out with me with friends etc. Is that a crime? She just changed as her confidence grew. It wasn't a pity date, I wanted to give her a chance and get to know her and I could over look her physical imperfections and quiet nature and see what a kind, soft, caring and genuine person she was. I wasn't sexually attracted to her at first site but 3 dates in I couldn't control myself. We were laughing, having fun and getting on. Some people don't always make the best first impression of themselves. So sometimes they need a chance to really show you who they are and what they're made of.
    I could never imagine talking about a girl in that way.
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    No, I wouldn't say it's shallow. You can't help who are you or aren't attracted to and part of the initial attraction is looks. It's not the be all and end all when you are in a secure relationship but I think a relationship needs that physical attraction to get it started.

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Your stomach churns because I'm not shallow and give girls who are overlooked chances? Okay then. Might as well send me to the gallows ...
    I don't "seek out people with issues" nor do I try to "fix them". It just so happens when you're with someone, they become happier and things happen where one person betters another. Her self esteem and depression got better because she felt like someone loved her and wasn't judging her. I actively encouraged her to sing and come out with me with friends etc. Is that a crime? She just changed as her confidence grew. It wasn't a pity date, I wanted to give her a chance and get to know her and I could over look her physical imperfections and quiet nature and see what a kind, soft, caring and genuine person she was. I wasn't sexually attracted to her at first site but 3 dates in I couldn't control myself. We were laughing, having fun and getting on. Some people don't always make the best first impression of themselves. So sometimes they need a chance to really show you who they are and what they're made of.
    (Original post by Atlas Thugged)
    My stomach actually churns reading this, not because someone had acne, people are human and have imperfections, but it makes me sad that you seem to seek out people with issues and try to fix them, Everyone has some sort of problem, but you should still see them as the best person in the world for you rather than your personal project to fix up.
    Lol Anon just explained why and he seems like a great person. I would say give it a go OP and actually looks isn't everything. If you loved someone you would still be with them even if they burned their face. Now while I am not saying go for unattractive people it isn't the be all and end all
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    Nah, nobody walks around with words like "Kind" "Caring" "Funny" etc. floating around them in little speech bubbles, physical attraction has to be there too.
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    (Original post by Atlas Thugged)
    I could never imagine talking about a girl in that way.
    Lol what?? But you could easily reject someone by how they looked, their weight, income and so forth? Okay then. Good logic mate. Im definitely the bad guy here....I made an honest post to share my experience that's all. There's nothing offensive about sharing details. Its important that OP knows.
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    I'd like to know what TSRians think shallow is. To my understanding, what the OP describes is the very definition of being shallow. You like a person but you don't like how they look so you reject them.

    Instead of people redefining words why don't you just say "yes, it's shallow but that's how attraction works therefore it's not a bad thing"
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    (Original post by EnterNamehereplz)
    Lol Anon just explained why and he seems like a great person. I would say give it a go OP and actually looks isn't everything. If you loved someone you would still be with them even if they burned their face. Now while I am not saying go for unattractive people it isn't the be all and end all
    At least you get it man! Its all superficial. If you don't give a chance you don't know what could've happened. Someone may look really attractive and hunky but only for you to find out they're boring or stuck up and lack intellect or treat you like you're disposable at any given point. Physical attraction isn't everything and it goes hand in hand with personality. Its the right mixture that is needed. Future tip: as people age, their looks fade so what happens then? Food for thought.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Lol what?? But you could easily reject someone by how they looked, their weight, income and so forth? Okay then. Good logic mate. Im definitely the bad guy here....I made an honest post to share my experience that's all. There's nothing offensive about sharing details. Its important that OP knows.
    But wouldn't you say with certain aspects of looks, such as weight, it is a matter of self respect, which plays into personality. If you are not a healthy weight due to inactivity and excessive eating you aren't taking care of your own self, how can you be in a relationship with someone who does not respect themselves?
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    (Original post by Sisuphos)
    I'd like to know what TSRians think shallow is. To my understanding, what the OP describes is the very definition of being shallow. You like a person but you don't like how they look so you reject them.

    Instead of people redefining words why don't you just say "yes, it's shallow but that's how attraction works therefore it's not a bad thing"
    I want to know this, I've mentioned this several times. If physical attraction is not important how do you distinguish between a friend and a lover?
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    I suppose it depends whether or not you are open minded. Personally, I'd say it's shallow... consider all the blind people in the world who find their love ones through personality and mutual care - that's true love.
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    i dont think so depends i suppose
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    (Original post by upperechelon)
    But wouldn't you say with certain aspects of looks, such as weight, it is a matter of self respect, which plays into personality. If you are not a healthy weight due to inactivity and excessive eating you aren't taking care of your own self, how can you be in a relationship with someone who does not respect themselves?
    Suppose someone was fat but was actively trying to lose weight. They'd still look fat especially if they were really big (take months or in some cases year +), they'd probably not look very good even after losing weight. Would you like them? probably not. So instead of being ridiculously reductionist and reducing a person's entire personality to their eating habits, why not just say "you look like **** mate, sorry, I don't like uggos".

    Brutal honesty is not pleasant but it saves people time and reduces drama. There's nothing wrong with not being attracted to unattractive people. It's not doing anyone any favours to get into a relationship with someone you don't find attractive physically. You'll hurt him in the end.
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    (Original post by upperechelon)
    But wouldn't you say with certain aspects of looks, such as weight, it is a matter of self respect, which plays into personality. If you are not a healthy weight due to inactivity and excessive eating you aren't taking care of your own self, how can you be in a relationship with someone who does not respect themselves?
    How do you know he isn't depressed? Or has other problems in his life? How do you know that he doesn't get rejected by girls like you over and over again and he give s up, gets depressed and starts emotional eating? Its not a matter of respect. Some peoples lives aren't puppies and kittens. If he gets a chance, I'm sure he'll change and he'll have something to work for. Like I said earlier though, he can do better. Just don't hurt him and move on..im sure you'll find someone just a shallow as you at some point.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How do you know he isn't depressed? Or has other problems in his life? How do you know that he doesn't get rejected by girls like you over and over again and he give s up, gets depressed and starts emotional eating? Its not a matter of respect. Some peoples lives aren't puppies and kittens. If he gets a chance, I'm sure he'll change and he'll have something to work for. Like I said earlier though, he can do better. Just don't hurt him and move on..im sure you'll find someone just a shallow as you at some point.
    Or how about the fact that hundreds of times I've tried to kindly persuade him to maybe go for a run every now and then, to no avail. He is my friend, of course I feel bad. I just don't see why people look down on you for wanting to be with someone you find physically attractive.
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    The thing about dating is that you can legitimately decide not to go out with anyone for any reason that you do not fancy them. You may of course out of diplomacy chose not to tell them the reason. It is of course very distressing for someone when they get on well with a person they fancy the pants off and are rejected on the basis of appearance. It's can be a cruel world searching for a parter and soulmate.
 
 
 
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