Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Please HELP - Just had MASSIVE PHYSICAL FIGHT WITH MY FAMILY!! Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by asif007)
    My assumption is that this wasn't a one-off incident - I reckon you've probably been suffering a lot of stress at the hands of your family and everything just came to a head last night. It was really unfair of your parents to hurt you physically in public when they could just as easily have been diplomatic. Your brothers were obviously following your dad's example by hurting you too, and that's really stupid of them. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that South Asian families are never diplomatic about domestic issues and they always like to make a scene (I'm assuming you are actually from a South Asian family, haha). You did the right thing by standing up to them, but what you do next is crucial.

    Don't try and make up with them - that time is gone. Instead you can refuse to do anything with them for the rest of the summer - let them come and apologise to you. If they don't, LEAVE as soon as possible. I don't know if you go to uni away from home but if you don't, you can easily move out and rent a room in a student house or live in private student accommodation blocks. You can sign a tenancy from early September for the whole year and that way, if anything like this happens again at home, you have somewhere else to stay. If that doesn't work out, try and stay with friends until you get back on your feet. I'd recommend getting a part-time job to keep yourself busy until uni starts again, and it also gives you an excuse not to go home that regularly. I think you would benefit from living in a different place for a while to gain some independence. Families behave differently when they miss you as opposed to when you're living with them - if you've been away for a while they might try and make up for what they've done. None of this is your fault.

    Until you can move, if anything like this happens again then I'd suggest you stand up for yourself and throw some insults back at them. The silent treatment always works well, but if not then there must be other things you can pick out. As harsh as it sounds, you can't be the only person in your family who struggles with their weight. Give them a taste of their own medicine, don't take any **** from them and be confident in your own abilities. If they're not going to respect you like a human being, you don't have to treat them like your family. Simple.
    Thank you so much. I'm not actually South Asian I'm black, but I understand that both cultures share similarities in terms of the nature of relationships between parents and their children.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    I wouldn't advise reporting your parents. If the police do get involved your family would completely hate you and not forgive you. Also there isn't much the police can do, except suggest some living places for homeless/abused youths who need a place to stay, and those are not nice places to be. Even if they did prosecute your family, which you would need to agree to and give a testimony, that is a very long process and your family could kick you out onto the streets during the start of that process. You are just going to have to live with them for now and try to make the best out of what you have and avoid conflict. If that means changing your entire persona when with your family, then so be it. Sorry i can't be of more help. Of course if you are seriously physically beaten and fear for your life then call the police, you will just have to try and block out the shouting and mental abuse.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Op im likely older than you and understand what its like when parents over react and you feel you have done nothing wrong. I can see your point of view - you ordered a meal, or gave your preference and a family member snatching some off you is disrespectful. You got shot down for trying to stop your brother/stating your opinion and tried to deal with it by removing yourself from the situation. This seems fair enough.

    Dont forget though it is possible to stick to your guns/believe you were in the right and also consider the family's point of view. Your brother felt like some food and being the kid that he is took some. Your family thought it was a little selfish of you not to share and so they basically told you. What happened after this was just fueled by anger/emotion from you and family. I can see how you felt picked on and abused as a result of it its not nice ive experienced it myself. Things were said that shouldnt have been.

    I try to move on from things like this by just thinking that hardh words/actions are often said just out of anger rather than truth. It is them who have the problem controlling themselves not you. Whatever has been said it cant affect your life, skills and achievements, you are the person most in control of these important things so try to focus on these to better yourself. By all means let your family know how you feel though.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Are you at uni??? PLEASE move out this is so toxic
    x
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    OP here. Thank you so much to all for your kind words and advice it means a lot to me <3

    I just rang my dad to apologise, and then he said some more really hurtful things that stabbed me in my heart. He basically made me out to be a horrible person, and even said I'm snobbish and look down on people to which my mum actually disagreed with him straight away. He said that's why I have 'no friends' (because of those 2 friendship fallouts, ignoring my numerous other friendships).
    That took me by surprise because I've always gone out of my way to talk to and befriend the people everyone else deemed as 'weird' or an 'outcast', I don't like judging people and others have told me before how they find it strange that I 'am close to people from different classes or religions'. A good friend just told me how everyone in our school avoided her because she was the 'fat Muslim weirdo who wore a hijab and dressed differently' but that I had taken it upon myself to actually get to know her and become her closest friend, helping her with her various 'disorders' and bullying, that I am the only person who always been there for her.Another friend also recently sent me a gift to thank me for helping her during a time of sexual abuse when she had no one else and for paying hundreds for her accommodation in a safe shelter and never asking for the money back. Etc. He also said few of my friends showed up to my birthday party last year meaning that they all 'hate me' deep down, but these particular friends have always met up with me before and were on holiday at the time as it took place in August.I know I'm not perfect but I really have done a lot for my friends and tried to be the nicest person I can be. I don't like hurting people and for him to turn those two friendship fallouts over people who have been horrible to numerous others really hurts me. Right now as I type this I am hysterically crying and in tears, I don't think I will ever get over what he said. I also remember with my depression how he would make me feel like such a bad person because of it, calling me selfish, attention seeking and like I wanted to deliberately cause pain on my family despite me doing everything I could to hide how I was truly feeling from them. He said how my youngest brother said 'Yes! I'm glad she's out of the house' when I went back to uni before. Words can't describe how hurt I feel right now. In fact I feel extremely low and like I don't want to be here any more. Haven't felt this low in a long time.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    OP, i think at this stage it is futile to even consider mending bridges with your family because from what i gather, they have completely turned their back to you. I think you may have wanted to move out later, after you had a well paying, secure job after uni. Now i don't think you want to wait a certain amount of years until you are in that position. The problem is, if you want to leave them sooner you will put yourself in a difficult situation because you won't have the experience yet to obtain such a well paying job to afford permanent accomodation because you haven't finished uni and i am guessing you rely on your family at the moment for some financial support. It seems as if you have two options, stay with your family whenever you are not at uni and continue to experience mental abuse which ultimately leads to depression, or risk leaving them completely which could end up badly because if something goes wrong, you won't have a safety net to fall back on. Therefore you need to create your own safety net. Form new or strengthen existing friendship circles who will be able to offer you support i.e let you stay with them for a while if anything happens. As well as getting a part time job to save up money to afford accomodation and always keeping looking ahead, internships, work experience etc whatever you need to do to reach your ideal job. In essence, your safety net is a considerable amount of money you have saved up as well as a circle of friends who you can rely on. Therefore, you are able to be financially and emotionally secure because these two things take up the part where your family is supposed to be. So don't rush anything and if in a few weeks time you feel like you still cannot live with your parents, then take the first steps towards independent living.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OP here. Thank you so much to all for your kind words and advice it means a lot to me <3

    I just rang my dad to apologise, and then he said some more really hurtful things that stabbed me in my heart. He basically made me out to be a horrible person, and even said I'm snobbish and look down on people to which my mum actually disagreed with him straight away. He said that's why I have 'no friends' (because of those 2 friendship fallouts, ignoring my numerous other friendships).
    That took me by surprise because I've always gone out of my way to talk to and befriend the people everyone else deemed as 'weird' or an 'outcast', I don't like judging people and others have told me before how they find it strange that I 'am close to people from different classes or religions'. A good friend just told me how everyone in our school avoided her because she was the 'fat Muslim weirdo who wore a hijab and dressed differently' but that I had taken it upon myself to actually get to know her and become her closest friend, helping her with her various 'disorders' and bullying, that I am the only person who always been there for her.Another friend also recently sent me a gift to thank me for helping her during a time of sexual abuse when she had no one else and for paying hundreds for her accommodation in a safe shelter and never asking for the money back. Etc. He also said few of my friends showed up to my birthday party last year meaning that they all 'hate me' deep down, but these particular friends have always met up with me before and were on holiday at the time as it took place in August.I know I'm not perfect but I really have done a lot for my friends and tried to be the nicest person I can be. I don't like hurting people and for him to turn those two friendship fallouts over people who have been horrible to numerous others really hurts me. Right now as I type this I am hysterically crying and in tears, I don't think I will ever get over what he said. I also remember with my depression how he would make me feel like such a bad person because of it, calling me selfish, attention seeking and like I wanted to deliberately cause pain on my family despite me doing everything I could to hide how I was truly feeling from them. He said how my youngest brother said 'Yes! I'm glad she's out of the house' when I went back to uni before. Words can't describe how hurt I feel right now. In fact I feel extremely low and like I don't want to be here any more. Haven't felt this low in a long time.
    Hi OP, I am in a similar situation to u atm. Sorry to say but I think u should cut all ties off with the family. Good luck
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Should have just let your brother have the onion bahji.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    As soon as I heard the word Islamophobic I wasn't surprised. From my own experience of being Iranian (and my friends), it's classic middle-eastern behavior really. They struggle to ever treat women with respect within their societies. Try to become independent by earning your own wage and then look to build a relationship with your family. You don't deserve to be treated like an animal so don't put up with it. Thankfully, you live in a free country - use it to your advantage.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SalazarSlytherin)
    How old are you? You acted like an 8 year old
    Her whole family started to physically hit her over an onion bhaji. Fgs
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Was just at a restaurant with my family I ordered some onion bhajis, my youngest brother said he wanted one and reached out for it with his fork. I said no I ordered this you could have ordered it yourself. All of a sudden my parents go nuts yelling at me that I'm very selfish that's why my brother doesn't like me. Then my dad goes "maybe that's why your friendships don't last" which made me so ****ing angry because he doesn't ****ing know what he's talking about. So to cool myself down I walk off and leave the restaurant & sit on a bench outside so I can calm down. About 20 mins later my brother is yelling at me saying everyone is disappointed at me look at me ruining everything to get in the car then my dad comes out telling me to get in the car. I yelled you're the reason I won't, what you said really hurt me then he goes mental. Starts kicking me, hitting me, I ran away from him hitting me then tripped over a bench and landed on the ground. He goes "good for you serves you right", then my other younger brother comes starts yelling at me, saying "I ruin this family every ****ing day". Then he starts kicking me and going nuts. Other brother was trying to hold him back, then my dad said "get in the car" I said "not until you apologise for what you said", he told me "I'm one child out of three who always exhausts them". Only times we've ever had fights and fall outs is when I had depression, because I was bullied in school. They weren't supportive of my depression, we used to have physical fights over it. They used to call me selfish and make me feel bad over it, I wasn't even the one who told them. My school would ring up telling them or counsellors. Then I yelled at my dad you were never supportive of me when I was depressed, my other brother comes at me & starts strangling my neck saying how dare you. I ended up getting into the car, but now I'm not talking to any of them. I don't want to be anywhere near them, since I've come home from uni I've mostly been minding my own business. They've been on my case calling me fat telling me off whenever they see me eating. This morning I was minding my own business, listening to music with headphones in, my mum starts saying to my brother look how fat her stomach is, lifts my top up (she's been going on about it for weeks) and they're both laughing. I confided in my dad about 2 friends in uni who I fell out with, I have always been very nice to them and helped them out. One of them admitted that she used to be a bully, started turning on some lovely girls we met in uni and being nasty to them then turned on me, the other one is really islamophobic, called Chinese and Indians 'inferior races' and 'hates all of them' & is quite *****y. I am so hurt that my dad could turn those two friendship fallouts on me when I have numerous other friends who I have always been there for and cared for, even when they had no one else. I'm so upset and angry right now. What do I do?
    Honestly, your parents sound like utter pricks. I have never heard of siblings and a parent coming outside of a restaurant to beat up their own family member. If I was in your position, I'd seriously consider excommunicating myself.
    • #4
    #4

    Trust me, it is a cultural thing but I'm actually pakistani origin, they'll try and humiliate you and make you look bad if you don't do everything they want. I am in a similar situation but I'm an 18 yr old guy. What I end up doing is isolating myself in my room and believe me I hate it but they have affected me in many different ways. I feel they might me narcissistic, I never knew mine were until recently but one of the traits in that is humiliation. If you feel like talking, feel free but my main advice is obvious, just get the f*ck out and live the life you deserve. I'm trying so hard, they've given me alot of different mental health problems which has affected me really badly. They frequently assualt me too, I could even press charges if I wanted to but I'm a man and I'm just trying everything to move on. Ppl also don't understand that you can't really go out let alone play a game on your PS3. You go out, they ask you a ton of questions, you play a game, they say it's too loud. Again feel free to reply, I'm in the same ****.
    • #5
    #5

    That is messed up. Your family are total bullies, it sounds like most of your problems are because of them. If I were you, recognise that your adolescence will pass, take the long view, make sure you have genuine friends, however few(in fact if it's few and they're real then it's better), and take practical steps to envisage and independent life for yourself.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 26, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you like to hibernate through the winter months?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.