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My mum has no respect for me or my study time. Watch

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    Dam sounds like you are almost at breaking point!
    Have you got a mate who's house you could sleep round for a day.
    just leave a little passive aggressive sticky note and on your bedroom door

    List all examples of when she stopped you studying in a really innocent way and make sure it sounds like you feel bad about having to go out over night. say lots of stuff like 'If you could cover my chores for me today I will do them all for the next 3 days'. Just be really reasonable.
    When people who think they are right get hit with a wall of reason they tend to self district
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    (Original post by catholicgirl)
    I understand exactly how you feel. Maybe she's jealous of you?
    I'm going into my second year university and DREAD going home during the holidays (this summer has been a nightmare). I can't wait to get a job and move out, I even have a countdown on my phone for when I will finish uni and move out (700+ days left).

    My advice would be for you to apply for a grad job far away from home then tell your parents that it's the only one you were accepted for and you really need the job so you won't have a gap in your CV.
    This would be my advice as well, except OP doesn't seem to want to move out because "asian parents".
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    (Original post by tania<3)
    Oh please. I'm from an asian family as well, same story with people always living at their parent's home how "it's just not done in our family" and you know what? It's ********. Just gather up the courage and money to move out. The only "chains" keeping you in your prison of a home are psychological ones.

    I moved out, have done since first year of uni and parents were not happy at all about it but meh, my independence is worth more to me than keeping parents happy. Literally, the only thing that will happen if you move out is that you will regain your own independence, you'll be a million times happier and your parents will be annoyed for a bit and then get used to it. You'll see them at weekends/holidays and it'll be fine.

    Sorry if this comes across as blunt, I'm just tired of asians always moaning about their lack of independence when there is a very simple solution; they just are too scared to take everyone's advice. Especially cos I've been there and there's no reason why you can't do it if I managed to do it.
    Tbh you're right and it's the push I need. I don't want to be trapped and live this miserable life
    I can envision an opportunity to move away. I've already been applying for jobs in cities that are over an hour away and if I do secure one then surely they can't stop me from taking it lmao and hopefully my 2 brothers would stick up for me in moving out as they did so for their jobs.
    Why should I be confined to this trash town and stuck w my parents when all of the better opportunities are out there and why should I have to commute.

    Going to keep at it with the job applications away from here and hope my mum stays the **** out of my face in the meantime.

    Thank you for the advice, glad things worked out for you. I'm more hopeful now.
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    You're not alone. My parents pretty much treat me the exact same way. One of my best friend's parents are exactly the same. I don't think my parents want me to go to university and it is so frustrating. Luckily I have extremely supportive friends and an extremely supportive boyfriend who are all proud of me otherwise i'd be at my wits end really. I don't know why parents treat their children like this but you're not the only one. I think sometimes I feel better knowing i'm not the only one going through this.
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    (Original post by SIN3)
    I need to rant so ****ing much right now because I've kept this in for too long and I'm at breaking point.

    I am finding it impossible to live at home with my mum. I literally feel like her slave, she has no respect for me at all. I do everything she asks of me and yet it's NEVER enough. No "please", no "thank you" ever, just demands. "Hurry up" "do this and that". As soon as I wake up, before I can even make my breakfast, she tells me HER plan for MY day. This is essentially a bunch of cleaning around the house (she has cleaning OCD) and sending me out on ridiculous errands all day long, even if it's totally unnecessary, like she doesn't give a **** that I need to try and do something with my life for real.

    At the moment I'm trying to get a grad job as a trainee accountant and recently started distance learning towards the ACCA qualification, but every time I come to my room to study she will shout my ****ing name and I cannot get 5 minutes to myself. She's literally ruining my life and I cannot keep living this way. I'm so desperate to get the **** out of this house I'm writing everywhere to volunteer because I can't stand being with her all day and being her slave.

    Tonight she shouted me while I was studying and obviously I cannot run to her demands and when I did go downstairs, she starts shouting at me, insulting me, SAYING I AM LAZY AND DO NOTHING ALL DAY!!!! all because she had to clean up after my dad's dishes on her own and load the dishwasher for herself for once. What the ****??? I dedicate my ****ing life to her, literally, and she says I do **** all lmao. I'm done as ****.

    I went back to my room because I do not appreciate being made to feel worthless by a ****ing liar. Then she cussed me still while I'm out of the room.

    I'm so sick of her ****. I've told her SO many times to have some respect for me and my studies but nothing gets through to her because she is right and I am wrong!!!

    Moving out is not an option until I get married as I have strict asian parents. Like I had to travel to uni and live at home and she did this same **** during my degree and took away so much study time from me.

    ((
    Lol i knew you were a pakistani girl from the first paragraph. Let me guess.. Your mum doesnt want you to work, do ACCA, she thinks its a waste of time and wants you to get married?

    Getting married wont solve much cause if you live with the guys family, you basically become a slave. You have to cook and clean for the whole family.
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    (Original post by SIN3)
    Tbh you're right and it's the push I need. I don't want to be trapped and live this miserable life
    I can envision an opportunity to move away. I've already been applying for jobs in cities that are over an hour away and if I do secure one then surely they can't stop me from taking it lmao and hopefully my 2 brothers would stick up for me in moving out as they did so for their jobs.
    Why should I be confined to this trash town and stuck w my parents when all of the better opportunities are out there and why should I have to commute.

    Going to keep at it with the job applications away from here and hope my mum stays the **** out of my face in the meantime.

    Thank you for the advice, glad things worked out for you. I'm more hopeful now.
    Yay so proud of you!!!!!
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    (Original post by amylaraman)
    You're not alone. My parents pretty much treat me the exact same way. One of my best friend's parents are exactly the same. I don't think my parents want me to go to university and it is so frustrating. Luckily I have extremely supportive friends and an extremely supportive boyfriend who are all proud of me otherwise i'd be at my wits end really. I don't know why parents treat their children like this but you're not the only one. I think sometimes I feel better knowing i'm not the only one going through this.
    Thank you! Honestly it's such a relief to know that you understand what I mean. I'll private message you
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    (Original post by SIN3)
    Thank you! Honestly it's such a relief to know that you understand what I mean. I'll private message you
    Sure! I have no idea how this website works though so if I take a while to reply that's why xD
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    (Original post by SIN3)
    I don't even feel like an adult, she's made me feel like a child for so many years.
    I'm 22 for god sake and she still threatens to tell my eldest brother if I've disobeyed her. what the ****?

    Tell her to assimilate to UK culture whilst your at it
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    (Original post by Gman786)
    Lol i knew you were a pakistani girl from the first paragraph. Let me guess.. Your mum doesnt want you to work, do ACCA, she thinks its a waste of time and wants you to get married?

    Getting married wont solve much cause if you live with the guys family, you basically become a slave. You have to cook and clean for the whole family.
    What's confusing is she makes me feel like **** by saying how hard my dad has worked for us and says I'm "lucky" that they didn't send me out to start working at aged 16, but I wish they would have pushed me to do that. The experience and cash would've benefitted me loads. She's also compared me many times how all the other girls go out and work and do all the housework.
    Yet one time when I came home from a summer job I had on Eid my mum was angry at me for not being there to help her with the cooking and cleaning, like wtf.

    However since finishing uni she has said a couple of times to keep applying for jobs and that she wants me to get one. She was supportive when I told her about studying the ACCA, she was cool with it. Yet now that I need to study, she totally doesn't care that I need to dedicate my time to it? She confuses me.

    She hasn't said anything to me about marriage because she wants my 2 elder brothers to get married first lol.
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    (Original post by SIN3)
    If she hasn't kicked out my brother for the numerous times he's brought trouble to our family then she won't kick me out. She could threaten it but she never will.

    If things don't go her way she makes my life hell and lies about me to the rest of the family and they always side her over me and it's all so emotionally manipulating
    I can't be on bad terms with the rest of my family as well as her
    How much time would you say you get to study / are using for leisure? Filling dishwashers, cleaning dishes and hoovering etc. could fit into the space of an hour. Your house clearly must have a lot going on if you're doing tasks like that and your mother says you do nothing all day, so she must have a full schedule too right?
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    (Original post by SIN3)
    even one of my brother's who is 28 still lives here bc he has no interest in marriage and he works w my dad
    once in an argument with my mum he said he's gonna start looking for flats to move out and it was such a shock to us all and he never did it
    like if he can't do it then there's no way I can considering he's been working for years and I don't have a job yet
    Its not that he cant its that he doesnt want to...

    Sorry for the poor choice of words, but grow some balls and do something.

    Or quite whining.
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    (Original post by inhuman)
    Tell her to **** off or you move out.

    You are an adult. You can move out.

    Before you do this, I would start looking for a place though. In case they literally kick you out on the spot.
    Well all I will say is I hope when you eventually marry and have children you will marry someone a lot more "Western" and modern thinking, for the sake of your children, so history doesn't keep repeating itself.
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    (Original post by JoshDawg)
    How much time would you say you get to study / are using for leisure? Filling dishwashers, cleaning dishes and hoovering etc. could fit into the space of an hour. Your house clearly must have a lot going on if you're doing tasks like that and your mother says you do nothing all day, so she must have a full schedule too right?
    I feel like the hours of my day consist of doing things for her up until 6-7pm if it involves going out. I can catch an hour of study in the morning when I wake up, but then when I go downstairs to make breakfast that's when all the demands for the day begin.

    My cleaning chores are I empty and load the dishwasher, clean the cooker, oven and kitchen worktop. Washing pots, clean the chairs and dining table, mop the floors. Hoover the whole house (once a week but takes an hour minimum), clean inside the living room.
    The only thing I don't do that she does is the ironing and loading the washing machine. Those are her responsibilities.

    She's obsessed with cleaning my brother's room daily. She even cleans my other 2 brothers room almost daily who don't even live here! She comes into my room and cleans it while I'm out even though I clean it myself and take care of my room.

    When she sends me out on errands it will be to the supermarket for a big shop, I don't mind this as I enjoy getting time alone away from her. Then to the meat shop depending on the day or lidl to bulk buy water and stuff.
    Or she'll make me take her to her friends house and wait for her before she goes to the meat shop and all of this going out can take 3-4 hours.
    Lately she's been sending me to Argos a lot to buy things like a steam mop and pressure washer. Now she expects me to mop all of upstairs too. She paid someone to pressure wash our yard but now she wants me to use it in her downstairs bathroom and she just makes any task she can think of to make me do.

    Then in the evening when I come to my room to use my laptop and study books she gets angry that I'm out of her sight. I'm refusing to study downstairs as I did this during my degree and isnt a good environment for studying effectively. I can't when I can hear the t.v on and I just need alone time anyway.
    So she'll shout me again in the evening after my dad has ate to go down and clean up the kitchen again. Yesterday she couldn't wait 10mins for me to go downstairs and so she did it herself and started insulting and yelling at me. I cba with her anymore I need to toughen up and defend myself more but she's so hurtful and so full of hate it's destroying any confidence I had.

    Hopefully when I manage to get a grad job all of this **** she's giving me will **** off.
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    I feel you I have a strict African mum who can't help herself from sending me
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    (Original post by SIN3)
    Tbh you're right and it's the push I need. I don't want to be trapped and live this miserable life
    I can envision an opportunity to move away. I've already been applying for jobs in cities that are over an hour away and if I do secure one then surely they can't stop me from taking it lmao and hopefully my 2 brothers would stick up for me in moving out as they did so for their jobs.
    Why should I be confined to this trash town and stuck w my parents when all of the better opportunities are out there and why should I have to commute.

    Going to keep at it with the job applications away from here and hope my mum stays the **** out of my face in the meantime.

    Thank you for the advice, glad things worked out for you. I'm more hopeful now.
    Exactly. I hope you manage to sort things out for yourself. Sometimes you have to be selfish in order to be happy and in all honesty, sometimes selfishness is needed.

    Good luck
 
 
 
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