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Out of an abusive relationship - Am I crazy for feeling this way for my ex-boyfriend? watch

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    Oh God...
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    Thanks to all of the constructive, encouraging replies. They really mean a lot and give me strength to continue reading to try to self help and understand more, before i can receive counselling service which I have previously arranged for my return to the country.

    And to those who called me naive or a fool - also thanks to your comments. I simply want to urge you to remember that if you don't understand how a certain situation, like having to deal with a pathologically psychopath and being emotionally manipulated and drained, is difficult and can cloud a person's perspectives, it still doesnt make the situation an easy one.

    Yes, this is a public forum and gives you the right to post such things. 'Im sorry but its always women like you who get abused. You're too naive'. - i apologise for having to quote this, as that is literally the most irresponsible, inconsiderate and useless comment, which sounded like the commenter thinks that women like us ask for our treatments. Reminds me of how some weird people thinking that women who wear short skirts ask to be sexually assulted or raped.

    And please remember what sort of effect comments like you're a fool/ naive can do to a previously emotionally abused woman, who has low self worth alreary. Yes feel free to throw them at me, I've met all sorts of people who'd say whatever they feel like saying, but realise that when a woman is emotionally fragilr, these words can lead to extreme self blame and damage their self confidence in the long term.

    Just know that regardless of maturity, no one deserves being abused, and mind your words when you are typing away behind of the screen. Be sensitive, or whats the difference between you and an abuser?

    Thanks all.
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    (Original post by donutellme)
    Oh God...
    Oh *GAAAWWWWWWDDD...
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    (Original post by eden3)
    Oh *GAAAWWWWWWDDD...
    Praise GAAWDDDD and Lord gains might come down from UP ABUVVV n save youuuu
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    He punched you to the point where you had to go to hospital and then later on said it was self defence for you hugging him?

    Report that ******* and never EVER get back with him no matter how much he begs.
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    (Original post by donutellme)
    Praise GAAWDDDD and Lord gains might come down from UP ABUVVV n save youuuu
    AYYYYYYYYMEEEEN BRotha that **** was biyootiful.... HALLELUJAH
    https://youtu.be/1SPJaDvYWcg?t=513
    LITTLE BIT CLOSER MAYNE
    NOT TOO CLOSE MAYNE
    LITTLE BIT CLOSER MAYNE



    Good luck OP!
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    Don't let him manipulate you. Keep your distance. Block him across all social media. Block his number. Etc.*

    I know from experience that just because someone is so horribly wrong for you and is abusive it can still be hard to not feel sorry for him when he tries to get you back. It can feel impossible to shake the emotional attachment you have for him despite how awful he treated you. But this sort of person never learns. The relationship will never work. You need to try hard to separate yourself from him. Don't even allow him a means of contacting you. Complete separation is what will help you eventually get over him.*
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    He is a classic example of a domestic abuser. Manipulative, controlling, degrading and even in your case violent. Scum who deserve to be in jail. I admire your strength to come through this and to reject him the way you did.

    He will continue to use the "victim" tactic to try to make you feel sorry for him. He will emphasise how sorry he is, perhaps how he will try to change his ways and how he feels so lonely without you. What is vital is that despite his pleas, despite any attraction you may still have towards him and despite the fact you may even feel guilty or blame yourself for him being sad you do NOT take him back under any circumstances whatsoever. If you do then it will just prove to him that a few crocodile tears is all he needs to get you back whenever he f*cks up and it will just turn into a cycle of forgiveness.

    I know it is easier said than done, but remember there is never an excuse for any type of abuse to your partner. I would recommend cutting him out of your life completely and blocking him from everything you have. As long as you still have contact with him there is always the temptation to fall back into his claws.

    Continue to be strong and know there are guys out there that are worth your time much more than he is.
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    How old are you,OP? Just something here to think about if you are ever in that situation with anyone again. Just imagine you have a daughter who is your age now. Imagine she is going out with a man exactly like your former boyfriend. What would your reaction be and how would you feel if you knew your daughter was being punched in the stomach by someone , not to mention all the other abusive,manipulative behaviour. Do you have or can you find his parent's address? If so I would write them a very nice letter, not nasty or anything but calm. But I would write telling them more or less everything that you have told us about exactly the type of person their "wonderful" son is. They need to see him for what he is. [Most people's addresses can be found online if you know their name and surname and area on 192.com]. Seriously, even if you don't get back with him, which I sincerely hope you don't, that *******'s parents need to know exactly what he is like, especially if something similar happens again to another woman in the future.
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    (Original post by eden3)
    AYYYYYYYYMEEEEN BRotha that **** was biyootiful.... HALLELUJAH
    https://youtu.be/1SPJaDvYWcg?t=513
    LITTLE BIT CLOSER MAYNE
    NOT TOO CLOSE MAYNE
    LITTLE BIT CLOSER MAYNE
    Good luck OP!
    thats enough of that ****

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SPJ...youtu.be&t=528
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    (Original post by s081013)
    Background info (for reference only):

    - US? My ex boyfriend and I are coursemates at uni and we dated for 5 months.

    - ME? I am known for being cheerful and bubbly on my course, but I am also an insecure person.

    - HIM? He is known for being really cold, unsociable and only cared about academics (but I was quite attracted by that as I like nerdy guys - never knew that it was to an extent where he'd complain about us not talking about the subject when we are chilling together or during meal times). He needs a lot of validation from his mum and they are constantly texting throughout the day. Will talk more about his relationship with his parents.

    -BREAKUP? Broken up for quite a few times, but the most recent and last breakup happened due to the following reason: He was angry at me for making a negative comment about fine dining (i think it's very uptight and i personally don't enjoy it) - he said he was personally offended because he had previously worked for a fine dining restaurant and he personally enjoys fine dining. I would understand that he's upset if he was taking me out for a fine dining meal, but we were just going for chinese that night.

    He said that I ruined the night, and was angry enough to tell me to stfu, even when it's the last day before I had to fly home for the summer. When I felt upset about his reaction, he said that I didn't deserve consolation because I asked for that. He was so pissed off at me that he didn't talk to, hug or see me off at the station (as he promised to). He didn't come because I didn't apologise as he demanded me to, as a condition.

    Things that he wasn't happy about me:

    Problem of space: I really love this guy and I tried extremely hard during our relationship, to improve on things that he wanted me to improve on - he said that we spent too much time together and he wanted to spend time with friends, so I would suggest that he go and meet up with friends and suggested things that we could do to increase the amount of personal space in the future, as I really wanted us to last.

    Problem of not letting him pause the argument and storm out and suddenly cease a conversation: He is the kind of person who would suddenly storm out of the room and cease the argument. I really didn't like that and asked if he had to do that (because there's a time when he stormed out, and before he did he said that he would come back to talk, which I then agreed with. He came back, put me on the phone with his mum, who asked him if 'he's done it (got rid of me) - to tell me off and tell me to leave. He packed all of my stuff and threw them out). He said I was disrespecting his personal rights so I stopped asking him to stay to talk. I would just let him storm out and talk again, whenever he wanted to and if he wanted to.

    Problems I had with him:

    Punching me and saying really nasty things at the heat of the moment and saying that I was too sensitive: Whenever we argued, I would encourage that we sit together and try to speak logically - let our minds speak before our hearts, our emotions. He agreed that it's a good idea because he has a tendency of saying really nasty things at the heated moment (e.g. he's called me childish, naive, a *****; He has also swore a lot at me). There's also a time when he held me up to punch me continuously in the stomach to the point that I felt really sick. He told me to go to the hospital on my own so that they wouldn't suspect him. I was really upset, but he said that it was self defense because I was trying to ask him to hug me when he didn't want to.

    Charging me for things that he bought for me: He's bought me some flowers and some chocolates. When he's angry at me, he ate all of the chocolates himself and when we broke up, he asked me to pay him back (a value that is more than the worth of the flowers - 50 pounds for some 20 pounds flowers). Also asked me to pay him back for some flight tickets he booked to come and visit my family in the summer (originally) as he wouldn't go unless it's for that purpose. I didn't pay. He wanted to make a point so he told me that he was binning a book that I got for him, which had a lot of meanings to it, as he can do whatever he wants.

    Locking me out -

    1) Once he packed all of my stuff and demanded that i leave.
    2) Another time when he went home for his mum's birthday celebration, he forgot to give me his keys as he promised to, as my keys were at his place. Originally he said he'd come back by train (as it would only take half an hour to come back), so I went back to the train station, holding bags of frozen ingredients that I bought to cook him a huge meal when he's back. Half an hour later, I called again as he hadn't appeared. My phone was running out of battery, but he told me to go and try and ask the security guards to open my door for me so to save him time. It would take me much more time than he would, and he said he's already in the car. He said that I was making it a big deal and that he would 'ruin his mums birthday surprise if he came back'. He didn't come back in the end, and was angry at me. I had to make up for it.
    3) There's a time when we were unhappy with each other and I asked for my keys back so that I could go out at some point, asked him to call and I would open the door for him when he comes back. (we were going to different places) He was angry and threw my keys into my corridor for me to pick up from the floor. Am I a dog or something?? He said if I didn't, then i'd be locked out of the flat. Then he did, and I had to go and talk to the security guards about it. They said its really abusive what he's been doing to me all along.

    His parents
    1) He texts his mum all day all night and he constantly seeks validation from his mum.
    2) She thinks that she has the right to shout at me on the phone as her son wants her to.
    3) She texts to tell me not to mess with her son4) She said that I was destroying their holiday when I was studying at uni all alone (as I was taking the 2nd sitting of exams) and only texting her son at night for a bit, just to talk briefly. The worst thing is that he would blame all of it on me. He'd call that a sacrifice.5) His parents say that I don't deserve him. He's only told his dad about some bad stuff that he's done... and complains about me all the time. He said that's because he thought the relationship felt too nice and he needed to involve a third party to judge it??

    Another girl - There's this really flirtatious girl who would flirt with every guy, even though she's in a relationship herself. She's calling everyone honey and okay I know that some people do - but I didn't like it so I simply politely texted her, asking if she could stop calling him that pet name. She came to our room to shout at me, saying that she's f***ing someone else not my bf. Saying that I was really insecure and pathetic and etc. I went back into the room feeling really humiliated, only to hear from him that he agreed with her and that he thought I deserved the humiliation and I asked for it. He said he'd stop talking to her as he knew that its upsetting me what he said about her shouting at me, but he resumed their conversation and lied about it. Said that it was just a technical error but was found to be lying. He said I was controlling and jealous.

    He had also made a certain promises and ended up breaking all of them, and said that I just had to live with that

    Blackmailing: When we broke up, he sent me explicit pictures that he took of me without me knowing when I walked out of the shower in a towel. He threatened to send them around - to my family and friends. I told him that it's illegal and he said 'f*** you'. He also got really furious with me when I refused to have sex with him, he said i was taking his rights away. I was really upset about that as i thought he'd respect me, so i wanted to go for a walk, and he threw my bag on the floor and said 'i hope you don't get raped!'.


    He texted me recently saying that he wants to get back together, but I refused to. It was painful to reject him because he said he was all alone when I was gone, he felt so unwanted, isolated and he felt that he could never find someone who loves him as much as I did. When I did reject him, he was furious and swore about my entire family, which he then apologized for..

    I am really upset And so sorry for this long post
    JESUS CHRIST GIRL. Do NOT EVER GO BACK TO HIM FOR ****SAKE

    You have left, remind yourself daily of the reasons. No amount of sorry is worth going back. He knows no other would tolerate him and his slut mother

    For the sake of all that's good, DO NOT EVER GO BACK OR TALK TO HIM. Leave if necessary to a place away from this evil manipulating little ****

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    Thanks everyone for the supportive and helpful advice.


    Just an update:

    He's texting recently to ask to be sex partners, saying that he knows me the best and we'd be perfect as sp, and said that's no reflection of how he felt during the relationship. I refused for obvious reasons.

    He also told me not to date anyone on the course because he doesnt want to see me being with another guy and most importantly,
    if he knows the guy, he doesnt want the guy to have to go through 'the same struggles'. Like wow, what a d***head.

    He said he wishes that i failed my exams so that we won't be in the same year anymore. He also said if I got with anyone on the course OR if anything between us were breached, there will be consequences. I said if he does anything, I'd seek help from the authority.
    *** I have blocked him now. That's just so horrible.
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    (Original post by s081013)
    Thanks everyone for the supportive and helpful advice.


    Just an update:

    He's texting recently to ask to be sex partners, saying that he knows me the best and we'd be perfect as sp, and said that's no reflection of how he felt during the relationship. I refused for obvious reasons.

    He also told me not to date anyone on the course because he doesnt want to see me being with another guy and most importantly,
    if he knows the guy, he doesnt want the guy to have to go through 'the same struggles'. Like wow, what a d***head.

    He said he wishes that i failed my exams so that we won't be in the same year anymore. He also said if I got with anyone on the course OR if anything between us were breached, there will be consequences. I said if he does anything, I'd seek help from the authority.
    *** I have blocked him now. That's just so horrible.
    Date someone from your course :colone:
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    TSR Support Team
    (Original post by s081013)
    I simply feel sad about the break up and feel sad for him, not love, as i know that someone who deserves my love and loves me wouldnt behave that way. At this point in time, im simply sad about the situation.
    In the long run you will feel better, he doesn't deserve you. He is a nasty human being.
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    (Original post by s081013)
    Thanks everyone for the supportive and helpful advice.


    Just an update:

    He's texting recently to ask to be sex partners, saying that he knows me the best and we'd be perfect as sp, and said that's no reflection of how he felt during the relationship. I refused for obvious reasons.

    He also told me not to date anyone on the course because he doesnt want to see me being with another guy and most importantly,
    if he knows the guy, he doesnt want the guy to have to go through 'the same struggles'. Like wow, what a d***head.

    He said he wishes that i failed my exams so that we won't be in the same year anymore. He also said if I got with anyone on the course OR if anything between us were breached, there will be consequences. I said if he does anything, I'd seek help from the authority.
    *** I have blocked him now. That's just so horrible.
    Wtf
    Don't listen to him about failing, hope you do well and show him up. And he can't tell you what to do.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    (Original post by donutellme)
    Date someone from your course :colone:
    yeeee that's a realll good idea mayynne....


    https://youtu.be/6VRr3bARm2k?t=372
    there is a GAWWDDDD.. sumwhurr....
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    Patrick Bateman / 10
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    The moment you said he punched you, I stopped reading. To me, this is the cut off point. I was in a relationship with someone who had anger issues, and knew mentally that this would be the line.
    If he really wanted to be back with you, he would sort out his issues, including seeking professional help to change some very unhealthy personality traits. You shouldn't feel bad for rejecting him.
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    (Original post by s081013)
    He also told me not to date anyone on the course because he doesnt want to see me being with another guy and most importantly,
    if he knows the guy, he doesnt want the guy to have to go through 'the same struggles'. Like wow, what a d***head.
    He said he wishes that i failed my exams so that we won't be in the same year anymore. He also said if I got with anyone on the course OR if anything between us were breached, there will be consequences. I said if he does anything, I'd seek help from the authority.
    *** I have blocked him now. That's just so horrible.
    Don't be tempted to unblock him, or argue back. This is beyond horrible.
    If you feel at risk, even just from the threat, report him.
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    PLEASE keep any text messages from him. Don't delete them no matter how much you want to. The same with any answer machine messages on your landline or letter. Evidence. Just in case.
 
 
 
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