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I Need to Rant about a girl again Watch

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    (Original post by Mayhem™)
    I didn't read this but here's some advice - don't bother with relationships/hookups too much because it's usually a waste of time
    0/5 for useful advice m8
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    (Original post by Lord Samosa)
    You caught feelings for her too early. Speak to a girl, if you feel chemistry, arrange to meet up early on (don't delay it), determine from the date and her attitude afterwards if there's actually a connection, if not, move on.

    When just texting a girl, feel free to talk to other girls too, you're not in a relationship at this point and focusing on one girl will make you develop feelings more easily. And make sure she's not your priority at this point, focus on your normal day to day life and leave the texting for when you're free, don't go out of your way to make time to text a girl (especially when you're not even in a relationship).

    Just forget about her and move on, she's not worth wasting your time trying to figure out why it didn't work.
    But it will happen again and again no doubt. ghosting is quite a common thing and it really sucks.

    I need to get over my own insecurities and just date older women, or at least women who seem very mature and NOT insecure. I think that's just the best way to go about this whole thing.

    Not entirely sure what this 'feeling chemistry' thing even means though tbh.

    Your route as described in the third paragraph sounds okay if you can just hang around waiting for a relationship to happen. But really I can't. I need one. I'm one of those people. And that methodology just seems like it will take forever for it to actually happen. Especially with online dating as a lot of the girls are just not serious or just want something casual, but then clubs/bars are not an option for me as I hate those environments and those that tend to frequent them's lifestyle. It's a rut.
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    I don't see how someone could be so much less attractive in person when you already know their broad personality and how they look though.
    Yeah but in person you can see their mannerisms and stuff, pictures are nothing.
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    Just one question...wtf is ghosting?
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    (Original post by xobeauty)
    Yeah but in person you can see their mannerisms and stuff, pictures are nothing.
    smh.

    How the **** can you judge whether someone is worth your time or not though within 3hours of conversation in a coffee shop? **** me, she wasn't even a psychology student...

    I wasn't even remotely considering any sort of overt judging like this. I thought it would just be a good ice-breaker since we wanted to see one another asap...

    I find the whole 'I don't feel like I'm getting mad chemistry' in such an instance a very pessimistic approach...

    I didn't tell her any of this mind you... I thought that would just be too sour and probably hurt her. I just find it baffling that I would be judged so harshly in that tiny tiny period of time after having speaking to someone for many weeks and actually caring enough to let her off with wasting my money and ****ing up my time schedules not once, but twice.

    Do you not find that extremely... reckless? Such a swift decisive judging? Hey, all I'll say is that I would never judge someone that quick. I just find it stunningly bizarre that such judging is apparently common place in dating...

    So basically should I be approaching future dates as 'I have x time to make this girl become infatuated with me'?

    She told me that only one her previous partners she felt chemistry on the first date and that that was in a club -__- Does that not make you worry for this person? Obviously a man's intention during a club is to make you infatuated with him and little else... Plus she was drinking alcohol which skewers your feelings.

    I sound so bitter lol. I just feel unfairly treated tbh so maybe I am. Although I also just don't understand this super quick judging approach you seem to be advocating. I don't know how you can even judge people that fast. Like legit, no idea. What is chemistry?????
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    (Original post by Hamo2509)
    Every time one of my girlfriends has done this was because the guy was short. But what do I know?
    I don't entirely disagree wtih this but if 5 freaking foot tall girls consider anything below 6' to be a dealbreaker, the world is going to hell.
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    (Original post by Sisuphos)
    Just one question...wtf is ghosting?
    All of a sudden not responding to calls or texts.

    'disappearing like a ghost'

    No closure or explanation as to why. Just disappearing.

    Especially when you otherwise have no negative energy in the 'relationship' so it seems really abrupt.


    (Original post by Sisuphos)
    I don't entirely disagree wtih this but if 5 freaking foot tall girls consider anything below 6' to be a dealbreaker, the world is going to hell.
    They don't. that's nonsense. There are plenty of short men who date taller girls and so on. You can compensate for it with other traits. Question is why didn't my other traits compensate for it in this instance? What overshadowed them? What are the typical explanations?
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    (Original post by xobeauty)
    She wasn't attracted to you.

    Think about it, you guys can laugh, have convos yet she doesn't feel anything.
    If she didn't like him, she should have told him that straight away. I get the feeling that she's a bit immature too, considering that she left the guy hanging for a couple of times..
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    All of a sudden not responding to calls or texts.

    'disappearing like a ghost'

    No closure or explanation as to why. Just disappearing.

    Especially when you otherwise have no negative energy in the 'relationship' so it seems really abrupt.




    They don't. that's nonsense. There are plenty of short men who date taller girls and so on. You can compensate for it with other traits. Question is why didn't my other traits compensate for it in this instance? What overshadowed them? What are the typical explanations?
    With love, you sound really bitter (glad you acknowledged it on another post) and some of those rants are scary. I'm sure you're an okay guy but reading your last posts made me think "damn, he's intense and not in a good way".

    "ghosting", now that I know what it means, sounds humiliating. Despite what girls on reddit tell themselves to feel good about doing it ("if I hadn't done it, he'd would have haunted my house and eat my future kids for lunch!", it's not okay. Whatever the guy's reaction is going to be, telling him you're not interested is the least painful way to do it and the most honest one.

    However, you want details as to why she doesn't like you. What if she tells you exactly why she doesn't like you. Then what? what are you going to do? what would be the point of her saying that? there's nothing clearly wrong with you.

    I had severe depression and a girl I really liked told me she hated how low I felt all the time and how she felt low with me and didn't want that anymore.

    In my case, that was helpful (though there was no "ghosting" she told me to my face), it was a real eye opener and I tried hard to improve my mood ever since. But in your case, what would be the point?
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    (Original post by ForgetMe)
    If she didn't like him, she should have told him that straight away. I get the feeling that she's a bit immature too, considering that she left the guy hanging for a couple of times..
    Oh my goodness. Are you exhibiting some sympathy? Thank you!
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    So. I was speaking to this girl for the past 3 weeks. She seemed really cool and oddly our personalities online seemed to click within an instant. Our conversations would never ever end and I don't think anyone has ever made me laugh so much period never mind just via text.

    She told me that was reciprocated and suddenly we're telling one another our life secrets. **** moved fast. In literally every damn way we seem perfectly suited for one another. It's almost hard to believe. So I try to ground myself by not believing it until I meet her. Anyway, she's told me a million times she's super clingy herself and endlessly needy. I also discover after a mild comment on her eyebrows that she is INCREDIBLY sensitive.

    I then organise a date because I want to this woman ASAP. I text her early on in the day if she wants tickets to some event because I can get a discount. The event is in 3days time. She says 'sure, go for it, should be fun'. so I buy two tickets. Guess what? On Saturday turns out she's working overtime and can't make it... Wtf. I let her off though because I'm really optimistic about this girl and probably already infatuated. Oh and I wasted £30 on that ticket too...

    Organise a second date, just got for a coffee first in town then go for a meal and that's it. Guess what? She has NO MONEY. LEGITIMATELY HAS ZERO ****ING MONEY. So she cannot afford a bus into town nevermind anything else. She tells me this the morning of the date so I'm like, well are there any parks near you? We'll just go for a walk? She's like, oh sure, yeah, 'if you come to mine (and gives me her address) for 4pm I'll be ready '.

    5pm and she's still at work. Working overtime. So it will be too late and she wants to reschedule the date.

    FOR SOME REASON I let her off again... and I try to organise something again.

    We're both busy so we compromise and just agree to meet each other in a few days for evening coffee at costa and a chat. We do that. Little awkward at the strt with regards to conversation but nothing too bad. We knew each other on sight and gave one another a hug. As soon as we sat down with the coffee it was just funny conversation - note, not even casual conversation. But legitimately funny conversation. We stay too long and don't even check the damn time so we're kicked out of costa. We spend like 15minutes chatting outside then I hug her and tell her that I enjoyed meeting her, would like to see her again and that I wish she has a safe journey home. She reciprocates that and we part ways.

    I text her the next day thinking what she thought about the date and she said that she thought I was great and that I made her laugh so much....

    Then she ghosts on me.

    Doesn't message for two days. I accept that and assume she's busy and just don't text her as I don't wanna look too desperate. But then I can't hold out anymore and have to text her. So I do on the third day. No response. I just give up on her then on the fourth day of no response (I sent an additional text that morning too). Then I find her damn profile on an online dating site again (she deleted/hidden it once I got her number) so I ask her if we're just done then?

    And she basically texts me saying she's 'sooooo sorry for ignoring me and just didn't feel any chemistry on the date so yeah we were pretty much done'. It was all so abrupt and confusing...

    So now I'm looking at this reddit on ghosting and am EVEN MORE CONFUSED.

    https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/c...r_a_date_or_a/

    Maybe I appeared _too_ confident? Maybe my dark humour she found intimidating despite not showing visibly signs of distress from it and liking it via text chat...? I really don't know. And all I get from her is 'I just know after a 3hour coffee shop date whether it is gonna work or not. Not gonna waste your time'. -__-

    Well **** girl, just let me spend my money, emotions and time on every ****ing girl for 3weeks for absolutely no reason.

    How the hell do you get a romantic spark within 3hours of speaking to a stranger when you yourself are overly anxious as it is and you two know loads about each other but not how you sound or properly look and you're sat in a damn coffee shop?????
    Only you know what you think about her. If she's good enough, maybe wait a bit a message her in a couple of weeks or something or if not just move on!
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    (Original post by Sisuphos)
    With love, you sound really bitter (glad you acknowledged it on another post) and some of those rants are scary. I'm sure you're an okay guy but reading your last posts made me think "damn, he's intense and not in a good way".

    "ghosting", now that I know what it means, sounds humiliating. Despite what girls on reddit tell themselves to feel good about doing it ("if I hadn't done it, he'd would have haunted my house and eat my future kids for lunch!", it's not okay. Whatever the guy's reaction is going to be, telling him you're not interested is the least painful way to do it and the most honest one.

    However, you want details as to why she doesn't like you. What if she tells you exactly why she doesn't like you. Then what? what are you going to do? what would be the point of her saying that? there's nothing clearly wrong with you.

    I had severe depression and a girl I really liked told me she hated how low I felt all the time and how she felt low with me and didn't want that anymore.

    In my case, that was helpful (though there was no "ghosting" she told me in my face), it was a real eye opener and I tried hard to improve my mood ever since. But in your case, what would be the point?
    Oh I'm really intense. And that's not going to change. You need to go the whole way and you need to be as intense as me or **** won't work. I openly acknowledge that and that's probably the main reason why I have no friends. Oh well. Have no interest in changing it to get friends so...

    I suffer from depression too, however I've been getting out of it mostly recently and so I'm really not overtly down when in public but only when left on my own. So I'll go home and over-think **** and really get down about it as I am now and thus why I made this thread but... She even lamented about how loud I was in person haha and given that I was quite bouncy anyway as I usually am when I decide I want to open myself up to someone I doubt it was negative vibes for me and I know you weren't suggesting it was, but just to clear that up because I did/do suffer from depression.

    If she gave me the details I'd accept them and be like "oh okay, that's the reason then? You're NOT just being really immature, pessimistic and judgmental, good to know. I'll move on then, best of luck to you in life my dear x", 'ya know?

    That said it's not just this girl. I've had a girl I spoke to for two weeks. Got on a train to meet her and then she ghosts on me LOL. On the ****ing day I get a train to meet her. Again no signs that she wasn't interested either. She was talking to me every day for 2weeks. Oh, there are more anecdotes but I shan't and shouldn't dwell on them. It just makes me lose heart and motivation though and then I start thinking it must be me because everyone else doesn't seem to have these relationship issues... And I guess it is me, but acknowledging that doesn't ****ing help because I am me and I cannot change. So what do I do? What do I do? I don't know. Like it's not a little character trait I can edit. It's the whole ****ing chunk of my personality. It is me.
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    Oh my goodness. Are you exhibiting some sympathy? Thank you!
    Why I have a feeling this is not sincere? I'm just saying how it is, if you don't feel any chemistry, shoot it straight away rather than playing games.
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    (Original post by ForgetMe)
    If she didn't like him, she should have told him that straight away. I get the feeling that she's a bit immature too, considering that she left the guy hanging for a couple of times..
    No she wouldn't saying nothing is easier
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    So. I was speaking to this girl for the past 3 weeks. She seemed really cool and oddly our personalities online seemed to click within an instant. Our conversations would never ever end and I don't think anyone has ever made me laugh so much period never mind just via text.

    She told me that was reciprocated and suddenly we're telling one another our life secrets. **** moved fast. In literally every damn way we seem perfectly suited for one another. It's almost hard to believe. So I try to ground myself by not believing it until I meet her. Anyway, she's told me a million times she's super clingy herself and endlessly needy. I also discover after a mild comment on her eyebrows that she is INCREDIBLY sensitive.

    I then organise a date because I want to this woman ASAP. I text her early on in the day if she wants tickets to some event because I can get a discount. The event is in 3days time. She says 'sure, go for it, should be fun'. so I buy two tickets. Guess what? On Saturday turns out she's working overtime and can't make it... Wtf. I let her off though because I'm really optimistic about this girl and probably already infatuated. Oh and I wasted £30 on that ticket too...

    Organise a second date, just got for a coffee first in town then go for a meal and that's it. Guess what? She has NO MONEY. LEGITIMATELY HAS ZERO ****ING MONEY. So she cannot afford a bus into town nevermind anything else. She tells me this the morning of the date so I'm like, well are there any parks near you? We'll just go for a walk? She's like, oh sure, yeah, 'if you come to mine (and gives me her address) for 4pm I'll be ready '.

    5pm and she's still at work. Working overtime. So it will be too late and she wants to reschedule the date.

    FOR SOME REASON I let her off again... and I try to organise something again.

    We're both busy so we compromise and just agree to meet each other in a few days for evening coffee at costa and a chat. We do that. Little awkward at the strt with regards to conversation but nothing too bad. We knew each other on sight and gave one another a hug. As soon as we sat down with the coffee it was just funny conversation - note, not even casual conversation. But legitimately funny conversation. We stay too long and don't even check the damn time so we're kicked out of costa. We spend like 15minutes chatting outside then I hug her and tell her that I enjoyed meeting her, would like to see her again and that I wish she has a safe journey home. She reciprocates that and we part ways.

    I text her the next day thinking what she thought about the date and she said that she thought I was great and that I made her laugh so much....

    Then she ghosts on me.

    Doesn't message for two days. I accept that and assume she's busy and just don't text her as I don't wanna look too desperate. But then I can't hold out anymore and have to text her. So I do on the third day. No response. I just give up on her then on the fourth day of no response (I sent an additional text that morning too). Then I find her damn profile on an online dating site again (she deleted/hidden it once I got her number) so I ask her if we're just done then?

    And she basically texts me saying she's 'sooooo sorry for ignoring me and just didn't feel any chemistry on the date so yeah we were pretty much done'. It was all so abrupt and confusing...

    So now I'm looking at this reddit on ghosting and am EVEN MORE CONFUSED.

    https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/c...r_a_date_or_a/

    Maybe I appeared _too_ confident? Maybe my dark humour she found intimidating despite not showing visibly signs of distress from it and liking it via text chat...? I really don't know. And all I get from her is 'I just know after a 3hour coffee shop date whether it is gonna work or not. Not gonna waste your time'. -__-

    Well **** girl, just let me spend my money, emotions and time on every ****ing girl for 3weeks for absolutely no reason.

    How the hell do you get a romantic spark within 3hours of speaking to a stranger when you yourself are overly anxious as it is and you two know loads about each other but not how you sound or properly look and you're sat in a damn coffee shop?????
    I don't know what ghosting is but if I went out on a date with a guy I would at least have the courtesy to tell him I wasn't interested, not just dump him into oblivion. This **** is why guys don't do what you do anymore, OP, it's kinda sad
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    (Original post by ForgetMe)
    Why I have a feeling this is not sincere? I'm just saying how it is, if you don't feel any chemistry, shoot it straight away rather than playing games.
    It actually is lol. This is mostly just a ranting thread but everyone is like 'what do you expect boi, it's your fault, you no good for her, move on boi'. Like yeah, I know, I'm moving on. Not gonna text her again. I'm over it. But I still feel like **** about it lol. Can I just have a little sympathy please?

    And you gave me some at last. So sincerely, thank you :P
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    (Original post by AngryRedhead)
    I don't know what ghosting is but if I went out on a date with a guy I would at least have the courtesy to tell him I wasn't interested, not just dump him into oblivion. This **** is why guys don't do what you do anymore, OP, it's kinda sad
    Well that's appreciated because the dumping thing really hurts (and that's ghosting pretty much). What do I do though...?
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    (Original post by xobeauty)
    No she wouldn't saying nothing is easier
    And it's also very childish.
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    Well, after reading all of that, I gotta say, what a *****.

    No, seriously. She toyed around with your emotions, let you down multiple times, and then ignores you instead of simply stating that it would never work out, which, although harsh, would at least be an understandable reaction, but no, she was rude as ****.

    Why she didn't feel there was a connection? Who knows. You connected through text, but not real life. Interesting, could looks have played a part? Not being harsh on you or anything, but did she see photos of you before the meet-up?
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    Oh I'm really intense. And that's not going to change. You need to go the whole way and you need to be as intense as me or **** won't work. I openly acknowledge that and that's probably the main reason why I have no friends. Oh well. Have no interest in changing it to get friends so...

    I suffer from depression too, however I've been getting out of it mostly recently and so I'm really not overtly down when in public but only when left on my own. So I'll go home and over-think **** and really get down about it as I am now and thus why I made this thread but... She even lamented about how loud I was in person haha and given that I was quite bouncy anyway as I usually am when I decide I want to open myself up to someone I doubt it was negative vibes for me and I know you weren't suggesting it was, but just to clear that up because I did/do suffer from depression.

    If she gave me the details I'd accept them and be like "oh okay, that's the reason then? You're NOT just being really immature, pessimistic and judgmental, good to know. I'll move on then, best of luck to you in life my dear x", 'ya know?

    That said it's not just this girl. I've had a girl I spoke to for two weeks. Got on a train to meet her and then she ghosts on me LOL. On the ****ing day I get a train to meet her. Again no signs that she wasn't interested either. She was talking to me every day for 2weeks. Oh, there are more anecdotes but I shan't and shouldn't dwell on them. It just makes me lose heart and motivation though and then I start thinking it must be me because everyone else doesn't seem to have these relationship issues... And I guess it is me, but acknowledging that doesn't ****ing help because I am me and I cannot change. So what do I do? What do I do? I don't know. Like it's not a little character trait I can edit. It's the whole ****ing chunk of my personality. It is me.
    Why can't you move on now without knowing details? you know the most important thing and that's that she doesn't want to date you. Isn't that enough to want to make you move on? what more reasons do you need? "she doesn't like me" sounds good enough to me although I know very well it hurts a lot and if you've had it happen with other girls, it will hurt even more. It's just your ego though.

    I empathise with some of the things you write but imo you sound very angry and bitter.
 
 
 
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