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    (Original post by shawtyb)
    was for me and nothing else came of it after that
    Hope you managed to get support from other places, then.
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    (Original post by Lizzipth_Floyd)
    Hope you managed to get support from other places, then.
    no, just got on with it really
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    (Original post by shawtyb)
    no, just got on with it really
    Well, hope you are actually ok.
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    (Original post by Lizzipth_Floyd)
    Well, hope you are actually ok.
    i am now yea
    i dont really tend to dwell on it but i dont mind talking about it cuz im happy in my life now
    • #2
    #2

    Not really a thing you talk about on student room - I've had a similar experience the sad thing is with rape cases, they never seem to actually be dealt with because of the lack of evidence, especially when it was 3 years back which is absolutely disgusting. Try counselling it helped me a lot.
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    #1

    (Original post by Eboracum7)
    Yes you were. You said no and he continued regardless. This has of course affected you greatly and may do for the rest of your life. If you don't do anything about it you may feel worse and regret it. You deserve help, support and justice. Not to mention, who's to say he wouldn't do the same thing to another girl?

    It is NOT your fault. You deserve to live as happily and safe as you can, with just a little help.

    Take a look at this site if you can - https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/cri...ual-harassment

    This is especially important -
    Was it my fault?​​Whatever the circumstances, nobody has the right to force you to have sex, have sex with you without your consent, or sexually assault or harass you. If this happens to you, it is not your fault. However, many people worry about reporting rape and sexual assault to the police because they:
    • had been drinking alcohol or taking drugs at the time
    • are in a relationship with or know the person who attacked them
    • have had a sexual relationship with that person before
    • had been kissing or touching that person before the attack
    • were with someone of the same sex (gay or lesbian relationship)
    • didn’t say ‘no’ or didn’t fight back
    • can’t really remember it properly.
    No matter what happened, the police will take it very seriously, and there are lots of organisations, like Victim Support, who can help you think about what you can do next.This happened a long time ago, is there anything I can do?Some survivors of sexual assault and rape take many years to acknowledge that they’ve been a victim and find it hard to take steps to get help. But it’s never too late. We can find the best person to support you, depending on what you decide you want to do. If you want to report the crime to the police, this is still a possibility. Even if you got support at the time, you can still get more support now, as there may be things that happen which still scare you or worry you.
    Thank you so much for this I will have a look later on
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    (Original post by sameehaiqbal)
    No, it's not a joke. Do you think this is a joke?
    im not talking about the situation but the question she asked

    how can you not know that you got raped, especailly after 3 years?

    like when she was typing this on tsr, and giving it the tile 'was i raped', just makes it seem like she obviously knew it was rape, but for some reason still decided to ask 'was i raped'
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    (Original post by theBranicAc)
    im not talking about the situation but the question she asked

    how can you not know that you got raped, especailly after 3 years?

    like when she was typing this on tsr, and giving it the tile 'was i raped', just makes it seem like she obviously knew it was rape, but for some reason still decided to ask 'was i raped'
    Some people need some closure. After all, it was her boyfriend, someone who she loved very much. You wouldn't really think your boyfriend would rape you. Plus, she was probably a bit confused because she did consent to the sex at the start. Maybe that's why.
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    (Original post by sameehaiqbal)
    Some people need some closure. After all, it was her boyfriend, someone who she loved very much. You wouldn't really think your boyfriend would rape you. Plus, she was probably a bit confused because she did consent to the sex at the start. Maybe that's why.
    yeah, but it doesn't take 3 years and someone on tsr to understand what happend lmao
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    (Original post by theBranicAc)
    im not talking about the situation but the question she asked

    how can you not know that you got raped, especailly after 3 years?

    like when she was typing this on tsr, and giving it the tile 'was i raped', just makes it seem like she obviously knew it was rape, but for some reason still decided to ask 'was i raped'
    When something traumatic happens, your brain can create a mental block making you feel like you imagined it all or that it never happened. This happens a lot to child sexual abuse victims because a lot of time has passed and the event was so traumatic, sometimes they feel as if it never happened at all. I can see how OP is unsure, she clearly didn't get the closure she needed at the time and her rapist made her feel like she made it all up in her head, clearly that is enough reason to mess with someones mind.
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    (Original post by theBranicAc)
    yeah, but it doesn't take 3 years and someone on tsr to understand what happend lmao
    " This happened nearly 3 years ago, I've been struggling to come to terms with it since. "
    " I've never been strong enough to say that word was I raped? I would really appreciate some clarity on this. "

    She loved her boyfriend. And her boyfriend made it seem like what he was doing was okay. Some people don't even realise the severity of a situation under months, or even years after.

    She just wanted some clarity and maybe someone to talk to. She's been through a lot, rape takes a long time to get over. It's not like a breakup where a few weeks later you are over it. It takes years, maybe even your whole entire life to come to terms with what happened. However yes, some people do get over it quickly. Everyone is different. Hope this helps you understand
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    (Original post by Marshall Taylor)
    That's like the most obvious rape ever, but considering it's three years ago I doubt he could be prosecuted due to hearsay and lack of evidence (three years later). Really sorry this happened to you though, if it ever happens again - go immediately to the Police and your lawyers.
    Rape cases can be reported years later - subject to evidence if it will be prosecuted though.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thank you everyone for your kind words I'm very overwhelmed by all your support

    Maybe I should look into counselling.

    I'm petrified that opening those wounds will send me back to where I was nearly 2 years ago.

    What makes this hard is that before this incident he was the best boyfriend he was great he was charming and funny and a good guy.
    He treated me like a princess so it was so hard for me to understand and why he did this.

    It didn't make any sense to me and nearly 3 years later it still doesn't. Why would someone you love so much want to hurt you so bad?

    When he walked in the door everything was fine, we were having great time we were joking and messing about play fighting than he began to have sex and at first it was fine than it started to hurt and he completely switched and turned into a monster.
    You hear about these things happening with strangers in a park or alleyway not in your home and by your own boyfriend.

    Sometimes I wish I could of done more maybe I should of screamed or fought harder. But I couldn't his so much bigger and stronger than me. I begged him to stop but he put a pillow over my face I couldn't even breath let alone talk anymore.

    In so many ways I wished he had killed me instead than me having to go through what I have been through since it happened.

    I lost everything I loved, I lad to drop out of uni my dream was to be solicitor before this, I had to move out of my house where I lived with my family because I couldn't live there anymore with what happened and was later sectioned for 5 months for my own protection because I was a danger to myself and everyone around me I became very paranoid and thought the world was out to get me and everyone would hurt me. I'm now on medication properly for the rest of my life or a very long time. This has destroyed me life affected me in so many ways and when I saw him last week he looked so happy with his new gf no care in a world or with any thought of what the damage and pain he caused to my life.

    It's wired because all though this has been a constant thing in my life for a while but I've never really dealt with it.
    I never dealt with it I just accepted that I was crazy like he said and this never happened. Or I just made excuses for him like maybe he didn't know wha he was doing.


    Anyway thank you once again
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Marshall Taylor)
    That's like the most obvious rape ever, but considering it's three years ago I doubt he could be prosecuted due to hearsay and lack of evidence (three years later). Really sorry this happened to you though, if it ever happens again - go immediately to the Police and your lawyers.
    I have to agree and say no charge will be made, I was in the same situation around 3 years ago. I contacted police 6 months after the incident and after 6 months of trying to collect information, due to lack of physical evidence, they found that messages had been tampered with yet could not be used in court due to his friends word against mine. Given my personal experience I doubt a charge can be passed.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This happened nearly 3 years ago, I've been struggling to come to terms with it since.

    So on 9th December 2013, ex boyfriend came over my house and everything was fine we were having a great time. Things got intimate without getting into much detail. We started having sex but it hurt a lot, I asked him to stop the first time I don't think he herd me than I asked him to stop again I said please stop your hurting me". To much shock he didn't stop he continued he told me to ssh and said I would wake up my younger siblings who were sleeping upstairs and than he put a pillow over the back of my head and carried on. I was so shocked that he did that.
    I was in so much pain and was scared he was the love of my life how could he do this? Why would he?

    After what seemed like forever but couldn't of been more than 5 minutes he finally stopped and got of me and put the pillow off my face. I was so relieved that he stopped, but than he was standing in front of me and began p holing my arms to him and he was saying come here. he wanted me to give him oral sex, but I was in so much pain I could barely sit on my bum properly. I pushed his hands off and said no please I'm in pain, please I'm serious I don't want to, I begged him to at least give me 5 minutes off I was in so much pain but than he pulled me by my arms with force onto the floor on my knees and put his penis in my mouth. It happened so fast and he made me give him oral sex. He than throw me back on the sofa spread my legs apart and penetrated my vagina it hurt a lot. He than got the pillow and was going to cover my face with it again but I put my hands out and said please don't do that he has aid in I'm being to loud and did it anyway. He pressed the pillow over my face so hard I could feel his hands rubbing against my face. I've never been more scared in my life I couldn't breath or see and I knew something bad was happening to me but didn't know what and was powerless to stop it.


    After that, he pulled me back on the floor making me give him oral sex again he than slapped me across the face many times.

    It went on and on until he finished in my mouth than he got up and got dressed like nothing had happened. So did I, but deep down I knew something bad happened.

    When I confronted him 2 weeks later about the incident p, he tried to play it off and said it never happened like that and it was all in my head and I was crazy.

    I kept thinking maybe his right maybe this is all in my head maybe I'm losing my head because why would we hurt me? He was my bf he was suppose to love me. I loved him with my whole life why would he hurt me like that??

    If I was crazy than where are all these memories coming from? Why do I have a horrible feeling from the pit of my soul that something bad did happen.

    I remember begging him to stop all throughout the night I told him I was in pain, I pushed his hands off looked him in the eyes and told him no please stop but he didn't.

    We're no longer together I broke it up because the thought of seeing him again or just being in the same room as him makes me want puke!!

    I've spent the last 3 years in and out of mental wards because I thought I was going mad, I started to hear things and see things in my head and was on medication. I'm doing so much better now but I bumped into him last week and I fainted, and woke up in hospital. Was this rape?

    I've never been strong enough to say that word was I raped? I would really appreciate some clarity on this.

    Thank you
    Hi,

    You got raped. It is tragic for you to have been raped by your boyfriend. Your subsequent conversation with him shows that he did not acknowledge the act nor did he have any remorse.

    Please try to get some professional help and community support. I also think that you should track the guy down and report him to the police. He may be treating another innocent young woman like that and potentially ruining her life.

    Please stop him before he destroys more lives. All the best.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you everyone for your kind words I'm very overwhelmed by all your support

    Maybe I should look into counselling.

    I'm petrified that opening those wounds will send me back to where I was nearly 2 years ago.

    What makes this hard is that before this incident he was the best boyfriend he was great he was charming and funny and a good guy.
    He treated me like a princess so it was so hard for me to understand and why he did this.

    It didn't make any sense to me and nearly 3 years later it still doesn't. Why would someone you love so much want to hurt you so bad?

    When he walked in the door everything was fine, we were having great time we were joking and messing about play fighting than he began to have sex and at first it was fine than it started to hurt and he completely switched and turned into a monster.
    You hear about these things happening with strangers in a park or alleyway not in your home and by your own boyfriend.

    Sometimes I wish I could of done more maybe I should of screamed or fought harder. But I couldn't his so much bigger and stronger than me. I begged him to stop but he put a pillow over my face I couldn't even breath let alone talk anymore.

    In so many ways I wished he had killed me instead than me having to go through what I have been through since it happened.

    I lost everything I loved, I lad to drop out of uni my dream was to be solicitor before this, I had to move out of my house where I lived with my family because I couldn't live there anymore with what happened and was later sectioned for 5 months for my own protection because I was a danger to myself and everyone around me I became very paranoid and thought the world was out to get me and everyone would hurt me. I'm now on medication properly for the rest of my life or a very long time. This has destroyed me life affected me in so many ways and when I saw him last week he looked so happy with his new gf no care in a world or with any thought of what the damage and pain he caused to my life.

    It's wired because all though this has been a constant thing in my life for a while but I've never really dealt with it.
    I never dealt with it I just accepted that I was crazy like he said and this never happened. Or I just made excuses for him like maybe he didn't know wha he was doing.


    Anyway thank you once again
    I'm really sorry to hear that you have gone through such an ordeal. I have been in a similar situation to you before and I know it's not much help but I just wanted you to know that you can come on The Student Room and private message me whenever you want if you need any help with anything at all. I'll do as much as I can to help you. Stay strong.
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    Im afriad to say that yes you were raped.
    It pains me so much to hear your story because nk one should have to go through that! Ever!
    Im digusted by that guys behaviour, esp when he thought it was normal! Just digusting behaviour! I dont know why on earth he thought that it was ok! If he truely loved you, he wouldve stopped and made sure you were ok! Not carry on and gain pleasure from the situation.
    Im so glad you dumped him because you deserve way better than him!

    You need to seek help from this because he damaged you and that is not right at all!
    Go and see the police to see what they can do but i fear it wont be much.
    But seek a counsellor/therapist who can help you to overcome this awful experience!

    Im also disgusted how he just gkt dressed and didnt even bother to check if you were ok seeing as you were in pain and made him well aware of that!
    He deserves to be locked up forever!
    I honestly cant see why any guy would do that to a girl he loved!! Thats just horrible, selfish behaviour there! Ugh i feel sick from him and im a guy!
    I seriously hope you can overcome this!
    Im akways here if you need someone!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by sameehaiqbal)
    " This happened nearly 3 years ago, I've been struggling to come to terms with it since. "
    " I've never been strong enough to say that word was I raped? I would really appreciate some clarity on this. "

    She loved her boyfriend. And her boyfriend made it seem like what he was doing was okay. Some people don't even realise the severity of a situation under months, or even years after.

    She just wanted some clarity and maybe someone to talk to. She's been through a lot, rape takes a long time to get over. It's not like a breakup where a few weeks later you are over it. It takes years, maybe even your whole entire life to come to terms with what happened. However yes, some people do get over it quickly. Everyone is different. Hope this helps you understand
    Thank you so much I appreciate your understanding.

    It's very hard to explain I didn't want to accept the truth it was just to hard and painful to have accepted that he actually raped me. It was to painful in the past for me to deal with that and accept that it still is very hard to accept that now.

    from Ann outsider point of view it might but clear cut to you.mbut please bear in mind I was only 19. Young naive and I was madly in love with this guy, he was my first real relationship and I wanted to marry him. He was my world! If you had to a choose between accepting the god awful ugly terrible truth that this happened that this man who I love so dearly raped me or you can live in denial and pretend it didn't happen which one would you pick?
    Sometimes as humans we choose to accept the lie because it's easier to live with and is more comforting.

    X
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Im afriad to say that yes you were raped.
    It pains me so much to hear your story because nk one should have to go through that! Ever!
    Im digusted by that guys behaviour, esp when he thought it was normal! Just digusting behaviour! I dont know why on earth he thought that it was ok! If he truely loved you, he wouldve stopped and made sure you were ok! Not carry on and gain pleasure from the situation.
    Im so glad you dumped him because you deserve way better than him!

    You need to seek help from this because he damaged you and that is not right at all!
    Go and see the police to see what they can do but i fear it wont be much.
    But seek a counsellor/therapist who can help you to overcome this awful experience!

    Im also disgusted how he just gkt dressed and didnt even bother to check if you were ok seeing as you were in pain and made him well aware of that!
    He deserves to be locked up forever!
    I honestly cant see why any guy would do that to a girl he loved!! Thats just horrible, selfish behaviour there! Ugh i feel sick from him and im a guy!
    I seriously hope you can overcome this!
    Im akways here if you need someone!
    Thank You so much.

    It's nice that know that there are still good guys out there.

    I believe in karma even if his never prosecuted for what he did to me, karma will find him in this lifetime or the next for sure.
    After seeing him last week although it was a huge surprise and shock as I never want to see that face again as long as I'm on this earth.I've realised that his such a waste of space and not worth my time or energy I don't even have the energy to hate him anymore. His caused so much pain and so much misery to my life for far to long and no more.

    I will try to find some local organisation that offer free counselling

    X
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by sameehaiqbal)
    I'm really sorry to hear that you have gone through such an ordeal. I have been in a similar situation to you before and I know it's not much help but I just wanted you to know that you can come on The Student Room and private message me whenever you want if you need any help with anything at all. I'll do as much as I can to help you. Stay strong.

    Thank you so much for your kind words
    X
 
 
 
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