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    You're paranoid. Both people are in relationships, and there is literally nothing to base a suspicion on besides they spent a day together and he's staying at hers.
    Spending a day together is not unusual between friends regardless of gender and staying at hers, well just talk to him about it if you really must.
    How long have the relationships been on, yours and hers? Is your relationship experiencing problems and does your boyfriend have a history of cheating?
    Be careful about this. Its easy to feel insecure in these sorts of situations, but that is why you need to trust your boyfriend to not do anything.
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    (Original post by an_atheist)
    You're paranoid. Both people are in relationships, and there is literally nothing to base a suspicion on besides they spent a day together and he's staying at hers.
    Spending a day together is not unusual between friends regardless of gender and staying at hers, well just talk to him about it if you really must.
    How long have the relationships been on, yours and hers? Is your relationship experiencing problems and does your boyfriend have a history of cheating?
    Be careful about this. Its easy to feel insecure in these sorts of situations, but that is why you need to trust your boyfriend to not do anything.
    She's not in a relationship anymore and mine has been 9 months . And its fine to spend time but its the nights i worry about if im honest but i hear you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Theyve known each other since September because they're on the same course. And also he needed a place to stay and errands to do during the time. The thing is, i know he'll probably spend more time because he'll be back in September before me and she's one of the only people who live there. And he doesn't like to be on his own.

    But i do feel like hes spending a lot of time but, havent seen her since June.
    These all seem like fairly legit reasons for him to be staying with her and spending time with her.*

    If it bothers you, just have a conversation with him about the fact it's playing on your mind. With this additional info it sounds like there is nothing wrong with what's going on, so just speak to him and put your mind at ease.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What do you mean by socially? Its pretty much like, he was spending 2 nights because of some errands and spending time with her and needed a place to stay , so she offered him her place since she lives there. And he walked her to work at 10 pm and back at 3am because its far and was dark
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Theyve known each other since September because they're on the same course. And also he needed a place to stay and errands to do during the time. The thing is, i know he'll probably spend more time because he'll be back in September before me and she's one of the only people who live there. And he doesn't like to be on his own. But i do feel like hes spending a lot of time but, havent seen her since June.
    Considering he had good reasons to stay at her house, I think you're pretty paranoid. Imagine if she was a guy, would you be ok with them spending so much time together, especially when nobody else is around for him to see (including you)?You can talk to him about it if you're worried, but you shouldn't need to. Trust is important in a relationship and the gender of his friends shouldn't matter.
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    (Original post by TurboCretin)
    These all seem like fairly legit reasons for him to be staying with her and spending time with her.*

    If it bothers you, just have a conversation with him about the fact it's playing on your mind. With this additional info it sounds like there is nothing wrong with what's going on, so just speak to him and put your mind at ease.
    Ive done that . And left him a voice note so ai can fully explain. But what about during the ending of the month to 10th of September? Should i trust that he'll listen to my concern?
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    (Original post by Nadile)
    Considering he had good reasons to stay at her house, I think you're pretty paranoid. Imagine if she was a guy, would you be ok with them spending so much time together, especially when nobody else is around for him to see (including you)?You can talk to him about it if you're worried, but you shouldn't need to. Trust is important in a relationship and the gender of his friends shouldn't matter.
    Fair enough, and it wouldn't be as bad if it was a guy if im honest. And hes aware that my views are like this. I just hope its a one off. Because even if he wasnt there she would still have walked by herself and done other things.
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    (Original post by CurlyBen)
    It depends on the context really. I have female friends who I'll spend the day with and stay the night absolutely just as friends, but that's because I no longer live near them. If it was someone who lived pretty close, it would be at least unusual.
    OP, this is the simple answer
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ive done that . And left him a voice note so ai can fully explain. But what about during the ending of the month to 10th of September? Should i trust that he'll listen to my concern?
    If by 'listen to your concern' you mean 'not stay over at her place any more' then that seems a bit controlling.

    Once you've raised your concerns and he's explained that there's nothing for you to worry about, then your feelings are kind of your own issue to deal with. Trust is important, and you should trust him not to do anything wrong.
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    Find yourself another boyfriend, because this one's gone.

    Sorry. You can listen to all these other people here feeding you a delusion, but he's gone.

    The only place this works out ok, and they're just good mates is on an internet forum. In real life, they're either doing it or they're just trying to figure out how to rationalise it.

    My advice is - don't have any drama or diva stuff. Just tell him you're done, because that's how it is. You're not having any of this besties business. Don't give him a second chance. Just move on. If he calls up or texts - just say you're not having it. No need to be a drama queen - say he's done this, and that's all there is to it.
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    Surely, if there was something going on, he'd either lie (and maybe say he was staying with a male friend) or he wouldn't have said anything at all?
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    Fail to see how this is a problem if they are just friends, he is allowed to still have a social life.
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    There are some who believe that it is impossible for hetrosexuals of the opposite sex to be friends without one getting the feels for the other. I have to say I'm undecided...
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    (Original post by Trinculo)
    Find yourself another boyfriend, because this one's gone.

    Sorry. You can listen to all these other people here feeding you a delusion, but he's gone.

    The only place this works out ok, and they're just good mates is on an internet forum. In real life, they're either doing it or they're just trying to figure out how to rationalise it.

    My advice is - don't have any drama or diva stuff. Just tell him you're done, because that's how it is. You're not having any of this besties business. Don't give him a second chance. Just move on. If he calls up or texts - just say you're not having it. No need to be a drama queen - say he's done this, and that's all there is to it.
    Great advice - when you don't like something, throw up your hands and run away.*
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    (Original post by TurboCretin)
    Great advice - when you don't like something, throw up your hands and run away.*
    It's walking away with some self-respect.

    What's the alternative, a long drawn out string of increasingly whiny texts, a summit meeting for a "grown up conversation" and then a lot of excuses, guilting and counter-guilting?

    What this guy is doing here is blatant, and it's obvious that the OP isn't ok with it. If he has loads of female friends - no big deal. If he goes out with them all the time - fine. If they get drunk one time and they make out - that happens.

    But what he's doing here is sidelining his girlfriend openly. This isn't a drunken happening, this isn't flirting. This is going over to some girls house for effectively 3 days. He's blatantly telling OP he doesn't care what she thinks.

    Any conversation OP has, or tries to have, she'll be painted as the insecure girlfriend. Don't have that. Don't give warnings or second chances on this kind of thing - get out with dignity and leave him to it.

    Most other situations, I'd say fine, you can talk about this. If he'd come and said he'd slept with some other girl, it was wrong and he's sorry - that's totes different. Then OP can decide what she wants to do. This is a situation where the guy is just having a laugh at her expense.
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    (Original post by Trinculo)
    It's walking away with some self-respect.

    What's the alternative, a long drawn out string of increasingly whiny texts, a summit meeting for a "grown up conversation" and then a lot of excuses, guilting and counter-guilting?

    What this guy is doing here is blatant, and it's obvious that the OP isn't ok with it. If he has loads of female friends - no big deal. If he goes out with them all the time - fine. If they get drunk one time and they make out - that happens.

    But what he's doing here is sidelining his girlfriend openly. This isn't a drunken happening, this isn't flirting. This is going over to some girls house for effectively 3 days. He's blatantly telling OP he doesn't care what she thinks.

    Any conversation OP has, or tries to have, she'll be painted as the insecure girlfriend. Don't have that. Don't give warnings or second chances on this kind of thing - get out with dignity and leave him to it.

    Most other situations, I'd say fine, you can talk about this. If he'd come and said he'd slept with some other girl, it was wrong and he's sorry - that's totes different. Then OP can decide what she wants to do. This is a situation where the guy is just having a laugh at her expense.
    I'm not sure he is blatantly telling OP he doesn't care what she thinks, because until halfway through this thread she hadn't told him what she thought.*

    There doesn't need to be a string of whiny texts; she's now communicated her feelings. He might decide to stop spending so much time with his female friends in this way - if so, then that is him going out of his way to accommodate OP, because on the face of it I don't think he's doing anything wrong here. If he doesn't, and OP can't handle him staying at a female friend's place (even out of convenience or necessity), then that's her issue and she can decide what to do at that point. Advising her to skip immediately to ending it without so much as a discussion strikes me as impulsive and a bit immature, but I may be in the minority.*
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    (Original post by TurboCretin)
    I'm not sure he is blatantly telling OP he doesn't care what she thinks, because until halfway through this thread she hadn't told him what she thought.*

    There doesn't need to be a string of whiny texts; she's now communicated her feelings. He might decide to stop spending so much time with his female friends in this way - if so, then that is him going out of his way to accommodate OP, because on the face of it I don't think he's doing anything wrong here. If he doesn't, and OP can't handle him staying at a female friend's place (even out of convenience or necessity), then that's her issue and she can decide what to do at that point. Advising her to skip immediately to ending it without so much as a discussion strikes me as impulsive and a bit immature, but I may be in the minority.*
    Honestly, I am not going to end it, and the fact of the matter was that (after talking to him) his aim was the city next to where he stayed so i'm just more confused why he stayed and also, he said it is a one off and next time he will just go straight there and if does need to stay by and stuff he can do it without including a night since he has friends in Nottingham.
    And I just voiced out that the main issue was that, i hope it was a one off and that when he does live near here (their house is nearby to each other during second year of uni) he shouldn't stay over and should just avoid doing that. But he's heard my point.
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    (Original post by jamesthehustler)
    OP, this is the simple answer
    Thank you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She's not in a relationship anymore and mine has been 9 months . And its fine to spend time but its the nights i worry about if im honest but i hear you
    How recently did they break up? If it was recent then it might just be a comfort thing, someone familiar that she trusts not to try to take advantage of a vulnerable person.
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    sleeping over at a friend of the opposite sex is something that he should check you're okay with... personally I'd find it it inappropriate if there wasn't a reason (e.g. lived a long way away and was saving on a hotel, large group was sleeping there together)
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    Staying over at another girl's place is generally seen as a red flag but who knows, he could be beta/friendzoned :dontknow:
 
 
 
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