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    (Original post by blissy)
    There's a difference between being submissive for fun and being a doormat. Don't be the latter.

    How about organising a cuddly night in with a home cooked meal and stuff for him? Show him how nice it could be to take things at a slower pace once in a while?
    I have tried the home in meal thing....didnt work too well as it turned into something else....the best success is a romatic meal out....will have to organise one of those again...its just fiting it in around going out with friends..

    i think this summer will help as well as it will get up out of the 'sex routine' after 6th form..
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    Have you talked to him about your "concerns"?
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    Don't see what the problem is here, it's personal choice to how often you do it. It always varies anyway from time to time.
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    (Original post by the_amazing_me)
    Have you talked to him about your "concerns"?
    ...no...as I'm not sure if they are concerns...or just me getting things straight in my head....or just natural thoughts about stuff going on..

    ...i know we should be able to talk about these things but I'm just not ready really - i guess it like preparing yourself.
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    Your underlying preoccupation here seems to be that, perhaps, you should object to having sex on so routine a basis; that your doing it in lieu of the "hugs, kisses, snuggles" and "long conversations" which other couples regard as the 'bread-and-butter' of durable relationships posits some necessary cause for concern. Instinctively, however, you enjoy it nonetheless for that; so you've elected to solicit possible justifications for inhibiting the exercise in more philosophical terms.

    The fact of the matter is this: relationships are dynamic. What with the 'sex factor' being as adventurously eclectic and exciting (not to mention, consistently so) as you assert: is it any wonder that you don't particularly (presently) yearn for those perennial interactions which abide in relationships subsisting, more traditionally, upon an array of (albeit individually unremarkable) recreational staples?

    Of course, if the sex is only so good for being, as you put it, 'adventurous' and 'exciting' rather than 'empathetic', 'profound' or any other of a litany of possible superlatives, you'll eventually burn yourselves out; and find that, having invested so much exclusively into that aspect of your inter-personal dynamic, your recourse to what remains is, by contrast, decidedly lacklustre.

    There's nothing necessarily wrong with predicating a relationship upon incredible sex: what matters is, as ever in regard to such matters, whether or not said equation is a sustainable one. If it works now, why shouldn't it work in, say, six months' time? In one year's time? Why wouldn't it, necessarily; realistically; circumstancially?

    Ask yourself that.
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    That's why I said "concerns". Maybe you could just casually bring into a conversation about whether he feels you do it too often without actually being so direct.
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    (Original post by alicejb)
    meaningless the more you have?

    how often is too often / not normal?

    does lots of sex make you closer as a couple?
    It has been meaningless with people who are meaningless to me for example one night stands, but sex could never be meaningless with my boyfriend.
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    ..this has set some thinking off....

    ...not sure if this makes sense...but here goes...

    Ben is my first and only ever bf....we have been together for nearly 2 years....he has a more than healthy sex drive and is adventerous...I tend to follow....we have some great sex.....thinking about it I do things that I would never have done if I hadnt been lead that way...not in a million years....wearing corsets, sexy undies, etc.. I have to say though that some of these do hit the button for me...the other day wearing a tight laced corset to school under my uniform made me feel soooo sexy and the sex afterwards at his house was amazing despite the fact he didnt even take my blazer / tie or anything off!! Sex wearing a tight laced corset is absoluely unbelievable....wearing sexy underwear everyday (stocking, etc) is very sexy.. the whole I know what I'm wearing and you really wouldnt expect it..wow.....all of this adds up to make a relationship...but a false one? maybe....one that I didnt have the experience to see I was moving into....now I am more experienced I can see is false....

    so the thing now is to develop on what we have maybe to make it more 'relationship' based...

    will it work?....mmmmm... thoughts...
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    you definitely should try being more relationship-minded, because at the moment from what you describe it's just pure sex and no substance. Perhaps try abstaining for a week or so, and actually go out rather than just back to his place. It seems a little,for a reader, that you have been naive and he has used that to his advantage, where a more experienced girl would not allow him to push so far. Just try some more romance without the sex, and that way you will see if he is actually with you for you, or if it's just for what he can do with you.
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    You're obviously comfortable enough to do these things both for him and for yourself. With him being your first b/f are you thinking about other possibilities i.e. other mean out there? You do appear to be having both concerns and doubts. Are you following for the sake of following though, or because it is actually what you want? Sometimes you have to be selfish in relationships and think about yourself rather than your partner all the time.
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    never gets old for me and my boyfriend, infact every single time gets better, but that depends on how u feel about the person i supose. xx
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    I believe it depends who the sex is with. I've been with my bf for a year and sex is still very meaningful, I feel very connected with him during. But it's not a substitute for intimacy.

    I don't think either of us have particularly high sex drives, but they're pretty equal which is always good. And we both have an appreciation for nights in with intimacy rather than sex.
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    Me and my boyfriend have been together 9 months and have sex every day and it hasn't become meaningless at all. In fact, I've never had meaningless sex, even when I have had one night stands, because at the time they all meant something to me, whether that was something good or bad.
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    (Original post by alicejb)
    meaningless the more you have?

    how often is too often / not normal?

    does lots of sex make you closer as a couple?
    1) Urrrr, meaningless? Do you mean a bit boring? Less frequent? If you do then, yes, when you're in a long-term relationship sex does become less 'wow!' I suppose. After a while you know each other's body and you know which buttons to press, so it's not really as exciting. That's not to say it 'means' any less to the two people indulging. And that's not to say you don't have some passionate sessions.

    2) Depends on the couple. Sex tends to decrease as you get further along in a relationship. It used to happen 3 or so times a day for me; now it's 1-2 a week. That's fine for us.

    3) Yeah, kind of. The act is intimate and all. But to be honest my boyfriend and I have never seen sex as something that establishes 'closeness'. We both view sex as a pretty 'meaningless' (in comparison with being in love) and something that is designed for pleasure, rather than romance.
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    (Original post by Profesh)
    Do words become meaningless the more you write?
    One would assume not.

    However, writing isn't as exciting as sex is it? :p:
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    I think so

    maybe that's my problem? :P
 
 
 
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