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Do you think its rude to invite people to wedding reception only & not the ceremony? watch

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    Not at all, it helps keep the costs down and it's enough to let those you know be a part of your special day.
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    The ceremony can be more personal/private, the reception can be for all friends. If it were my wedding I'd stick to family and very close friends for the ceremony, no children. Then invite regular friends and their families for the reception. It's not my wedding, but a lot of people think similarly to this. They won't find it rude. It's your party.
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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    Hey guys

    I had my meeting with the wedding venue manager today and was told for no extra price I could invite an extra 20 people at night for the disco and buffet as well as my 25 guests I am inviting to the ceremony and meal.

    I know it seems to be quite common to invite some people just to the reception and keep the ceremony and meal for close family and friends but I've always found it a bit rude to be invited to just the one thing but maybe that is just me. I'm debating whether to have the extra guests at night since it is free and I do know a few people I could invite but I dunno :dontknow:

    I don't have the money to invite the extra 20 guests I could have at night to the ceremony and meal plus I suffer badly with nerves and panic attacks so want to keep the ceremony and meal quite small as those are two things I will be most nervous about on the day.

    Just looking for advice really as I am a wedding noob :laugh:

    1. Its your wedding and not theirs.
    2. Its common and for some it might be preferable as not everyone is a fan of ceremonies, but they might like a free meal and disco.
    3. Make a list of guests and then use another list for people who you would be ok for going to the reception.
    4. You and the groom can decide as to what you want.
    5. Its always optional for them and you cna always explain you have to/ been decided to keep the wedding small, but have extra guests.
    6. Its up to them to decide if they wnat to go or not. You shouldnt worry if they do go or turn it down as those places werent originally on offer anyway.
    7. It might give you a bit more scope not to miss some people out who you might like tere i.e friends or more dustant relatives.
    8. More presents?

    Whatever you decide its fine because its your day. Enjoy and I hope its a great one.
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    It's happened to me and people I know before, it's not a big deal. It's the bride and groom's decision as it's their special day - so I couldn't care less. If it were my wedding, I would have invite only my immediate family (for their benefit) and my friends to the ceremony. But I would otherwise only want to spend the day with my partner.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    1. Its your wedding and not theirs.
    2. Its common and for some it might be preferable as not everyone is a fan of ceremonies, but they might like a free meal and disco.
    3. Make a list of guests and then use another list for people who you would be ok for going to the reception.
    4. You and the groom can decide as to what you want.
    5. Its always optional for them and you cna always explain you have to/ been decided to keep the wedding small, but have extra guests.
    6. Its up to them to decide if they wnat to go or not. You shouldnt worry if they do go or turn it down as those places werent originally on offer anyway.
    7. It might give you a bit more scope not to miss some people out who you might like tere i.e friends or more dustant relatives.
    8. More presents?

    Whatever you decide its fine because its your day. Enjoy and I hope its a great one.
    Thank you! Those are all great points you have mentioned too. I think I was just over thinking about how it would upset some people but from what ive heard, it seems to be the norm thing to do at a lot of weddings

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    Myself and two friends were invited to our uni tutor's wedding ( :eek: ) ceremony and the after-party. She apologised and said she couldn't afford three extra meals (they were buying a property and the bride's mother had cancer, so there wasn't much money to spare). One of the boys made a mock-fuss about it but tbh none of us minded. In fact we quite liked the fact that we didn't have to sit at a table for a formal meal and make awkward small talk. We went and had a nice pub meal instead :awesome:
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    I don't think anyone minds being invited to the evening do only per se... the minefield is making sure no one thinks they've been unfairly cold shouldered e.g. by inviting all the brides aunties but only some of the grooms aunties.

    have the ceremony as small as you like but don't start a family feud by treating people who see themselves as having equal rank differently.
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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    Hey guys

    I had my meeting with the wedding venue manager today and was told for no extra price I could invite an extra 20 people at night for the disco and buffet as well as my 25 guests I am inviting to the ceremony and meal.

    I know it seems to be quite common to invite some people just to the reception and keep the ceremony and meal for close family and friends but I've always found it a bit rude to be invited to just the one thing but maybe that is just me. I'm debating whether to have the extra guests at night since it is free and I do know a few people I could invite but I dunno :dontknow:

    I don't have the money to invite the extra 20 guests I could have at by to the ceremony and meal plus I suffer badly with nerves and panic attacks so want to keep the ceremony and meal quite small as those are two things I will be most nervous about on the day.

    Just looking for advice really as I am a wedding noob :laugh:

    Years ago a friend did that to me but we were not best friends that see each other all the time but she said i can come to the buffet in the pub but not the wedding ceremony in the church.
    I secretly hated her for it and went off her but i did not just dump her as a friend but i never felt like she was a real friend after that because i would never do that to anyone. And people who pick and choose which person can not come to the wedding reception but only the meal / buffet or vice versa are up their own ass and think they are better than those people they did not invite.
    It is not nice to just invite some people to just one thing but not the other unless you could not afford it but you said it was free so you should invite everybody . It's an insult to say you can only come to one thing but it's your special day so it's really your choice.
    But if it is free then you should invite everybody and nobody should be left out
    I'm sure you would not want to be left out and even though other people say they don't mind it should be their choice whether they want to come to both.
    Plus you should want everyone to share in your good luck and experience everything with you.

    I never did get over it and i did not think i had the right to ask why i could only come to the buffet in the pub but i thought it was a massive insult because i would never leave anybody out even if i did not know them well but if it was a case where i could not invite everybody because i could not afford to then i would tell them that then they would understand and not be hurt by it.
    1 year Before This friend got married her boyfriend wrote me a letter saying he would like to sleep with me and he also wrote in the letter that she gave him permission to write the letter and they discussed it. I wrote back that i was flattered but i would never sleep with a friend's partner even if they gave their permission.
    I just laughed about it and thought it was funny but most women would have done it but i took her feelings into consideration because there is no way a woman will start off a conversation with their bloke and say i don't mind if you sleep with my friend.
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    (Original post by Judge Judy)
    Years ago a friend did that to me but we were not best friends that see each other all the time but she said i can come to the buffet in the pub but not the wedding ceremony in the church.
    I secretly hated her for it and went off her but i did not just dump her as a friend but i never felt like she was a real friend after that because i would never do that to anyone. And people who pick and choose which person can not come to the wedding reception but only the meal / buffet or vice versa are up their own ass and think they are better than those people they did not invite.
    It is not nice to just invite some people to just one thing but not the other unless you could not afford it but you said it was free so you should invite everybody . It's an insult to say you can only come to one thing but it's your special day so it's really your choice.
    But if it is free then you should invite everybody and nobody should be left out
    I'm sure you would not want to be left out and even though other people say they don't mind it should be their choice whether they want to come to both.
    Plus you should want everyone to share in your good luck and experience everything with you.

    I never did get over it and i did not think i had the right to ask why i could only come to the buffet in the pub but i thought it was a massive insult because i would never leave anybody out even if i did not know them well but if it was a case where i could not invite everybody because i could not afford to then i would tell them that then they would understand and not be hurt by it.
    1 year Before This friend got married her boyfriend wrote me a letter saying he would like to sleep with me and he also wrote in the letter that she gave him permission to write the letter and they discussed it. I wrote back that i was flattered but i would never sleep with a friend's partner even if they gave their permission.
    I just laughed about it and thought it was funny but most women would have done it but i took her feelings into consideration because there is no way a woman will start off a conversation with their bloke and say i don't mind if you sleep with my friend.
    It's only free for me to have extra people at the evening do, it's not free for me to have extra people during the ceremony and meal, hence why I cant invite everyone to every part of the wedding.

    I was going to keep the evening do just got the guests that were there during the day then no one could moan they were only invited to just one thing but then you would get others who would moan they weren't invited to anything. Cant win

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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    It's only free for me to have extra people at the evening do, it's not free for me to have extra people during the ceremony and meal, hence why I cant invite everyone to every part of the wedding.

    I was going to keep the evening do just got the guests that were there during the day then no one could moan they were only invited to just one thing but then you would get others who would moan they weren't invited to anything. Cant win

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    If it's not free then you explain that's why those people can't come or they will not fully understand that way no one can moan about it and they won't be hurt therefore you can win but if you don't explain they won't get it.
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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    Hey guys

    I had my meeting with the wedding venue manager today and was told for no extra price I could invite an extra 20 people at night for the disco and buffet as well as my 25 guests I am inviting to the ceremony and meal.

    I know it seems to be quite common to invite some people just to the reception and keep the ceremony and meal for close family and friends but I've always found it a bit rude to be invited to just the one thing but maybe that is just me. I'm debating whether to have the extra guests at night since it is free and I do know a few people I could invite but I dunno :dontknow:

    I don't have the money to invite the extra 20 guests I could have at night to the ceremony and meal plus I suffer badly with nerves and panic attacks so want to keep the ceremony and meal quite small as those are two things I will be most nervous about on the day.

    Just looking for advice really as I am a wedding noob :laugh:
    I don't think its rude at all, having different amounts of people to evening receptions seems quite common these days (When looking for venues for our wedding they found it strange that I wanted the exact same amount to the ceremony as the reception but then we're getting married 2 hours+ from many of their homes so didn't think anyone would come if they were just invited to the evening do)
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    I don't think its rude at all, having different amounts of people to evening receptions seems quite common these days (When looking for venues for our wedding they found it strange that I wanted the exact same amount to the ceremony as the reception but then we're getting married 2 hours+ from many of their homes so didn't think anyone would come if they were just invited to the evening do)
    Thanks for the reply hope everything is going well with your wedding planning :hugs:

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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    Thanks for the reply hope everything is going well with your wedding planning :hugs:

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    Thank you I ve got somewhere to do it and the legal stuff sorted out so I m not really too stressed sorting everything else now
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Thank you I ve got somewhere to do it and the legal stuff sorted out so I m not really too stressed sorting everything else now
    So far I have my venue and piper booked I'll be looking into a photographer after Christmas me thinks. I went to a wedding fayre recently and when I was setting up appointments to get venue consultations, 99% of the venues were lovely and helpful and one was lovely up until they asked what I do and I said I am a student and then they suddenly changed and became all snooty and said they would call me with an appointment and lo and behold, they never did :laugh:

    I was rooting for that venue, wasn't a number one choice but was a high contender but that was just bloody rude. The venue I have booked though is lovely and my mum knows the manager and they are all really friendly and down to earth
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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    So far I have my venue and piper booked I'll be looking into a photographer after Christmas me thinks. I went to a wedding fayre recently and when I was setting up appointments to get venue consultations, 99% of the venues were lovely and helpful and one was lovely up until they asked what I do and I said I am a student and then they suddenly changed and became all snooty and said they would call me with an appointment and lo and behold, they never did :laugh:

    I was rooting for that venue, wasn't a number one choice but was a high contender but that was just bloody rude. The venue I have booked though is lovely and my mum knows the manager and they are all really friendly and down to earth
    Photographers have ended up being much more expensive than what I'd expected, so leave plenty of time to find one (some have quoted me 1k for 3 hours whereas one has offered for £250, no idea why they can be so expensive). Good thing you found out the venues true colours before booking anything with them and the one you have sounds exactly what you want, why anyone would be so rude to potential customers i ll never know.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Photographers have ended up being much more expensive than what I'd expected, so leave plenty of time to find one (some have quoted me 1k for 3 hours whereas one has offered for £250, no idea why they can be so expensive). Good thing you found out the venues true colours before booking anything with them and the one you have sounds exactly what you want, why anyone would be so rude to potential customers i ll never know.
    I found a photographer that was only charging £650 for the full day and that included both videos and pictures. The deal sounds a bit too good to be true though as my mum's photographer was £500 and that was only for an hour :eek: he was a pretty useless photographer though. I'll need to shop around more but the photographer is the one thing I am dreading after the disaster my mum had with hers and that they are often really expensive
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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    I found a photographer that was only charging £650 for the full day and that included both videos and pictures. The deal sounds a bit too good to be true though as my mum's photographer was £500 and that was only for an hour :eek: he was a pretty useless photographer though. I'll need to shop around more but the photographer is the one thing I am dreading after the disaster my mum had with hers and that they are often really expensive
    People have told me to have a meeting with them before the wedding to be sure they know what you want and so you can see what their work looks like which hopefully makes it less risky

    yes cheaper could be a bad sign but since so many wedding things are very expensive it might be a sign that they are just recognising not everyone wants to pay £1k. £650 for photos and videos sounds like a bargain, i ve seen some places charge double that just for videos.
    Or you could ask a trusted guest to take them?
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    People have told me to have a meeting with them before the wedding to be sure they know what you want and so you can see what their work looks like which hopefully makes it less risky

    yes cheaper could be a bad sign but since so many wedding things are very expensive it might be a sign that they are just recognising not everyone wants to pay £1k. £650 for photos and videos sounds like a bargain, i ve seen some places charge double that just for videos.
    Or you could ask a trusted guest to take them?
    Mmm it's difficult to find an amateur who's bossy enough - though my dad got a work mate who did wedding photography as a sideline and that turned out alright.
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    (Original post by Joinedup)
    Mmm it's difficult to find an amateur who's bossy enough - though my dad got a work mate who did wedding photography as a sideline and that turned out alright.
    Don't need to be bossy in every situation, I purely want a photographer for almost all in the moment photos rather than loads of posed ones so just need to be observant rather than tell people how to pose, as I really am not that comfortable with posing for cameras
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Don't need to be bossy in every situation, I purely want a photographer for almost all in the moment photos rather than loads of posed ones so just need to be observant rather than tell people how to pose, as I really am not that comfortable with posing for cameras
    Well I guess technology has moved on making that easier - my dads mate had a large format chemical film camera so he had to stop and reload every couple of minutes.

    I reluctantly got a gig as video cameraman for a mate and I wasn't confident/pushy enough to get good shots, and didn't actually realise when the ceremony had started (it was a relatively laid back civil wedding) it's not been forgotten.
 
 
 
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