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    (Original post by Save.Me)
    So I moved into my accomodation on Monday. I came quite late, so I didn't get to meet anyone from the flat. I have still yet to meet/talk to anyone. I hear people around, but whenever I'm in the kitchen there's no one there, and I don't hear a lot of movement.

    Well, until yesterday, I was taking the lift, and two people started walking up the stairs. It was quite awkward because I realised they were in my flat when they came the same way as me. Then I hear one of them say, 'this is why I took the stairs,' from behind me, and I assume that is quite clearly about me. I don't get it. I've never spoken to these people, and now I don't even want to.

    When I first came here, I was determined to meet them, constantly standing in the kitchen/hallway, but now I'm really afraid to. It's worse for me because I have really bad anxiety, so I haven't been able to stop thinking about this. It's so bad that now I avoid the kitchen, and haven't been back since. I've never had a lot of friends, so when I went to uni I wanted to put myself out there and actually try to socialise, but I guess the same will always happen to me. I was stupid to think that anything would change, and I would actually make friends.

    To top it off, I met people from the building, and even they don't want to know me. I put myself out there by asking this girl I was talking to if she wanted to go out, she said today that she couldn't, and I know that she's lying. Even if she isn't, I don't dare to ask her again, and I know she won't ask. I asked another girl too, and she has read my message and not responded.

    I came here with high hopes, expecting it to be different. I have tried so hard, pushed myself out of my comfort zone, but it doesn't pay off. I always end up being hated/the loner. People always say to put yourself out there, get out of your shell, then you'll make friends, but this isn't working for me at all. When I'm quiet I don't make friends, when I actually try, I don't make friends. I don't know what else to do. Anyone have advice? Or does anyone have anxiety too?

    Honey I understand the change will make you paranoid. The more you act on it the more people see you as a threat. Keeep going into the kitchen/Common Room take a book, laptop or something and eat some food in there. In the mean time look at freshers events! Join Clubs societies. The more you lock yourself away the more your anxiety will play up! Get out and socialise most people don't speak to their flatmates at my uni anyway! Best of luck
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    I don't get this "knock on their doors" stuff. My accommodation put things on doors for us to "Stop and say hi" but I'd be fairly raging if someone awkwardly came to my door to "Say hello".

    As for OP, I'm pretty ridiculously awkward myself. Gotten a bit better than when I was 17 but essentially I've had one best mate since I was 14 and that's about it. What I realiized quickly into uni was there's a lot of people who don't know anyone either. I was talking to a bird for a while about a night out. She picked a day. We met in common room. She invited other flat mates. Ended up with a huge party, loads of drinks and now I've got on with everyone since. I hung out with the bird the next day to get over the hangovers. Will likely be going out a fair few times with the likes of them all this year.

    That's all cause they're likke "**** I want to meet people too". If you're awkward, let them come to you.
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    (Original post by Trinculo)
    You sound completely paranoid.

    Go down the supermarket and buy two bottles of Rosé, a bottle of prosecco, some Pringles and some glasses. Sit in the kitchen or common room with your beatspill on, and get down to it. Invite everyone that passes to partake. You should get to meet people, and if you don't, you'll be blasted and won't care.
    This is actually a very good idea. Any other variants work too (dominoes, beer, bake cookies etc). Anything which will get people into the room together. Just knock on all the doors and say you've been busy this week and haven't managed to run into anyone but thought you'd get a load of wine/beer/pizza in so you can all meet. People will rarely say no to free food/booze. It doesn't matter if you can't do this all the time, it's just an opportunity to actually spend to some times with them and then next time you can talk without being awkward.

    You do sound very paranoid, I see nothing which says anyone hates you. The lift thing could have been about anything, it could have been awkwardness etc, at first people want to hang out with their flat/big groups so it's normal to be busy for something like a 1-1 hang out.

    In the future, it's a good idea to knock on everyone's door and introduce yourself... the only risk now is that they think you're weird/anti social because you've literally hidden in your room for a week and even when you got to the door together didn't say 'oh hey! my flatmate, good to finally meet you, I'm _____!' but stood quietly... but inviting everyone to hang out is a way to undo that and people will forget their first impressions if you make an effort now.
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    (Original post by Save.Me)
    Good plan, but I can't exactly drink every single time I want to socialise. I want to make friends, not just know people for one night and never speak to them again.
    There's a good anecdote from Ben Franklin I read on making friends which has worked for me also, though it is by far from guaranteed I always find it worth a shot when you're in a tricky situation.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Franklin_effect

    "In his autobiography, Franklin explains how he dealt with the animosity of a rival legislator when he served in the Pennsylvania legislature in the 18th century:

    Having heard that he had in his library a certain very scarce and curious book, I wrote a note to him, expressing my desire of perusing that book, and requesting he would do me the favour of lending it to me for a few days. He sent it immediately, and I return'd it in about a week with another note, expressing strongly my sense of the favour. When we next met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never done before), and with great civility; and he ever after manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we became great friends, and our friendship continued to his death."
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    (Original post by cbblitz)
    I don't get this "knock on their doors" stuff. My accommodation put things on doors for us to "Stop and say hi" but I'd be fairly raging if someone awkwardly came to my door to "Say hello".

    As for OP, I'm pretty ridiculously awkward myself. Gotten a bit better than when I was 17 but essentially I've had one best mate since I was 14 and that's about it. What I realiized quickly into uni was there's a lot of people who don't know anyone either. I was talking to a bird for a while about a night out. She picked a day. We met in common room. She invited other flat mates. Ended up with a huge party, loads of drinks and now I've got on with everyone since. I hung out with the bird the next day to get over the hangovers. Will likely be going out a fair few times with the likes of them all this year.

    That's all cause they're likke "**** I want to meet people too". If you're awkward, let them come to you.
    Lol @ raging if a new flatmate knocked on your door and introduced themselves.
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    (Original post by Trinculo)
    You sound completely paranoid.

    Go down the supermarket and buy two bottles of Rosé, a bottle of prosecco, some Pringles and some glasses. Sit in the kitchen or common room with your beatspill on, and get down to it. Invite everyone that passes to partake. You should get to meet people, and if you don't, you'll be blasted and won't care.
    Replace the Rosé and Prosecco with cases of beer and cider and this is exactly how I broke the ice the first time around at uni. Worked a treat
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    (Original post by meekle72)
    replace the rosé and prosecco with cases of beer and cider and this is exactly how i broke the ice the first time around at uni. Worked a treat
    beerbeerbeer
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    (Original post by Save.Me)
    So I moved into my accomodation on Monday. I came quite late, so I didn't get to meet anyone from the flat. I have still yet to meet/talk to anyone. I hear people around, but whenever I'm in the kitchen there's no one there, and I don't hear a lot of movement.

    Well, until yesterday, I was taking the lift, and two people started walking up the stairs. It was quite awkward because I realised they were in my flat when they came the same way as me. Then I hear one of them say, 'this is why I took the stairs,' from behind me, and I assume that is quite clearly about me. I don't get it. I've never spoken to these people, and now I don't even want to.

    When I first came here, I was determined to meet them, constantly standing in the kitchen/hallway, but now I'm really afraid to. It's worse for me because I have really bad anxiety, so I haven't been able to stop thinking about this. It's so bad that now I avoid the kitchen, and haven't been back since. I've never had a lot of friends, so when I went to uni I wanted to put myself out there and actually try to socialise, but I guess the same will always happen to me. I was stupid to think that anything would change, and I would actually make friends.

    To top it off, I met people from the building, and even they don't want to know me. I put myself out there by asking this girl I was talking to if she wanted to go out, she said today that she couldn't, and I know that she's lying. Even if she isn't, I don't dare to ask her again, and I know she won't ask. I asked another girl too, and she has read my message and not responded.

    I came here with high hopes, expecting it to be different. I have tried so hard, pushed myself out of my comfort zone, but it doesn't pay off. I always end up being hated/the loner. People always say to put yourself out there, get out of your shell, then you'll make friends, but this isn't working for me at all. When I'm quiet I don't make friends, when I actually try, I don't make friends. I don't know what else to do. Anyone have advice? Or does anyone have anxiety too?
    Freshers is over-rated anyway. Sign up to societies and sports groups and maybe you won't be so unlucky as to be living with arse holes. If you have emotional troubles talk to the psychological services or see your gp. I have depression and different anxiety disorders. I've been to uni 3 times before treating my conditions. I lived in halls once, and while it started out ok because I faked being normal confident dude I couldn't keep it up and as soon as they found out I was 'different' because of my health conditions most of them ignored me like the arse holes they are. Its about finding the right people not about trying to fit in with people who you are better not knowing.
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    Op, have you met up with other people studying the same course as you ,at the same Uni here on tsr? If there isn't a thread already maybe you could start one ? For example post a thread which says, " Anyone going to Newcastle to study Economics?" [Or wherever and whatever you are doing]. Then any new Newcastle Economics students on here will hopefully see the post, and you can all get to know each other, first on here, and then in person. Good luck.
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    Beer is fine or food or both. Why not organise a house meeting so you cna all say hi to each other?

    They are either interested or ignorant. If you make the effort then its them and not you at which point you go to plan B and make friends through other avenues. I do hope you have read the thread and will tkae on board some of the many good suggestions. There is no need to panic or be paranoid.
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    I don't really see how this could happen? Surely you must cross paths in the kitchen? Does no one ever leave their rooms? Just go and knock on their doors and ask them if they're going to whatever fresher event is on tonight and tag along. They probably think you're being unsociable and it's just creating a never ending vortex of awkwardness.*
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    meet them asap. the longer you leave it the harder it will be. you need to build a bond fast before they see you outside their friendship circle.
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    Tbf I'd hate OP if he lives next to me. Get a grip.
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    (Original post by Save.Me)
    So I moved into my accomodation on Monday. I came quite late, so I didn't get to meet anyone from the flat. I have still yet to meet/talk to anyone. I hear people around, but whenever I'm in the kitchen there's no one there, and I don't hear a lot of movement.

    Well, until yesterday, I was taking the lift, and two people started walking up the stairs. It was quite awkward because I realised they were in my flat when they came the same way as me. Then I hear one of them say, 'this is why I took the stairs,' from behind me, and I assume that is quite clearly about me. I don't get it. I've never spoken to these people, and now I don't even want to.

    When I first came here, I was determined to meet them, constantly standing in the kitchen/hallway, but now I'm really afraid to. It's worse for me because I have really bad anxiety, so I haven't been able to stop thinking about this. It's so bad that now I avoid the kitchen, and haven't been back since. I've never had a lot of friends, so when I went to uni I wanted to put myself out there and actually try to socialise, but I guess the same will always happen to me. I was stupid to think that anything would change, and I would actually make friends.

    To top it off, I met people from the building, and even they don't want to know me. I put myself out there by asking this girl I was talking to if she wanted to go out, she said today that she couldn't, and I know that she's lying. Even if she isn't, I don't dare to ask her again, and I know she won't ask. I asked another girl too, and she has read my message and not responded.

    I came here with high hopes, expecting it to be different. I have tried so hard, pushed myself out of my comfort zone, but it doesn't pay off. I always end up being hated/the loner. People always say to put yourself out there, get out of your shell, then you'll make friends, but this isn't working for me at all. When I'm quiet I don't make friends, when I actually try, I don't make friends. I don't know what else to do. Anyone have advice? Or does anyone have anxiety too?
    Join a society bro. that way you will be with people who have similar interests and therefore conversations will be better
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    (Original post by Save.Me)
    So I moved into my accomodation on Monday. I came quite late, so I didn't get to meet anyone from the flat. I have still yet to meet/talk to anyone. I hear people around, but whenever I'm in the kitchen there's no one there, and I don't hear a lot of movement.

    Well, until yesterday, I was taking the lift, and two people started walking up the stairs. It was quite awkward because I realised they were in my flat when they came the same way as me. Then I hear one of them say, 'this is why I took the stairs,' from behind me, and I assume that is quite clearly about me. I don't get it. I've never spoken to these people, and now I don't even want to.

    When I first came here, I was determined to meet them, constantly standing in the kitchen/hallway, but now I'm really afraid to. It's worse for me because I have really bad anxiety, so I haven't been able to stop thinking about this. It's so bad that now I avoid the kitchen, and haven't been back since. I've never had a lot of friends, so when I went to uni I wanted to put myself out there and actually try to socialise, but I guess the same will always happen to me. I was stupid to think that anything would change, and I would actually make friends.

    To top it off, I met people from the building, and even they don't want to know me. I put myself out there by asking this girl I was talking to if she wanted to go out, she said today that she couldn't, and I know that she's lying. Even if she isn't, I don't dare to ask her again, and I know she won't ask. I asked another girl too, and she has read my message and not responded.

    I came here with high hopes, expecting it to be different. I have tried so hard, pushed myself out of my comfort zone, but it doesn't pay off. I always end up being hated/the loner. People always say to put yourself out there, get out of your shell, then you'll make friends, but this isn't working for me at all. When I'm quiet I don't make friends, when I actually try, I don't make friends. I don't know what else to do. Anyone have advice? Or does anyone have anxiety too?
    Maybe "this is why I take the stairs" meant they saw that there is a wait to have to use them so they dont bother. ☺ If they were being rude however, you dont need them ☺
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    (Original post by Save.Me)
    So I moved into my accomodation on Monday. I came quite late, so I didn't get to meet anyone from the flat. I have still yet to meet/talk to anyone. I hear people around, but whenever I'm in the kitchen there's no one there, and I don't hear a lot of movement.

    Well, until yesterday, I was taking the lift, and two people started walking up the stairs. It was quite awkward because I realised they were in my flat when they came the same way as me. Then I hear one of them say, 'this is why I took the stairs,' from behind me, and I assume that is quite clearly about me. I don't get it. I've never spoken to these people, and now I don't even want to.

    When I first came here, I was determined to meet them, constantly standing in the kitchen/hallway, but now I'm really afraid to. It's worse for me because I have really bad anxiety, so I haven't been able to stop thinking about this. It's so bad that now I avoid the kitchen, and haven't been back since. I've never had a lot of friends, so when I went to uni I wanted to put myself out there and actually try to socialise, but I guess the same will always happen to me. I was stupid to think that anything would change, and I would actually make friends.

    To top it off, I met people from the building, and even they don't want to know me. I put myself out there by asking this girl I was talking to if she wanted to go out, she said today that she couldn't, and I know that she's lying. Even if she isn't, I don't dare to ask her again, and I know she won't ask. I asked another girl too, and she has read my message and not responded.

    I came here with high hopes, expecting it to be different. I have tried so hard, pushed myself out of my comfort zone, but it doesn't pay off. I always end up being hated/the loner. People always say to put yourself out there, get out of your shell, then you'll make friends, but this isn't working for me at all. When I'm quiet I don't make friends, when I actually try, I don't make friends. I don't know what else to do. Anyone have advice? Or does anyone have anxiety too?
    Hello OP and to everyone having a hard time during freshers!

    You seem to be me in the first time of moving in!
    I didn't live in halls...space ran out...Instead I was in a massive house full of 21 including myself. This was the start to an incredibly tough year...socially not academically.

    I was actually the 2nd person to come to the house...I call it the rave house...which held 3 parties and were all shut down by police...they cut the power down. 300 people attended...I never got involved and tried to sleep through it but when your house is vibrating its serious stuff. My housemates were filthy and had no home training. The landlord was threatening to kick us out by christmass...CHRISTMAS!!!

    Before starting. I was like you, ready for change and wanting to be out of my comfort zone. Incredibly friendly yet riddled with Anxiety like you. I take tablets. The first day last year I was so ready...but that got shut down by one of the 20 housemates who completely dismissed my existence. Very similar to how you felt when you put yourself out there and they couldn't be bothered to try.

    To top it off I left the house to pick up some things in IKEA...got back the evening everyone was there and talking. the moment I walked in they just stared at me and laughed. From there I couldn't walk to the kitchen, my parents bought me a microwave and from there on I was living off microwave meals. couldn't bare to log in on social media and see everyone had their "SQUAD" I cried for about 2 months but you will learn that being in your own company is quite nice.

    Everytime a group of them were by my door...banging it and running away or chatting to the guy next door. I got intensive panic attacks and managing it on your own with your parents on skype is hell. My parents never knew how much I suffered until They heard it all on skype.

    that is a little bit to my hell.

    For you...I would say continue doing what you are doing...you will find the people you fall into place with. Don't be forceful to want to be people's friends if they are not with you. DO NOT BE SURPRISED IF YOU DON'T SEE A PERSON YOU MET AGAIN...it always happens.
    Plus always contact your friends from back home...the close ones of course. some people are evil and love to hear you are feeling crap!

    I was a person...never invited to anything at school but labelled the 'nice, sweet girl' I thought just be myself...oh how I was wrong! Don't listen to people who say 'just be yourself' its true in the long term but its not the case. I am not saying be outrageous...just be watchful of others behaviour because no one is being themselves.
    people will turn away from me the moment I say 'I don't drink, smoke, club, sleep around anything'
    STICK TO YOUR GUNS AND STICK WITH THE BELIEFS YOU HAD BEFORE YOU ARRIVED. DON'T FORGET ALL YOUR HOME TRAINING. UNI IS A BUBBLE!!

    I found my friend on my course...yes friend...not friendsss. sometimes the large friendships are incredibly superficial...those friendship groups are not ones where you can have deep conversations. I always crack jokes but you need a group of friends that you can have deep talks about even the strangest things and then laugh about it! not to forget to support each other!
    KEEP YOUR CIRCLE SMALL...don't trust straight away but you will learn.

    this could be at a society, sport club, at work...even the library. the library helped me distract my loneliness. I stay in my uni studio I made a few friends from the years above and they were lovely. Yes its the stereotypical "Why don't you join a society?" I hated that advice too because people stuck with their squad and did a hell of a lot of starring than communicating! but you never know where you will find someone who will be your 'ride or die person'

    every loss is a blessing in disguise!
    I hope you look back and think...yes I struggled but look how high I have risen.

    Don't let those horrid characters define your experience like they did to me!
    you go in with the confidence you had before. You sound like a lovely person who will bloom it takes time!

    you will learn how to manage your anxiety and I really hope it works out for you. hope it gets better
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    (Original post by Kattah96)
    Hello OP and to everyone having a hard time during freshers!

    You seem to be me in the first time of moving in!
    I didn't live in halls...space ran out...Instead I was in a massive house full of 21 including myself. This was the start to an incredibly tough year...socially not academically.

    I was actually the 2nd person to come to the house...I call it the rave house...which held 3 parties and were all shut down by police...they cut the power down. 300 people attended...I never got involved and tried to sleep through it but when your house is vibrating its serious stuff. My housemates were filthy and had no home training. The landlord was threatening to kick us out by christmass...CHRISTMAS!!!

    Before starting. I was like you, ready for change and wanting to be out of my comfort zone. Incredibly friendly yet riddled with Anxiety like you. I take tablets. The first day last year I was so ready...but that got shut down by one of the 20 housemates who completely dismissed my existence. Very similar to how you felt when you put yourself out there and they couldn't be bothered to try.

    To top it off I left the house to pick up some things in IKEA...got back the evening everyone was there and talking. the moment I walked in they just stared at me and laughed. From there I couldn't walk to the kitchen, my parents bought me a microwave and from there on I was living off microwave meals. couldn't bare to log in on social media and see everyone had their "SQUAD" I cried for about 2 months but you will learn that being in your own company is quite nice.

    Everytime a group of them were by my door...banging it and running away or chatting to the guy next door. I got intensive panic attacks and managing it on your own with your parents on skype is hell. My parents never knew how much I suffered until They heard it all on skype.

    that is a little bit to my hell.

    For you...I would say continue doing what you are doing...you will find the people you fall into place with. Don't be forceful to want to be people's friends if they are not with you. DO NOT BE SURPRISED IF YOU DON'T SEE A PERSON YOU MET AGAIN...it always happens.
    Plus always contact your friends from back home...the close ones of course. some people are evil and love to hear you are feeling crap!

    I was a person...never invited to anything at school but labelled the 'nice, sweet girl' I thought just be myself...oh how I was wrong! Don't listen to people who say 'just be yourself' its true in the long term but its not the case. I am not saying be outrageous...just be watchful of others behaviour because no one is being themselves.
    people will turn away from me the moment I say 'I don't drink, smoke, club, sleep around anything'
    STICK TO YOUR GUNS AND STICK WITH THE BELIEFS YOU HAD BEFORE YOU ARRIVED. DON'T FORGET ALL YOUR HOME TRAINING. UNI IS A BUBBLE!!

    I found my friend on my course...yes friend...not friendsss. sometimes the large friendships are incredibly superficial...those friendship groups are not ones where you can have deep conversations. I always crack jokes but you need a group of friends that you can have deep talks about even the strangest things and then laugh about it! not to forget to support each other!
    KEEP YOUR CIRCLE SMALL...don't trust straight away but you will learn.

    this could be at a society, sport club, at work...even the library. the library helped me distract my loneliness. I stay in my uni studio I made a few friends from the years above and they were lovely. Yes its the stereotypical "Why don't you join a society?" I hated that advice too because people stuck with their squad and did a hell of a lot of starring than communicating! but you never know where you will find someone who will be your 'ride or die person'

    every loss is a blessing in disguise!
    I hope you look back and think...yes I struggled but look how high I have risen.

    Don't let those horrid characters define your experience like they did to me!
    you go in with the confidence you had before. You sound like a lovely person who will bloom it takes time!

    you will learn how to manage your anxiety and I really hope it works out for you. hope it gets better
    Thank you so much for commenting. You seem to understand exactly what I'm going through, and it's like reading it from my head :' I'm starting to live from microwave meals, too, I can't stand to face them all after this time.

    Everyone else seems to bond and go on nights out constantly with their flatmates, then there's me, lol. Your making a friend on your course makes me feel optimistic, I just want uni to start already, lol, because people always say they bond better with people on their course.

    I have met some people, who I introduced to each other, but, as usual, they like the other people better than they like me. So my confidence has been shot even more now :'( I know that they're going to form a group, and I won't be invited out with them. I don't even know how I should act, or what I should do now (Sorry for the rant, I have nothing else)
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    (Original post by littlenorthernlass)
    This. Is. My. Worst. Nightmare.
    Yep. I'm moving into my accomodation in 4 days. I'm now scared as hell
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    (Original post by Save.Me)
    Thank you so much for commenting. You seem to understand exactly what I'm going through, and it's like reading it from my head :' I'm starting to live from microwave meals, too, I can't stand to face them all after this time.

    Everyone else seems to bond and go on nights out constantly with their flatmates, then there's me, lol. Your making a friend on your course makes me feel optimistic, I just want uni to start already, lol, because people always say they bond better with people on their course.

    I have met some people, who I introduced to each other, but, as usual, they like the other people better than they like me. So my confidence has been shot even more now :'( I know that they're going to form a group, and I won't be invited out with them. I don't even know how I should act, or what I should do now (Sorry for the rant, I have nothing else)
    No worries, Its like reading what I went through!
    You will find that person or the close group of people who will be happy to have you as their company the same way you feel about them. You never know you might be having meals at their place if you get that comfortable but Hope for the best!

    My friend and I made jokes that's how we started and it flew from their and its funny as we are completely different but we always banter and have the deepest of conversations. Coursemates are inevitable as you see them all the time but I do architecture so the lecture/tutorial sizes are way smaller than usual. I spent more time being in the studio than in my room so its was a great getaway...we would watch films with about 4 of my other coursemates or just have a chat whilst working. My lecturer is really down with us and she even chills with us and have nights out.

    You will really find your way through...I promise

    I started to think I was "too friendly" and some could have seen it as fake but then people don't recognise your worth till you are not friends with them.
    With my housemates, they never spoke to me and often laughed about me hiding in my room, I'd cry badly. There was a leak in the room below me and due to my shower being above they all had a meeting and accused me...without physically talking to me. They would go out but later on it turns out they were a really bad crowd anyway. We constantly had noise complaints and 3 police visits. Looking back its funny but it is the last thing you need!

    The personal strength you gain will be the biggest lesson, you learn that you don't place your worth in other people's hands. You will learn how to enjoy your company, then you really bloom and somehow everything gets better!

    Keep your optimism up!!
    I really hope it works out for you
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    (Original post by stereoashhh)
    Yep. I'm moving into my accomodation in 4 days. I'm now scared as hell
    Don't be scared! All I have to say is pray for the best, its pretty much like a lucky dip!

    I feared the worst...the worst was what I got!
 
 
 
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