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I can't leave my cheating, abusive boyfriend watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Been together for two years, was amazing at first. Since then..

    - he cheated 5 times
    - told his friend he was in love with another girl
    - flirted with girls in front of me
    -controlled me
    - told me he's been over me for the past 6 months and was using me for sex
    - said I had no boobs and looked like a child and that anyone with big boobs is better than me

    The list goes on, I lost all my self esteem and any hope that I can be loved again. Yet I can't let go.

    On a night out he thought my gay friend was kissing me (we were dancing and he's gay!!!!) and he dragged me across the club by my hair and tried to strangle my friend then proceeded to demand that I make sure he doesn't get into trouble for it. Yet he does the same in front of me and it's fine. And of course I am to blame for everything somehow.

    Why can I not let go of this and justify his behaviour
    Hey, OMG he doesn't deserve you... Trust me... Yo might not want to let go of him as it was amazing at first and you've been together for 2 years but can you honestly imagine spending the rest of your life with him even if he does apologise and change his ways that is just WAY, WAY too much and just out of order...

    Hey, be strong k? I'm here for you... message me if you need me and I'll try and help as best as I can...

    Kolia
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    Should I leave this guy who is mentally and physically abusing me or date a nice guy? Hmmm thats difficult - women.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ring the police and say what though? Hi my boyfriend cheats on me and tells me I'm an ugly flatchested girl that he's used for months?
    Say that he's assaulted you for ****'s sake! And if you don't plan to report it, then have some self respect and leave him. He breaks up with you so many times because he knows your self esteem has gone completely and you'll come back. Idiots like your boyfriend never change so I suggest that if you care for your physical and mental well being you tell someone and ignore him like the plague.

    It makes my blood boil there are domestic abusers in relationships in the 21st century.
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    (Original post by Student167)
    Should I leave this guy who is mentally and physically abusing me or date a nice guy? Hmmm thats difficult - women.
    It is strange at first to hear how susceptible women are to this, but men are typically stronger physically which adds to their control and allows them to threaten the woman if she thinks about leaving. It's not as clear-cut as you're making out if you were the woman in the relationship. It's a lot easier for the man to a) not be controlled in the first place due to his size/strength and b) leave the woman without fear of violence, etc.

    One thing I always wonder is whether the victim's father is aware of what's going on. I would rearrange the boyfriend's face if the OP was my daughter.
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    I assume from your post that there are no children involved, so that makes the situation a little less complicated.

    Do you have somewhere you can go? Parents? A friend? Another relative? If you haven't then phone one of the domestic violence hotlines.

    See your GP, see if you can get a referral for mental health care.

    Trust a good friend or relative if you can with the details of the situation, ask them to help you when you are having those moments of thinking of going back to him to remind you of the bad things so you're not looking back with rose tinted glasses. It can be hard when you've had your self esteem destroyed like it seems that you have, but a good support system will help with that and you will be able to rebuild as long as you stay away from the site of destruction.

    Leave when you can, leave when it is safe to do so, leave to somewhere that is safe for you to go, leave for good.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The thing is, we go to the same uni, we live 10 mins away from each other at home and at uni!!! So we go out to the exact same places, I'm bound to see him all year. Same gym, same bus, same uni, same clubs. Everything

    And he's gonna do things to hurt me and to make me as miserable as possible so it's gonna be so hard to forget it when it's always in my face
    Hey, I left my ex-fianceé because she was violent (amongst other things). Break up with him by text but make sure you include that you don't want him to contact you by any means including via third parties. That way, if he tries to make life difficult for you, it will be possible to report him for harrassment and for action to actually be taken - possibly leading to a restraining order. If you want to press charges you have 6 months for common assault - though GBH charges can be brought with no expiry. If you think you won't leave him now but may in the future it is worth (if possible - it wasn't for me) reporting domestic incidents to the police when they happen but requesting no action be taken so that if anything more serious happens and you press charges it doesn't become a 'he says, she says' thing.
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    Get out of it ASAP!!!
    Dont ever go back to him!
    Perhaps a restraining order can be enforced?
    He is just an awful person and you deserve so much better!!
    Dont let him use you! Never!

    That guy doesnt deserve to be on this earth!
    Dump him now!
    Most girls wouldve been out of it years ago!

    Dont hesitate, just do it!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I lost all my self esteem and any hope that I can be loved again
    SNAP OUT OF IT :nopity:

    Spoiler:
    Show
    This is the most constructive thing anyone can possibly say to you in this situation. Give yourself a slap in the face and climb out of the web of misery you have wilfully remained in, take ownership of the situation, lift yourself up, and move on with your life. Deep down you know he's a total wasteman who has no love/respect for you and that you are worth more
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    #1

    Sadly I don't have anyone to stand upt for me to him and confront him about his actions.


    I feel horrible knowing he doesn't care at all, he's going out, speaking to girls and acting like I never meant a thing, making it so much harder to move on seeing him so happy without me. I want to go out and meet people but I can't bring myself to do it, I feel so physically tired and worn out. I can't eat, I just sit here crying hoping he will change and come back :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sadly I don't have anyone to stand upt for me to him and confront him about his actions.


    I feel horrible knowing he doesn't care at all, he's going out, speaking to girls and acting like I never meant a thing, making it so much harder to move on seeing him so happy without me. I want to go out and meet people but I can't bring myself to do it, I feel so physically tired and worn out. I can't eat, I just sit here crying hoping he will change and come back :/
    If you need someone to talk to, pm me. You don't need to go out and meet new people until you recover from him. You can't recover from him if you keep thinking about him.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sadly I don't have anyone to stand upt for me to him and confront him about his actions.


    I feel horrible knowing he doesn't care at all, he's going out, speaking to girls and acting like I never meant a thing, making it so much harder to move on seeing him so happy without me. I want to go out and meet people but I can't bring myself to do it, I feel so physically tired and worn out. I can't eat, I just sit here crying hoping he will change and come back :/
    You need to realise people like him will never change
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    (Original post by woooooo)
    i understand how you feel.. i literally just broke up with my boyfriend for the same reasons if not more... yeah i do want to text him telling him i forgive him and take him back AGAIN!!! but then i remembered rule number 1 of being a boss ass ***** never let a guy play you and if he does play you have sex with his best friend. get a **** pic and send it to him and say you're best friends like how my pussy taste... us girls gotta stick together (not in that way)
    :lolwut:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sadly I don't have anyone to stand upt for me to him and confront him about his actions.


    I feel horrible knowing he doesn't care at all, he's going out, speaking to girls and acting like I never meant a thing, making it so much harder to move on seeing him so happy without me. I want to go out and meet people but I can't bring myself to do it, I feel so physically tired and worn out. I can't eat, I just sit here crying hoping he will change and come back :/
    You know that he won't change. Please please get out of there. Call the hotline I mentioned to you last time and speak to them. Don't let yourself be treated like that. Make yourself a plan. Call the hotline, end the relationship, block his number, consider a mental health referral from your GP, and don't look back. It hurts me to see women going back again and again to people like this, and it hurts them even more. Get a restraining order. The hotline will help you with how to go about this. Persevere and stay strong. You have a forum full of people here for advice at any given time, so don't think you're alone. At least make the first move of calling the hotline, and just take it one step at a time.
 
 
 
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