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    (Original post by JohnGreek)
    The issue is that forensic evidence is unlikely to be recovered this long after the act, so it's a class your-word-against-his type of story. While such cases tend to put more weight on the accuser's version of events, I wouldn't be confident in securing any kind of conviction if he manages to cook up either an alibi or a convincing alternative version of events. Do you have any text messages, or other remnants from the night, that can prove unconsensual sex?

    Also bear in mind that going through the process of pressing charges may force you to relive the worst of this, and may put you under other forms of stress as your version of events is questioned, possibly both by family, police investigators, and, if it comes to trial, opposing counsel.

    I just wanted to point out that it's one thing merely releasing this to the world and telling someone, and another thing entirely to take legal action. The former may be therapeutic, while the latter may be emotionally charged, costly, and time-consuming. Think through your choices carefully.
    Thank you that helps clear things up quite a bit, i dont intend to take legal action its just a few people have raised the idea of contacting the police which has got me thinking but i definitelt agree that it would cause a lot more stress, id rather keep it private in terms of police and family, just thought advice on here might help me emotionally
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    Sadly, I know no fewer than 3 people with a similar past to yours. One is a girl that used to be my neighbour. One that was a really close friend at school, and another I'll come back to.
    I won't go into details of any sort, because there is just one thing I want you to take home from this.
    The neighbour now has her own place with her husband who is a volunteer fireman. I don't know if she works, partly because she has two beautiful little girls. One around 6, and a toddler. She is close with her family and I often see her in the local shop.
    My old school friend now lives in another country with her partner not too far from another friend of ours from school. Although she suffers with a painful condition in her head and depression and, she too has a gorgeous little girl that is the light of her life. To see her posts on Facebook with how positive her life has become gives me strength to fight my own struggles.
    Now, the third girl. She is my girlfriend. Of three years. The early days of our relationship were hard. Her trust issues often meant we couldn't go for my favourite types of walk (under the stars etc) but I'm sure I won't need to explain further.
    But like I said. We've been together three years and are what you would consider a "normal" couple.
    You can and will recover. But you must do so at your own pace. When you find the right person, they will understand your reservations with or with out explanation.
    Give it time. Be careful and you will see the rainbows again :-)
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    (Original post by AspMan)
    Sadly, I know no fewer than 3 people with a similar past to yours. One is a girl that used to be my neighbour. One that was a really close friend at school, and another I'll come back to.
    I won't go into details of any sort, because there is just one thing I want you to take home from this.
    The neighbour now has her own place with her husband who is a volunteer fireman. I don't know if she works, partly because she has two beautiful little girls. One around 6, and a toddler. She is close with her family and I often see her in the local shop.
    My old school friend now lives in another country with her partner not too far from another friend of ours from school. Although she suffers with a painful condition in her head and depression and, she too has a gorgeous little girl that is the light of her life. To see her posts on Facebook with how positive her life has become gives me strength to fight my own struggles.
    Now, the third girl. She is my girlfriend. Of three years. The early days of our relationship were hard. Her trust issues often meant we couldn't go for my favourite types of walk (under the stars etc) but I'm sure I won't need to explain further.
    But like I said. We've been together three years and are what you would consider a "normal" couple.
    You can and will recover. But you must do so at your own pace. When you find the right person, they will understand your reservations with or with out explanation.
    Give it time. Be careful and you will see the rainbows again :-)
    Thank you so so much, this was reassuring to read, i really dont have much faith in my future at all to be honest so to know there are others in similar situations doing well is really good to hear, they all sound so strong! Thank you again and best wishes to you and your girlfriend!
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    (Original post by Daisy211098)
    I got involved with a older guy a few months back, i trusted him quite easily and admit that im very naive, ive had problems of being blackmailed in the past. Anyway we were close and he told me i didnt have to do anythimg i didnt want to but after a while he started guilt tripping me into doing things, there was one night and im not to sure how it happened i just rememeber crying and him holding me down to have sex, it wasnt protected and i was tryimg to push him off me and screamed but he covered my mouth, after he admitted it was rape but i dont like thinking of it like that. I dont talk to him anymore but he occassionally messages me and im scared to block him out because he knows where i go to school. Since then ive been finding it really hard to be attracted to anyone or talk about sex without feeling sick, im worried i wont be able to trust anyone again or have any sexual attraction to anyone, any advice would be apprectiated
    You go to school, that implies to me that you're under 16. Which means, not only is it rape but it is also paedophilia. Report it to the relevant authorities and at the very least get a restraining order.

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    (Original post by Andy98)
    You go to school, that implies to me that you're under 16. Which means, not only is it rape but it is also paedophilia. Report it to the relevant authorities and at the very least get a restraining order.

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    OP just said they were 17. Also statuary rape doesn't always mean paedophilia. Paedophilia is only the sexual attraction to pre pubescent children, not everyone under the age of consent. If OP had been 15, it would've been true rape and statuary rape, but not paedophilia, because she has been through puberty
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    (Original post by Daisy211098)
    Woukd the police even listwm to stuff like this? And the guy has a little girl and id feel bad if the police contacted him when he was with his daughter
    Yes they would, they take it very serious, also don't you think his daughter would be safe if he wasn't there as his a raper.
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    (Original post by Daisy211098)
    He admitted it to me and we've had text conversations about it but he doesnt admit anything in the texts so i dont have any proof and he has a daughter so dont want to get him involved in the police, i think hes a good person but obviouslt i dont make great judgements, hes more emotionally manipulative so i dont think it would have happened with anyone else because im the youngest person hes been with & thank you for the advice its appreciated
    He's not a good person.
    Perhaps superficial glib makes him seem like a good person, but it's very clear by his actions that he is no where near good.

    Please find someone with authority to talk about this with.
    If he is capable of raping you, a schoolgirl, imagine what else he is capable of.
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    Even though it probably won't get him prosecuted, you should still tell the police.

    A police visit will likely scare him into never doing anything like that again.

    If you do nothing, he'll feel that he can do it to another girl without consequence like he did with you!
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    There's nothing to say it wouldn't go far with the police. I've reported twice to the police and the first time it went all the way to court. I was 16 and he was in his 20s. There was only evidence of sexual activity and it was reported a few days after the fact. It took 11 months to go to court and the verdict was not guilty but the police and the CPS took it forward to crown court.

    Not all cases make it to court but you shouldn't let that deter you. The police are very understanding and would want you to share.

    The second time I reported was about historic internet sexual abuse. Even though grooming online wasn't a crime when I experienced it (pre-2003) they still wanted my statement. The investigation stopped because they couldn't find him. Historic reporting is fairly common and they still manage to prosecute and even convict.
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    Also even if he were with his daughter when the police approached.. The police aren't heartless, tactless beasts. They would separate the daughter away and not scare her. Keeping this secret isn't protecting her, it's protecting him from answering for his crimes. He is a rapist and he really hurt you. You don't owe him anything. His daughter will be fine, she has other support. You also don't know him well enough to know that he would treat her well.
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    If you don't want to go to the police then there are organisations you can talk to who can help you if you need to talk to someone about it. I know a girl who is trapped in a situation with an older guy and has been for years now, and it's so serious but every time we convince her enough to talk to the police or she gets enough confidence, she eventually backs out, and I can understand why, it can be nerve-wrecking, especially as it's such a serious situation and it's so overwhelming!! Even if you don't end up talking to the police, talking to someone about how it's affected you is truly the best thing you can do- look after yourself! experiencing something like that can be traumatic and impact your life in so many ways you might not think about, so please find someone to talk to who knows how to help you in the best possible way, that's if you can't speak to your parents or the police.

    Just understand that it wasn't fair that this happened to you, and it was in no way your fault. Hunny just do what will benefit you the most, look after yourself.

    You can phone these help lines, they're free, and it's just someone to talk to about it who can give you all of the informed options or just provide helpful advice, or even just someone who can listen and understand.

    24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline- 0808 2000 247
    The Rape Crisis national freephone helpline - 0808 802 9999 (12-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm every day of the year)
    Victim support free Supportline - 08 08 16 89 111(open on weeknights 8pm - 8am and 24hrs on weekends)
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    (Original post by Daisy211098)
    If i ring them things wilk go further amd theyd probably come over to talk about it and look at messages but theres no evidence so they wouldnt be able to do much anyway
    I see. Still, he doesn't have to admit it directly. See hypothetical text below:

    You: "I still love you but promise me that you won't do x to me anymore."
    If he says something like "I promise", that's still an implicit admission.

    Another one would be:
    You: "Why did you do x to me?"
    If he says because + "[insert excuse here], that's still an implicit admission.

    He doesn't have to admit it explicitly. And even if he doesn't get jailed, an accusation would be a deterrent to not do it anymore.

    Plus, you mention he has a daughter. She might not be safe with her father. :/
 
 
 
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